A fool has crossed the line

[Czdrummer 651]

It's been a bit over a year now and I've been seeing a lady MP on a regular basis. Things with her have become quite personal and I am about to go over the deep end....Never would have I thought for a second when I first walked though those doors that I'd be in the situation I now find myself. Like most of you I just wanted a massage and a release and off I'd go. But it just didn't work out that way. Things have progressed to the point that all the so called "rules" have been broken by the BOTH of us. I have fallen madly for her, to the point I can't get her out of my mind 24/7. I can honestly say I have never quite felt this way about anybody in my entire life. I've tried every possible thing to cure what ails me, from booze/drug fuelled binges, to no longer communicating with her, to going several months without seeing her, to finding other providers, to seeing a few full service girls and even a normal type GF. Left the country for a month.... Even tried spicing up the love life with the wife....all to no avail. I always revert back to her, as if my life is incomplete without her. She is well aware of my love for her, she kids around saying its lust, but I've lusted for women before and lust fades. I can honestly say her feelings don't run as deep as mine, and she often tells me "only time will tell" where we end up, and that me being married plays a huge factor as well if things are to proceed to another level....Am I a fool that has crossed the line?? I've now lost all control and don't know where to go from here....HELP!!!

[Guest webothscore]

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=143486&highlight=Blurring

 

Thought this might help.

[Guest p**h*x]

I know it is easier said than done but you need to shake your head and come to terms with the fact that the relationship is never going to go where you want it to go.

 

It will take a lot of will power but you should stop seeing her forever. If it is as you say and she is aware of just how much you feel for her then she should also not agree to see you again. It is probably not easy to give up on a customer but she shouldn't be leading you on with things like "only time will tell". However, you are responsible for your own actions so at the end of the day you need to take control of your desires and stay away.

 

This can be a strange and complicated hobby. You share some of the most intimate moments a human can share with someone and then have to walk away without getting caught up in those pesky things known as "feelings". Sometimes not an easy thing to do but necessary if you want to play the game.

 

Good luck man.

[Guest Ot**w***og****n]

I understand where you are coming from as I don't know how many times over the past 40 plus years in this "hobby" I have thought I could easily fall in love with "this" lady. When partaking in it emotions can become obscured especially when you are being provided with the attention you do not receive at home. My wife died within the past year and I am emotionally fragile and I know I could very easily become attached to a companion yet I am very cognizant that the encounter is a business relationship and nothing more. Yes, I recognize that the professional/client relationship can become personal as it does happen, but due to the intimacy of the sp/client or ma/client we as clients have to take a step back and accept the fact it is a professional relationship first and foremost. Dig deep and think about it is all I'm saying. I wish you well.

[Boomer 33202]

If not a disaster already, it's headed in that direction. I'll make two comments.

 

One, and only you know the situation, look in the mirror and decide what you feel your obligation and costs to the wife and possibly family. You must have love her once.

 

On the issue of the MP, maybe you should try the opposite strategy. Get out the cheque book and spend as much time with her as you can afford. You might find that it becomes a little too routine, and the flame might die. It's like drinking, too much and you get a hang over.

[Motorbykerider 4754]

I think if you are here asking the question, you already know the answer.

 

Yes, you have "crossed the line"

 

I'm glad I'm not in your shoes as I would prolly be feeling the same way.

[roamingguy 300291]

Well I'll step out on a limb here and say you aren't in love with her

You are infatuated with her, you like her but are also in lust with her

Do you really think you are in love...try this. See her for a few dates obviously only if she agrees. No sex, no massage, no happy endings....just dinner and movie type date

First will she charge you or will she see you as a conventional "civilian" date

Second are you infatuated with her because of sex or because of the person she is

I'm guessing she liked you as a client and opened up because she trusted you, and you vice versa. She may even consider you a friend...a friend who is a paying client

For your sake and hers stop seeing her, no offence you don't seem able to emotionally handle this situation

And stop the boozing and drugs they won't help you at all just start a downward spiral

compounding your existing problem

See NA and AA if you have too

Good Luck

RG

[Guest Ot**w***og****n]

I agree as you can only face this matter with mental clarity.

 

Well I'll step out on a limb here and say you aren't in love with her

You are infatuated with her, you like her but are also in lust with her

Do you really think you are in love...try this. See her for a few dates obviously only if she agrees. No sex, no massage, no happy endings....just dinner and movie type date

First will she charge you or will she see you as a conventional "civilian" date

Second are you infatuated with her because of sex or because of the person she is

I'm guessing she liked you as a client and opened up because she trusted you, and you vice versa. She may even consider you a friend...a friend who is a paying client

For your sake and hers stop seeing her, no offence you don't seem able to emotionally handle this situation

And stop the boozing and drugs they won't help you at all just start a downward spiral

compounding your existing problem

See NA and AA if you have too

Good Luck

RG

[Guest realnicehat]

Czdrummer,

 

I was considering weighing in on this but then I had a look at your posting history. Up to this point you have ignored all of the previous advice that you asked for. It seems you could have nipped this in the bud a while ago but instead you chose to pursue it. I have to be honest (and agree with Roamingguy) some of your statements really raise questions about your emotionally ability to handle this lifestyle.

 

The following quotes are all from your (Czdrummer) posting history:

 

Oct 1, 2012

 

"Haven't gone in a couple of months. It got too personal and intense with me and one of the girls there. It's better I stay away cause i got addicted to her and it was messing me up. I hope to return in the near future, but just a warning guys, think with your dicks not your heart."

 

Oct 20, 2012 (19 Days Later...)

 

"Well I recently returned to the scene of the crime so to say. Got a session with my usual girl and it sure the hell seemed wierd. She must not like me treating her nice, respecting her and giving her complements..WTF. The strangest thing to me was she wouldn't even look me in the face...and no I am not ugly. She acted rather disinterested too. She did mention she is having some sort of personal problems...not really the first time she has done so. I asked her if she'd like to discuss and she refused....why bring it up then?? I was in a good mood when I arrived, but left unsatisfied. I've had several sessions with her over the last 4-5 months so I think I've gotten to know her pretty well on a personal level. But today was right outta left field. She is a real sweetheart but I don't really think she enjoys what she's doing, maybe I'm wrong or I'm just stupid. Maybe I should just see another girl. Anyways, if anyone would like to help me out as to where I go from here I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm kinda confused about this whole thing."

 

May 19, 2013

 

"This soooo true cinelli. I am quite new to the scene (about a year) but the two women I'm currently in a relationship with have become very trusting and close with myself. It took me many months and a ton of time, commitment and heart ache along the way. The first relationship, of almost a year now, has turned into an extremely personal trusting friendship, with some fine sex thrown in. The second is more or less very very sexual, not as personal as the first, but still fun. Its gotten to the point now where I don't have to pay for it with her. Oh yes she is very well known on these pages...Truth be told I enjoy both ladies but I hold the trusting friendship I have with the first girl as the more important of the two. I cherish her more with each passing encounter. She was a much tougher nut to crack, but I'm now getting what i want from her....I guess I'm enjoying the challenge. It's been many months since I posted about my adventures, but reading the comments on this thread made me realize how much time and commitment are important factors when dealing with my lovely ladies."

 

June 3, 2013

 

"This is soooo very true. I am quite new to the scene (about a year) I'm currently in a relationship with a beautiful, caring lady and we have become very trusting and close with each other. It took many months and a ton of time and commitment. I've had to step back at one point to cool things off because it was making me nuts. I was seeing another lady during that time but stopped visiting her a month ago. So now, more than ever, things have been really heating up with us again since I went back. A year has flown by and its turned into an extremely close personal trusting friendship. I cherish her more with each passing encounter. She was a tough nut to crack, but I'm now getting what I need from her....much more than just an SP/client relationship. I have expressed my inner most feelings with her, and she has gotten emotional, almost to the point of crying. It's been many months since I posted about my adventures with her, but reading the comments on this topic made me realize how much I really adore my beautiful girl."

 

June 4, 2013

 

"I want to thank all you for sharing some of your stories and experiences. This message board has been a god send for me over the last several months. This thread in particular has opened my eyes and helped me realize that I'm not the fucked up nut job I thought I was. Yes, we are all human, and we can be complex creatures at times. Thanks again."

 

June 5, 2013

 

"Very interesting and a real turnoff I bet. Sound like a bunch of loser clients. I'm proud to say that none of the above behaviour applies to me. But at the same time I won't be taken advantage of either, whether it be with an SP or any other woman. Ive had a previous lady I was seeing ask me to pay her rent, bills etc...so it was arriiverderci for her. I don't tolerate drugs either. I'm with the perfect woman now and I intend on keeping her happy."

 

Today

 

"It's been a bit over a year now and I've been seeing a lady MP on a regular basis. Things with her have become quite personal and I am about to go over the deep end....Never would have I thought for a second when I first walked though those doors that I'd be in the situation I now find myself. Like most of you I just wanted a massage and a release and off I'd go. But it just didn't work out that way. Things have progressed to the point that all the so called "rules" have been broken by the BOTH of us. I have fallen madly for her, to the point I can't get her out of my mind 24/7. I can honestly say I have never quite felt this way about anybody in my entire life. I've tried every possible thing to cure what ails me, from booze/drug fuelled binges, to no longer communicating with her, to going several months without seeing her, to finding other providers, to seeing a few full service girls and even a normal type GF. Left the country for a month.... Even tried spicing up the love life with the wife....all to no avail. I always revert back to her, as if my life is incomplete without her. She is well aware of my love for her, she kids around saying its lust, but I've lusted for women before and lust fades. I can honestly say her feelings don't run as deep as mine, and she often tells me "only time will tell" where we end up, and that me being married plays a huge factor as well if things are to proceed to another level....Am I a fool that has crossed the line?? I've now lost all control and don't know where to go from here....HELP!!!"

 

The highlighted comments really left me feeling like you are both obsessive and possessive in regards to this provider. I'm not trying to be dramatic but I really think that any help you need is beyond advice from the members of a chat board. We may be able to sympathize or in some cases commiserate but if you truly want to solve this problem you need to speak with a professional. I apologize if this seems blunt but you asked for help, this all I can offer.

[rexx 531]

I used to see a woman at an MP who enjoyed getting guys to leave their wives for her just for the ego boost it gave her hope its not her you're seeing

[Czdrummer 651]

Yup. I'm a real mess, thus my post asking for help here. At this point I don't really know where to go from here?? But only I know how I feel towards this woman, and my feelings haven't changed in the last year. She knows how much I care and cherrish her. she does appreciate me as well. Soooo many ups and downs in the last year for me. Its my personal life and health that has suffered the most. And I've even turned to a hard drug to forget her. Maybe I need counselling, maybe a 38 special will eventually cure me. Many of your replies make very good sense, I should stay away....I've already tried that, I've seen other SP's, MP's and women of all sorts. All the extracurricular activities one could want, but in the end I always go back. What the fuck now!!!

[Guest realnicehat]

Maybe I need counselling

 

 

Seriously, with no sarcasm implied, you need professional help.

 

For your sake and that of all parties involved.

[roamingguy 300291]

Seriously, first comments about drinking and drugs now about a 38 special

you need professional help, a psychologist or psychiatrist

You may think your life is a mess reality your infatuated with a professional

companion who doesn't reciprocate those same feelings

Stop seeing her. Men and women survive breakups, divorce, crushes where the feelings weren't reciprocated and so on...there isn't a reason for you to get past this

and get on with your life

Seriously pick up the phone and see a professional therapist

RG

[Czdrummer 651]

Seriously. Just kidding bout the .38. None of you know all the facts about my situation. So the comments above I'll take with a grain of salt. I'm done with this topic for now....life goes on. I'll deal with it the best I know how

[Guest realnicehat]

Ask for advice, choose to ignore it....

 

At least you're consistant ;)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Imo as a sex industry worker is to just back off completely. No good will come of this and do you really truly know this woman? Have you NOT paid her at anytime to go out with you? If so, this is still a paid relationship. And just because she has appeased you in her lust for her probably means she finds this whole situation awkward and with the "We shall see" type comment. She doesn't know how to tell you she doesn't want to see you where a personal relationship is concerned. If she had feelings for you, you wouldn't be visiting her at the MP and paying for her time. She is probably at the point where she wants to keep you as a customer but your lust for her makes this difficult and what if one day she tells you she can't see you anymore? How is that going to play out?

 

I'm saying this because I had to deal with this once ( non cerb member) from an SP's point of view, he crossed all boundaries asking me to dinner knowing I was personally involved with someone. It's like he just tried to barge into my personal life without a care in the world with the hopes he could win me over. He would put me on the spot trying to get me to go to dinner and not be compensated for my time and not realizing or getting the hint that it's crossing boundaries.

 

I had to let him go as a client after knowing him for 5 months and he was very selfish not ever once thinking about me, always trying to get more time for free without ever once being considerate and was up to seeing me 3 times a week. It was too much and he would attach himself without it being reciprocal most likely because he was involved with a dancer who used him and treated him like shit. Seeing him became a chore and when I get that feeling, it's time to end it. I don't like to see people that I won't enjoy being with just for the sake of money. No amount of money is worth the anguish. He didn't take the rejection too well but I didn't lead him on and never went out with him for free. It's against my rules as an SP.

 

Have you ever asked this woman honestly how she felt about you? This sounds all completely one sided and I agree that you are infatuated with her and the idea of her. But the personna she may be giving off may not completely be the real her. I think you are replacing her with something you are missing in your life and seeing SPs or MA's is just a short term fix. You need to ask yourself what you're missing in life.

 

Additional Comments:

Imo as a sex industry worker is to just back off completely. No good will come of this and do you really truly know this woman? Have you NOT paid her at anytime to go out with you? If so, this is still a paid relationship. And just because she has appeased you in her lust for her probably means she finds this whole situation awkward and with the "We shall see" type comment. She doesn't know how to tell you she doesn't want to see you where a personal relationship is concerned. If she had feelings for you, you wouldn't be visiting her at the MP and paying for her time. She is probably at the point where she wants to keep you as a customer but your lust for her makes this difficult and what if one day she tells you she can't see you anymore? How is that going to play out?

 

I'm saying this because I had to deal with this once ( non cerb member) from an SP's point of view, he crossed all boundaries asking me to dinner knowing I was personally involved with someone. It's like he just tried to barge into my personal life without a care in the world with the hopes he could win me over. He would put me on the spot trying to get me to go to dinner and not be compensated for my time and not realizing or getting the hint that it's crossing boundaries.

 

I had to let him go as a client after knowing him for 5 months and he was very selfish not ever once thinking about me, always trying to get more time for free without ever once being considerate and was up to seeing me 3 times a week. It was too much and he would attach himself without it being reciprocal most likely because he was involved with a dancer who used him and treated him like shit. Seeing him became a chore and when I get that feeling, it's time to end it. I don't like to see people that I won't enjoy being with just for the sake of money. No amount of money is worth the anguish. He didn't take the rejection too well but I didn't lead him on and never went out with him for free. It's against my rules as an SP.

 

Have you ever asked this woman honestly how she felt about you? This sounds all completely one sided and I agree that you are infatuated with her and the idea of her. But the personna she may be giving off may not completely be the real her. I think you are replacing her with something you are missing in your life and seeing SPs or MA's is just a short term fix. You need to ask yourself what you're missing in life.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

Never would have I thought for a second when I first walked though those doors that I'd be in the situation I now find myself. Like most of you I just wanted a massage and a release and off I'd go. But it just didn't work out that way.

It didn't work out that way because:

"She was a much tougher nut to crack, but I'm now getting what i want from her....I guess I'm enjoying the challenge.

This will sound cold but I hope your ego finally understands what it accomplished; you created this mess by pushing boundaries and by willingly seeking and pursuing "love" and "freebies" from your MA(s) while knowing full well this was a unique professional intimate business relationship.

 

I guess you now have a new challenge on your plate...

 

I can't get her out of my mind 24/7. I can honestly say I have never quite felt this way about anybody in my entire life. I've tried every possible thing to cure what ails me, from booze/drug fuelled binges...

Destructive behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc.) will never help you solve your problems and will only make them worst. Please, do yourself a favor and deal with the situation effectively starting with having a clear and objective head and with the will to let her go and to forget about her.

 

Hopefully the lady will also refuse to see you in the future so you can move forward! If you decide to contact her again and she accepts to see you again, it will do you NO good and you will only keep running in never ending circles.

 

Someone once said:

... but just a warning guys, think with your dicks not your heart.

Using your head would do to but I think that was pretty good advice!

 

...............................................................................................

 

For what it's worth, maybe not for you but for others, when seeing a lady:

 

- Always keep it real

- Go in with clear and honest intentions; a simple massage, relaxation, conversation and a happy ending with a sexy and friendly lady- nothing more. If you have (or start having) alternative motives, this is when it will get complicated for both parties involved.

- Don't ever try to change the nature of the professional relationship. Always remember that you are the client and she is the service provider.

- If you are looking for/want/need personal friends with benefits, try dating sites. Professional ladies are not involved in this lifestyle to find personal lovers or personal friends.

- Always keep it real (did I already say that?)

- If you (or she) start having "feelings", walk/run away. It is the only smart thing to do. If you decide to "go with the flow" and see where it goes, be well aware it might not end the way you wanted it to.

- Blurring boundaries, wanting more and going through with it usually never ends well.

- If you really enjoy a good challenge, learn a new language ;)

 

The list could be much longer but I guess this is a good start!

[Guest Ot**w***og****n]

This concerns me immensely especially your reference that "a 38 special will eventually cure me." I urge you to please immediately seek out a qualified therapist to help you deal with this issue and perhaps others.

 

 

Yup. I'm a real mess, thus my post asking for help here. At this point I don't really know where to go from here?? But only I know how I feel towards this woman, and my feelings haven't changed in the last year. She knows how much I care and cherrish her. she does appreciate me as well. Soooo many ups and downs in the last year for me. Its my personal life and health that has suffered the most. And I've even turned to a hard drug to forget her. Maybe I need counselling, maybe a 38 special will eventually cure me. Many of your replies make very good sense, I should stay away....I've already tried that, I've seen other SP's, MP's and women of all sorts. All the extracurricular activities one could want, but in the end I always go back. What the fuck now!!!

[roamingguy 300291]

Seriously. Just kidding bout the .38. None of you know all the facts about my situation. So the comments above I'll take with a grain of salt. I'm done with this topic for now....life goes on. I'll deal with it the best I know how

 

Seriously, especially with your posts, comments implying suicide nothing to joke about

at all. The "facts" we know about your situation are the ones you told us

You posted asking for advice, you came to the CERB community so to speak, it wasn't us coming to you

Suicidal comments nothing to kidd about. That just strikes me as someone now just seeking attention and again if you need that much attention you need help

I'm now done with your thread. I think you just want to seek attention and I'm done giving you any.

RG

[Guest s*r***a**9]

Agree with roamingguy - attention seeker.

[Cute0aza0Button 21399]

I don't want to sound rude (although I think you might need that) but I'd like to take a second to focus on the girl.

 

Yes, this is obviously a professional relationship but I'm gong to wager that the girl sees you as a person, a person she probably doesn't want to hurt. This puts her in an awkward position. I've in the same one a few times now and it sucks. At least most of the time the guys involved were sweet genuine people. You seem unhinged and, worse than that, spiteful. Your original post was a little unsettling but I would have held my tongue had I not seen your older posts. The fact that you push these things on her is not only unfair but hurtful. When you post that she doesn't like her job or that she left you feeling unsatisfied you are not only hurting her but, potentially, her livelihood.

 

I am currently taking time off because I had an past client that did what you did. It is a catch 22 for the provider. You cant defend yourself without it sounding bad and doing nothing is almost admitting guilt. Juggle the business side with that fact that it hurts to hurt someone. It bugs me (and probably many others) when I cannot give a person i care for what they want.

 

Providing companionship is a difficult thing to do. Many of us get very close with the people we see and it can be emotionally draining. I'd wager that is why so many good girls have left the biz. Do everyone a favor and leave the poor girl alone. Figure out your own stuff, maybe you are not cut out for the hobby at all.

 

Sorry I just could'nt stay silent on this one

[marriedbutnotdead 3844]

Seriously. Just kidding bout the .38. None of you know all the facts about my situation. So the comments above I'll take with a grain of salt. I'm done with this topic for now....life goes on. I'll deal with it the best I know how

 

It is obvious that you don't know how to deal with it. I think you need professional help like the others have said. Good Luck

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Ah, the age old story of unrequited love. Movies, tv shows and novels have all added to the romanticism that such a notion would always end up with the happily ever after scenario.

 

Real life doesn't work that way. Now, while the hobby we are all involved in does afford a much more intimate connection than any other business transaction, I have know people who have had infatuations with the person who serves them coffee every morning, the person at the next cubicle, the sales rep who comes into the office everyday etc...

 

You must keep in mind that your feelings are probably one sided and to put her in an uncomfortable situation is extremely selfish on your part! Your feelings are probably misguided and therefore you are the one who must sever the ties and move on!

 

You might also want to consider that this hobby may not be appropriate for you. If you are seeking a new relationship, hobbying is not the venue in which you will likely succeed.

[PistolPete 61421]

It is mind over matter, only your strong mind will ensure that this is A business,and transactions are taking place, IT is just that.... a business and transactions with intimacy involved, but you, have to realize that through a deep mind thought process it cannot jeopardize her work or your well being. Your details of the relationship (only hearing your side) have gone too far down that path.

 

 

It is okay to be infatuated with a lady ( I have been numerous times), but again, it is mind over matter, you tell yourself to simply take a long break from seeing her/or the business (hobby) if the feelings are way over board at any time.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

You started this thread for advice, no? I think the responses, for the most part have been well intended. You have obviously made up your mind and are not open to hearing differing points of view and perhaps taking the opinions and reflecting on them and how they may potentially affect your predicament. Attacking people who are simply offering up an opinion to the question posed by you is not a great solution.

 

I wish you the best and hope that you come to a workable solution to your dilemma.