What makes a person?

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

 

For a while I've been wondering what the reason for some of the things I am asked by men here on cerb.

 

I understand when a lady gets a hobbyist's attention knowing a few things about her are a must; starting by her description, services offered, rates, to some of you communication to get a vibe and see if there's chemistry there which at least in my particular case is encouraged but in my opinion wanting to know specific details on what I do when I don't take appointments, where I go to school and where I work (I do both) is unnecessary.

 

Also, there's one particular question I get a lot that is kind of understandable but not entirely. As many of you know and others imagine I was not born Canadian and constantly I get asked what my nationality is which I have decided to keep semi-private and when I say semi is because I have shared this with some members that I consider trustworthy and discreet and in most cases I have previously met.

 

So, my question for the gentlemen here is How important is the lady's nationality in order to decide if meeting her? I know some of you have preferences but aren't her physical characteristics enough or perhaps her background? (European, Latin, Asian)

 

Also, let's not forget the discretion part goes both ways and if a lady (like in my case) is not mentioning her nationality in her ads and profile chances are she does not want to share that.

 

Finally, I would like to clarify for everyone that I am very proud of my country and don't see why any person wouldn't be. If I bring this up is because believe it or not I have gotten a few 'Are you ashamed of it?' when I answer I choose not to say where I'm from.

 

Anyway, I would like to hear your opinion very much.

 

Thanks :)

[capitalman 3861]

If you're proud of your country of origin, why keep it semi-private? That's a very strange thing and it makes people wonder why you're doing that unless you're somehow ashamed or embarassed or afraid this knowledge might be used to discriminate against you somehow?

 

When we met you refused to disclose ANYTHING personal to me, and this is only my opinion but I felt it ruined what small amount of chemistry we had. I was left wondering why you wanted to be so secretive....even a lie would be better than no information at all.

 

For me, knowing a little bit about the girl I'm about to get intimate with is important. Part of my attraction to you was because you are not white anglo-saxon. Your "other" nationality interested me, but I was then refused any information about you. Even this thread is strange if you ask me.

[roamingguy 300291]

Isabella

For me at least nationality/ethnicity is not important

Who the lady is is what I find most attractive....a stuck up drop dead gorgeous woman I'd have no time for, someone personable, down to earth, intelligient has far more attractive qualities...the looks, icing on the cake.

One guys view....probably in high school I would have given a different answer to your question though, to be honest

RG

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Well, I'll make it simple because there's not many people from my country here and for personal reasons I do not need/want everyone to know I'm an escort. However I had even given hints here of what my nationality is that's how proud I am I haven't been that good keeping the 'secret'. As for afraid of discrimination not really as to me people who discriminate are only ignorant I'm not interested to meet or be in touch with.

 

If you're proud of your country of origin, why keep it semi-private? That's a very strange thing and it makes people wonder why you're doing that unless you're somehow ashamed or embarassed or afraid this knowledge might be used to discriminate against you somehow?

 

 

All I'll say here is level of comfort is a key in order for me to share personal details which I have done with some people and not only my nationality but a lot more personal stuff.

When we met you refused to disclose ANYTHING personal to me, and this is only my opinion but I felt it ruined what small amount of chemistry we had. I was left wondering why you wanted to be so secretive....even a lie would be better than no information at all.

[stevecurious 42059]

Isabella, personally speaking what a person in any walk of life chooses to disclose or not disclose is their own business! If you choose to keep your country of origin confidential so be it! I fail to see the problem with this scenario. I hesitate to think that you would ask any of your current or potential clients where they live, where they work or where they are from. Of course after a few dates and a certain comfort level is obtained certain personal information might indeed be shared but not expected! Whether you are proud of your nationality or not it is still your decision to reveal it to the public or not! I personally think that asking a question like this, especially during initial contact, is just disrespectful and in poor taste. But that is my opinion and by no means legally binding. My advice would be to continue with the status quo and if/when you become comfortable with a client tell him then...if he is curious. Obviously you want play this close to your chest and I see no reason to change just because a few people are wondering where you are from!

[ottanon 2930]

makes no differnce at all to me..

[Loki318 1631]

Isabella :)

For starters this hobby/business is just a bit on the shady side of the street and we (hobbiest) or U (Sp's) really have no need of detailed origins of each other nor should we have at least not on a first "date" !!! If a "relationship" or trust is built after several visits and details shared then that would be individual choice to revel what or how ever much is wanted... face it guys we aren't handing out any rings and they ain't taking us home to mom and dad !!!

 

This is a hobby /business that is "lived in the moment" in the purest sense of the word! we are not giving out personal info, jobs, marital status, banking info, etc etc .. if we are treated to anything beyond the the hotel room # or the taxi that brought us together then we should feel privileged and treat that trust with the utmost respect and Cherish it as a gift.

 

I am a very curious guy but I would hardly refuse to repeat business just because some very personal info was with held on the first "date" !! LOL this would be a challenge to woo the girl and gain her trust and have her gain mine ... because I aint telling her she is much younger than my oldest daughter on the first date !!!!

 

Loki318

[Guest Ou**or**n]

When meeting someone in person small talk is common. Most guys know that asking questions that are too personal are a no-no. However it is very common to ask a lady where she is from if she has some sort of accent or look that is not Canadian. If your not comfortable with answering the question with the truth just lie. Many ladies have a stock set of answers.

 

If you find this shocking you shouldn't. The point of small talk isn't the truth. The questions that would of followed - 'so what do you think of Canada' and so on you could probably answer quite truthfully. The conversation can then flow with you asking general questions of the gent. The point is to put a gentleman at ease and suddenly clamming up isn't about to do it.

[RobX 2084]

... How important is the lady's nationality in order to decide if meeting her? I know some of you have preferences but aren't her physical characteristics enough or perhaps her background? (European, Latin, Asian)

Thanks :)

 

Personally, the lady's nationality is not relevant at all in deciding whether to meet her or not. However, as others have pointed out, it is relevant as part of the conversation during the appointment. Because of the nature of the client-SP relationship there is already a long enough list of questions that are not appropriate to ask an SP, without adding nationality to the list. One's nationality is an important part of who you are, and refusing to disclose this information severely hinders the possibility of establishing a client-provider connection.

 

Personally, I see mostly MPAs and knowing their nationality is an important part of the conversation. I have seen MPAs of many nationalities - Russian, Moroccan, Colombian, American, Quebecoise, etc, and quite frankly, I believe that, in all cases, if the MPA would have, for some reason refused to disclose or discuss her nationality at all, it would have severely restricted the conversation.

 

For example, the MPA I see most often right now is from Casablanca, Morocco, and just knowing her makes me want to know more about her country of origin, because I think it will help me to get to know her better. Since meeting her I find myself researching info on Morocco, precisely because I am interested in her. So, this is definitely one of the topics of conversation during our time together.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

And as I mentioned in my original post if I feel some level of comfort I will (and have) share it but this kind of information should not be a must. The ymmv applies for this too and if a client decides not to come back for me not sharing this. Well, there was a reason for me not to share anyway so I would probably not have him back even if he asked.

One's nationality is an important part of who you are, and refusing to disclose this information severely hinders the possibility of establishing a client-provider connection.

 

[Lowdark 5613]

Any details a lady chosses not to share is her business and her business alone. No matter if the visitor thinks they have a right to that information, if the lady wishes that to be withheld until after a certain amount of truth is developed, than so be it. It is her decision. How would we like it if a lady we had just met started asking questions about us that we decided to keep personal? And we would have every right to keep that information private if we so chose. And if the hobbyist doesn't like it, he can choose not to repeat (or to do so until he earns the lady's trust). Like I said, you may not agree with the decision, but a dignified, respectful man should always respect it.

Is it right to negotiate the donation? Standards for hygiene? Address? No. So any consideration about personal information should be respected as well. Let's not forget, we are strangers to these ladies, even after we may have seen them several times. Ask yourself, would you reveal personal details, even ones you may consider harmless, to a stranger?

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

 

When we met you refused to disclose ANYTHING personal to me, and this is only my opinion but I felt it ruined what small amount of chemistry we had. I was left wondering why you wanted to be so secretive....even a lie would be better than no information at all.

 

For me, knowing a little bit about the girl I'm about to get intimate with is important. Part of my attraction to you was because you are not white anglo-saxon. Your "other" nationality interested me, but I was then refused any information about you. Even this thread is strange if you ask me.

 

It is quite obvious that you did nothing to establish any kind of rapport before your appointment. You mentioned "a small amount of chemistry" and then all of a sudden you became really interested in the preamble to the intimacy?

If I were that hung up on those kinds of details I would take a bit more care to establish some good communication before booking. What's the rush?

 

As far as divulging details in general, once you have communication you can work toward trust and you might be surprised what you will learn if you don't push it.

 

And selecting on race or nationality or "non whiteness" is pretty crude don't ya think. Where pray tell does "whiteness" begin and end anyway? i thought we were done with that.

 

 

 

J

[Kimberly-Shea 28280]

Interesting topic, Isabella.

 

I agree with the previous posters, don't ever feel obliged to disclose anything your not comfortable with, but keep in mind a lot of conversation during a session is just idle chit chat and not meant to offend you.

 

Kimberly

[Suzirider 737]

Many, many people view this site, and its a "small world after all".

If there is some info about you that is very unique/rare, then letting it become common knowledge is not wise. If I was the only Swedish carpenter in Smallville, would I want my boss to know I'm Suzi ? He could be reading this too!

Isa, a general answer, as you said (like Asian, Spanish, French) will have to suffice for now (your choice). Then change the subject (hint, that's off limits). I'm guessing your concern is that some one might pass on that info, that is not normally considered private, but it is to you.

[Annessa 22743]

Many, many people view this site, and its a "small world after all".

If there is some info about you that is very unique/rare, then letting it become common knowledge is not wise. If I was the only Swedish carpenter in Smallville, would I want my boss to know I'm Suzi ? He could be reading this too!

Isa, a general answer, as you said (like Asian, Spanish, French) will have to suffice for now (your choice). Then change the subject (hint, that's off limits). I'm guessing your concern is that some one might pass on that info, that is not normally considered private, but it is to you.

 

agreed.

 

for many nationalities, there is an equally small community in their region that they may be a part of.

 

I got into a dispute with a gent in chat once where he was grilling me as to how half-asian I was...what sort of asian was I?...the whole convo got very intrusive and I ended up telling him that i wasn't comfortable being demanded info upfront......he ended up admitting that he wanted a fully korean girl...ok well I'm not that, so why didnt you ask for that eh? I ended up being tagged as a snob for not giving up that info.

 

dont worry...no tears were shed on my part.

 

the asian community that I am a part of is very small and very tight in Ottawa....I attend many of their functions and we are all a family to a certain extent. however just because I am not Chinese or japonese mix etc....I find many need to question exactly what IS my mix.......thats a part of my family history that I will share with you when we meet if I am comfortable.

 

however having gone to our yearly summer picnic and having a random guy stare me and Carrie moon down and then confronting me about knowing who she was I can only say that we keep our nationalities and our whereabouts secret for a good reason

 

Dont expect a lady to divulge her heritage to you right off the batt...especially without meeting you or being comfortable with you.....ottawa is small....and "its a small world after all" sometimes is an understatement.

[Guest j**z]

Whatever you chose to share this kind of information or not thats your choice and we should respect that! The only time a lady would share anything about herself to me is because we established a relationship of trust, which takes more than just one visit. I would'nt change anything if I were you.

[tiimde71 176]

Respect would dictate that if a lady is not comfortable with a topic move on to another. It is not that hard to find common ground.

 

Just because we provide payment does not mean that we can enter any aspect of a woman's life we desire. It does not remove their right to make choices. It does not mean we always get our way.

 

If we take our time and allow a lady to become comfortable with us then in most cases we will have a richer experience.

 

And as far as if you don't want to say just lie.... I don't see how that builds chemistry.

 

Stand strong ladies because to strong men that is kinda hot ;) lol

[etasman2000 15994]

And selecting on race or nationality or "non whiteness" is pretty crude don't ya think. Where pray tell does "whiteness" begin and end anyway? i thought we were done with that.

 

Actually no.......its normally termed a racial fetish. Certain looks are more prevalent within different groups and that might just be the thing that turns your crank. There is also imprinting, had a great date with a kinky-haired tall lady ? Bet you would be bias towards them later on.

[tiimde71 176]

There is also imprinting, had a great date with a kinky-haired tall lady ? Bet you would be bias towards them later on.

 

Ummmm no.... what goes on inside their head lends more to the experience than the physical attributes. The outsides are a great start but I have had great and poor experiences with people who have similar backgrounds.

 

But then again I am stimulated by the intellectual so maybe that is my bias ....

[Guest Ou**or**n]

Ummmm no.... what goes on inside their head lends more to the experience than the physical attributes..

 

While of course I agree that a mental and emotional connection is what makes a relationship with a lady great there are always some reasons why we choose to see them in the first place. Looks, of which nationality are a natural part of that are often big considerations. I've seen Asians because they are Asians, redheads because they are redheads and brown-eyed brunettes because they are brown eyed brunettes.

 

Also, believe me many ladies to tend to fib a bit in the small talk department as they don't always want to disclose too much information yet don't want to interrupt the chemistry. I've had more than one lady tell me a few things on the first encounter that were not quite true that over time and as trust developed she clarified.

[tiimde71 176]

I've had more than one lady tell me a few things on the first encounter that were not quite true that over time and as trust developed she clarified.

 

Lol I have too and it is usually a pretty good laugh. I have also had ladies say ummm I don't really want to say and after a while they tell me.

 

Either approach is cool with me.

[Guest s******ecan****]

It is quite obvious that you did nothing to establish any kind of rapport before your appointment. You mentioned "a small amount of chemistry" and then all of a sudden you became really interested in the preamble to the intimacy?

If I were that hung up on those kinds of details I would take a bit more care to establish some good communication before booking. What's the rush?

 

As far as divulging details in general, once you have communication you can work toward trust and you might be surprised what you will learn if you don't push it.

 

And selecting on race or nationality or "non whiteness" is pretty crude don't ya think. Where pray tell does "whiteness" begin and end anyway? i thought we were done with that.

 

 

 

J

 

 

It always makes me laugh when someone who was not even present at an event can start a comment with "It is quite obvious..."

 

johnsutterjr I find your calling out of Cap to be a bit over the top and a complete misreading of his post. From what I can gather (and because I was not there with Cap and Isabella it is not at all obvious to me LOL) Cap found his experience put off because Isabella "refused" to provide "any" answer to his inquiry regarding her nationality. Now I agree (and Cap makes it clear he does too) that Isabella does not have to provide this. What he was referring to was the way she chose to shut down the converstion. Its really a complaint about communication styles not honesty. As Cap had said he wasn't looking for the truth, just an answer of some kind. It comes back to establishing rapport and chemistry which by the sounds of it (again I wasn't there LOL) Cap was trying to establish with small talk.

 

Isabella has her own legitimate reasons for responding the way she did, and obviously is under no obligation to provide Cap with the truth or any answer (the second was apparently her choice) but she should also know that perhaps there are softer ways of phrasing her answer that may be more comfortable for both parties.

 

After all this is enough of an issue for her that she chose to start a thread about it so the issue has come up more than once.

 

In closing johnsutterjr I would ask you to reread you comment to Cap and reflect on whether it too is a bit on the harsh side, somewhat accusatory, and a bit of a presumptious lecture.....

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

 

 

As you said you were not present. I will keep the reasons why perhaps (from your perspective even not having been there) my answer to capitalman was not 'softer' because I consider inappropriate publishing details of my encounters, there is a reason why they are private.

 

but she should also know that perhaps there are softer ways of phrasing her answer that may be more comfortable for both parties.

 

You are right there is enough of an issue and it has come up more than once mostly in chat (not during an encounter) and if I posted is because I care about what the gentlemen here think about that not because I feel I have done any wrong by not sharing.

After all this is enough of an issue for her that she chose to start a thread about it so the issue has come up more than once.

 

As for Johnsutter's comment he was just giving his opinion just as everyone else has.

In closing johnsutterjr I would ask you to reread you comment to Cap and reflect on whether it too is a bit on the harsh side, somewhat accusatory, and a bit of a presumptious lecture.....

 

Exactly and everyone should respect that. Thank you Annessa for sharing this!!

 

ps. Did you confront the guy about how did he know who Carrie was? hehe

 

agreed.

 

however having gone to our yearly summer picnic and having a random guy stare me and Carrie moon down and then confronting me about knowing who she was I can only say that we keep our nationalities and our whereabouts secret for a good reason

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

Scott:

 

Maybe harsh, I guess but I do find the "not white" reference inflammatory.

Etasman calls it a "racial fetish" which also comes out a little strange to me when it is an open forum. I feel that they are a poor choice of words especially when presented in the context of IG's original post.

 

And no I wasn't there but cap made it clear what he was looking for on his post but did he let IG know that this was a deal breaker?

It just seems that he pushed the point to far and way too soon. Why not change the subject and move on.

 

"A lie would have been better..." Are you kidding me? I'll take an honest blunt smack down any day over a fabrication.

 

Don't mean to offend anyone but for now I'll stick with my opinion.

 

J

[Guest s******ecan****]

 

 

 

 

As for Johnsutter's comment he was just giving his opinion just as everyone else has.

 

 

 

 

 

Isabella I couldn't disagree more and I stand by my post. It goes beyond merely offering an opinion when in the course of a post a member accuses another of being "in a rush", suggesting they are "pushing it" hinting at a whiff of racisicm, and accusing someone of being crude.

 

Cap's post was honest and without malice. johnstutterjr was not there. Johnstutterjr is in no position to presume to "lecture" Cap about how to conduct himself with an SP based on the post Cap contributed to this thread.