Ending Stereotypes: Why We Got into this Business

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I know that we've talked about this in different ways, in various discussions over time. Something that mrrnice2 said in the Legal thread about prostitution laws prompted me to bring this up again, directly.

 

The general stereotype is that a woman becomes a prostitute, or paid companion, or escort--whatever one calls it--because she's drug-addicted, trying to scam the welfare system, involved in other criminal activities or simply underhanded, immoral or irresponsible. While the 8-15% of women in the sex trade who work outdoors generally have multiple problems, frequently including addictions, the great majority of us are no more likely to be addicts or alcoholics than anyone else in the population.

 

So, why did we take up this profession? I'm not looking for detailed stories or for anyone to compromise her privacy. I just thought it might be helpful for us to say something if we feel we can.

 

Me, first: I ended an abusive marriage and had two children to raise. My ex has litigated every aspect of our divorce and the children's custody and support for a decade. I had no way to support my sons adequately on my own and the legal costs I have been forced to incur have been devastating. With no family or friends who could help me, becoming a paid companion has been the only way I have been able to keep our heads above water for a long time. My children are doing well and so am I. I'm not a victim; I'm a survivor.

[April Dawn 12207]

My story is quite similar but no marriage and one child. We have been in court almost since she was born.

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[Tiffany Amber 7031]

I was a single mother and was dependant on others. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and decided to become a dancer. But from a poor diet and very bad eating habbits, I gained weight and could no longer dance, but I still wanted that financial freedom, so I became an Escort.

 

No one forced me, I enjoy what I do very much and probably wouldnt change the past if I could!

 

Oh and another stereotype... I've heard people say that alot of girls in this industry have issues with their father's. I don't have "Daddy issues"!

[moonshine 399]

I don't have "Daddy issues"!

 

Sadly, by the looks of the 3 stories posted so far, all the children involved have issues with Daddy being an asshole and/or financially absent. I hear these stories so often and everywhere I go, I get embarrassed about owning a penis. Single moms are amazing for what they have to deal with.

 

/rant - back to the thread at hand

[Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958]

Sorry, i don't mean to "hijack" the thread but I agree with the above post about single moms.

 

I was lucky to have grown up in a house with both parents that loved each other very much. My best friend in the whole world however, was not so lucky. He never knew his father, but despite that, or maybe because of it, his mother is an amazing woman who raised a very intelligent, hard working son. When he became a father a few years ago, i could see in his eyes that being absent in his daughter's life was absolutely not an option! It still blows my mind a few years later to see the look of complete adoration he gets when his daughter comes home from daycare and just how seamlessly he made the shift from a man who wasn't sure where his life was going to the devoted father and husband he is today.

 

Sorry about that off topic musing!

 

That being said, from my admittedly very limited experience concerning Sp's, I must say it's pretty rad to see so many women who are intelligent, and comfortable in their own skins who happened to choose a somewhat unorthodox way to make a living as far as society's perception of normal or proper is concerned.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I chose to get into this business after years of working high-paying, professional jobs (including the government), that made me hate my life every day. I was drowning in debts from university, and any time I'd finally make leeway on them, I'd snap from months of hating my job and rack them back up with a vacation or a shopping spree.

 

So finally i left. I walked out on a cushy government job. And then i started thinking, for the umpteenth time over the years, about getting into porn. I'd been thinking about that for almost ten years. So I started applying, thinking I'd hear nothing back, because I'm too old/chubby/etc. But I got a good response. Then I started to look at the money involved and permanency of it, and thought about escorting instead. And I've never looked back. I work for myself. I handle my own life/finances. And I've started to travel the world. I won't do this forever, I know that, but for now, it's the best thing I could think of doing. Some people look at us like we're trash or ruining our lives - choosing to do this has finally let me live the life I've always wanted. And I get to have hot sex all the time. Fuck yes!

[Catfish101 171]

i want you on my next plane. For sure ya. Fucg

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[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I appreciate hearing the other ladies' stories--thank you very much!

[mrrnice2 157005]

Thank you to the ladies for sharing. For some I am sure this is a sensitive topic and one that is incredibly personal to each of you.

 

I continue to be impressed with the candor of the CERB members, both SP's and hobbyists alike in the forums. As one who I realize sometimes thinks and analyzes too much, threads such as this continue to add to my background knowledge and awareness about the people in the industry. The more that I read, hear about, and learn, the more comfortable I am becoming, so thank you to Samantha and others for taking the time to clarify issues and educate me. Knowledge is enlightenment.

 

As I have written elsewhere, my stereotypes are being shattered, and for me that is a good thing. In a perfect world I would wish that women are choosing this profession for reasons such as their enjoyment of working with people, their enjoyment of sex, their wish to be financially independent, their wish to control their own career, working conditions, hours and income. These are all things that people in their more traditional occupations either have or wish that they had.

 

These reasons may not be the reality for all, but whether it be those reasons or whether it be a second choice for a career that will give you those things and thus allow you to move more towards the kind of life that you desire, good luck and best wishes in your work.

 

It is work that for people such as myself, is valued, appreciated and respected.

 

I only wish that I was in the circumstance that would allow me to travel this country and meet so many of you who I am discovering are very fascinating people.

[Dorinda Bloom 44036]

I have always loved men, enjoyed sex and appreciated the things $ can do for me...it just seemed completely natural. :icon_wink:

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

My reasons why i became an escort are mostly the same as some of the others have mentioned. Abusive husband, 3 sons to take care of and finical independence. I left my husband went to Flight attendant Academy...Air Canada went on strike so i needed another way to support my sons. Someone mentioned being an escort to me since he knew i loved sex and meeting people...I, like so many others thought -oh no i can't do that their bad people,drugs,booze and pimps. I did my research and discovered a whole new world...i was excited and so impressed with these women..how brave and truly wonderful they seemed. I gave it a try and have been happy ever since. So much more interesting and fun then i could ever have imagined.

 

Now i get to travel.Meet wonderful people that in my old life would never have had the chance to meet. I remember some people saying to me-"you must really hate men"-{another stereo-type} .You know it has never made me hate men if anything it gave me new hope..seeing clients that have such great respect for us and what we do is so wonderful. If anything i appreciate men more. You have showed me that not all men are the same as my ex. You showed me you actually care. Thank you

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

Raised in a family where mom was an escort and being a widow with a child, it was the easiest way for me to raise my beautiful daughter.

 

For once, this choice was the right one for me.

 

No drugs, alchool or violence involved for me...

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

My story starts at a young age. My family home was a bit of a struggle. Both parents were alcoholics. I had 2 older sister's that gave them the run for there money! My family forgot that I was still just a child. So at the tender age of 16 I decided to move out. Tried to finish high school, but was working at Dairy Queen too much.Even with a job, I could not make the rent and bills. I began to work in a massage parlor( fake ID, but I am sure they knew how young I was) This is the beginning. But when I was 19 I moved to Ottawa, I started dancing. To this day, that remains my favorite job! It was a different industry back then, you needed agents, you got a pay check, very clean and respectable( except for a few). I finished my GED there in Ottawa. I got to tour all over Canada dancing. After a few years, my parents divorced. They cleaned up their act.I went back to my home town, was home sick. I left as a child and came back a women at the age of 24. I tried dancing there( never had a strip bar there b4) but the industry had gone to hell by then over run with drugs, bad apple's, and dirty environment. Back in Ottawa, I was able to get work in some "normal" jobs, landscaping, bakery's etc... So I got work back home in these fields, but still can't make all the bills etc. So I returned to the SP industry.

I think it is important to know throughout all this time I never never used drugs! Barley would drink! Now the independent provider's were not yet in practice( that I knew of) Off and on I would return to the industry. But I was not ashamed of it. I knew I was playing safe( more of prude then, then I am now, LOL)I also knew that I was helping people feel good about themselves. I liked that! Still do!

Then for whatever reason, perhaps it was the people I was working for, at the age of 28 I tried some hard drugs, battled addiction for 2years.Strange isn't it? I waited so long to end up doing that.

Now I am in my 30's, been clean for 3years. I now am an independent provider which means the world to me. I may not be the veterinarian that I dreamed of being as a child, but have held a professional pet grooming certificate for the last 12 years. But the most important part is that I like who I am! I am proud to be the honest, caring, intelligent,drug free, strong willed women that I have become despite what the statistics have to say!

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I began on a whim! I came across the erotic section on CL and thought why not! I never thought I would get even one call given my age (39 at the time). Well, to my great surprise the calls came in...a lot of them! I was hooked and eventually gave up my "real" job to do something that I really enjoy :) The freedom is superb and the chance to meet and befriend so many interesting people has truly been a blessing. I will also be candid and say that I like the $$$ too LOL.

[Guest T**E******s]

A friend had double booked herself and offered me one of the guys.(didn't know at the time she was an SP)

He was decent looking and she told me he'd pay for a date, fell into his lap, had a wild night, and by morning instead of having a bill, I had cash to play with. Love at first night, it was great sex.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

In a perfect world I would wish that women are choosing this profession for reasons such as their enjoyment of working with people, their enjoyment of sex, their wish to be financially independent, their wish to control their own career, working conditions, hours and income.

 

Oh, trust me! Meeting and working with people, enjoying sex and having the ability to be financially independent are the very factors that made this business attractive to me when I really needed a way to turn my situation around, absolutely!

 

This just was never on that list of potential career options that I filled out in high school! Nonetheless, if you don't have a good head on your shoulders and if you can't take stock of the market and your place in it, it's extremely difficult to have any lasting success as a paid companion. Cat often says that only 20% of independents are able to make a go of it. I think she's right about that. This is a job: it's a lot of work. It's also work that's worth doing!

[roamingguy 300292]

Like to thank the ladies for sharing.

And it is interesting about stereotypes. Someone from mainstream society (for lack of a better term) would think after seeing escorts since July, I would have met at least one hooker, prostitute or whore...I'm glad to say that since starting this hobby, all I've met are LADIES

And my encounters with these ladies have been more than about sex, also companionship, kissing, cuddling and conversation

RG

[Guest S**a*Q]

I had a friend in the industry. I always thought of one day being a stripper. I had done some nude modeling, and been in open relationships. I worked in an adult store, and I've always talked about sex. It just seemed natural for me. When I had a boyfriend that was *(at the time) "okay" with it... I tried it in Tbay, as neither of us were working...

 

I left it cause I wanted to find something that I thought I was missing. Monogamy. However after realizing that it's not what I needed, or wanted at this moment in my life...

 

I got back into it, cause it's part of who I am. It's my own small business, it's my uber date with the guarantee to get laid. It's my own fan club and my group of friends that really understand who I am. It's also a place with no judgement. It's part of who I am.

[Areez 11906]

This is very interesting subject, touchy at times... more fun on the other

All i can say is as long as you are having fun doing it why stop - life's too short and 2012 is coming (i can't resist.. lol)

[Carrie Moon 68826]

I got into this business to pay huge tuition bills for my post grad education that osap wouldn't completely cover. I was working as a security guard in that oh so not sexy polyester blue uniform (they only had men's at that time to fit me). I worked nights and studied on the job and went to school during the day. A friend of mine went for an interview at an agency and I followed.. and then I went to my evening shift working security. I called back to follow up on my interview at the end of my shift (11 pm) and found out not only was I hired but to get right home and put on a dress... as my first appt was booked. I had no time to think about it! I had 3 appts my first night and made more money that night than I earned in a week at my security job. I promptly quit my night job :) I am very much a people person and ended up thoroughly enjoying this job.. which is why I'm still a ''working girl'' 20 odd years later.

 

As for daddy issues.. I sure had them growing up. BUT my dad (retired minister) is my champion now when my mom goes through her religious guilt/shame issues and backs me up.. and here I had kept it from him for several years for fear of being disowned. You never know who will be on your side.

[capitalman 3861]

I was forced into it by my pimp, Igotaboner, who as you may know, is now offline and nowhere to be seen. He left me here, stranded and on my own. I've had to find my way in a sea of women....struggling to make ends meet and survive in a cruel hard female dominated arena.

 

I've tried other jobs but like so many of you, I just love sex and people so here I am, waiting for that next call.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

I come from a "normal" family, my dad is my rock in this world,he is the most awesome person on Earth:), my mother...is my mother. I won't start talking about her but she is kinda yeah...I don't have any brother or sister. I went to a private high school, almost A-grad student in everything. Had some hard time when I was an early teen, but who doesn't?

 

I've never done any drugs (ok I've smoke pot twice!,I got handcuffs who is going to arrest me?;), I am a social drinker that get tipsy after 2 glasses.

 

The main reason why I've choose to become an SP is because my parents are firm believer that when you hit 18 you should be able to go on your own without help...But in our society, paying rent, school and everything with only loans and a small paid job...you aren't going far. So I've decided about 1 year and half ago to go with an agency, I though it would be easier but I didn't like the fact that a big part of what I was doing was cut off. So I decided to become an independent and never look back since then. I am 19 years old, I've put myself in University, I have my own appartement, I pay my bills, I own a horse and have a car(that gave up on me 2 weeks ago:(). I don't have any loans for school, I've put myself in it by being an SP. I am fare ahead a lots of girls my age.

 

I've always been this girl that was talking about sex, that is really open when all my others friends were omg what are you talking about? When I was a late teen I wanted to become a stripper at some point, just for the fun of it. Never happened as I don't have the body for it.

 

So I can say, I am happy with who I am and with what I do. I am maybe young in this industry to be independent but I would not give up my freedom for anything.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

How did I get into the business..Here we go. I love this business..

My brief story may sound sad-ish, but turns out great!

I had a bad boyfriend when I was a teenager, I was trapped. He would have sex with me. A year and a half later, at Cheo, I was getting tests for Cancer and such(long story), they found a baby, I was pregnant.

My father was supportive of the pregnancy and told me to keep the child because this is what God planned for me. My parents promised me a easy life, I would never have to worry and everything would be taken care of, as long as I raise this child as my own and welcome him into the family.

When my son was born, my parents supported me. They let me pick where I wanted to live, paid for everything. I was taught to accept this gift I was given, from God, and to be happy.

My dad died when I was 18. I did the only thing I could do, go to school and carry on. My mother was a mess. One day she called me and told me she was no longer going to support me, she was tired, and that she was leaving the Country the next day to live her life and I was on my own. It was then, that second that I realized all the love I was being taught and given from my parents, I never learned to take care of myself or even how to do groceries. Love wasn't enough.

Between my living expenses from my kick ass Condo, food, transportation, school costs and a baby.. I wouldn't be able to survive two weeks without my Mom's help.

I was swimming in the basement of my building with a girl that lived there when her "boss" stopped in to talk to her. I got a phone call that night from the girl I was swimming with, she told me her boss said I should come in to work for her, she liked me. She explained what she did for a living..that massage wasn't just massage. I never even knew anything about this industry other than Bluenuit on TV late at night. I had little to no experience with boys let alone men and still hadn't given my first blow job.

I still remember my first massage, when I took off my shirt, I had on my Saint Theresa necklace (made of cloth and two pictures), he touched it and asked what it was and I remember telling him that if I die, as long as I am wearing it I will go straight to heaven.

This industry taught me how to live and to survive. I have so much fun. If it wasn't for this industry I have no clue where I would be or where my son would be. I have met my soul mate( a client) and lasting friendships that never judge me.

I have done drugs and had lot's of fun doing them, but I wasn't influenced by the industry to do them.

I'm glad for this industry. I found something along the line, I found myself. I survived.

 

Oh I just remembered something about stereotypes - when I was about 15, I asked my parents for a cell phone, they told me no, that only pimps and drug dealers have them- a year later they got me a pager, I still have it.

[cflpoolboss 160]

Being a bit new to this I just want to add my Thanks to all you wonderful people.Giving me this information can only enhance my next experince with an S.P Iofften think how great it would be to be able to open ..mysel ...up to work so closley with real people....Thanks to all you Girls for being YOU..

[Guest h****sho***9]

Wow!!!!! Those are some interesting stories and thanks to all the great ladies that shared them. Hearing these stories just reassures myself and make me believe that no matter where a person's past or present leads them, it is what is made of the situation that defines a person. I for one would never look down on a person because of what they have done or do. As I am sure alot of others do as well. Not yet experiencing the company of a SP, for a few different reasons mostly timing and shyness, these stories have made me more convinced that meeting an SP will be a safe and enjoyable experience for not just myself but for the SP as well. So again thank you all for sharing your stories

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