Monogomy

[A***** A***** 510]

Being an SP has had me thinking, about what I would want in my own life.

 

Right now,I am happily single. No desire to be in a relationship. But here's the kicker... If I was in a relationship or married, I sure as heck would want it to be monogomous.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am fine with porn, strip clubs etc (him seeing and going to) I just don't want him in the other kitty, so to say.

 

What are your thoughts on that?

[explorer69 3513]

This is the wrong place to ask. Anyone in a relationship is not monogamous if seeing SPs and MPAs

[Annessa 22743]

This is the wrong place to ask. Anyone in a relationship is not monogamous if seeing SPs and MPAs

 

 

I'd have to disagree. Sexually perhaps not but so long as the client doesnt get emotionally involved to the point of forgetting about his SO I dont consider it cheating. Some men are in situations where their SO cant provide for them sexually or are too busy...it doesnt mean that because he sees an escort for a sexual release that he doesnt care about his SO in my opinion...sometimes its quite the opposite.

 

If I quit escorting and decided to be in a relationship (ha..at this point I'm so happily single as well that I cant even dream of the day coming tho! lol) I'd almost rather my SO turn to an escort instead of picking up some girl at the bar ans sneak around with her on the side....somehow seeing this side of the fence I'd be way less threatened by it as I know this isnt a girl thats going to be calling at odd hours of the night wanting him to leave me for her. lol

[A***** A***** 510]

 

If I quit escorting and decided to be in a relationship (ha..at this point I'm so happily single as well that I cant even dream of the day coming tho! lol) I'd almost rather my SO turn to an escort instead of picking up some girl at the bar ans sneak around with her on the side....somehow seeing this side of the fence I'd be way less threatened by it as I know this isnt a girl thats going to be calling at odd hours of the night wanting him to leave me for her. lol

 

That is definately food for thought. If I was at that point in my life, I would rather know, then NOT know, if you get what I mean.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Monogamy is like chivalry. It's slowly disappearing.

[capitalman 3861]

Monogamy is a great wood, but I wouldn't want a whole house made from it.

[Newton 714]

Why is it called cheating? Because we made a marriage vow of not to.

 

Why did we make such a vow in the first place? Because we wanted to make the marriage sacred.

 

Why did we want to make it sacred? Because we knew we could cheat and were creating some barriers so it wouldn't happen.

 

But why did we want to cheat anyway? It was nature's call to spread our genes.

 

Individually we're in a non-win situation! ;) Collectively as a species we prosper as a result! ;)

[spaceykca 198]

monogamy sucks. lol.

 

Im with Annessa on this one. Obviously I partake, and to be honest this is my last year doing this (maybe-we'll see as so far 2010 i have had 6 or 7 cancellations on me :( and i was hoping to go out with a bang). Mainly out of guilt, though it is no where near as strong as it was when i first started. But the being sneaky aspect isnt the most fun, ya know? And i know if she knew it would hurt her, which is where i feel bad. But we have been dysfunctional for a long while, and like i said i had only ever been with her... so...(jeez how much of an ass does this make me seem huh?)

 

I started doing this because i had only ever been with my SO. Im still young, very curious, and SO isnt into some of the stuff i would like to explore. So this has been an exploration sexually for me, and really about myself too. Those taht know me, know im a spazz and maybe neurotic lol, but those that I have seen more than once can probably akcnowledge that i have grown... a little anyways lol... but it doesnt mean i dont love my SO or would ever think of leaving her. I love her very much, but we just arent that compatible sexually, unfortunately, which sucks.

 

And i think monogamy is almost impossible. I mean we are as a society so judgemental, especially when it comes to celebrity scandals etc... but how many of those men/women would turn down offer after offer after offer while away from home? I think if all of us were rich and famous we would all be cheating lol...

 

anyways...

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Wow some great comments from MrGreen and Spacey. Gentlemen you represent well! Ladies I expect what these gents have well articulated, reflects the views of many of us. I couldn't have stated things better.

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

As a self-proclaimed 'Realist', I just don't believe that man was created to be monogamous. If he had been, humankind would never have multiplied and flourished.

[dunkinsailor 1220]

My thoughts:

 

A note of caution: when we want absolutes in a relationship, we increase our chances of being hurt and disappointed.

 

I'd suggest taking the monogamy concept apart, and be more specific about what what we want, and what priorities we put on them. Points to ponder:

- fidelity: do we expect our so to be "faithful", or instead explore with us what outside exporation we'd both like to try, and work with each other to get a solid handle on what the risks/benefits are, and explore any worthwhile options carefully. Eg., a visit to Hedonism, where both experiment with non-intercourse sensuality but always as a couple together.

- honesty: if we really value honesty, do we reaffirm it even when it's honesty that hurts more than an initial lie?

- trust: are we asking our so to meet our "gold bar", or do we tell them we need to feel safe, and that any outside sexual choices have a big impact on our emotional safety.

 

I think monogamy, to a certain extent, is definitely the main groove for any great relationship. And after a couple has "been there, done that" with outside fantasies or desires, there's a unique deliciousness in making love to someone who gets you at a level no one else does.

 

The more monogamy is the cream, instead of a restriction (even when its made voluntarily at first), the more its likely to become a non-issue. I think the hottest sex is between 2 people who truly want each other to "be all they can be", and trust that our inate desire to love and be fully loved are good enough compasses that, if we use them right, will let us be just fine in whatever part of the relationship playground we want to explore together.

 

In other words, damn hard to put it into words, but the strongest relationships are always ones made, and maintained by the desire for win-win in every facet possible.

 

Course, what the hell do I know?:)

[Annessa 22743]

In a earlier post it was suggested that if a client and provider didn't get emotionally involved she didn't consider it cheating. Fair enough. It's all in how you look at it. A clients SO might rather you'd talked rather than you know ;). Yet a woman in a relationship may consider her man as cheating if he'd had intimate conversations and shared personal stuff with another woman and hid it from her. Nothing physical just talking. You can bet lots would consider him cheating at least emotionally otherwise why would he need to hide it.

 

I Get this, Since you mentioned "just conversations and personal stuff".....this is a separate but somewhat similar situation that might bring our approach on our proffession to light:

 

 

My Friend who is married decided to see a Therapist. Chose to not tell his wife but he felt he had issues that he needed to talk to someone about...most were surrounding his wife and their relationship and how after 4 years he was trying to understand changes that were happening that were drawing them apart. He told me that hw would leave every session feeling a sense of relief...he got it off his chest and he knew this Therapist was not going to go tell anyone about what he had divulged to her....yes HER and she was not that bad a looking Therapist either from what he said, lol

 

He went home being a better husband with this relief...took some advice to use and was a better husband because of it...but not only from the advice...from the fact that he could reply on this therapist and utilise her discretion in her proffession to ease a lot of built up tension that may have eventually ruined his relationship with his wife due to the spite he felt towards her of not having that outlet.

 

When things were back to what he deemed as normal he confided in his wife that he was seeing a therapist and had discussed some of the issues but now felt much better.

 

His wife was furious for "sneaking around" saying he was at the gym when he was seeing this therapist and spilling the beans about their relationship. She felt like she was being ganged-up on even tho everything was even better than it was before....and you can bet she was right pissed off when she found out the therapist was female.

 

She felt Betrayed....but when you hear the story like I just told, who do you feel is the one overreacting?

 

Granted maybe he should have told her he wanted to better their mariage and was deciding to see a therapist...but what if she grilled him every night he came home as to what they discussed about her? Or what if she found out the therapist was female and while sitting at home alone waiting for him to return felt as tho he would rather talk to the therapist than her?

 

In the end she felt so lied to that she almost wanted to seek out the Therapist and find out exactly what was said and give her side etc, she threatened to leave my friend on a couple occasions...all her friends sided with her story that he was a prick for doing what he did........I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. Can you?

 

When I think about the men who approach us proffesional ladies for our services (even if its just for a chat...or more) and go home being better husbands because they've acheived that relief they were beating themselves up about pressuring their wives for, I cant help but think about that situation and how similar it seems to me.

 

He took a situation and found his own solution and didnt tell anyone till he felt comfortable and took built up tension and let it go, making all other small problems that much more bearable...and sometimes not even non-existent. Hire a proffessional...know that when your time of "therapy" is up, its up...and be a better person because of it....If thats how it goes and you play things safe and respectful, you're not cheating........thats all I'm sayin :-)

[dunkinsailor 1220]

cheating, like beauty, tends to be in the eye of the beholder.

 

if you had been my therapist Annessa, I think I'd have discovered all sorts of deep-rooted problems in me that would require many, MANY hours of intense therapy.:)

[NotchJohnson 214069]

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same" I found this cute

[A***** A***** 510]

Interesting thoughts so far; carry on!:lol:

[Mikeyboy 27113]

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same" I found this cute

 

Now that's funny! :sm185:

 

I love vanilla ice cream but I'm sure glad I occasionally get to try other flavours.

[Auralie (retired) 227]

Fascinating discussion. I have mixed feelings overall, but wanted to ask the men then, what would you do if you found out your SO was having a purely sexual relationship with another man? Just curious.

[mrgreen760 37785]

I Get this, Since you mentioned "just conversations and personal stuff".....this is a separate but somewhat similar situation that might bring our approach on our proffession to light:

 

He took a situation and found his own solution and didnt tell anyone till he felt comfortable and took built up tension and let it go, making all other small problems that much more bearable...and sometimes not even non-existent. Hire a proffessional...know that when your time of "therapy" is up, its up...and be a better person because of it....If thats how it goes and you play things safe and respectful, you're not cheating........thats all I'm sayin :-)

 

 

Comparing someone seeing a therapist, woman or not, about realtionship issues and not disclosing it until he was comfortable versus him say seeing a woman from the office or whatever for lunch or drinks or texting and emailing on a regular basis and not disclosing it to his SO in my view is...apples vs bananas.

 

My point was that women can define cheating in variety of ways....not just seeing an SP.

 

Peace

Mr Green

 

Additional Comments:

Fascinating discussion. I have mixed feelings overall, but wanted to ask the men then, what would you do if you found out your SO was having a purely sexual relationship with another man? Just curious.

 

People who live in glass houses analogy is appropriate I suppose. I don't want to be a hypocrite so I'd likely react the same way she would if she found out and would not be pleased. That being said, if we were both doing it at the same time...then perhaps it would be time for a different type of converstion.

 

Peace

Mr Green

[Annessa 22743]

My point was that women can define cheating in variety of ways....not just seeing an SP.

 

 

that was my point as well

[NotchJohnson 214069]

Fascinating discussion. I have mixed feelings overall, but wanted to ask the men then, what would you do if you found out your SO was having a purely sexual relationship with another man? Just curious.

If I could not satisfy her sexually and she had to see someone else for that, I would understand but would prefer if she would not tell me the details of it. This is what I'm going through right now and I do not believe she feels the same way as I do.

[mrgreen760 37785]

that was my point as well

 

Cool! :)

 

Peace

Mr Green

[jman47 233]

Hello all,

 

This subject is definitely one that falls into the "slippery slope" category. There is much I can express relative to it, but currently I am limited by time. I may be back later....

 

That said I will say this. I think the answers will be as varied as the people giving them. I personally believe that man was not meant to be monogamous...for many reasons. In today's society we give him many justifications to feel ok or good about it when he is not. And when I say man, I also mean woman...although I feel many more woman would argue for monogamy then men would.

 

Gotta go...maybe more later.

 

Have fun,

 

jman47

[Guest S***dst***]

Monogamy is a great wood, but I wouldn't want a whole house made from it.

 

Perhaps I'm being too literal

mahogany is wood

monogamy is not wood

 

Although it was a cute joke :P

[Guest Ou**or**n]

I'd almost rather my SO turn to an escort instead of picking up some girl at the bar ans sneak around with her on the side....somehow seeing this side of the fence I'd be way less threatened by it as I know this isnt a girl thats going to be calling at odd hours of the night wanting him to leave me for her. lol

 

This whole monogamy thing presents a big dilemma for me. While on one hand I think I would want it from my SO, it would be very hard to give it myself. This is one of the big reasons I am not in a relationship right now. Once I have this figured out maybe I'll be ready.

 

I agree very much with Annessa's point above. On many levels I don't think it to be cheating if you see an SP. It doesn't have the emotional trail of destruction that an affair can have.

 

However, for us guys there is more of a dilemma. If our SO's want to experiment there is very little in the way of male SP's for them to seek out. If society gives escorts as a way to nudge-nudge, wink-wink - sow our wild oats it certainly doesn't give this option to females. Maybe sites like Ashley Madison are giving females a means to resolve this need. Maybe women are wired a bit differently and don't need sex as badly as we do, or don't need the variety that we do.

 

As you can see, I'm still very much trying to resolve this. I think it best if my next gf be a part time SP. It would seem to solve a lot of issues.