seeing married/committed SP's

[VedaSloan 119179]

I'm just curious as to why some of you might not be comfortable seeing married SP's or SP's in committed relationships, if the partner was aware and okay with the SP's chosen profession.

 

I ask as someone who is in a committed (common-law) relationship with a man who is completely aware of my work and is also totally okay with it.

 

Thoughts?

[mrrnice2 157005]

I am so impressed that there are SPs in marriages or committed realtionships and with a partner who IS supportive.

 

For that to be, it has to demonstrate the total respect that one partner has for the other, in terms of giving blessing to the other to persue the life that they wish to have.

 

This ties to an earlier thread about SPs and their social life.

 

It appears that this situation may be rare, and is putting into reality what all couples should strive for. Mutual respect.

 

For those in this situation, congratulations. It must be really comfortable to NOT be leading a double life that it appears as if so many people do.

[tongue twister 842]

It doesn't bother me. The only way i know if a S/P or M/P is married or has a S/O is if it is public knowledge (websites,cerb,etc) or if they mention it during our time together and after that it doesn't bother me. I will never ask as people do like to keep some aspects of this private.

T.T.

[S**********o 258]

I wouldn't expect an SP to have issue with me having an SO. Consequently I like to return the favor. I never ask and only find out when I'm told during our conversations.

[mrrnice2 157005]

I guess I did not answer this question with my first post.

 

I would have no hesitation to see a SP who is married or in a long term relationship, other than for this one proviso.

 

I believe that my involvement with a SP, even in a one of experience, has an effect on each of us. If a SP is married, I would personally hate to learn later on that their relationship fell apart because of her work, work that I would have played a part in.

 

I know I know that we are all responsible for our own actions, but knowingly or unknowingly we can contribue to things that happen.

 

And, in this society, it may be that it is only the exceptional man who could remove himself from a jealousy factor, and in part, because the SPs that I know have played out the GFE ever so well. And played may not be the right word, because I have always felt that they truely enjoyed their time with me, person to person.

[roamingguy 300291]

Speaking only for myself.

I have no issues seeing a SP...except I'm comfortable with the age 25 and up

If the lady is single, in a relationship or married, her personal life is her business, not mine.

Likewise, should SP's not see guys who are married or in relationships...I'll bet most of the guys they see are married/in relationships

If a SP is to be single and unattached, then by the same token, all guys seeing SP's must be single and unattached too.

I personally think it's best to let individuals live their own lives insofar as relationships go...what works for one couple might not work for another, and it's dangerous to impose your beliefs on someone else

As I see it anyway

From a happy single hobbiest

RG

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I thought for long whether I should respond to this thread as I was concerned that my response may offend someone or two. But I was asked this question (in another thread) and I am sure I am expected to give my honest response, no matter how unpopular it may be.

 

Speaking only for myself and those who know me I am a very safe and cautious hobbyist (outcall only for legal reasons, No BBB whatever for safety reasons, no cim, no greek, no GB, no ...... for personal/moral reasons .... no drugs, no alcohol (recent), going for emotional GFE rather than list of services, preference for hugging and kissing rather than sex, which may appear strange to many .... and in many cases my views are in minority (like strong preference for natural kitties, preference for younger SPs, preferences for pale skin, very tall ladies, blue eyes, inner beauties....), so very likely my views below, like above, are in small minority too, but they are mine :-), and since I was asked I am going to comment as honestly as I can.....

 

To me the sanctity of marriage is too important to be broken. Regardless of whether it is with the full knowledge of the husband and his approval, a marriage is a marriage. In my view, people marry to commit to each other and to each other only. Married people belong to each other and I don't wish to borrow or rent someone else's love for a short time as I would know for sure that while she is with me, she will be thinking about her real love (her husband) not to mention that I do not wish to be the one breaking the sanctity of marriage. That is why the word adultery applies only to married people in relationship with a person other than spouse and to my knowledge the definition even extends to cases where the spouse is fully aware of it. Beside I don't know for sure how the husband may really feel in his heart about this. May be it is a situation that severe financial needs forces him to agree to it and his heart may be bleeding because of that (have you seen indecent proposal movie).

 

If I am in a relationship I will not hobby or see anyone else and expect the same from my spouse or GF, otherwise I would be a total hypocrite if I am in a relationship and see other ladies and expect my wife or GF stays in a monogamous relationship with me.

 

ps - This post reflect my personal views and may not be shared by many.

[PistolPete 61421]

Such as swingers, MMFF,MMF,MFF, etc etc so those that are willing participants OR their partner may indulge in that kind of play and their partner is good with it, I'm good with too:) as long as you there is no photo's around of him...lol ;)

 

"while particpating with a lady that indulges in SP's or SP's in committed relationships, if the partner was aware and okay with the SP's chosen profession".

I thought for long whether I should respond to this thread as I was concerned that my response may offend someone or two. But I was asked this question (in another thread) and I am sure I am expected to give my honest response, no matter how unpopular it may be.

 

Speaking only for myself and those who know me I am a very safe and cautious hobbyist (outcall only for legal reasons, No BBB whatever for safety reasons, no cim, no greek no ...... for personal reasons .... no drugs, no alcohol (recent), going for emotional GFE rather than list of services, preference for hugging and kissing rather than sex, which may appear weird to many ....) and in many cases my views are in minority (strong preference for natural kitties, preference for younger SPs, preferences for pale skin, very tall ladies, blue eyes, inner beauties....), so very likely my views are in small minority on this subject too.

 

To me the sanctity of marriage is too important to be broken. Regardless of whether it is with the full knowledge of the husband and his approval, a marriage is a marriage. In my view, people marry to commit to each other and to each other only. Married people belong to each other and I don't wish to borrow or rent someone else's love for a short time as I would know for sure that while she is with me, she will be thinking about her real love (her husband) not to mention that I do not wish to be the one breaking the sanctity of marriage. That is why the word adultery applies only to married people in relationship with a person other than spouse and to my knowledge the definition even extends to cases where the spouse is fully aware of it.

 

If I am in a relationship I will not hobby or see anyone else and expect the same from my spouse or GF, otherwise I would be a total hypocrite if I am in a relationship and see other ladies and expect my wife or GF stays in a monogamous relationship with me.

 

ps - This post reflect my personal views and may not be shared by many.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I guess I don't belong to the (whole) other world but rather to this world lol :-). I did acknowledge that my views are likely in a small minority (on this board but likely in a big majority in a church lol :-) ).

 

You are of course entitled to your liberal views Pete and I respect your views (and all others too) but above were my views and since I was asked in another thread, the only right course of action was to response as honestly as I could (with the full knowledge that I may make myself unpopular here on cerb lol).

[PistolPete 61421]

SA I think you might be looking at my post incorrectly (and I know what you are stating) I was just pointing out the aspects that do happen outside of the bubble/world? I respect your views on it, so it is not that you are unpopular on here as you might think, and its not a matter of belonging or not belonging or in that fact believing or not believing.

You are also entitled to your opinion as well.

 

 

I guess I don't belong to the (whole) other world but rather to this world lol :-). I did acknowledge that my views are likely in a small minority (on this board but likely in a big majority in a church lol :-) ).

 

You are of course entitled to your liberal views Pete and I respect your views but above were my views and since I was asked in another thread, the only right course of action was to response as honestly as I could (with the full knowledge that I may make myself unpopular here on cerb lol).

[Nathalie L 112512]

Interesting thread, I'd also be curious to hear people's responses. Although I'm not in a committed long-term relationship at the moment, dating is definitely something I'm open about and I tell me partners I'm an SP. Sometimes I wonder whether it's the wisest thing to be telling clients I'm dating and/or have a relationship... I feel it might be negatively perceived? (I'm glad to be reading otherwise!)

 

If my partner(s) aren't supportive I generally don't date them, so those that stick around know of the work I do, they also know it doesn't define who I am as a person.

[PistolPete 61421]

Well said Nathalie! "it does not define who you are as a person"

 

I do not personally negatively preceive it or judge others that do so.

Interesting thread, I'd also be curious to hear people's responses. Although I'm not in a committed long-term relationship at the moment, dating is definitely something I'm open about and I tell me partners I'm an SP. Sometimes I wonder whether it's the wisest thing to be telling clients I'm dating and/or have a relationship... I feel it might be negatively perceived? (I'm glad to be reading otherwise!)

 

If my partner(s) aren't supportive I generally don't date them, so those that stick around know of the work I do, they also know it doesn't define who I am as a person.

[moonshadow 369]

I believe that seeing an SP who is in a committed relationship adds

an extra level of complexity to the SP/Client relationship. An extra element

that I would prefer to not deal with.

 

I'm sure some boy friends and husbands can probably deal with

their woman working as an SP. But they must be special men. However, when feelings

are involved, some of these men probably find that this is very difficult.

 

My 3rd encounter with an SP ended very badly last fall when her BF

decided he could not take it anymore, and decided to come into the incall location and

go berserk. That's the kind of drama I don't need thank you very much. That experience

nearly turned me off from the hobby all together.

 

If I want to have to deal with angry,jealous boy friends and husbands

I will just have an affair with a married woman. Obviously I don't want this unpleasantness, hence

the reason that (single) SPs are so appealing to me.

Posted via Mobile Device

[PistolPete 61421]

The feelings are great we carry for our encounters but we also must always understand where the line is drawn between a SP and ourselves as hobbiest and a friendship.

 

How would you/me anyone else know that the SP you are seeing is single?

 

"the reason that (single) SPs are so appealing to me".

 

 

Unless of course you asked and she told, which I doubt.

 

 

 

I believe that seeing an SP who is in a committed relationship adds

an extra level of complexity to the SP/Client relationship. An extra element

that I would prefer to not deal with.

 

I'm sure some boy friends and husbands can probably deal with

their woman working as an SP. But they must be special men. However, when feelings

are involved, some of these men probably find that this is very difficult.

 

My 3rd encounter with an SP ended very badly last fall when her BF

decided he could not take it anymore, and decided to come into the incall location and

go berserk. That's the kind of drama I don't need thank you very much. That experience

nearly turned me off from the hobby all together.

 

If I want to have to deal with angry,jealous boy friends and husbands

I will just have an affair with a married woman. Obviously I don't want this unpleasantness, hence

the reason that (single) SPs are so appealing to me.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

To me the sanctity of marriage is too important to be broken. Regardless of whether it is with the full knowledge of the husband and his approval, a marriage is a marriage. In my view, people marry to commit to each other and to each other only. Married people belong to each other and I don't wish to borrow or rent someone else's love for a short time as I would know for sure that while she is with me, she will be thinking about her real love (her husband) not to mention that I do not wish to be the one breaking the sanctity of marriage. That is why the word adultery applies only to married people in relationship with a person other than spouse and to my knowledge the definition even extends to cases where the spouse is fully aware of it. Beside I don't know for sure how the husband may really feel in his heart about this. May be it is a situation that severe financial needs forces him to agree to it and his heart may be bleeding because of that (have you seen indecent proposal movie).

There is nothing wrong with your personal views, as long as you don't impose them on others.

 

For me, emotional commitment is of the upmost importance, but I don't see why being sexually monogamous is necessary for a genuine relationship/marriage. Of course, both partners need to consent to the arragement.

 

If a client wants me to be single and has a problem with me having a partner, we're probably not a good match!

[moonshadow 369]

Pete, of course there is no way to know for certain if an SP is in a relationship or not.

We can sometimes read through a woman's posts on here and she may mention she

has a SO. There are a few women here that I believe to be in relationships whom I

probably will never contact because of that. Even though I would

LOVE to meet them. Perhaps I'm being silly here, but seeing a ring on the wedding finger

of a hot CERB woman is a show stopper for me.

 

Who knows, I may be completely wrong. But I will not ask the SP as I consider this

to be too personal to ask.

 

So I will continue to try to meet CERB women that I think are single. Once we meet

and a rapport develops...then maybe I will discover that she is not single. Then I guess

I will move on.

 

To all you wonderful CERB women who are in a committed relationship,

my hat goes off to you and your partners. These are just my personal hobbyist opinions, from

a guy who hopes he never has his encounter with an SP interrupted

by their SO again.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Capital Hunter 18263]

There is nothing wrong with your personal views' date=' as long as you don't impose them on others.

 

If a client wants me to be single and has a problem with me having a partner, we're probably not a good match!

 

[/quote']

 

I am very strongly against imposition of personal views upon others. It is both arrogant and evil to do so and totally unacceptable in a free society. That said, I do have a personal choice as who I see and whom I don't see and not seeing someone in a relationship (knowingly) is my choice.

 

I agree with your second paragraph and extend it to my case that if I am in a relationship with someone and that someone does not believe in a monogamous relationship we are not likely a match at all and I will end the relationship and wish her good luck with someone else who matches her view on (lack of) monogamy (again my choice not an imposition of my view upon someone else).

 

For me' date=' emotional commitment is of the upmost importance, but I don't see why being sexually monogamous is necessary for a genuine relationship/marriage. Of course, both partners need to consent to the arragement.![/quote']

 

Isn't that why people get married!!?? Sleeping around for general public (sharing bodies even though may be not the soul or emotions) is not my defintion of a genuine relationship with someone but again this is just my definition and views differ very widely and all differing views well respected in my book.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

To me sex is about intimacy. Married men mostly seek out SP's looking for something that they feel is missing from their marriage. I have encountered SP's that have been married or in long term relationships and they have reserved certain things as being only between themselves and their SO's. I can understand that but it often it is those reserved things that I enjoy in an encounter.

 

The most common is kissing however sometimes its other things. Sometimes its things given, sometimes its things they allow to receive. Either way I find that single ladies don't have this issue and can be more giving of themselves. For this reason I have steered away from ladies that are married or in committed relationships.

 

These however are just personal reasons for why I choose not to see a lady. I am sure I've seen and had great times with ladies in relationships and not known and that it case 'ignorance was bliss'.

[rickkm 328]

SA, you may not have read the post correctly. The personal/private lives of SP's are theirs alone and great if they are in a relationship if that is what they want. If they are happy, then it makes for better SP's.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Not sure what you are referring to as my mis-read!!. Likely you mis-read my post(s), rickkm.

 

My first post responded to the question in the thread (OP) and I was asked this question in another thread too. And my response to Megan was a general response not related to SPs but public at large. I made it crystal clear that if anyone wants to be in other relationships while married it is their choice and that if they are happy (SP or not) and their partner don't mind then good for them and not my business (but I stated also my right of choice not to see those in relationships) and I also made it clear that I will never impose my (likely conservative) views upon others. Now where did I say anywhere or even hinted that SP's lives are not their personal/private lives or not theirs alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

[Phaedrus 209521]

To be honest, I don't see that it's any of my business, provided it doesn't have any impact on me. I see no reason why any SP should have to tell me about her SO (or lack thereof), much less justify any decisions she's made to the likes of me. This is her life we're talking about, not mine.

 

My 3rd encounter with an SP ended very badly last fall when her BF decided he could not take it anymore, and decided to come into the incall location and go berserk.

 

This sort of thing would, of course, be the one exception to what I wrote above. Fortunately it's never happened to me... touch wood...

[Capital Hunter 18263]

To be honest, I don't see that it's any of my business, provided it doesn't have any impact on me. I see no reason why any SP should have to tell me about her SO (or lack thereof), much less justify any decisions she's made to the likes of me. This is her life we're talking about, not mine....

 

It may come as a surprise to those who may have badly mis-read or misunderstood my earlier comments but I totally agree with your comments above. SP's private lives is no one's business, least of all mine. No one should feel the need to discuss their private life or justify decisions they make in their lives. In fact I do strongly believe in the separation of work and social/private life (and if you have read my posts about the dreadful night in the strip bar 12 years ago, you realize that I was/am a victim of this (mixture of work and private life) myself when I had to quit a great teaching position in a university). All I was saying was that it is also my right to have a choice who not to see for any reason if I don't feel comfortable about it, again for any reason. The very important part of your comment is this part and I quote what you said- "provided it doesn't have any impact on me". Now seeing a married woman knowingly (SP or otherwise) does have an impact on me emotionally (likely the way I was raised, I feel guilty). So this justifies my choice.

[moonshine 399]

As long as the girl is there for me and we have fun together, doesn't matter. Seems awfully silly to be concerned what her relationship status is when I know she's been with John's 1, 2, 3, etc. since I saw her the last time.

 

Probably creeps me out more reading a rec here and seeing she's been with some guy I think is a little odd. At least with the SO I have no frame of reference ;)

[roamingguy 300291]

 

Probably creeps me out more reading a rec here and seeing she's been with some guy I think is a little odd. At least with the SO I have no frame of reference ;)

 

Well even us odd guys (and what do you mean little) need affection and intimacy too:wink:

RG

[Guest s******ecan****]

..... if the partner was aware and okay with the SP's chosen profession.

 

?

 

I would expect some guys would always be concerned about whether the SO really was Okay with it or as in the situation Phaedrus mentioned ticking away like a time bomb.

 

I can also see many guys losing a bit of the "fantasy".

 

Its all just more confirmation that the private lives of SP's are best kept private, both for the benefit of the SP and the client.

 

Crossing that line of confidentiality always has the potential for complications.