A little more on the lighter side

[Gentleman11 10508]

I truly enjoy this site and all the ecletic views and opinions so generously shared. However, one of my favorite things is hearing some of the lighter sides of things that have made us individually what we are collectively.

 

Sometimes we can get all wrapped up in righteous views on things but one of the many things I enjoy about CERB is the sense of humour and perspective this site offers. Having said that, it would be nice to hear some more humourous anecdotes about our earlier days.

 

Mine starts out when I was in grade 8 having planned that big day when I was going to get my first package of condoms. Not that I would actually use them for their intended purpose, but so that I would be able to get that tell tale oval shape, showing in one's leather wallet after is had been in a back pocket a while - its kind of a right of manhood for guys in my day anyways.

 

We were living in Montreal and I decided to peddle my bycicle to the next city early one Saturday morning so as to arrive at the pharmacy (condoms were only sold at pharmacies behind the counter then) when it opened. I got there at 9 AM and went to the back where this elderly crusty pharmacist was doing his thing behind the counter. I went up to the counter looking way up and mumbled my intended purchase request, the pharmacist played me like a fiddle (as I'm sure he'd done many a time). "What was that young fella?" he said, I repeated my request once again turning 5 shades of red looking all over the room noting the many curious customers hearing his elevated voice. He then says "oh you want some propylatics, is that right?" I mumbled my confirmation.

 

He then says in a raised voice with a slow delivery "WHAT SIZE? SMALL MEDIUM OR LARGE?", I turned around raced out of the store and peddled my bycylce as fast as I could back home feeling sure the police were going to arrest me at any time.

 

Care to share some of your earlier lighter experiences?

 

G11

[NotchJohnson 214076]

I grew up really fast at a young age and could get into bars at the age of 14 without being carded or was it because it did not really matter back then. In any case I was sent to buy Penthouse and Playboy magazines at the local corner store and wanted to quickly get out of there so to not see anyone I knew. After the purchase I look behind me and there stood our neighbor waiting in line and she had that confused look on her face like what would a 14 year old boy do with these books?

I was afraid she would tell my parents about it, but never heard nothing. She always looked at me strange after that day.

[Guest S**a*Q]

I went through the condom thing, but I was buying them for a friend. *(Seriously I was...) She wanted some, I doubt she was sexually active, I was the first of my friends to "cum of age", sexually. I wasn't there yet, so I'm sure she wasn't either. However even as a child, I had no qualms about all things sexual, which also included buying condoms. I walked into Woolco, to the pharmacy to pick up the box of ... Trojans, I think it was at the time. Proudly, (odd I know) I marched up to the counter, placed the box on cool flat surface and smiled up at the lady. I paid, she bagged it, I said thanks and headed outside to where my friend was waiting. "Here's your change, and here's your condoms.. It was easy." She turfed the box in the garbage, pocketed the gold wrapped rubbers, and we went back to being children.

 

Cue a few hours later...

 

I get into the house for dinner, Dad's already home (?) and him and mom are sitting at the table. *(With no dinner on the table I might add). I come in and they both look at me with unhappiness on their faces.

Dad breaks the silence and says... "So you are buying condoms...?"

 

ARGH!!! The lady at the counter was one of my parents friends, who's husband, dad worked with or something. As soon as I was out of the store, they called my parents, explaining that their 11-12 year old daughter just bought a 12 pack of condoms. Gotta love small towns.

 

(My story that they were for a friend, was not believed, even though I gave up my friends name.)

 

I think this was also the day that my parents had me microchipped to keep IMMEDIATE tabs on me... Hehehe!

 

(This also explains why I would NEVER work in my hometown... My parents know EVERYONE!)

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

It was at the very beggining of High School, and it was my first year there. It was a very big school, with very intimidating handsome boys...

 

We had a presentation in the auditorium about STDs, STIs, AIDS, ... There was about 200 persons to attend, with nurses and everything.

 

At one point, it became interactive, and 2 students had to go on stage. As usual, I got the lucky number. (I hate being the center of attention.) One had to put petroleum jelly on an inflate condom, and I had to put a condom... On a banana.

 

So, I'm very concentrating on my task, but doing not too bad until that stupid condom exploded. I jumped by the blowing noise, but so nervous, the banana exploded in my hands!

 

Needless to say on my first date, I'm not the one who put it on. (LoL)

 

Since then, I've experimented all sorts of way to put it on. :bddog:

[Cleo Catra 178382]

When I was twelve I got busted shoplifting a push-up bra and a pack of condoms - the worst part? They weren't for me. Seriously. My 13-year-old 'friend' who I let push me around told me to do it for her. Well we weren't friends after that!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Damn it! I can't think of a story! And I always have good stories to tell.lol I think I was too much of a goody two shoes until my early 20's. Let me think about it for a while...

[roamingguy 300292]

Back in my youth, (think I posted this before) my friend and I went to the Manor in Kingston, skipping school one Friday afternoon.

Well my friend was legal age (19), me, underage (18, they recently had raised the legal drinking age). We go in, order some beers, sit and watch the dancers.

I'm sitting closest to the stage, my friend is sitting next to another table.

Four guys at the table next to us, start in a half joking tone of voice, talking to my friend, saying he looks young, he can't be legal age etc etc etc. My friend says hey, I'm 19, I'm legal. Prove it then, show us your Age of Majority card. He pulls it out, they start on him again, half joking, that's not a Age of Majority card. My friend is getting pissed at them now and says "what the f**k business is it of yours anyways"

We're Kingston Police Morality Squad

My life flashed before my eyes...thought I was going to be locked up, my name in the news the whole shooting match...not to mention my parents finding out I skipped school LOL My friend is legal, I'm not

The whole time fortunately for me I was more interested in the dancers, and my back was to them

The cops left without checking me, thank god

Turn to my friend, let's get the f**k outta here, fast

One of the few times in my life I was bad

RG

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Okay, I remembered one.. Fooling around without going to third base with a boyfriend at the age of 18 in the backseat of a car in Gatineau Park. A cop comes up with his flashlight and looks in the window and summons us to start driving. Good thing we weren't actually "doing it". All such innocent fun now that I think about it.

[LeeRichards 177238]

Okay, I remembered one.. Fooling around without going to third base with a boyfriend at the age of 18 in the backseat of a car in Gatineau Park. A cop comes up with his flashlight and looks in the window and summons us to start driving. Good thing we weren't actually "doing it". All such innocent fun now that I think about it.

 

Oh boy Nicolette ! Did this bring back a memory....I was 18 at a drive in movie, just in the process of going to third base in the back seat with my girlfriend who was 17 and the police officer's flashlight shone in the window...I heard "get that hand where I can see it, and your pants better be "f******g done up !

 

I was dating his daughter ! He was supposed to be out of town....ooops...Was a long night needless to say !

[roamingguy 300292]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that, after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.

 

Sorry, hope this didn't hijack the thread

RG

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Oh boy Nicolette ! Did this bring back a memory....I was 18 at a drive in movie, just in the process of going to third base in the back seat with my girlfriend who was 17 and the police officer's flashlight shone in the window...I heard "get that hand where I can see it, and your pants better be "f******g done up !

 

I was dating his daughter ! He was supposed to be out of town....ooops...Was a long night needless to say !

 

OMG!!!! LOL! What happened afterwards? I can only imagine!! Fathers tend to go ballastic and for good reason.lol. I remember my father pushing a guy who was probably about 15 or 16 at the time into the brick wall outside my house for bringing me home late one time. And it was only 10:30 pm on a Friday night!!!

[Nathalie L 112512]

This will be TMI for a lot of people... this is my only warning.

 

I'm very close to my mother. When I was 16 years old, she told me that she uhhh...accidentally got liquid into the electrical component of her multi-function vibrator. Her solution to this was to place the dildo on the bathroom counter and aim the hair dryer at it in an attempt to evaporate the liquid and dry out the electrics.

 

My mother, being the spaz she is, left the hair dryer on the counter to go putter around the kitchen, do the dishes, wash the floor, and watch an episode of "Young and the Restless" (go figure, Victor is STILL on that show!?).

 

When my mother realized what had happened... George was no longer, he had melted onto the counter (or at least, his balls had). This, my friends, is when my grandmother intervened.

 

"You're fucking stupid" she said, "give that to me, I'll fix it for you", she continued.

 

Needless to say, my mother never saw George again. ;)

[LeeRichards 177238]

OMG!!!! LOL! What happened afterwards? I can only imagine!! Fathers tend to go ballastic and for good reason.lol. I remember my father pushing a guy who was probably about 15 or 16 at the time into the brick wall outside my house for bringing me home late one time. And it was only 10:30 pm on a Friday night!!!

 

Well Nicolette the rest of the story eh?? lol. Well I had to leave my car at the drive-in. We rode to her house in the police cruiser. I got yelled at and said...."yes sir, yes sir" a few times ....many times ! She cried alot. It was end of June. We couldn't see each other for the month of July....So she was so pissed off about it that the first day we were able to see each other we had sex in the back seat of his police car and put the rubber under his seat ...fun at the time ....but turned into another story...She had horns when you got her pissed off ! Ah life as a teenager .

[Gentleman11 10508]

Many thanks for the great stories so far, love the shared experiences. Here is another of my more interesting adventures. I've heard variations of embarassing kid stories at the checkout before but this one happened to me.

 

I worked part time at a national grocer during high school for a few years packing groceries at the checkout. Watching the ladies (and MILF's) at the register was the best job in the store for a part timer - stocking shelves and cleaning were at the other end of the spectrum.

 

I've heard about embarassing stories at the checkout, (no wallet, expired coupons, discount request, incorrect counts, etc - you get the drift). The best one happened when a cranky youngster with his mother and another in her arms was demanding, repeatedly and increasingly loudly a candy bar that was next to the cash. She refused, he persisted, she adamantly refused, he got belligerent This went on for a bit when finally the little guy says in a raised voice "IF YOU DON'T GET ME THAT CANDY BAR I'M GOING TO TELL EVERY ONE I SAW YOU WITH DADDY'S PENIS IN YOUR MOUTH THIS MORNING".

 

The poor lady grabbed both the kids, left the groceries and raced out of the store. I never said a word about this (was dumbstruck) but the cashiers spread it like wildfire.

 

G11

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

The best one happened when a cranky youngster with his mother and another in her arms was demanding, repeatedly and increasingly loudly a candy bar that was next to the cash. She refused, he persisted, she adamantly refused, he got belligerent This went on for a bit when finally the little guy says in a raised voice "IF YOU DON'T GET ME THAT CANDY BAR I'M GOING TO TELL EVERY ONE I SAW YOU WITH DADDY'S PENIS IN YOUR MOUTH THIS MORNING".

 

The poor lady grabbed both the kids, left the groceries and raced out of the store. I never said a word about this (was dumbstruck) but the cashiers spread it like wildfire.

 

G11

 

I do not believe in spanking children but if I had a son back then where attitudes towards child rearing were different and he was acting like that ( never mind the comment) you could bet on it that he would not be able to sit down afterwards.

[Zoe Zee 13876]

This didn't happen to me, but I used to be a cashier at IGA and they had a monopoly game where we gave out little tickets to people for the game.

 

A female customer came in (it was a small town so all the women were very chatty with us, everybody knew everybody) and was talking to my boss and they were laughing and shocked looking.

 

I asked my boss what happened. Apparently the lady had went to the gynecologist and while she was changing she had used some kleenex she had to clean up her area for examination. The doctor examined her, and showed her something - it was one of the monopoly cards, it got mixed in with the kleenex and stuck in her vag! (and she didn't even notice!!)

 

This is exactly how I heard the story, can't say it's true but why would a woman tell another this happened to her?? hahahahaha

[Andee 220524]

I had a client who put down his reading glasses beside mine. When he left, he grabbed mine by mistake and put them in his pocket.

 

After letting him out and going to wash my face, I then went to put mine back on, I realized he had taken the wrong pair. I quickly called him on his cell, but it went straight to voice mail. I threw on something really quick and hightailed it down the street to the visitor parking lot as he was driving away.

 

Luckily he spotted me in his rearview mirror and stopped the car. I ran up and explained to him the mistake.

 

He looked mortified and said he was on his way to meet his wife for lunch and surely would have been embarassed if he pulled out "my" specs to read the menu.

 

Good thing I need my glasses for more than reading and noticed right away. I don't even want to imagine how that would have ended otherwise.

 

I realized when I was walking back to my house that I was wearing pajama pants and sandals. One of neighbours drove by and gave me a weird look.