What would you have said when she asked you

[nntsci 11076]

This is a story about a rather funny situation I got myself in recently. I know this woman from my commute to work - we see each other maybe a couple times a week. We also sometimes exchange emails -- mostly jokes and humorous/cynical observations about life. We've been friends over 6 years. But other than the commute and occasional email have no other social contact -- we don't even know each others phone numbers. She knows I'm married with teenage and adult kids. Ok, I confess think shes really cute, but based on our interaction I don't actually expect it to progress into a relationship or an affair; too much hassle anyway.

 

A couple weeks ago, it was a Friday and the day was a bit slow so we exchanged a number of emails. I told her about the stress and success I had experienced at work that week. She told me she knew it would all work out well for me cause she was somewhat psychic and could tell the future. I think her boss was out of town that day, but these were short messages -- not really a lot of time wasted on email.

 

Anyway, she had earlier asked me if I would be on the train heading home that night. I told her that I going out after work to enjoy some meaningless distraction and wished her a good weekend. So she asked me that kind of meaningless distraction I was planning on. I probably should have said I was going drinking, but just said, "probably best not to talk about it. Part of my dark side." So she starts guessing. Her first guess was a gay bar. That had me nearly fall out of my chair in laughter, especially considering that just that very morning she had told me that she considers herself to be somewhat "psychic". After three guesses I told her "its involves a hotel, a lovely brunette, and a lot of cash". So her response was "Good for you, keeping those ladies employed" and then said but "I think your pulling my leg". So I wrote back, "you misunderstand, she teaching me how to play the harmonica" But then, I guess I sort of regretted the disclosure so I sent her a number other jokes about my evening plans, including telling her that she was psychic cause her first guess about the gay bar was right all along.

 

Later that night she wrote to me that she had figured out what I meant by Harmonica lessons - a blow job. Said she had googled it. I found it especially funny that she had to google it. Anyway we're still friends. And shes actually the only friend that I've ever disclosed my hobby too. The whole situation was just so funny I think it did more to releave my stress than the lovely brunette (though she was great too).

 

So heres my question. If you were in similar situation and had a friend guessing about what you were doing where you were confident that the disclose wouldn't come back to haunt you, would you tell her, or what excuse would you come up with.

 

But I'm not looking for advice [at all] so make it funny.

[rickkkm 525]

I think your friend will make some sort of move as she is now excited about the whole scene......maybe an affair......

advice to you......, you made a mistake by divulging it, now you will have to remove yourself from this mess, time helps... you have started a slow moving train wreck with your commute buddy!!!! Never discuss it again with her is my advice....time will make it such that it will go by as a joke...eventually...

[Athos 108589]

I always have a cover story that explains my activities. I stick to it. Since the two of you don't travel in the same circles "drinks with friends" would have sufficed.

 

I suspect that perhaps, given you find her attractive, you may have wanted to suggest your sexual availability. As rickkm suggests, your train ride home may become a train wreck. At the very least your life might become a little more complicated and/or interesting.

 

Porthos

[Boomer 33202]

I think you were flirting, obviously you must have been thinking of her in an intimate way, and had already made the decision to take her up on any form of reciprocal response. You're going to have to decide what to do if and probably when the offer is made.

 

You already made the decision to be a hobbyist, so you've got to figure out your risk tolerance, going out with a civilian or staying with the pros.

[roamingguy 300292]

I can see bad things from this just as has already been suggested. Yes, you call her a friend, but is she in the for lack of a better phrase, the inner circle of your close friends, or more a casual acquaintance. In short, is she someone you can trust.

And why do I say this. She knows your married and now she knows you see SP's. It could possibly get back to your wife.

I'm single, and discrete about this lifestyle. I sure wouldn't be telling it to people who are casual acquaintances. I might with really close friends, if the time was right, but for now, the only people who know I see ladies are the ladies I see and members of this board who know me by my board handle. And like I said, I'm discrete and I'm single, no wife/girlfriend to be concerned about

RG

[sexnonstop724 1727]

Play the Harmonica for her next time you see her!

 

Works both ways. Keep her guessing or advance the train wreck.

 

SNS724

[parkershellby45 678]

I love that, "play the Harmonica for her", it may be that your unintentional slip was not so unintenetional, she might be seeing some possibilities in you now, but playing a tune, no matter how flat, on a harmonica would either spark her intrest even more, or just be a very good laugh, either way I see very little down side, if you are both careful and discrete.

[Athos 108589]

There is a difference between disclosing that you are open to some fun outside your marriage and disclosing that you see SPs. As we've discussed many times on this board, there is still tremendous negative moral judgements made about seeing an escort. Years ago, before I started seeing SPs I had an affair with a single woman. While she had no hang ups at all about seeing a married man, she was incredibly judgmental about prostitution. If you have the affair and it ends badly (and it will end unless you're looking to end your marriage), she has one additional thing that she can throw on your face --- or your wife's.

 

My advice: find a way to extricate yourself and certainly don't pursue the possibility of an affair. Even if she throws herself at you. All she knows now is what you said. You can always explain it away as a joke made in bad judgement. Take it a step further, plausible deniability is gone!!!

 

Porthos

[nntsci 11076]

"Play the Harmonica for her next time you see her!"

 

LOL. Actually I brought a harmonica in the next week and played it to her.

 

Otherwise, the topic hasn't come up.

 

Thanks for the advice, but some of you guys worry too much. I could explain why I'm not worried about a train wreck but it would take several pages and reveal too much.

But life is interesting.

[Reddog01 30280]

Sounds like (from your last post) you are cognizant of; and weighed all the risks of going further in this "commuter" relationship. If you are prepared for the possible consequences - life is short :)

[nntsci 11076]

Sounds like (from your last post) you are cognizant of; and weighed all the risks of going further in this "commuter" relationship. If you are prepared for the possible consequences - life is short :)

Yep, life sure is short. I don't regret telling her. Still laughing about it.

[Cara Silver 32412]

She sounds pretty awesome. But definitely keep her on your good side :) People are always curious about this business. It opens up a whole new world for them. We`re kinda lucky to be living in that world!

 

xoxo Amelia

[backrubman 64800]

Well the only person in my personal life that "knows" is my girlfriend that is also good friends with my wife. Wow life is strange isn't it? Now to call her my girlfriend isn't even right because she is married also and maybe we "get a room" twice a year, always at her request :) Lunch and coffee much more often. Hasn't caused me any trouble in 5 or 6 years of this personal relationship but I think she is "unique": has one of the sexiest blogs out there (what a beautiful mind), wish I could post the URL but of course I can't.

 

Of course I would have told the truth, "meeting with a friend". Just not a "professional" friend, I guess that's a lie by omission in some people's view point. Sometimes I wonder about this... I always tell the truth (but not with unnecessary details).

[nntsci 11076]

She sounds pretty awesome. But definitely keep her on your good side :) People are always curious about this business. It opens up a whole new world for them. We`re kinda lucky to be living in that world!

 

xoxo Amelia

 

Yeah thanks. Very lucky.

 

I'm trying not to make the same mistakes I usually make with female friends... so I've decided to invent a whole new list of mistakes instead. Ha ha.

[Amelia Fox 9064]

I think your friend will make some sort of move as she is now excited about the whole scene......maybe an affair......

advice to you......, you made a mistake by divulging it, now you will have to remove yourself from this mess, time helps... you have started a slow moving train wreck with your commute buddy!!!! Never discuss it again with her is my advice....time will make it such that it will go by as a joke...eventually...

 

 

I agree with you 100%! Once you put it out there shes now going to start to think about it. I would somehow do damage control and make sure she believes it was the gay bar you were talking about... Probably will bring you a headache in the future if you leave it at the harmonica....( that is too funny she had to google it)

 

 

Gook Luck:)

[castle 38816]

One of my best friends (an ex, actually), whenever the subject comes up in conversation, makes a point of mentioning how ok she is with escorts (just not the street scene) and that she feels it should be legalized. Like when someone mentions having been at a strip bar, or someone makes a rub and tug joke, etc. I think it's kind a funny....I think she's guessed that I see SP's and is trying to let me know it's cool with her. She probably guessed when I started seeing SP's right near the end of our relationship almost 8 years ago now. By that point we were pretty much glorified roommates so I don't think even if she knew that she cared all that much.

 

I could just come right out and say so but i have this mental block which prevents me from saying anything. It's my dirty little secret that no one else knows about lol. I'm 90% sure if I told her she'd be ok with it and would keep it to herself. It sure would be a load off to share that secret with someone in my "real life" though. I dunno if I'll ever be able to do it. You're lucky!

[nntsci 11076]

"I would somehow do damage control and make sure she believes it was the gay bar you were talking about... Probably will bring you a headache in the future if you leave it at the harmonica....( that is too funny she had to google it)"

 

I just don't plan to bring the topic up; she only mentioned it indirectly once.

 

"if I told her she'd be ok with it and would keep it to herself. It sure would be a load off to share that secret with someone in my "real life" though. I dunno if I'll ever be able to do it. You're lucky! "

 

Thanks, I cherrish every friend I have and I feel fortunate to know her. I hope it doesn't "trainwreck" but who knows.

[nntsci 11076]

Originally Posted by rickkkm

"I think your friend will make some sort of move as she is now excited about the whole scene......maybe an affair......advice to you......, you made a mistake by divulging it, now you will have to remove yourself from this mess, time helps... you have started a slow moving train wreck with your commute buddy!!!!"

 

Its been a couple months now and so far no train wreck (great use of metaphor by the way). We've actually become closer firends, but just friends. In fact recently we sort of worked out what sort of friendship we are having and she told me fairly clearly that she doesn't want to have an affair: "you being married, I wouldn't want to go exploring with you or anything like that for obvious reasons" and I responded that I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship. I never asked what those "obvious reason" were. How that email exchange happened is a complex story that I don't want to go into.

 

I don't think the fact that I see professionals attracts her to me at all; but it doesn't seem to upset her either. But neither of us has brought up the topic. Mostly we talk (often by email) about movies, music, travel (I travel a lot), environmental issues, and her attempts to be a vegetarian.

 

It also came out recently when we were joking about setting her up with my brother (51 and never married), that she doesn't really want to get involved with anyone right now (if ever). That night she had a nightmare about some nasty experiences with men in her past. I think she likes the fact that I tell her she is pretty from time to time without coming on to her and she says she's content with her life the way it is.

 

Personally I'm glad I told her because I don't want her to think I am some kind of ideal man. As to staying on her good side; an essential aspect of friendship is trust. I trust her.

[Athos 108589]

Sounds like a really positive outcome. Glad it worked out.

[billybob 20128]

Its been a couple months now and so far no train wreck (great use of metaphor by the way). We've actually become closer firends, but just friends.

 

It's been a couple of months and you're still talking about it. You've become closer friends with the lady.

 

Now I don't know nuthin about nuthin but it seems to me like this was more than a lighthearted comment on your part. If you become more than "just friends" with this woman it could get ugly, she has info that could harm you in the future.

[nntsci 11076]

>you're still talking about it

 

No particular reason for bringing it up but it was early Monday morning, nothing to do, kind of bored, ran out of other topics to discuss, and waiting for an agency to post its schedule for the week.... (my favourite brunette is apparently back from her vacation, can't wait).

 

"it could get ugly, she has info that could harm you in the future"

 

Yeah, she has secret info about me, that could potentially harm me... but surely if I had an affair with her, that fact would be as potentially damaging by itself as any info she has about my hobby, and the info she has about my hobby is heresay given that she has no corroborating evidence, so I'm not really sure I get the point.

[billybob 20128]

Like the other posts on this thread it was an observation on my part.

[nntsci 11076]

yeah, no problem, observations are appreciated.