Jump to content


General Member
  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

12 Good

About Mokejomes

  • Rank
    General Member

Recent Profile Visitors

602 profile views
  1. Sex addiction withdrawal symptoms can be physical, emotional, mental, or a combination of all three and may include: Feeling irritable and/or grumpy Anxiety Depression Insomnia Hyperactivity or hypersensitivity Anger Boredom Physical and/or emotional discomfort Mental and physical exhaustion Mood swings Having irrational thoughts Cravings for engaging in sexual activities Struggling to focus Feeling lonely Outbursts of overwhelming emotion Makes sense, lol .
  2. Thanks Mikey. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my partner , or my child. That's why I feel so stuck between a rock and a hard place and why the pain is unbearable. Live with this guilt and shame until it destroys me and the truth comes out anyways, or disclose and live with the consequences. I've read that a lot of marriages between a sex addict and a partner will heal, in time. It's pretty much all I've been reading about. And every CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist) lives by disclosure and sometimes a polygraph test. I'm still on board with not disclosing anytime soon. I have been attending SAA meetings daily, but to be honest, I don't feel like I need to. I have absolutely no interest in acting out on compulsive sexual behaviours. But I still attend regardless. I now know that the saying is true , our secrets keep us sick. I've never experienced a guilty conscience before, but man, it just eats away at a person until there's nothing left but a shell. Hiding one's true self from my partner is like a cancer that has spread to my soul. The stress and anxiety is just crazy , pains in my neck and back. No appetite, can hardly focus on anything else but this, little to no patience for my kid, insomnia. I've tried every which way to rationalize and justify this to myself since the blinders have come off - from well, what I did unmedicated doesn't count, to spending countless hours on the "sexworker" subreddit talking to, and reading stories about the amount of married men who see escorts, almost trying to normalize it to myself in order to live at peace with it. Hasn't worked, the guilty conscience always creeps back in. My addiction has lived in the shadows all these years , and it can only live in the darkness, as soon as you shine a light on it, it's over. Even if I take this secret to the grave, and trust me, I desperately want to be able to do this , I feel morally wrong about it. I think my partner has the right to know. If she decides to leave me, then that is the bed I have to lay in. I've made it. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it, one way or another. i know going forward I want to live honestly and have an honest relationship. If I have to spend the rest of my life rebuilding that trust, and loving her as much as she deserves to be loved , through actions, and not words, then I will happily oblige. The meds have worked almost too good, a clear head isn't the best thing to have when you have secrets that come with guilt and shame, secrets that remained hidden even from myself due to my disordered mind. I don't want to place all the blame on ADHD either, it feels like a complete cop out and frankly bullshit. It was ME who engaged in these behaviours. I'm hoping in time the anxiety and stuff begins to subside, like I said before, it's all still very fresh.
  3. made a sizeable donation to the Avalon sexual assault centre. Thanks again for your help. I have decided to hold off for now and work through this with a therapist first . It's still very fresh to me, so holding off is best.
  4. Thank you for your reply, Berlin. Appreciate the advice and the kind words. I have been on meds for 10 days now, and the clarity and clear thinking is amazing , but also devastating, when I came to realize that the behaviors I was engaging in were not aligned with my actual values. A medicated mokejomes would never act the way an ADHD riddled mokejomes would act. I have always been able to justify my actions, or at least rationalize them, and then press them into my subconscious, going on as if it never happened, and if it did, well it wasn't so bad. I was always super nice and respectful to SPs so my actions are okay. No harm no foul. It's a simple business transaction between two consenting adults. I just thank God that I had enough moral standards to walk out of situations where it was clear it was not a good situation and don't have that to feel terrible about as well. Again, not judging those who partake in the hobby. None of my business. Having said that, this is an awfully heavy cross to bear, especially when I spend time with my partner and child, knowing deep down the actions I have taken part in, and the fact that I have completely betrayed my partner and family. The guilt is just eating me alive, and I'm not sure where to turn. I have brought this up with my psychologist , and his advice was comparing it to child soldiers who have committed atrocities , and they're able to go on . What's done is done, just move on. All is forgiven. Which sounds great to hear, and for a little while I can have that play out in my mind, but eventually the thoughts come back and with them the guilt, and i think, no, she needs to know what I've done. She needs to have that choice of whether or not she wants to move forward, knowing the information. I can forgive myself all day, but that is not the forgiveness I seek, or need. Appreciate all your replies. They are helpful, but a hobby board is perhaps not the best place to lay out all of my guilt and shame, lol. Sorry for the long ramble, I am just devastated about potentially losing my family and have a lot on my mind. I also understand that guilt can play out this way - anxiety and OCD like thinking and this is likely what is happening. Cheers!
  5. Thanks for your reply. I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD and put on medication to help. Since that time the goggles have come off, and I am having severe anxiety, depression, and insomnia over my actions. I understand that adhd people don't really produce dopamine, so my behaviours make complete sense in hindsight. I cant think of a much bigger dopamine hit then a sex addiction. I have not given her a disease/infection. I am seeing a therapist, I just find myself constantly ruminating to the point where she knows something is up. I'm no longer "present". perhaps my anxiety is doing the thinking . Part of it is probably the addict in me just wanting to dump this information onto someone, so like you said, I can feel better.
  6. Been seeing escorts since I was in my early 20s, and now I'm 38. been with my partner for 7 years and been seeing escorts for 5. Always thought I was getting away with it , no harm, no foul. but out of the blue I started to have anxiety upon coming to the realization that I am a sex addict. And then the intense anxiety started . What have I done? What have I done? And then the guilt. I haven't partaken in any behaviours in almost 22 weeks, but the guilt isn't something that goes away I feel the only option I have is to disclose to my partner which is going to be devastating Anyone have any availability experience with this?
  7. Does anyone have any intel on whether these two will be returning? I was a regular of Tallia and miss my visits with her. Thanks . Feel free to PM me if you prefer .
  8. She’s back and posting under the same name with different pics. I told them I would come and pay double the rate if they could prove the pics were real - radio silence. They are running out of a hotel so don’t think you would be assaulted , or arrested - cops would be going for John’s who are looking for minors. but you would be completely disappointed when the door opened. Complete scam.
  9. She didn’t post last night . :(
  10. This is the second time in a little over a week I visited Tasha - first in Truro and again tonight in Moncton. I am very picky about who I give my money to , and I can’t recommend Tasha enough. One of the most down to earth, nicest girls I’ve met in my few years of partaking in this “hobby”. She’s very pretty as well. And if like me, you have a raging foot fetish, you know how rare it is to find a provider with feet you actually want anywhere in your vicinity. It’s like those mountain climbers who trek 6000 metres through treacherous terrain for the chance to catch a glimpse of a snow leopard, but most never do. So foot fetish enthusiasts , unite! I have found the girl for all your feet desires , haha . In case it isn’t obvious, I highly recommend!
  11. I’m on my way to Halifax in the hopes that she posts. I saw juicy Jess before - and can pretty much guarantee you that it’s not her. if she posts tonight I’ll see her and confirm 100%
  12. I visited Tasha last night in Truro @ her incall location. She was super lovely . Petite, super friendly, not a clock watcher. Very pretty girl. Super cute feet if that’s your thing lol. I would highly recommend. I couldn’t find her ad but here’s her onlyfans . https://onlyfans.com/tashathesweetest
  13. I am 99% sure she’s real. I spoke with her on the phone once. I will be visiting this weekend if she’s posting and I’ll post a review to let you know . I know I am “new” but I used to post here under the name “one pound” cheers fellas
  14. Hey I haven’t seen Tiffany since she had her breasts done. Anyone see her recently ? Are her new boobs awesome ? Lol
  15. Has anyone seen Tallia posting lately? I was one of her regulars but she seems to have gone. I know she works with Emily a lot and I knew Emily was taking some time off . I’m thinking Tallia has done the same . any word ? Thanks
  • Create New...