Sex tutor is there a need?

[someguy 67067]

Hi question to guy and girls out there.

 

I made a suggestion to a friend of mine who is a SP.

I thought that she should offer Sex Instructions as part of her service.

 

I thought she could teach guys how to please a woman. How to do DATY properly. New positions, what women really want.

 

She could teach women how to please men. how to do a proper blowjob.

 

she could answer questions for both. Or she could instruct couples on how to have better sex.

 

Do you think this service would be of interest to people.

It's kind of like a sex therapist with hands on participation.

I thought that this would be a niche market.

 

Any opinions on whether this is a good idea?

[loopie 15358]

I'm sure there's a market for this sort of thing, but I'm not really sure what one would learn from it. I mean, besides the basics such as 'Chapter 1: Locating Your Own Penis' etc.

 

The thing is everybody's different. A sex tutor might teach a man what makes her happy, but that might not be the same thing as what that man's wife wants. So I think what's best is to learn to articulate your sexual preferences, not feel ashamed of them, and not feel like you're being criticized when your partner makes suggestions.

[xPetitex 100]

I'm sure all guys want to please their women. But as far as this topic goes, it's unnecessary worries guys. It's not rocket science. There are certain things that turn most woman on but it also varies from women to women. I think exploring together is more fun than " learning it from the books" sort to speak. Just ask what she likes. Sometimes the response can be arousing. " Kiss me... there... "

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Venus Envy offers workshops (located in Halifax and Ottawa). They are quite popular. Also, you can find tutorials online pretty easily.

Posted via Mobile Device

[backrubman 64800]

Hi question to guy and girls out there.

I made a suggestion to a friend of mine who is a SP.

I thought that she should offer Sex Instructions as part of her service.

I thought she could teach guys how to please a woman. How to do DATY properly. New positions, what women really want.

She could teach women how to please men. how to do a proper blowjob.

she could answer questions for both. Or she could instruct couples on how to have better sex.

Do you think this service would be of interest to people.

It's kind of like a sex therapist with hands on participation.

I thought that this would be a niche market.

Any opinions on whether this is a good idea?

 

Well there are a lot of SPs that advertise that they will see couples, but in this circumstance I'm not sure it's ever in any kind or much of a teaching capacity and have to agree with loopie, can't see it being too useful for that purpose. Of course there are couples out there that are both completely clueless but it seems they are also the least likely to invite and SP into the bedroom and in such a circumstance there are many hazards to be avoided, seems someone always gets their feelings hurt unless these hazards are handled properly in advance.

 

But if we consider the single guy (might even have a girlfriend) that is still a virgin (or feels he has no skills and therefore no confidence) and is almost locked into staying that way due to a total or almost total lack of experience (rarer these days I know as most teens become sexually active but some adult virgins do exist) I think the discreetness (no kiss and tell), patience (she's in no hurry if you book a 4 or 5 hour appointment), acceptance (SPs don't judge you in any way if you are a gentleman) and obvious experience of a well rated SP could be my prescription for such a condition.

 

Such a nervous sole would only have to book a lengthy appointment, be honest up front and let the lady show him the way. Oh to be a virgin again...

 

I remember it like it was yesterday, although it was far from being yesterday, and she wasn't an SP but I did confess my virginity and the instant I did it was like a powerful, fast acting illicit drug had been administered to her and she became really excited. She warned me I would never forget her and it was so true, I never have and she was so fascinated and excited to show me the way she gave me many lessons. That wonderful girl transformed me in a week from being a virgin to having a lot of confidence. I know the experience was very much enjoyed by her as well to get exactly what she wanted, when and how she wanted it (thus the multiple lessons) :)

 

I also think SPs are tutors without even knowing it (or thinking about it a lot of the time) as I've never met two women that were the same so with each experience we do learn and hone our skills on how to navigate and read our partner.

 

So I'm not sure there is a big market for this and I think in some ways, they are doing this either knowingly or unknowingly all the time, of course there are always exceptions to everything. I'm sure some of ladies can add some insight to this.

[bylogger 136]

I think the idea is very good. Maybe even important. Most of us learn through trial and error, which can be fun, and can also be embarrassing. We end up knowing what we know. But we do not know the things we don't know, a sort of sexual or relationship aphasia.

 

Yes, the exploration with partners certainly helps. But that does not mean we cannot learn more. I would suggest that many of the members on this site (was that a pun?) have a wider range of experiences than those who do not explore.

 

As an example, Berlin recently posted from an SP's perspective about the physical interaction during a date, explaining (to paraphrase) that the best cars have many gears other than race, and that includes park. That tells me that we can all continue to learn.

 

I will state my bias, and suggest that information/instruction is certainly needed when we are young (in age or experience - whichever comes first). But as a hobbiest I would expect that like any "expert" there is a constant curiosity to develop one's skill and knowledge.

 

Hmm, the next poly might turn into a hands-on workshop?

[someguy 67067]

I meant that if this sex tutoring was listed as one of the service offerings. Do you think Men and Women would be interested. I know most SP's would do this if asked. But if it was listed, then people would be more likely to ask for help.

I think most men who would like to be better lovers, would like to know from a woman's point of view if they are making love correctly. Some men may have been doing things wrong the whole time, since their wife or lovers were too embarrassed to tell them. Same with women or girls who are inexperience. They could learn techniques that SP's know to make sex more interesting.

[Athos 108589]

 

She could teach women how to please men. how to do a proper blowjob.

 

 

I can just imagine the conversation.

 

Him: "hon, I want to talk to you about your blow jobs ... They suck, and not the way they're supposed to"

 

Her [frostily]: "really... Well I don't have to do it if they are that horrible for you"

 

Him: "no, no sweetie, I was thinking of a way you could improve"

 

Her: "really?"

 

Him: "yeah, you need a little sex education, sort of like blow job boot camp. We'll go to my favorite escort, and she'll blow me and give you step by step instructions on what I like. Then you can try"

 

Her [yelling as door slams]: "my lawyer will be in touch ... He's not going to suck your dick, but I'm sure he'll leave you feeling totally fucked over".

[backrubman 64800]

I can just imagine the conversation....

 

LOL. But seriously, before my wife became disabled (and unable), she suggested (her idea) we might like to someday soon have a professional lady join us; wasn't for educational purposes at all. We even openly discussed all the possible hazards and researched how this kind of encounter can go astray.

 

Guess it's a shame (or a blessing) we never did get around to it before it was to late. Now I'll never know :)

 

I proudly wear my wedding band in honour of my dear wife I shall forever love.

 

I do hope the SPs realize that they are a tremendous help and comfort to us married clients and have probably saved many marriages. Thank you ladies for everything you do and doing what you do. I am so glad you ladies are around.

[fortunateone 156618]

I can just imagine the conversation.

 

Him: "hon, I want to talk to you about your blow jobs ... They suck, and not the way they're supposed to"

 

Her [frostily]: "really... Well I don't have to do it if they are that horrible for you"

 

Him: "no, no sweetie, I was thinking of a way you could improve"

 

Her: "really?"

 

Him: "yeah, you need a little sex education, sort of like blow job boot camp. We'll go to my favorite escort, and she'll blow me and give you step by step instructions on what I like. Then you can try"

 

Her [yelling as door slams]: "my lawyer will be in touch ... He's not going to suck your dick, but I'm sure he'll leave you feeling totally fucked over".

 

 

 

I can now say that I have heard everything, because last week someone called me up specifically saying this is what he had in mind. He saw I advertise 'women welcome' which men men interpret as 'couples welcome", which is not correct. He figures I would be willing to teach her to do bjs.

 

I told him if he ever wanted a bj, or sex in general, from his wife in his lifetime again, he had better not take her to an sp thinking it is a 3some, and telling her it was sex ed for her poor bj skills.

 

Additional Comments:

I meant that if this sex tutoring was listed as one of the service offerings. Do you think Men and Women would be interested. I know most SP's would do this if asked. But if it was listed, then people would be more likely to ask for help.

I think most men who would like to be better lovers, would like to know from a woman's point of view if they are making love correctly. Some men may have been doing things wrong the whole time, since their wife or lovers were too embarrassed to tell them. Same with women or girls who are inexperience. They could learn techniques that SP's know to make sex more interesting.

 

 

You might be happy to know that a lot of guys who do come to see sps feel very comfortable asking for instructions. I think the nature of these encounters, different from dating or the lack of communication in relationships, people can open up to simply asking about techniques or ideas. Even the embarrassment of PE or ED can be dealt with much more comfortably seeing an sp rather than avoiding contact with other women because of these issues.

 

It opens up a lot of opportunity for dialogue, and most sps do not advertise instruction as a service, yet do it often.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

My experience is the sames as fortunateone's. Many men do ask for information, instructions, opportunities to try something new with someone who won't judge them and who will be dedicated to creating a mutually satisfying experience.

 

But if you're interested in lessons, instead of inviting your partner to see a paid companion, check out what's going on at some the better adult toy stores in your area. I know that many of them offer workshops, events and evenings for women, men and couples on everything from oral techniques to toys to kinky games. My experience has been that these are fantastic, positive events where everyone of every level of experience will learn new things and have a great time.

[backrubman 64800]

My experience is the sames as fortunateone's. Many men do ask for information, instructions, opportunities to try something new with someone who won't judge them and who will be dedicated to creating a mutually satisfying experience.

 

But if you're interested in lessons, instead of inviting your partner to see a paid companion, check out what's going on at some the better adult toy stores in your area. I know that many of them offer workshops, events and evenings for women, men and couples on everything from oral techniques to toys to kinky games. My experience has been that these are fantastic, positive events where everyone of every level of experience will learn new things and have a great time.

 

That is excellent advice Samantha (provided is is available in your area and the other partner is willing) but still might be of limited or no help if I understand the question and I am now extrapolating a little in an attempt to do so.

 

Perhaps back to the core of the question (if I am reading it right), it may stem from the fact that there seem to a lot of couples who are poorly matched specifically in relation to the sexual goals, desires or inhibitions of one partner versus the another. I have heard this from the SPs, the client comes to them because their wife won't do this or that and isn't willing to try or even entertain the possibility and they are frustrated by this.

 

Girls talk more openly among themselves about this kind of thing but alas the guys do also (after enough alcohol and some bonding on a fishing or hunting trip). One complaint I hear of from some of my close guy friends is something to the effect of "my wife won't give me a BJ, sob, sob" (I'll use that as but one example for the purposes of discussion) and they usually know why this is so also. I truly don't know what to say to that (as a suggestion) when it is told to me in confidence, wish I did. So I usually say "Hmmm, why is that?" Given the reasons they typically state I don't have any easy answers for them (aside from divorce and finding a new less inhibited wife which isn't helpful).

 

I've never had this specific problem with my partner nor does this (or any) particular activity seem "all important" to me like it does to some of my friends (and I tend not to ask for this or anything specific during my time with an SP but they have their own ideas as to what I want) but over the years I have encountered some inhibited partners who either responded to very gentle encouragement and were pleased they did or I just left it alone.

 

But while this isn't "all important" to me, I can accept that it is all important to someone else and one phenomenon I have noticed is that some of the "professional" ladies are so very skilled at this (using this particular example) and so much so that the male brain simply isn't prepared for such a mind blowing experience (when delivered with such skill which I have to assume comes from either experience or natural ability and perhaps a combination of the two). I have no idea how a gentleman can turn his partner into a skilled professional like this or how she can acquire the same skills in any other way than such a lady that would posses such incredible skills did :)

 

So I don't think the SPs can help directly with this.

[NotchJohnson 214069]

When reading the OP's title the first thing that came to mind was, why?

To have good sex with a partner one must know what pleases himself/herself first and must communicate it with his/her partner. If you are in a serious relationship and love each other you will not take it as insulting when your partner tells you "I enjoy when you lick the tip of my penis" or "do not insert your fingers in too deep, it hurts when you do that".

 

Just listen to what the other as to say and follow instructions. Keep in mind that everyone is different what pleases one may not please the other.

 

To answer your question is a Sex tutor needed? not for me, but maybe to some its needed but only to learn how to listen to their partner(s).

[Carrie Moon 68826]

As Fortunateone and Samantha already said... it does happen often. I see a lot of younger guys and even sometimes virgins simply because many other sp's don't want to bother with them and I don't mind doing a little teaching. I relish being the one they'll remember as their 'tutor' down the road in life.

 

As for wives who don't know how to give head or don't want to.. I encourage husbands to try flavored condoms as a treat if the wife is interested.. and if it's just technique to watch good* porn. That's how I learned.

 

*plenty of porn is not good or realistic in my opinion.

 

Nina Hartley has a great instructional video on giving head! FYI

[mrrnice2 157005]

 

Just listen to what the other as to say and follow instructions. Keep in mind that everyone is different what pleases one may not please the other.

quote]

 

Everyone IS different, and once I started into this hobby it took me no time to discover this. What were sure fired guaranteed techniques and actions that would always give orgasms to my wife were not necessarily things that, much to my dismay, worked for a different woman. That was of course what thirty seven years with one partner taught us.

 

In terms of an SP being a tutor then, I would very much appreciate being guided and steered towards specific areas/techniques that they enjoy.

 

I am hoping for dear life that it will not take me thirty seven years to get good at this again! :)

[backrubman 64800]

Everyone IS different, and once I started into this hobby it took me no time to discover this. What were sure fired guaranteed techniques and actions that would always give orgasms to my wife were not necessarily things that, much to my dismay, worked for a different woman. That was of course what thirty seven years with one partner taught us.

In terms of an SP being a tutor then, I would very much appreciate being guided and steered towards specific areas/techniques that they enjoy.

I am hoping for dear life that it will not take me thirty seven years to get good at this again! :)

 

I think you have touched on something that probably shouldn't be said but I think needs to be said, but then I am fearless and stupid :)

 

To us nice guys, true gentlemen, whatever label one might apply, it is (for me at least, and I wonder if others feel that way?) not about me or my pleasure but the whole over-all experience and you are very right about women being different. If it is someone I haven't seen before and gotten to know and the lady isn't engaged, doesn't communicate what she wants and how she wants it, at least for me it isn't a "real" experience and quite frankly if she'd rather be somewhere else and gives off that vibe, then I'd definitely rather be somewhere else and will be in short order. I'm a very gentle person but maybe she likes it rough, some do. Yeah, I can do that too but I can't read your mind.

 

I have no problem with my confidence and know I am pretty skilled but if you are so poor at communication and the art of seduction that you have to give me just one fake moan -- I dare you. I'll politely scold you, get dressed and I'm out of there, never to repeat. I'd rather be honestly warned by the lady she had already seen a few too many clients that day before me, even silence would be more respectful than "fake". Happened only once in many encounters, will not repeat with this lady (sorry if you are reading this dear as you know who you are) :)

 

I wasn't expecting to rock her world (unless she wanted me to) but I do think I have a right to honesty.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I don't see why it wouldn't be worth a try for ladies who particularly enjoy the tutoring/guidance aspect to gear some of their advertising/promotion towards potential clients who may be interested in the same thing.

 

I'm pretty old and set in my ways, but even so - for anything to be truly fun in life, there has to be a wee bit of learning that accompanies it, anyway!

[mrrnice2 157005]

I think you have touched on something that probably shouldn't be said but I think needs to be said, but then I am fearless and stupid :)

 

To us nice guys, true gentlemen, whatever label one might apply, it is (for me at least, and I wonder if others feel that way?) not about me or my pleasure but the whole over-all experience and you are very right about women being different. If it is someone I haven't seen before and gotten to know and the lady isn't engaged, doesn't communicate what she wants and how she wants it, at least for me it isn't a "real" experience and quite frankly if she'd rather be somewhere else and gives off that vibe, then I'd definitely rather be somewhere else and will be in short order. I'm a very gentle person but maybe she likes it rough, some do. Yeah, I can do that too but I can't read your mind.

 

I have no problem with my confidence and know I am pretty skilled but if you are so poor at communication and the art of seduction that you have to give me just one fake moan -- I dare you. I'll politely scold you, get dressed and I'm out of there, never to repeat. I'd rather be honestly warned by the lady she had already seen a few too many clients that day before me, even silence would be more respectful than "fake". Happened only once in many encounters, will not repeat with this lady (sorry if you are reading this dear as you know who you are) :)

 

I wasn't expecting to rock her world (unless she wanted me to) but I do think I have a right to honesty.

 

Interesting take on what I wrote, however my major point in it was that it was a great self revelation, as silly as that is to have not understood it previously, that women are all different in the way that each has their own individual little buttons and turnons. I was pretty dumb not to have understood that going into this. I am a slow learner but a lifelong learner indeed and I now quite look forward to learning as I go along.

 

I guess what I want to say is that the SP's that I have met for the most part have been tutors for me, and that the confidence that they show by doing so is much appreciated and enjoyed by me. A woman confident and comfortable with her sexuality is a major turn on for me.

 

It's all good. :)

[backrubman 64800]

Interesting take on what I wrote, however my major point in it was that it was a great self revelation

 

I'm sorry that you thought that was my take on what you wrote. No, no, no.... my fault entirely for being too subtle. I only said you "touched" on something and then proceeded with my fearless and stupid rant :) Because of course when you said:

 

What were sure fired guaranteed techniques and actions that would always give orgasms to my wife were not necessarily things that, much to my dismay, worked for a different woman

 

It reminded me of, and made me question, well just how was he suppose to know without being a mind reader or some communication (verbal or otherwise)? and it seems your experiences are very similar to mine when you say:

 

...the SP's that I have met for the most part have been tutors for me...

 

with notable exceptions :) Please don't take offense, sometimes something reminds me of something else and then I go off on a tangent, the curse of a complex and runaway mind.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

There is no sure-fire way to get a woman to respond. There's no guaranteed way to get her interested in doing something she hasn't done before or found unpleasant when she tried. The only way to have a likelihood of success is to abandon goals, measures of success and pressure of any type. Talk to her about what you like, what feels good to you, whether she's doing it to you or you're doing it to her. Lots of, "that feels good," and "I love how it feels to do this to you," will not go amiss. Encourage gentle, playful exploration.

 

In the bedroom, be sure never to say a single critical, negative or disappointed thing about anything she does, how she looks, what she's wearing or her mood. Give positive feedback only. Be enthusiastic and engaged. If you do need to give some negative feedback or make a complaint, save it for a time when you're both dressed, in a good mood and not in the bedroom! Extend your range of intimate activities outside the bedroom, too. Do the vacuuming, laundry and the dinner dishes half the time or more! :icon_wink:

[Maverick 2873]

But if we consider the single guy (might even have a girlfriend) that is still a virgin (or feels he has no skills and therefore no confidence) and is almost locked into staying that way due to a total or almost total lack of experience (rarer these days I know as most teens become sexually active but some adult virgins do exist) I think the discreetness (no kiss and tell), patience (she's in no hurry if you book a 4 or 5 hour appointment), acceptance (SPs don't judge you in any way if you are a gentleman) and obvious experience of a well rated SP could be my prescription for such a condition.

Could not have said it better myself.

[Rassilon 982]

Chapter 1: Locating Your Own Penis

 

Step One: Make sure you are male. If you are not, skip to Chapter Two: How to See a Man Naked.

 

Step Two: Ask your partner to undress.

 

Step Three: Trace back where all your thought processes are coming from. There you go.

 

Chapter Two: How to See a Man Naked

 

Step One: Make sure you are female. If you are not simply locate a mirror and dispense with the next steps.

 

Step Two: Find a man.

 

Step Three: Ask, offer beer or wait long enough.

 

 

Sorry, I do not know why I did not put more effort into resisting typing that.

 

I almost every time ask the SP I am with for what I call "coaching". While we are physical I want to make it clear that if she wants me to do something specific or if there is way to make what I am doing more pleasurable for her to mention it. Every time the reply was a giggle in a "it's OK, don't worry about it, amateur I have this under control" tone. Have no idea if this is good or bad. Regardless I try.

 

In a way any time the sex is improved because you communicated well with the SP with you are with you are getting some lessons even if they do not necessarily apply to all women you will be with.

[NotchJohnson 214069]

http://youtu.be/geH3UFgINVQ

[someguy 67067]

Hi.

So far nice discussion and answers about this topic. But I originally meant that if this service was added to an SP's ad. Would Men or Women be interested. I didn't mean that a husband would send his wife for more training:).

Some who was shy and afraid to ask questions would see this service offer and would be more willing to ask for it or ask questions if they knew that it offered.

 

if the SP was an ex dancer, she could offer stripping lessons or private pole dancing.

 

Or even coach a beginner SP, tips of the trade, marketing, protection, safety and so on.

 

With her experience she could offer mentoring to help in several situations based on her life experiences.

 

What do you think?

[someguy 67067]

Just wanted to see if anyone had any opinions on this subject?