The Biz

[CristyCurves 169032]

The last thread I read ,dunn2012's bad decision thread,caused me to think and want to write this thread about my thoughts on the "biz".

Lets face it the "escort","serviceprovider","prostitution" business is controversial,in general society,that is.Ask your average joe or joann what they think about the" biz" ,most won't give positive replies.No matter what your education,looks,lifestyle,if you work or play in the "biz"the average citizen will consider you "less than".Yes there are exceptions,but they are exceptions.Have you ever taken part in discussions to which the"biz" is being discussed?We are always refered to as protitutes or johns,never sp's,escorts,adult entertainers,hobbyists,ect.It's sad but no matter how educated you are,or attractive,quiet living,clean,when it is found out that you make a living in the"biz"most will vilify you,not want to be your friend,won't respect you,rent to you,or even want to live next to you.Even knowing that we are responsible,kind,honest,affluent,

contributing members of society.Why,anyone have a good answer.

[backrubman 64800]

The last thread I read ,dunn2012's bad decision thread,caused me to think and want to write this thread about my thoughts on the "biz".

Lets face it the "escort","serviceprovider","prostitution" business is controversial,in general society,that is.Ask your average joe or joann what they think about the" biz" ,most won't give positive replies.No matter what your education,looks,lifestyle,if you work or play in the "biz"the average citizen will consider you "less than".Yes there are exceptions,but they are exceptions.Have you ever taken part in discussions to which the"biz" is being discussed?We are always refered to as protitutes or johns,never sp's,escorts,adult entertainers,hobbyists,ect.It's sad but no matter how educated you are,or attractive,quiet living,clean,when it is found out that you make a living in the"biz"most will vilify you,not want to be your friend,won't respect you,rent to you,or even want to live next to you.Even knowing that we are responsible,kind,honest,affluent,

contributing members of society.Why,anyone have a good answer.

 

I think I might - a general state of ignorance mostly. Most Canadians think prostitution is illegal, but prostitution is not now, and has never been, illegal in Canada, I think that comes from watching too much American television where it is illegal in most states. The existing prostitution laws in Canada attempt only to control the perceived nuisance of girls hanging around a street corner bothering every passer-by. I once spoke to a girl that had spent two whole years in jail because she propositioned a police officer, of course that was in the US and cruel and unusual punishment as far as I am concerned. Other Canadian laws concentrate on under-age prostitution or forcing someone into this which all should condemn.

 

So the unfortunate reality is that most people I know (who are not in the know) would wrongfully consider it illegal activity (only because they are so poorly informed). Then there are the wives that won't but yet they fear you will, certainly can't get their vote of approval. And finally the religious types, can't get their "public" vote of approval either although you know many of them as they are your clients.

 

The attitudes in many countries in Europe and other parts of the world are very different from North America. Expect attitudes to improve here in the future but ever so slowly.

 

I for one couldn't have more respect, admiration and gratitude for those that choose (by their choice) to be in the "biz". But compared to the "general public" (all informed CERB members excluded of course) I suppose I am the exception.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

I believe the response is different from each sex.

 

For (North American) women, they find the idea of prostitution terrifying because it they have come to use sex as a tool to push their way with their husband (partner, whatever). If a man can simply get sex by paying for it they lose leverage. So extreme is threat that they vilify prostitutes beyond all reason.

 

For men the stigma is more of a macho thing about 'paying for it'. A few men also will have inherited our current social mores against prostitution.

 

The above while simplistic I think strike at two core reasons for the stigma of the 'biz'.

 

One other factor comes to mind in that I observe that 'whore' is often used as the near ultimate insult against a women. I see teenage girls doing this today. A girl may have a few sex partners and suddenly she is a 'whore'. A girl may be perceived as backstabbing a friend and she is called a 'whore'. The name is used completely part from the literal meaning of the word (to me simple a women who is paid for sex). With the word becoming so degenerated a real 'whore' seems to be perceived as something even worse.

[roamingguy 300291]

Good thread Cristy. I think a lot of the negativity surrounding this lifestyle is because of "mainstream" society's ignorance and stereotype about it. The assumptions made is this lifestyle is about guys who are johns, and ladies who are streetwalkers/hookers feeding a drug habit and being pimped out.

If someone was told the reality about the lifestyle, that is is one of mutual respect and mutually beneficial. And an encounter can and is much more than just a simple case of sex for money, and you may even develop friendships in this lifestyle, well people wouldn't believe you. And as a sidebar, there is no lady I would see or have seen that I would be ashamed of being seen in public with. The ladies I have met are just that, ladies.

A quick rambling

RG

[MightyPen 67414]

Oddly enough, it makes me think of the way gypsies were despised in Europe for the longest time, because they had no land to tie them down -- they just travelled and lived as they could. Being without land or a community fixed in one place was contemptible, and this deviation from the narrow-minded norm implied you were unprincipled, irresponsible, and untrustworthy. If you hadn't bought into the prevailing institutions, you were a threat the Order Of Things.

You were shunned and chased out of the area.

 

I think even today, a lot of our prevailing morals have outdated, conservative roots, and come from times when churches held sway, communities were small and struggling, human labour was our primary engine for getting anything done, and Earth Needed People. The relevant old-time attitudes here are:

 

a) making more people is the only legitimate way to spend a life

b) marriage is the solemn institution in which you must perform a)

c) sex is reserved exclusively for marriage in order to gild that particular cage

d) prostitution is a threat to c) as well as b), and must be publicly condemned.

 

So prostitutes, if they were known publicly, got the same treatment as gypsies: condemned, hounded, chased away -- even at the hands of their former clients. After all, we all know how ancient and universal prostitution is; that condemnation I mention in d) is about public display, not private behaviour. But it's a deep-rooted reflex for a lot of people who don't think this stuff through for themselves.

 

Happily we're starting to emerge from that outdated framework. Same-sex marriage is one of the spearheads being driven into the heart of that particular institutionalized view of relationships, and shows the triumph of real-world experience and the tide of public opinion over archaic and fossilized irrational attitudes. I'm optimistic.

[ulixestrojan 3757]

Fear and ignorance. Patriarchy and misogyny. Take your pick.

 

The control of sex is as old as God telling Adam and Eve what they could or could not do.

 

The truth shall set you free. However, freedom is not free or easy.

 

The first thing you do when trying to control another is to reduce their humanity - call them savage, barbarian, john, whore, bitch, tramp or any slew of other terms. Listen to the language.

[loopie 15358]

People resent prostitution because it forces them to confront the illogical, outdated, petty, and repressed attitudes they have about sex, love, family, and relationships. So rather than confront or examine their own ideas, they just bash whatever challenges those beliefs.

 

There is no logical arguement against prostitution.

[ostirch 1668]

I think the marginal and forbidden aspect of "the Biz" is part of its allure. Yes, most people in North-America are critical and express pity, but also at the same time, fascinated with a hint of admiration. It's somewhat of a paradox!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I've caught one of my sisters watching that show "Secret Diary of a Callgirl" and she likes it! But she does not approve of prostitution and would never do it so what the media portrays is all part of the allure. I'm sure secretly she would like to know what it's like to be a hooker yet society's acceptable moral codes stops her from doing this. People are intrigued by what society forbids but it is all part of their dirty little secrets and the hypocrisy involved. I.E. Any tele-evangelist involved with a male or female prostitute.

[Guest]

I think that those who do not participate in this hobby are still clinging to old stereotypes. One of the stereotypes would be that hookers are hopeless and that they have substance abuse problems. They see us as victims and they do not want to see strong intelligent woman or men. They do not want to imagine their own children taking part in this. Fear of accepting and enjoying our sexuality stems from many different experiences in our community. Let alone giving and receiving money. I think the most taboo part in this generation is the exchange of money it self, not the act. Since people do not want to take the time to understand this they victimize us and put us in unnecessary categories.

 

Instead of clinging to the negative beliefs of others we should take a stand in what we believe in. We should find this cleansing and liberating. If the people around you are judgmental and unsporting it is best to spend limited time with them, although doing is easier said than done. It is hard to live a double life and keep secrets from the ones you love. Which many in this industry have to do. I hope that one day escorts will be looked at in the same light as lets say a banker is. Remember that fighting for your rights is not always the easiest thing to do. Take a look back at when women wanted to vote and when the black community wanted rights.

 

For now we are tucked away in our own little corners and we play nice to stay out of trouble. It would be so nice to openly say I'm a professional escort and have pride that (not one day soon, tho)

[roamingguy 300291]

I think that those who do not participate in this hobby are still clinging to old stereotypes. One of the stereotypes would be that hookers are hopeless and that they have substance abuse problems. They see us as victims and they do not want to see strong intelligent woman or men. They do not want to imagine their own children taking part in this. Fear of accepting and enjoying our sexuality stems from many different experiences in our community. Let alone giving and receiving money. I think the most taboo part in this generation is the exchange of money it self, not the act. Since people do not want to take the time to understand this they victimize us and put us in unnecessary categories.

 

Instead of clinging to the negative beliefs of others we should take a stand in what we believe in. We should find this cleansing and liberating. If the people around you are judgmental and unsporting it is best to spend limited time with them, although doing is easier said than done. It is hard to live a double life and keep secrets from the ones you love. Which many in this industry have to do. I hope that one day escorts will be looked at in the same light as lets say a banker is. Remember that fighting for your rights is not always the easiest thing to do. Take a look back at when women wanted to vote and when the black community wanted rights.

 

For now we are tucked away in our own little corners and we play nice to stay out of trouble. It would be so nice to openly say I'm a professional escort and have pride that (not one day soon, tho)

 

And in the same vein, it would be great not only if escorts were looked at in the same light as a banker, or other professional, but that guys weren't looked at as johns cruising up and down the street looking to "get off", but were in fact looked at as gentlemen, who have and do treat the ladies they see with respect. And that this lifestyle isn't an exploitive one, it is in fact mutually beneficial.

RG

[backrubman 64800]

And in the same vein, it would be great not only if escorts were looked at in the same light as a banker, or other professional, but that guys weren't looked at as johns cruising up and down the street looking to "get off", but were in fact looked at as gentlemen, who have and treated the ladies they see with respect. And that this lifestyle isn't an exploitive one, it is in fact mutually beneficial.

RG

 

And it is a "North American" problem that will change slowly in the fullness of time. In many counties, working girls are just that and not viewed any different than any girl that works at any job and their customers are not looked down upon either. I haven't done it, but I've been there and seen it for myself many times; in many counties asking the hotel front desk staff for directions to the nearest brothel would raise no more eyebrows than if you asked them were the nearest store was to buy a pack of cigarettes. Often (routinely) the concierge at the hotel in these countries has asked me if I'd like them to arrange company for the evening as casually as they ask if I want them to summon a taxi for me.

 

The brothels in Vienna are under capacity at this time so they are helping the homeless as the weather is so cold.

http://austriantimes.at/news/General_News/2012-02-09/39376/Brothel_for_the_homeless_in_Vienna

 

The "North American" attitudes will go away and change as surely as racial segregation did but like that did, it will take time but just as sure to happen. Eventually people will have more enlightened attitudes.

 

Pretty backwards to me, the worlds oldest profession isn't going away, ever (thanks goodness) and CERB brings us a step closer; without criticizing anyone CERB puts those that would continue to give the "biz" a bad name out of business.

[castle 38816]

Two words. "Ignorance" and "stereotypes"

 

Like with so many other things in life, be it religion, race, sexual orientations, .....ignorance fuels stereotypes. And stereotypes solidify ignorance. It's a vicious circle.

[roamingguy 300291]

Two words. "Ignorance" and "stereotypes"

 

Like with so many other things in life, be it religion, race, sexual orientations, .....ignorance fuels stereotypes. And stereotypes solidify ignorance. It's a vicious circle.

 

Unfortunately your right. And part of ignorance and stereotyping is labelling.

Instead (and I'll use this lifestyle as an example) of ladies being referred to as ladies, terms such as whore, hooker, streetwalker, and prostitute are used. And guys, well referred to as johns. What does this have to do with anything. Well labelling allows for dehumanizing and marginalizing people, and not just society in general, but also police for example.

This isn't minor btw. Why do you think it took so long, for example, to apprehend Picton. Because the mentality was that "it's only prostitutes", as if they were less than human." The police weren't looking to protect women, someone's daughter, mother, sister etc...the mindset was that these ladies were less worthy of police protection than mainstream society.

And as a sidenote since entering this lifestyle seeing with my first encounter in July 2010, all I have met (even the four bad encounters) are ladies. I have yet to meet a hooker, whore, prostitute, or streetwalker

A rambling

RG

[ostirch 1668]

Well labelling allows for dehumanizing and marginalizing people, and not just society in general, but also police for example.

 

Maybe stereotypes are slowly changing. If a national scientific survey were to ask the following:

 

You are requested on an emergency and need to leave your children for a couple of hours. You have the choice of leaving them with

 

-A catholic priest;

-A male boy-scout leader;

-An independent gay male escort;

-Or an admitted hobbyist.

 

I wonder which choice would garnish the most votes?

[Lauren Lewis 1148]

It breaks down to a very small marginal of statistics.

[drlove 37202]

I don't know why so many stereotypes still persist; it's quite unfortunate. I encountered it recently with my ex-girlfriend. She told me that she was a former escort, and I thought it would be nice to lay my cards on the table and have a clean slate all around. I thought she of all people would be understanding about my having been a hobbyist due to her involvement in the industry. Alas, it was not to be. She was the one who judged me, even after I had treated her like a queen. It was akin to the pot calling the kettle black, and signaled the beginning of the end for us.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

I don't know why so many stereotypes still persist; it's quite unfortunate...

 

If I go back a few years ago, before I made the decision to become a paid companion, I can tell you that I was full of prejudice towards this industry. Why? Because of the limited exposure I had and not because I was/am narrow minded.

I just didn't know better.

 

It is quite difficult to have a positive outlook on the industry when all you see in public are street walkers (some with a drug addiction) who try to solicitate people walking by. It's also another thing when all you hear about prostitution includes pimps, drugs, exploitation, human trafficking and so on.

 

Where and how does one get an education about the industry if they have no real interest in becoming a consumer

or a service provider?? You don't even give it a second though and accept what you think you already know.

 

We are then left with morals which society imposes on us (tries to), what we learn from the media and sometimes

movies- and other negative sources- and we create our own opinion about the ones who decide to partake in the lifestyle that way.

 

Can we blame the main stream population for being ignorant or misguided? I think not. They just don't know better the same way I didn't... Do I wish those stereotypes disappeared? Definitely!

 

 

Additional comments:

I hope that made sense as I found it difficult to express my point of view ;)

[VexingVixen 2519]

I like Gabriella, was not educated about sex work until university, and it really is a different world than I had been taught to understand.

 

They call me a Hooker or Whore? No. I am a Companion. A Haven. I provide the ultimate in personal services. Many clients are looking beyond just a shag now, and into ... a girlfriend, a playmate.

 

I love my job, because I make people smile, and feel better for a time. I am compensated for the happiness consultation we had. It's poetic no? We are therapists in a way.

 

Muddled late night thoughts ;)