How do you feel about being alone?

[roamingguy 300291]

That moment when you realize you would be ok living on your own is really powerful. You feel free, and suddenly, comfortable with the idea of 'alone'/'lonely' ("if your heart is bleeding make the best of it").

 

I had that moment about a year ago. Not in the context of a divorce, but in the context of realizing that the person I loved and cherished the most in the world wasn't worth disrespecting myself over! The greatest love is the love we have for ourselves...

 

 

In my mind, there is a difference between being alone, and being lonely.

I'm single, and most of the time, alone, but I'm not lonely.

But I know many married couples who are together (as in under the same roof), but the spark has gone (if it ever was there don't know) and they are lonely, they don't even find company with each other, actually rather sad.

RG

[Apex2006 1071]

Being that I don't get much a (lone) time, I try to do something every couple of weeks. I love being out on the water or going for a drive.

[April Dawn 12207]

I don't like being alone. Ever. I need to have someone (2 or 4 legged) around at all times. Growing up I always had family and cousins around. My mom was the only productive member of her family and as such ended up taking in her brothers, their kids and other random relatives. Now I have a zillion room mates and pets. I like going out to the family farm though and relaxing sans cell phone

(not by choice stupid bad rogers reception)

I have made a effort to turn off the cell when I am with friends and have noticed how conversation can seem almost painful with people now...

That said I sleep with my phone in my right hand holding it over my heart and I may treat it like a invisibility cloak when I am feeling akward, nervous or shy

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[jughead 45]

Alone,

Algonquin Park, a canoe, a pack pack....peacefull...cell phone do not work...terrible I might even feel guilty that I cannot be reached...NOT!

 

Lonely,

In the chat room and all the hot ladies are in there chating.....then I get really lonely!

[Guest f***2f***]

This is a great thread.

I seperated two years ago and went through a lot of loneliness issues initially. I'm over it mostly but the family holiday times are rough...like this past weekend. I'm enjoying my freedom and learning gradually that I don't need another person to complete my life. I'm relaxing into my alone-ness. This is probably the time when an awesome woman will come along and then I'll have to reassess, but for now it's OK.

[Butterfly Kisses 2301]

The greatest love is the love we have for ourselves...

 

 

This is so true. It guides us through difficult times and makes us appealing to others.

 

Take care Nathalie!!!

[r100rs 859]

I have to do the things necessary to keep myself happy, serene and being alone is a part of that balance. If I'm not in a good place, not in balance, not physically/emotionally/spiritually healthy, I not going to be there fully for others. I have to selfish at times and love myself/take care of myself first. So yes, I love to be alone at times.

 

r100rs

[Guest s****i*]

Alone for me is both good and bad. I don't want to be alone, I want to be around others all the time. At least people I am comfortable with and that usually helps me feel okay around the people I don't know. I guess friends are my safety blanket. When I go out in public places I am extremely nervous when there are people I don't know around. I feel like I'm an outsider, that people who are just glancing at me have something against me. I know it's paranoia and I know people on this site don't want negativity, I understand that. So I won't go into detail about my psyche.

 

I have lots of time alone needless to say, and the best part of that is I can't screw up if no one cane see me do it. I can't say the wrong things or weird people out. I am free in my own little box. I can relax and not be troubled. Until I feel lonely not just alone, then I finally have to admit that I can't be alone all the time.

 

I think I'd make a terrible hermit.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I have learned to find a balance between being around people and my time alone, enjoy them both equally and don't get itchy for either of them. If in a particular mood that changes of course.

 

I too believe there's a difference between lonely and alone, one chooses to be alone but not to feel lonely. A while ago a very wise and sensitive man (my father) taught me we are never alone therefore we should never feel lonely. He taught me connections with our beloved ones are way beyond being physical. So I haven't felt lonely in a long time.

 

I have also learned what some mentioned here of how ironic but common it is to feel lonely when having company. I guess it all comes to

a. having the right company

b. being 100% there

 

Just yesterday I came across an interview done to Isha Judd, who promotes a method for inner growth. One of her quotes says 'Imagine when you look in the mirror, the face looking back at you is someone you truly love. Just imagine.' this resumes Nat's quote 'the greatest love is the love we have for ourselves.' Is so true what they say that to love others we have to start by loving ourselves :)

 

Nat also said we have to be a little selfish I think is linked to the loving us part, put yourself in first place and you'll do wonders, people will see the difference and so will you because you will feel happy and that's a feeling one can't hide ;)

[etasman2000 15994]

Just imagine.' this resumes Nat's quote 'the greatest love is the love we have for ourselves.' Is so true what they say that to love others we have to start by loving ourselves :)

 

Once a friend quoted from The Book "love thy neighbor as thyself", my response: I pity my neighbor!

 

We are our own hardest critics at times.

[r100rs 859]

when you are isolating(read depressed) always remember

 

"you are the only one offering yourself solutions"

 

and get out and get connected with someone and work it out together.

 

r100rs

[Boomer 33202]

I'm going to be real serious and it might be stretching the topic.

 

I'm sure some of you know from some of my posts that I'm a widower, so my situation was not one that I chose. I now spend much of my time alone. Since I am older and retired this creates a real dilemma. Since I had my family and a reasonably successful marriage, do I risk going out to find a new partner at this stage of my life. There are times when it's dark in the middle of winter and I really do suffer loneliness, and probably have a few drinks too many to compensate. It would be really nice to have someone to chat with at supper and snuggle up to at night. That's not to say I don't find ways to make myself busy, I travel and do a lot of volunteer work,

 

Many of you are younger and will still have long term relationships. I feel a bit cheated, as my wife was fairly young when she passed away, and we had got through the hard slogging of bringing up children, having a career, and arguing about the budget. When the kids leave home and the job isn't a big priority there would have suddenly been time for each other, Time to travel, go out and dine, basically to have a second honey moon. It is quite remarkable to see how devoted many of the older couples you see in their golden years. I guess I'm just saying if you you can find a good partner do it, you can always work out some alone time, but it's still really nice to have someone to share your ups and downs.

[rdymango 673]

I think there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and not feel lonely; conversely you can be surrounded by friends and family and still feel lonely. Personally, I love the solitude when I can get it. Solitude for me means being disconnected from everyone in every way. I really appreciate a day or two of solitude with no email, no internet and no phones. The only way I've been able to accomplish this is by heading out of town, finding a nature trail and following it wherever it leads (and hope I don't run into people talking on their cell phones). I really cherish this kind of alone time. In a strange way, I feel more connected with the world than at any other time (if that makes any sense). As for being "connected" through cellphones, the WWW, etc... there is a certain amount of superficiality to it. Maybe I'm getting old and old-fashioned, but people seem to be forgetting how to have decent, respectful, articulate, meaningful conversation with each other face-to-face. One of the things that's really puzzled me is seeing a group of teenagers hanging out together, all on their cell phones and no one speaking to each other. Ahhh...maybe I am just getting old and the technology is just passing me by....*sigh*

[Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958]

I'm going to be real serious and it might be stretching the topic.

 

I'm sure some of you know from some of my posts that I'm a widower, so my situation was not one that I chose. I now spend much of my time alone. Since I am older and retired this creates a real dilemma. Since I had my family and a reasonably successful marriage, do I risk going out to find a new partner at this stage of my life. There are times when it's dark in the middle of winter and I really do suffer loneliness, and probably have a few drinks too many to compensate. It would be really nice to have someone to chat with at supper and snuggle up to at night. That's not to say I don't find ways to make myself busy, I travel and do a lot of volunteer work,

 

Many of you are younger and will still have long term relationships. I feel a bit cheated, as my wife was fairly young when she passed away, and we had got through the hard slogging of bringing up children, having a career, and arguing about the budget. When the kids leave home and the job isn't a big priority there would have suddenly been time for each other, Time to travel, go out and dine, basically to have a second honey moon. It is quite remarkable to see how devoted many of the older couples you see in their golden years. I guess I'm just saying if you you can find a good partner do it, you can always work out some alone time, but it's still really nice to have someone to share your ups and downs.

 

 

Good addition to this thread. I sometimes worry about my Father. When Mom passed away he was definitely hit the hardest and i'm not sure if he's ever quite figured out what to do with himself since then. Unfortunately, due to my work schedule, him living in another town, and the fact that we have zero in common I don't see him and we don't take time to do things together nearly as much as we should :(

I sincerely hope you have a better relationship with your children, because I know i'm going to regret the lost time and experiences one day.

 

Sorry to get serious as well everybody, boomer's post just spoke to me.

 

I'm going to get somewhat back on topic and add that some other great things about being alone (in this case, living alone) are that:

 

A. Pant's are rarely worn when i'm at home

B. When I get home at the end of the day, everything is exactly how I left it. Nobody has drank my beer or eaten my food!

[Nathalie L 112512]

I sincerely hope you have a better relationship with your children, because I know i'm going to regret the lost time and experiences one day.

 

I have a really bad relationship with my biological father. But I always trust myself in the present moment to do what's best for me... so I wouldn't see them as regrets, or as opportunities lost necessarily, but more as doing what's best for us (right now).

 

If later we want to develop a relationship and the opportunity is gone, then we can mourn that (but mourn that at a later date) and not right now... I sometimes look back, but rarely with regret, I trust the me I was 2-3 years ago, and know 'she' did what was best for her too ;)

 

Also, thanks Boomer. Your post was beautiful, and brought an issue to the thread I once again hadn't thought about. So far, I'm really enjoying where the conversation/thread is going.

[ekimout 188]

Great thread!

 

I love being alone, but I'm not lonely. There are times that it would be nice to have someone in my life. But at this point in time, being single is best. The key for me is to love and feel loved, and I have a great family, and many friends to thank for that.

 

It's great to start a day with a clear schedule. A rainy day with a pot of coffee and a couple newspapers is hard to beat for me.

 

Although being alone makes morning sex a little bit more of a challenge...

[EmilyRushton 253346]

Being alone.... interesting topic... I spend 20days a month on the road, I do enjoy my alone time but it's totally normal to crave human attention in the conversation department. Some days it really sucks, others days its great. It is what you make of the time that you are alone. I have no issues approaching people and chatting (I have met some VERY interesting people) and if I am not around people that i wish to engage in conversation with, I always have my blackberry or iphone to chat with someone one.

I think that alone time or being alone is mostly a choice that we personally make, I mean I dont have to travel but I chose to and in doing so means I am away from home, but I have made time for ME which is something that most of us give up along the way.

[Ice4fun 78396]

How do i feel about being alone... good question but it really depends on what you mean by being alone...

 

If we are talking about that positive time we have to ourselves to think, read, vegetate, self reflect or generally recharge our batteries I am all for it.

 

However if we are talking about that feeling of being alone and unconnected even when we are surrounded by people.... that us a different thing. Sometimes in life we find ourselves in these places and it is when you need your friends and family to help you see what is right in front of you. The challenge is that often when we are in this place we act as if things are ok and we don't reach out for the help from the very people we need. People who are suffering from grief often find themselves alone in the crowd.

[cometman 35115]

I run a business from my home and rarely get any alone time......constant communications and interruptions. My secret place is on my bike travelling. No phone (until gas stops) means I can relax. I finally learned this year that solo bike trips do not mean I have to stay at a different family member or friend's house every night. It may cost more, but I stay at motels and hotels...arriving at night and sleeping 'till I wake. Then, and only then, do I contact people for a visit. Before this, trips wore me out.

Great thread. Reading this really made me realize how different lonely and alone really are. At times, I choose to be alone, but I do not have to be lonely.

[Guest c**io**m7]

I am a firm believer that we all need to learn how to be alone before we can learn how to be a partner. I cherish my alone time, time to think, ponder life and make decisions that don't require consultation.

 

Being alone and being lonely are two totally different states. I was never alone in my marriage but, can honestly say, it was a lonely experience...especially the past year or so.

 

Something funny...I don't see my lady-friend as often as we both would like and I have more alone time now than I have had in years but, I don't feel lonely at all...an interesting concept, to say the least.

[parkershellby45 678]

I enjoy going for walks alone,being able to collect my thoughts which can be a chore as my thoughts sometimes like to wander. I like being alone on the road, keeping to my own schedule not someone elses.

But then I get the need for contact, skin on skin, lip to lip, sometimes I've felt the most alone right here at home with my S/O, that is sad.

[gc1968 2033]

I'm alone all the time, and 99% of the time I'm cool with it. It's just that 1% of the time that it really really sucks.

[6dave9 4008]

Alone and lonely are two sentiments that previous posts has differenciated.

Being alone can be quite welcomed or as a feeling of solitude.

As I have been working from home for the last 7 years, I am alone all day and I require that. However i do certainly miss the people contact of an office environment, the camaraderie, but I can do without the gossip... ;-) This means I can potentially be in the house 24/7. Every so often I NEED to get out.. The SO doesn't seem to get that .. ugh..!

On another note, sometimes I have the opportunity to be alone - by myself- = peace and quite .. not a sound but the wind in the trees or perhaps wolves in the far distance or a local owl (hooters as I call them LOL) .. total freedom..

Loneliness I have endured when I was single and in my marriage...

I'll stop here..

D.

[roamingguy 300291]

Got this emailed to me today, seemed like the appropriate thread to post

 

 

RG

[Luscious.Tianna 12254]

In a way I guess were never really alone since most of us always have our phone, ipad, laptop or some other sort of communication device with us at all times, However; I love having 'me' time...I love having a nice glass of champagne while listening to my favorite songs, or enjoying a nice bubble bath, I also truly enjoy just sitting by the water looking out into the sun, one of the most peaceful feelings for me

 

Now there is a difference between being alone and being lonely...I have been truly lonely before and its not a great feeling

 

Kisses and Stay Sexxy

xxo