How do you feel when your favorite SP retires?

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I'm glad to see this topic popping up now and then, and thanks to SA for starting it as it can be a delicate and painful topic.

 

Two thoughts:

 

In a way, I think its good for us (both for the guys and the ladies) to have to deal with this issue now and then as it brings home the point that, for the most part, these are "artificial" relationships. I dont mean that in a negative way, but these relationships dont start the way normal relationships do and we need to be reminded of that now and then. I suspect many of the ladies may have some feelings for some of their clients but its just easier, emotionally, to "drop off the grid" and move on. I suspect that most of the guys respect that, and its great when the lady sends out a "goodbye" message here. To Angela's point ... heck ... there's no reason why the ladies shouldn't be able to keep in touch if they are interested. If there's enough interest in that, maybe there could be a forum open only to the ladies for the retired SPs to keep a conversation going.

 

That being said, its an undeniable truth that friendships develop in the middle of these artificial relationships and that can be a pretty confusing. And I bet in those situations, the people involved manage to keep in touch. If they dont, we shouldn't take it personally, and we should always assume their "better angels" are leading them away.

[Labrador 248]

I have been lucky. It has not happened to me yet!

[Guest S**a*Q]

With Sara McQuestion's recent retirement, it occurred to me that it's not only clients who may be sad to see an SP retire, but also other SP friends that she was friends with that had that aspect of her life, in common with.

 

I will miss her creative and often off the wall announcements. I kind looked forward to seeing her new posts to see if she what new and witty prose she would come up with.

 

I am sure she will be sorely missed by those gents who had the chance to meet her. And I am sure there a few guys kicking themselves that they didn't get around to seeing her.

 

I would like to make a toast to Sara McQuestion.

Retired and already missed.

 

Aw thanks sooo much for that.

 

It was hard to leave... but then again, hard to decide to come back. I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, but I know that this brought me independence and when I wasn't doing this... I was kinda lost.

 

Happy to be back. :)

SMQ xxx

[E.D. man 691]

Has anyone ever maintained a friendship with client as an sp has retired or vice versa.

I have in the late 90's had a friendship with an a retired sp I saw for awhile. Just friends no sex.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

If definition of SP extends to dancers, the answer is yes and no sex during or after. There has been a few cases of escort ladies who saw me or still seeing me in private after they retired. Sadly, a lot more cases that retired (mostly dancers) and I never had the chance or pleasure to see again :-( and I seriously miss a few of them.

[Cato 160314]

You can always hope that they'll be back. Witness some recent examples, I'm happy to say....

[Stagg 100]

I know when Petite Amy stopped posting I felt like I lost someone close. We emailed for a while and met up even after she had left CERB but then we lost touch. I keep coming on here hoping to see her come back. No luck yet. Someday maybe.

[moonshine 399]

I feel great when it happens. Most cases of retirement are due to a change of circumstance for the better - whatever that may be. Sure I have thought very fondly about people from the past and in some cases missed them, but to wish for someone to return is awfully selfish.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

It is not always a bad thing to come back if they decide to come back. You can look up a few post above as Sara stated she is happy that she is back. Some really like/enjoy their job (dancing/escorting). I do agree with the fact that in most cases when they retire, it is a change for a better life. Those that I used to know and miss a lot were mostly college or university students who graduated and found jobs in their field of training or got other jobs and I was and am very happy for them. But I can't help it if I seriously miss them so much. That hardly makes anyone selfish.

 

My post (post# 23) summarizes how I feel.....

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=5862&page=3

[roamingguy 300291]

I'm about to deal with this as one of my favorite ladies is retiring. I'm happy for her moving on to another stage in her life, but knowing I won't see her again, well sappy as it sounds, I'll miss her

She is one of three ladies (thus far) that not only I'll remember, but I'll think of our time together as a memory

But it's interesting to note, I have a couple of friends (this btw is my work life) who have retired, but we stay in touch, go fishing etc etc etc. They all say the same thing, they don't miss the workplace, but they miss the people. Now I don't know about the ladies, if they miss the guys (probably some, not everyone) but they are happy to move on to the next stage in their life. Whether a friendship outside of the escort/client relationship can exist, don't know, think it depends on the people and the expectations

Some thoughts from someone seeing a 4-9 year window for my retirement

RG

[PistolPete 61421]

Ladies retire,new ladies come on board, I've seen it many times.

 

So what is the big deal other then saying good bye to them and wishing them all the best as they explore a new life ahead of them?

 

These ladies give us a their time and passion and sometimes a part of their heart, but seriously, AS Kubrickfan noted

"artificial relationships" that is what it is about in reality.

 

I still keep in touch with some, ... others have simply moved on.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

It may not be a big deal for many or many cases but when I see someone and we exchange hugs and cuddles and kisses and love and passion and with some even intimacy, unless I am a total robot, there will got to be some kind of emotions or passions developed too between two humans so intimate... For me it is most of the time a date and ladies that I see are regarded as guests and friends....

 

For example I used to see several beautiful college/university student dancers over several years each. We must have exchanged thousands of kisses and many many hours together including private dances in CRs but also shared drinks, views, talked about personal life, friends and family, dined, kissed, hugged and ...... and suddenly she graduates and gone (leaves Ottawa to another city) and I am likely unable to see her again for rest of my life. If I am not supposed to feel anything then I would be a robot (or Mr. Spock lol:icon_smile:). Yes I am very very happy for all of them that they found better jobs or a job to their liking or bfs or got married and I still enjoy the pleasant memories of the time we had together, but as I said I can't help missing them and their companionships:icon_cry:.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

I remember every client I have ever met! Every one of them have taken a piece of me with them when they move on in their lives. I completely agree with SA. Some were great people and we did create some kind of relationship, that I will miss. I also know this is not true with every person. I have met some people in this business who just want to forget day to day. But for me it is so much more. I like to help people, and show them some one does care for them. Even if it is just lending an ear, or giving them a hug when they need one.

 

This is just my opinion, but I completely agree with you SA!

 

I will always remember and cherish my time. It is how we learn and grow in life, by experiences and learning from others experiences.

[Guest C*****tte]

I am planning on working at least until I finish school. Then I will reassess. It will depend on my schedule and where I am in my personal life as well. I expect I will never officially retire, but I will maintain a web presence and slow down until I am simply referring clients to good friends who are actively working.

 

With school I have been traveling significantly less and for those clients in cities where I can no longer visit I have for all intents and purposes retired. Some have been very understanding and have wished me well. They have said if they ever make it to Montreal they will want to see me and I believe them. I did have a couple though write me with a harsh and disappointing tone. I found it very selfish. I was not put on this planet just to serve someone's wants and desires. I have many aspirations and interests. I have my own desires. They could not see things from my perspective. They were weird exchanges.

[scribbles 6031]

Being new to this, I don't really know what it's like when a favorite SP retires. However, having been around people and friens who work in the various adult industries, I find that you develop friendships with people that, like all friendships, can be hard to give up.

 

I would imagine that it's different in the case of a client and an SP, but maybe not so much. As others have mentioned, it's important to undersand that the relationship that is created is somewhat artificial. You are, in essence and for want of better words, leasing a moment of intimacy and connection. That doesn't necessarily preclude the moment from generating a real friendship or relationship, I would imagine (as SA says, we're not robots,) but I think the basic understanding going into this is that there is a necessary distance kept between the SP and the client, at least emotionally.

 

So, when a favorite retires, I would think that it should be fairly easy to understand and accept, even if there are some regrets that the wonderful and fleeting moments you shared won't be repeated.

 

I've been friends and known a lot of dancers over the years, and have fallen out of touch with some and kept in touch with many others. I miss the conversation and personalities of those I may never speak to again and value the friendships I have developed with those I stil seak to. I would think, for myself, it would be the same with an SP. I would welcome becoming a friend and getting o know them. But, I also know better than to expect that, and would wish them well in whatever they do if I were never to see them again. Regret and all.

[PistolPete 61421]

Exactly, nobody said there was no feelings or we feel like robots, the matter is as stated can "be emotionally"

 

But you need to realize where to draw the line. I know of a SP that I just met, told me she had to end a hobbiest from seeing her because he was being very "weird with her" making statements to her that really scared her from him.

 

That said, I still keep in contact with some of those that have retired, and very pleased for them and totally accept that. I have made new relationships, where is is intimacy,friendship when we spend time together or in fact just chatting as well.

 

Its all good, nobody forgets people, nor does one forget friendships or experiences.

 

Well said below scribbles!

 

 

 

Being new to this, I don't really know what it's like when a favorite SP retires. However, having been around people and friens who work in the various adult industries, I find that you develop friendships with people that, like all friendships, can be hard to give up.

 

I would imagine that it's different in the case of a client and an SP, but maybe not so much. As others have mentioned, it's important to undersand that the relationship that is created is somewhat artificial. You are, in essence and for want of better words, leasing a moment of intimacy and connection. That doesn't necessarily preclude the moment from generating a real friendship or relationship, I would imagine (as SA says, we're not robots,) but I think the basic understanding going into this is that there is a necessary distance kept between the SP and the client, at least emotionally.

 

So, when a favorite retires, I would think that it should be fairly easy to understand and accept, even if there are some regrets that the wonderful and fleeting moments you shared won't be repeated.

 

I've been friends and known a lot of dancers over the years, and have fallen out of touch with some and kept in touch with many others. I miss the conversation and personalities of those I may never speak to again and value the friendships I have developed with those I stil seak to. I would think, for myself, it would be the same with an SP. I would welcome becoming a friend and getting o know them. But, I also know better than to expect that, and would wish them well in whatever they do if I were never to see them again. Regret and all.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I agree with some of statements made in above two posts though feel the need for clarifications.

 

1-By SP I meant both dancers and escorts (never seen an MA)

 

2-Never pursue or be persistent with an SP. Wish them luck and be happy that they have found better employment or lives. I understand the weirdness of making too emotional statements to an SP or being persistent to see them after retirement....

 

3- Another point to clarify is that I was mostly referring to dancers in my posts. It is more intense with dancers as we spend a lot more time together and sex is not on the table and the fact that some dancers are also open to a relationship. They do want to make a living but (some minority) they are also open to more if they meet the right gent with youth, looks and financial security (I think the word is yuppie or eligible batchelor). I have developed feelings for a few escorts too that I used to see regularly but not as intense as dancers and quite short term. Those that I still think about and really miss are all dancers who I spent time with, spanning over years and not any escorts.

 

Over the 10 years that I was seeing dancers (between 1999 and 2008 ) on three occasions I was asked very clearly for a relationship. The one in 1999 was very persistent (we were same age then). On the latest one in 2008, she was pursuing me to move in with me and she was about half my age (and on more than several occasions a fairly clear hint of going to dinner or dance or date to assess possible potential for a relationship).

 

I have never been proposed by an escort though for a relationship (to the best of my memory, on two occasions we went to dinner after our hour date was over and that was the end of it). So, It may be different with escorts as sex is part of the equation or may be they assume that because of their job no one knowingly would be interested in a permanent relationship...., or may be because I am not in my 30's anymore since 2008 (yah entering the middle age 40's ) otherwise who knows.

 

In summary an emotional feeling to be developed between a customer and a dancer or even a client and an escort may not be as far fetched or artificial as you might think based on my personal experience (at least not on my side for sure as I still care and think about all who I had the pleasure). At least not for all SPs (likely for a good majority of SPs you are right on). My 2 cents based on 10 years of seeing a thousand plus dancers and 3 years of experience based on seeing about 200+ escorts lol.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

If we accept that we are all human and carry with us high levels of emotion than it is completely understandable how this can be very difficult. At one end, we hear stories of SPs/Clients falling in love and spending the rest of their lives together. Maybe that only happens in movies but, I have heard of it and I guess need to accept that it is possible. Well if that is possible than it is also easy to see that one side could fall deeply for the other and loose perspective of what the relationship is and where it is at. So could that possibly make it very hard for a client when their favourite SP retires. Absolutely. I guess in the same respect for human emotion an SP could be very bothered if loosing one of her favourite clients. The reality is, an emotional loss at any level is a loss and in the situations that get created in this world it is easy for me to understand how they can be painful.

 

Personally I've come close but I think thusfar have done well at keeping things in perspective. I know I have gone through mini emotional roller coasters in particular when it comes to ladies I've gotten very close to. I'm OK with this and find it somewhat exciting but is certainly true that we need to know where the line is and keep things in perspective. A few months back I had my favourite lady considering leaving the business to pursue a relationship in her private life. In all honesty this was very difficult for me although I think I always held it together. In the end I kinda got over a little emotional hurdle and truly realized that I cared about the lady so much that I wanted what was best for her and even if that meant I would never see her again. I think I had to go through that once just to strengthen my resolve and know that I can.

 

Do I deeply miss those who I've been fortunate enough to spend time with and have decided to move on. Absolutely! But stronger than that feeling of loss is the admiration and hope that they are enjoying life in a new way.

 

Cub

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I think a distinction can be drawn between a favourite lady retiring, and the loss of a friend.

 

Several favourites of mine have retired. That's inevitable, and there's always a personal sense of loss and a feeling of emptiness. Coupled with a sense of happiness and support for the lady, who is usually moving on to something else of importance in her life. Those emotions are all par for the course. That feeling doesn't mean that you've made a mistake, or lost perspective. It also doesn't imply that you didn't understand the rules of the game, or that you didn't draw your boundary lines in the right place. If you're human, you feel it and accept it. The only way of avoiding such feelings completely is if you intentionally and continually hold yourself emotionally shut to the up-side of getting to know other people - which is certainly an understandable and legitimate way of conducting one's self as a client, but it's not for me.

 

The loss of a friend is a whole other dimension. True friendships do develop from time to time in this business. You don't expect them to happen, but sometimes "boom" - there they are. They could be romantic-type friendships, although my own personal experience is with non-romantic-friendships. Sometimes people just click and connect as true friends. The friendship started with the business, but it isn't attached to, or limited by, the business. It crosses over into "real-life".

 

When a true friend retires from the business, I've found there's no sense of loss, because the lost "recreational benefits" turn out, in the end, to be peripheral to the friendship - and the friendship itself, which is what has become important, endures. Of course, it often coincides that the lady is both retiring and moving on to another place or phase of her life, which means the friendship connection can begin to suffer at the same time or later on, either through geographical separation or the fact that the lady is just plain moving on with her life in general. That's when it hurts, big time. No matter how happy you are for your friend's new course in life. As with any lost friendship, there can be no regrets that it existed and flourished for a time. Just cherish the memories of the privilege of having shared a corner of the life of a special person, and the pain of loss slowly subsides and is absorbed into your enduring self. The pain only tells you that you were doing some things right, after all.

[MightyPen 67414]

I've written elsewhere about the value I get from time spent with a good SP. I've found there's a very rewarding relationship level that allows me to enjoy an SP's company, talk openly, share freely, and become genuinely affectionate with each other -- without driving over the cliff of "we're in love!".

 

Let's compare this with psychotherapy. A conventional therapist isn't actually your friend, and is seeing you professionally. But that doesn't mean the person doesn't genuinely care about you, nor does it mean you can't have a valuable personal interaction and learn extremely useful things you carry away with you, and employ in the rest of your normal life.

 

A good SP is like that therapist. The encounter is paid for, but that doesn't mean the interaction is somehow illegitimate or based on deception. You both know the rules and the limits, but there's a lot of rewarding space to explore within those boundaries. You can get close to an SP, and it can be rewarding, yet the relationship can remain professional. The job of a client is to take that experience and carry its lessons and emotional benefits into his broader life.

 

I haven't had any favourite SPs retire, but my dentist has. :) He was a good guy and I'll miss him, but I wish him well in his retirement and I've found another dentist. I think that if I can't see my favourite SP any more, it'll be similar even though the service was a lot more intimate: thanks for everything, good luck in your future, and I'm glad we had the time together that we did. I'll genuinely miss her company, but losing people is part of life... and steadily more common as we grow older.

[mrgreen760 37785]

An interesting topic for sure and one I've thought about quite a bit. I've only ever had one "regular" and when she retired I did find difficult but it was a really good lesson to learn.

 

I had dabbled in the game but hadn't found anyone I was really sympatico with and out of the blue there she was. I saw her for the first time 6 days after the surprising but not entirely unexpected death of my Dad so to say I was a little vunerable would be a gross understatement. He was in his mid-80's and for the couple of years prior to his death I had been his primary care giver and in a lot of ways this became the perfect storm. We hit it off and it kinda became my port in the storm as I dealt with a myriad of details required as the executor of his estate and dispering of the proceeds and getting rid of possesions and on and on. But every 2-3 weeks I could take an hour off and relax and just be me. It was easy to arrange visits and there were no surprises and I was a very easy client no fuss no muss a win/win. It was more than a physical attraction and each time for me anyway was just was better and better. And then poof it was gone. An ideas of staying in contact didn't come to pass and frankly for awhile I was a little lost. I did see a couple of others but my head wasn't into it so I backed off the game and worked on getting my feet and head back on solid ground.

 

Now I have a better/healthier perspective on the game in general and understand the importance of staying in the moment and accepting in the end..... it is what it is no more and no less.

 

I wish only the best for my retired regular she was there during an important time of my life and I hope I was as well. She'll always be a smile on my face that no one else undertands.

 

Peace

MG

[Guest C*****tte]

I haven't had any favourite SPs retire, but my dentist has. :) He was a good guy and I'll miss him, but I wish him well in his retirement and I've found another dentist. I think that if I can't see my favourite SP any more, it'll be similar even though the service was a lot more intimate: thanks for everything, good luck in your future, and I'm glad we had the time together that we did. I'll genuinely miss her company, but losing people is part of life... and steadily more common as we grow older.

 

I am not looking forward to when my dental hygienist retires. I have been seeing her for twenty years and I so trust her. I will make the transition to someone she recommends but my first visit i will be nervous. I fear the pain and my lady never hurts me but others have.

 

When I slow down I will do the same for my regulars - recommend someone I think they will be compatible with and who won't hurt them (by that I mean be a genuine and honest sex professional).

[Winnipegcub 21293]

When I slow down I will do the same for my regulars - recommend someone I think they will be compatible with and who won't hurt them (by that I mean be a genuine and honest sex professional).

 

What a classy lady. No wonder so many admire you. (+me)