Pooner Diaries: car nut

[Birdboy 10482]

I have a friend, who is really into cars. It's so much more than just a passing avocation for him. His life is wrapped around them. It's his escape from the dry tedium of his day job, his world of spreadsheets, forecasts, and endless emails. I can always count on him to have something new that's he's either driving or fixing up. His tastes run to German sports coupes and every once in a while he's kind enough to let me drive one of his cars. He's a good person to know.

 

But I've noticed a change in my friend, lately. He doesn't seem to talk about his cars as much as he used to. That's okay, we've always talked about our other shared interests too. I razz him about the Jays, in a long running ritual for us. We endlessly debate the merits of craft beers. He helps me when I struggle with my phone, and I help him with his renovations. I asked him about his cars one day.

 

He said he hadn't driven or worked on one of them in weeks. I did notice he was driving his Toyota today, the truck that he used to haul his parts around in. The one that was always running and could be counted on to be reliable, no matter how much abuse he piled on to it.

 

I asked him what was the matter. He just shook his head, took a sip of his pale ale. They just weren't interesting him right now. He was tired of coming home to a dark house, with greasy parts soaking in a black pool of parts cleaner. He was tired of his needy 'children', who always seemed to be needing something, and in some cases, many things. Baby always needs new shoes, don't you know. He said that he was getting tired of spending more money to go a little faster, to go around corners a little quicker. I listened as he talked on and I soon realized why he felt this ennui.

 

The cars filled a hole in his life. But it was a bottomless hole that could never be filled by them, no matter how rare, how powerful, how exotic they were. They were great fun and a marvelous distraction, but there was one huge shortcoming to even the best of them. They could never love him back.

 

He and I are great friends, and have been for years. But I've never told him about this one particular hobby of mine. One that ranged to collecting experiences with the beautiful, the witty, the utterly charming. I enjoy those sorties greatly. But like him, I too had stepped back a little bit. He lived for the ripping-silk snarl of the exhaust, the shove in the small of his back as the cars launched themselves from a standing start. I long for a skilled tongue in my mouth, a gentle touch, smooth taut skin under my fingers as we pant, eyes closed. But if there's one thing our hobbies have in common, it's that once he steps out of the car, once I leave her bed to get dressed, our times are over. All we're left with is the memories. One last look back, and we're out the door. The garage door for him, the bed room door for me.

 

At one time, too, I tried to fill a hole in my life with my hobby. And like he will come to discover, I found that that hole couldn't be filled that way. I came to learn that you can buy someone's attention, you can pay someone to do things with you and to you. But you can't buy someone's respect. You can't pay anyone to truly love you, and for that reason, those things are truly priceless. I've found that the emptiness was best filled with friends, with family. With new experiences. With travel. Because the life that is lived best is the one that is lived well.

 

I listened as he talked about his car fatigue. I changed the subject, or so he thought. The Vikings were going to be playing the Bears in Minneapolis. Why don't we take a road trip? We could pay too much for scalped tickets. We could eat some wonderful, awful greasy food. And afterwards, we could either celebrate or drown our sorrows at our favorite bar on Nicollet Mall.

 

His eyes lit up. He thought he could take the time off of work. We made plans. The road waits for us, sinuously, black, stretching off to the horizon. The road, like life, is best traveled when you're on it, fence posts whizzing past. It's such a cliche, but it's so true. Life is most enjoyed when it's seen as journey, not a destination.

[Guest S****r]

Well, I think that's just sad that that has been your experience with escorts. "once I leave her bed to get dressed, our times are over. All we're left with is the memories. One last look back, and we're out the door."

I certainly don't feel that way about my clients, and I am quite sure that they don't feel that way about me, either. We are often in touch throughout the week, sharing tidbits of our lives, and we look forward very much to catching up with each other the next week.

 

Perhaps the perception that we ladies are hobbies instead of friends and lovers leads to such an outcome.

 

May your next chosen hobby bring you more satisfaction and fulfillment.

Best wishes,

[Luckyme 41401]

Well, I think that's just sad that that has been your experience with escorts. "once I leave her bed to get dressed, our times are over. All we're left with is the memories. One last look back, and we're out the door."

 

I certainly don't feel that way about my clients, and I am quite sure that they don't feel that way about me, either. We are often in touch throughout the week, sharing tidbits of our lives, and we look forward very much to catching up with each other the next week.

 

 

That's the way I like - keeping the memories alive and warm until the next time. :icon_smile:

[waterrat 1261]

Perhaps the perception that we ladies are hobbies instead of friends and lovers leads to such an outcome.

 

 

I agree, we need to adopt another description. TO say hobby dehumanizes the interaction with MA/SP. I have been in countries where the relationship is more or less mechanical, but my experience in Canada has been one of companionship and pleasure.

 

The positive recommendations that one reads on this site generally have a common theme - that there was a connection. Men are seeking a girlfriend experience, not simply a physical one.

 

Thank you, Summer, for your observation. It has made me think and to change my language.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

To some, this IS a hobby. Ladies are tried on and discarded in favor of the next "new and greatest". Know what, that's okay because there are those who are into that and ladies who fit the bill.

 

There are those who want something more, a connection but not quite more. Who wants a great experience regularly and consistently but within the boundaries they set. Perfect, there are ladies to fill this.

 

There are those who are looking for a friendship or connection who enjoy the extras that familiarity affords and the fantasy and reality combining.Awesome, because there are those who fit here too.

 

Sometimes holes are filled with things and experiences and sometimes holes go a little deeper and become a need for something more real and authentic. Life and people change. Things and needs and wants evolve and sometimes what worked at one point, doesn't work at another.

 

When you approach things openly and honestly and are looking for a honest connection to whatever it is and are willing to give of yourself, magic happens. If you limit yourself to what 'should" be or to borders and boundaries, eventually you hit a wall and need to re-evaluate where you are.

 

if you approach anything with passion and love, it never gets old or boring. It's when you limit your passion or love that things get messed up. When you think too much and feel too little. When you're not aware of your true needs but are working from "mental" needs versus emotional ones.

 

We are human and thus need emotions and feelings and the mess that comes along with that. If we exclude all that, we end up feeling "without".

 

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, had the wine....and now I share!

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

For Gods sake, are we not paying for this "connection". "You are paying for our time" is a well worn mantra of the business... and I do mean business.

 

Connection and friendship talk is very nice but we are delusional if we think it would exist without the exchange of money. There would be no sharing of tidbits to those that don't pay. In fact, you have a word for them... WOT(waste of time).

 

I can handle the fantasy of an intimate connection but please don't imply this is like a true friendship because it's not. Friends don't require money to "hang out".

 

Sorry but I had to have my say. This industry is a blessing to many people, no need to bullshit about what it isn't.

 

 

** This is not directed at you Midnite. Your post just happened to be ahead of mine. **

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

No worries Stevie. I know we are on opposite ends of the spectrum but I love ya anyway!

 

You ARE indeed paying for time but the rest, well the rest is the individual provider and client. You always get what you want but not always what you need! That's the way it works. There is a whole world to this industry, some outside the individual perception, some inside. Every experience is unique and in some cases complex. One persons experience is not anothers and that can make all the difference.

 

It is what is is...and in many cases more. It is what it isn't, and in many cases less. You get what you put in and what you seek.

 

Individuals...unique and amazing. This industry is made up of them and ain't that bloody grand!! Woot!

[Guest S****r]

Different people--different experiences.

I would never say yours is bullshit just because it is different from mine.

 

As midnight said, all types are found in this community, as in any community. Some are seeking a connection. Some people find genuine connections and do become friends.

 

I didn't call bullshit on the OP's experience, and I won't on yours either, but there is no need to call bullshit on what others have experienced just because you haven't experienced it.

 

Carry on, all.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Fair enough. I just use a more traditional dictionary application for words like "friend", etc. We have a tendency lately to water down a words meaning to the point they become somewhat convoluted. It leads to confusion, especially when we extend its meaning beyond its reasonably common understanding. The same thing happens nowadays with overused phrases that sound good but when you break them down are actually trite, meaningless and not at all accurate.

 

I suspect this opinion may offend people so I apologize in advance if it did.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I agree with you on many of those points. I think the striking point is where people diverge from meaningful connections and openness. We are a unique and individualistic society. We all have our own views and perceptions of the same things; some aligned, some opposites. The issue is we don't talk about this. For example, when you begin and friendship or relationships with someone, we don't talk about how we view those roles or what is expected yet when the other person doesn't behave in an acceptable manner to us, we get upset. If they have no idea of our expectations, how can they ever hope to meet them?

 

There is utter confusion in interpersonal relationships because we have let them get that way. In this industry, it's all about the relationship between the provider and the client and that relationship can look a million different ways depending on the people involved. It can also ebb and flow at any given time. There are those who say the right things to attract the right people but when it comes to actions, their words and actions don't balance. So yes, their phrases become meaningless and if those are the people who constantly deal with, you will believe this to be the truth of your experience.

 

There are others whose actions and words/phrases balance and in that world, words have meaning and so do actions. Those who experience this will see the same words/phrases in a completely different way.

 

To me, in some ways, this industry is good because there is a thin thread of truth that runs through it; things that most providers and clients believe and stick to (courtesy, politeness, hygiene, real words, reading ads etc.) However, once you leave the top tier common sense behind, it's all about the individuals and how they connect to their partner in pleasure. No two people behave the same, perceive the same, talk the same or act the same. Not all hobbyists look for the same type of person or connection and sometimes what they get with one, is not with another even though they claim to be alike.

 

I embrace individuality in connections and in the way I perceive and react. There is a thread of "sameness" that runs through everything I do and say because I am me no matter what hat I wear. This does not fit for everyone nor will it be the same (or even unique).

 

I think people need to define their expectations, perceptions and definitions and then talk about them with others. We're not doing so well with the mind reading and it's screwing things up!

[filmgeek 280]

I appreciate hearing from the ladies with respect to their views of this industry and their relationship with clients. What I've read in this thread from the women, is articulate, well reasoned and free from flagrant emotionalism.

 

I wish I could say that was true of all the posts.

[lee101xxx44 519]

Markets are wonderful things! One of the things that makes them

Work is the diversity of offerings on the producer side and the diversity of needs on the customer side.

[Birdboy 10482]

I'm delighted that this tale has sparked a lively discussion here.

 

I think that there is no contradiction between the apparent extremes in view as presented by Summer and Stevemcqueen. Because I've experienced both sides at different times, with different ladies, and at times even at different times with the same lady.

 

Perhaps you're new to me and my tales, Summer. But I definitely don't see the ladies I meet in person as a commodity, as you seem to have read into my use of the word hobby. I have had the pleasure of having the kind of relationship that you have described in your first post, many times. It doesn't happen with every lady and not even most ladies, as I'm sure you don't make that connection with every client. But it has happened, and frequently.

 

In particular, since I've started to participated in boards with national coverage, I've virtually met many ladies that by dint of geography I'm unlikely to ever meet in person. This still has not prevented us from corresponding and forming friendships. These friendships are blissfully uncomplicated, as there are no expectations on either side, save intellectual stimulation and perhaps a few laughs.

 

It's a little more complicated in person. I'm quite aware these relationships have their boundaries. Sure, we text, we message, we keep in touch in between my trysts and this contact definitely enhances our experiences. Still, it's hard not to feel the subtle weight of expectations, that I should be coming back, that we should be continuing our business relationship. And as well, Stevemcqueen, there have been ladies with whom I suspect that we would never have developed and kept up that correspondence, had there not been a business component in the first place. To be fair, I'm sure that there have been ladies who have wondered whether our correspondence would never have developed had there not been an offer of physical intimacy.

[Birdboy 10482]

I've been nominated a few times for the 'Topic of the Fortnight' before, but this is the first time I've ever won. Many thanks to my nominators for making this possible!