Reputations, Image and Mainstream Society

[Seymour 3970]

What would be the repercussions if spouse, family, children, neighbors, employers etc. came to be aware of your participation in this 'hobby'?

It is probably a sensitive topic, some may not care about being 'discovered' and for others it is likely better kept a secret. Perhaps some members may not wish to weigh in, and for the others, thanks in advance for your input. I tried to word the question to get feedback from both providers and clients.

[spud271 47779]

Personally I don't really care what anyone thinks about me being involved with this hobby. Most people have a secret in their closet that they don't want let out, so judging others would be very hypocritical. Myself, I don't want the restrictions of a relationship and enjoy meeting new women as much as possible. That is why I'm a hobbyiest, and that is why I am not concerned in any way, shape or form as to what others think of myself and how I conduct my life.

[Guest i***k***]

It would impact my career in a negative way that's for sure but I wouldn't be terribly concerned if my family or friends out out though.

[antlerman 17064]

as a judge from the Supreme Court of Canada....it would be devistating.................total loss of family ...career...and life style......

 

ok...so I am not a judge...but the end result would be pretty close to the same:-|

[d*mm*y 887]

I did have a slip up a few years ago and lost a client over it, not a cool thing. I it is difficult walking this tight rope. Funny thing is I have found other professionals in my career doing the same thing? And I am not willing to breach the subject I just keep it to myself but some of these guys are not careful at all!!

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

For me personally, awareness would not likely bring any serious repercussions. But, as Shakespeare once made Hamlet say, "Conscience doth make cowards of us all" (well, a coward of me, at least).

 

1) I have no SO.

2) I am retired, so have no employer.

 

3) My family have for decades now generally considered me to be a Black Sheep (every family needs one!). My flaw from their perspective is not any one thing in particular that I have done, but rather what I have not done. We all grew up with little money in my family. This seems to have spurred my siblings on in their lives to be money-driven. I, on the other hand, the youngest and least ambitious, was always content to remain in a (comparatively) low-liquidity lifestyle. Although the Protestant work ethic served me well in my decades masquerading as a "productive" member of society (and also in building a bankroll for several hobbies), my consistently unhurried attitude never really cut it with my siblings. (And believe me, I am not about to hurry up now that I'm retired!) So, any public exposure of myself as a hobbiest would only confirm the already entrenched opinion of my family that I'm a ne'er-do-well -- and would change nothing with them.

 

4) My truly closest friends remember my high school and university days (so long ago), when, paradoxically, my straight-laced Protestant upbringing (compounded by an almost pathological shyness) made me the "White Sheep". I am sure my friends would be delighted to discover at this late date that one of my hobbies is not entirely mainstream, and would fully approve of it. However, although we I have spent many hours over our lifetimes in (relatively tame) "disreputable" activities together, they have also long been married, and their wives have almost all become as close friends to me as they are. So, on those occasions when the subject of escorts has happened to come up in our conversations, my reaction has always been to clam up tight as a drum. Since they appear not to be hobbying, I would die of guilt if anything I said on the subject to them happened to tip their theoretical interest in it over the edge, and they took hobbying up on a practical basis themselves. Were that to happen, I would feel I had been instrumental in abetting the betrayal of their wives, who are also now my close and long-time friends themselves. So ... while I am confident that I would face no direct disapproval from my friends if my hobbying was revealed, my overactive conscience still makes a hypocrite of me in the end.

[Guest ***ie**e K****t]

Well since i never really post in discussions or anything thought i would give it a try on this one. This discussion seems to tickle my fancy a bit, seeing as im open with it now but wasnt before.

Before i start i would like everyone to know that from the start...

I wanted it a secret!!

 

WHen i first came a Sp, i mean i was young, not into this kind of industry. I had a girlfriend who is a great SP now, on here actually, that first got me started. Alot of you know who she is.

 

At the start i was nervous about people finding out. My rep, what family and friends thought, my emotions in a whole, what happens if my boyfriend at the time found out, etc... :wink: When everything was coming into play and everyone was finding out, i found that alot of people that were my friends, and the ones close enough to be my family, were turning their heads. Everyone was looking at me different, and i mean for them to say they are my friends... the true colours deffiantly came out! NOt only were they turning their heads and i could tell, they were still be friending me. I found that i di1dnt even have a care in the world what they would think, because i knew they were fake. I mean i guess i wasnt the smartest friend chooser when i grew up because i should have alot of friends still. my friends were taking it to sit on their "high Horse"... "I got an escort as a friend" "lets prank and see what shes doing tonight... prices..etc etc.." Totally a kid thing. Then eventually i was realizing that they werent friends and all they wanted was money, drugs, sex, ... the things that SOME people think of when they think of this life(like my mom lol) Which is completely untrue!!! When you are in this industry, personnally in my opinion you dont GET good friends, the ones you have are the ones that will be there, you got people that want to flaunt your business, talk about you to the extreme, ignorent stuff! Dont get me wrong though i do have 5 great friends and i enjoy every minute of there time and i wouldnt give them up for the world!! Its deffantly hard to be in this business and not have people find out. Like everyone said this is a hobby for some of all ages! Someone is going to talk. Some cities arent as small as Ottawa, but what i can say for Ottawa is its so small and everyone knows everyone. Family on the other hand... My mom used to think this of me for along time! well didnt i prove her wrong lol... not as soon as she thought though, i still wont tell her and its hard when family comes into play! Moneys coming from everywhere.. they dont know.. i mean i just turned 21 so to have alot of money at this time for my OLD SCHOOL parents its a big deal! straight guess of prositution. Im adopted to so that impacts it alot, another complete family that im trying to keep away from this topic. All in all for me it was my self esteem... when it was low i cared what everyone thought.. NOW i could care less, but i wish it would have stayed quiet..

 

For the end of my ranting I think that people just need to learn to mind their business, personnally if a girl wants to do this then no one should judge, thats why they make the age 18! Hopefully by then you are mature enough to make your own decision and if you arent then you shouldnt be in this industry. This is not a job to be wasting your time neither someone elses. And for the girls that are trying to keep it on the DL.? let me know how you did it! lol cause it didnt work well for me!

Sorry if anyone thinks that this is completely wrong ... its my experiences and opinion. if it offends anyone its not personnal!

[d*mm*y 887]

Thanks 69Nikki69 that was a great post, it really gave a glimpse of you and clearly came from what you are feeling. I applaud your courage. Oh and here is a little rep for you :)

[buggernot 588]

I have shared my endeavours with a few friends - male and female - that I knew would not judge or look upon it unfavourably. No problems there at all but like I said, I knew they would be cool. I've had some admissions of them doing the same, friendly jealousy that I had the cash/time to do it, and also curiosity into what it's like from an unknowing perspective.

 

However, most people I would prefer not to know purely because of the negative stigma from an understandable ignorance. If it were family members, I could deal with it because I could explain it from my perspective and really, I only care so much what they think. My parents disapprove about most everything in general anyways, and I've learned to be apathetic to their closed mindedness. I think I'd be more concerned about all my friends knowing because I know that there will be a few here and there making jokes behind my back like the typical, "can't get laid without paying for it" bullshit. But again, it wouldn't impact how they feel about me as a person, so that would be tolerable as well.

 

Now work....well, this is the govt town of Ottawa where too many people have a bug up their ass about anything off the beaten path. It might not affect me professionally if word got out because chatter like that can be dismissed as rumour, but it definitely would not help either.

 

One thing I will say is that I wouldn't have a problem if someone I knew couldn't understand why I do this. I had my own preconceived notions about the industry based on ignorance before I got involved, so that would be grossly hypocritical of me to judge those that don't/won't/can't understand.

 

And after reading Nikki's post, this topic makes me think that - while not on the same level - this is similar to someone coming out of the closet with being homosexual. You discover who your true friends are because it's you they care about, not how you live your life and whether or not they agree with it.

[Fumble Fingerz 120]

Ottawa is a pretty small city. On a number of occasions, over the years, I have run across friends, co-workers and past co-workers in the company of an SP who is known to me. All of these people have family and there have been time when I have caught their eye. I know who they were with, but do they know that I know who they were with? I value discretion immensely even though I'm in a less than loving relationship with my wife and am primarily self-employed as an independent contractor in my field and as a part-time musician. Some of my clients would raise an eyebrow. Some would care less. Others would have a melt-down. So even if I were single, there would be some fallout or ramifications of some sort workwise perhaps, but nothing I couldn't handle really. I prefer to be discrete and live and let live.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I have been exceptionally fortunate to have both a primary and secondary partner who are aware of my choice of job, and who fully support and encourage me. As well, my mom knows about what I do and she also supports me.

 

I'm out to everyone but my father and sister. I'm open in general about being an escort. I'm not ashamed of it and I think that it needs to be more out in the open and not this hush-hush thing that no one talks about.

 

In my personal life, when I meet new people and they ask what I do, I tell them straight up. If they have a problem with my choice of work, they're not someone I want to be friends with in the first place.

[Loki318 1631]

I have been exceptionally fortunate to have both a primary and secondary partner who are aware of my choice of job, and who fully support and encourage me..

 

A primary AND Secondary partner, I wonder exactly what you mean by that :)

 

I don't think that my work/'job would be affected by being outed; but I am sure no certain that every thing else in my life would be, marriage, family kids (even though they are grown and on their own) ... And when I think about the COST of such a "discovery/outing) it is a wonder that I can continue in the hobby.....

A few close "buds" know of my hobby and I of theirs :) and rarely a couple of us have crossed paths or hobbyed together ... I think of that night in SJ's NFLD in a dive named after a London (uk) square where I paused in the doorway and announced to all present "Hunney I'm Home" ...but I digress...LOL.

the short answer... on the home front a disaster; work I do good work get goode pay what I do with it after that is my business, social circles those that would give a shit I dont really give a shit about (wouldn't that surprise some PPL). LOL .. so I will KIH Keep It Hussh ;) for the family..

 

Loki318

[Akhenaton 221]

Very interesting topic.

 

I guess we all have something to loose, even those who do not care, as sometimes the court of public opinion can be quite devastating, regardless what you are doing and were you are in life.

 

I have said this before, simply by being in this hoobby we are on the marginal side of things, so I guess we are all rebels at heart anyway ;)

 

Personally, I have always preferred discretion, live and let live, and let each mind his own.

 

As with all things, some of my friends would approve (and likely confess ;) ), others would just shrug it off, and others would have a fit.

 

Family wise, well, to be honest, I have come to realise that my family is actually much more open then I have ever thought, so, who knows, it might be "just another hobby" in their view (since I am still NOT sure, I'll prefer to keep it quiet ;) )

 

SO, well, not an issue atm, but I guess it depends on the type of "union" you have. My past SOs would definately have had a MAJOR issue with me being in this hobby, and I would guess that would be the opinion of an overwhelming majority.

 

Again, it may also be said that what does not affect you today, may return to haunt you later, I think this is also another view that makes me prefer secrecy.

[etasman2000 15994]

devastating on both counts. My boss is very conservative older gentleman while my family would consider it a betrayal of principles.

 

Discretion to its upmost always.

[A***** A***** 510]

My mother would disown me, that I know for sure. The same with the rest of my relatives. My dad, brother, and close friends know what I do. They don't mind, they just want to see me safe, and eventually find another path in life to travel on.

 

Workwise and living space wise, I would rather keep things under the covers8)

[Guest M***ell***A]

From this side of the fence it's hard to say how any one person in your personal life would react. Unfortunately the harsh reality is that for the most part SPs, MAs, porn stars strippers and webcam girls all get painted with the same brush, and it's an ugly colour. "Dirty whores and sluts". It's a tough thing to deal with sometimes. I know who I am and what I am, what I'm about and what I am not, but it wears on you to always be judged. Never knowing what someone will think about you if you expose yourself to them, or worse if somehow exposed by someone else to them. I mean am I really a different person than I was 10minutes ago when you didn't know what I do? All of my true friends know what I do. My acquaintances do not for that reason.

My family knew when I did webcam and that was hard for them but they accepted it and love(d) me anyway. They are my family, they always will. They do not know that I am in the massage business now but not because I think they would love me less or disown me. Mostly because I don't want them to worry about me (I can hear my mom now... "Oh My God! Who is making you do that?!" How do you tell your mother that you actually love what you do and that you do it for yourself?). One of my sisters know (the other is too young for all this). There was a thread recently about "coming out of the closet" so to speak started by Erin_xo (great thread btw Erin). I wish I had that courage and I find myself closer and closer to it and I take a lot of inspiration from women like you.

As for my SO's along the years I have always been upfront about what I do from the start. Not only do I think they need to know Me if they want to be with me on a serious level but I also really don't have the energy to be all cloak and dagger trying to hide it from them... Some have tried to accept it for a bit then found they couldn't in the long run. Some have been perfectly fine within certain limits. Some have been good all together as long as I am not hiding things and some have run the other way as fast as they could lol. Good filtering system if you ask me.

I guess the point I'm trying to make in my long (very long lol) rambling is that the people honestly love me will love me regardless and the people who judge me for it don't really matter.

[VedaSloan 119179]

There was a thread recently about "coming out of the closet" so to speak started by Erin_xo (great thread btw Erin). I wish I had that courage and I find myself closer and closer to it and I take a lot of inspiration from women like you.

.

 

Thanks Michelle, that means a lot to me.

[VedaSloan 119179]

A primary AND Secondary partner, I wonder exactly what you mean by that :)

 

 

Loki318

 

Well you could call them my boyfriend and my lover. :grin:

[d*mm*y 887]

Good filtering system if you ask me.

 

Yes it is an excellent filtering system, I really cherish the people that love me unconditionally.

[whatsup 11893]

I have to conduct my hobbying with discretion. If my family, work and certain friends were to become aware of my hobby I think it would be devastating. I am sure i would be ostracized by the majority.

[Jabba 18389]

Excellent thread -

I started hobbying several years ago for various reasons. Idle curiousity, dissatisfaction at home, urges, etc. Some reasons still hold true today, but I guess the top priority is to experience the many wonders and curiosities of women before I die. I guess I still have to convince myself that women can be understood given enough time and experience.

 

I've always been a private person. I live life on my own selfish terms when I can. I never felt I needed to justify what I do to anyone. For anyone in the shrink business, is that a psychosis or a pathology? Still, I'm sensitive that if my family discovered my little indulgences, that would push the boundaries of their already strained patience. I'm not an easy guy to read, so that would just be the coup de gras for trust on their part.

 

Do I see it as a dirty little secret?...maybe a little, but it's my dirty little secret.

Do I like it?...yep!

Do my neighbors do it too?...most likely (randy little bastards!)

Do I like the MAs & SPs?...Yes - if they act human.

 

Nikki Erin & Michelle - I love you all for sharing your intimate selves like that.

[YoungStud 468]

Well you could call them my boyfriend and my lover. :grin:

 

Don't most women have that kind of relationship? Or wish they did? lol

[MissAva 376]

I think its safe to say that at least someone would disapprove in our lives if we shared this.

 

I am fortunate that my mother knows and supports my decision. Which is such a relief in itself. I don't really have a relationship with the rest of my family, so I am not really concerned. Being and SP excites me, and lets me experience things that may have taken years to accomplish (i.e travelling) I get to meet great ppl, help them destress as well as destress myself. I get the freedom I like, and the intimacy I desire.

 

I have a couple close friends that know, and they didn't seem that surprised that I would have tried it out...lol (they know I love life and all it has to offer to be closed minded) I am very lucky that I get to talk to them about it, and when outsiders comment on how innocent I look and act.... hehe we just look at one another and smile... Its nice to have our little secrets that no one else knows... I also like that I live a double life.. It makes it more exciting for me.

 

When it comes to my professional side, I do believe that it would end a career that I love so much and worked so hard for. It would be very difficult if I lost it due to my SP life being revealed... however everything happens for a reason, and I am one tough cookie to let it drag me down for long.

 

All in all, I am content with my decision to be naughty little minx and appreciate all things it has to offer!

 

Thank you Gentlemen for being apart of this great experience and chapter in my life... I don't expect that it will end anytime soon!! xo

[Miss Maria 199]

Most of my good friends know what I do, Some people I meet in my life (newcommers) I do not mind revealing this part of me to, but only after knowing them for while. Everytime it has been very well accepted.

 

At school, I am very involved in prostitution issues but I do not let anyone know that I am involved in the buisness as well because.. well, it is my future profession and people still see the hobby as something negative. I wouldn't want this to affect my possibilities in the future.

 

My only great great fear is that my parents find out. They would be devastated. I am really a good girl from a good family and it would break their hearts and make them worry sooo much.. they would wonder what they did wrong and everything like that.. I don't even see this buisness as something bad. I am a smart University student who has worked in other feilds and travelled around the world.. Prostitution is a part of my life but it does not define me as a human being. I am much more then a unidimensional worker. But of course, alot of people would not understand that. Hence, the sevret life.

 

Maria

XXXX

[rick_falcon 911]

For my part, only one person knows of my hobbying and it's my very close cousin, who is also a member of CERB. He doesn't hate when I share experiences with him while we have a beer! But personally, if people find out, I couldn't care less but I know they will find it the most negative thing in the world.

 

My family would be extremely surprised and I know my parents would be extremely saddened; but I can understand them, because they are from a former generation where morality and religious virtues were admired with utter respect. My father even find it stupid for guys to go to a strip club...

 

At work, I work in a 90% male environment and everybody knows that I am a huge fan of strippers (less now than before).

Yet, since I am an eternal single guy, some of my male co-workers are even encouraging me to call myself an escort and that would help me clear my mind! Suckers, if only they knew...