How should you raise your kids?

[bcguy42 38594]

Though I am given to to occasional bought of silliness, this to a serious question and one not as simple as it appears.

 

Is it better to raise your daughters to be more like your sons or raise your sons to be more like your daughters?

 

Discuss,,,

[Ice4fun 78396]

Just raise them to be good people to think and care about others as much as they think about themselves ensure they have the necessities of life and that they get a good education ... and most of all make sure that they know for every moment of their lives that they have your unconditional love... that you love them through good and bad... that even when you are mad at them you love them... in life we never know how long we will have the ones we love with us so never miss an opportunity to show them your love.

 

As for raising them like a son or like a daughter... it's not in my opinion a material consideration.

 

Just my Opinion

 

Sent from my Passport using Tapatalk

[CristyCurves 169032]

Both. Raise your daughters to be like your sons and raise your sons to be like your daughters, if done conventionally, then girls are sure to be independent, strong, take charge people and your sons will be sensitive, giving and not afraid of their emotions.

The most important trait I feel you can instill in your children is confidence and that they can accomplish what ever they put their minds to, also to be kind, accepting and understanding of others. Instill that and you'll have self sufficient, happy successful adults, I hope:)

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I believe children should be raised to be themselves, whoever that "self" may be and to be accepting of that self. Raise them to think for themselves and understand actions and consequences. Let them make decisions and mistakes and teach them how to learn from both.

 

Teach boys it's okay to be sensitive and thoughtful, there is power in both. Teach them to be gentlemen and respectful but not be walked over.

 

Teach your daughters that they can do anything they want and be anything they want. Teach them it's okay to be soft and feminine while still being powerful and strong. Teach them they can be sexual and that's ok. That if they are labeled for it, it has nothing to do with them, it's the other person with the problem.

 

Teach them both that true beauty is inside and everyone has it and deserves to be treated like an amazing being. Society is not right about many things and they much think for themselves. Teach them that their opinion of themselves is the most important. Teach them to find the silver lining in every situation and to believe in something especially themselves. Teach them to always have hope.

 

Love them, accept them, tell them you will lay it on the line if you have to. Teach them that everything you do that they might not like is to make them into the best version of themselves they can be.

 

That's a start anyway.....so much more. Teach them to be people not genders!

[loopie 15358]

I don't really believe that there are male personality traits and female personality traits.

[fortunateone 156618]

I think children have things that they are just naturally drawn to do or be, and that the main thing is encouraging that.

 

I think that if you have a girl who is clearly pretty, she is going to get compliments on her looks. It is super important for parents to not just accept that but also reply something like 'beautiful on the inside too' and/or 'smart and skillful too', always adding in that compliment that offsets what others see, and remind them of what they are. Same with boys, probably will get he's so athletic, or whatever, and a counter point is that he is smart, or kind, or a great big brother to his younger syblings.

 

Place value on the things that can't be seen, or that society doesn't automatically seem to place higher value on like looks or sporting abilities, and you offer a balance to them. Then when they are older and someone says how pretty they are, they automatically hear another inside voice saying' just as pretty on the inside."

[Guest **cely***r***ne]

I've heard so many people say raising kids is hard..being a mother of a wonderful 2 year old boy I can say there are times that try my patience. But its really not that hard!

 

They have their own personality..and you can't change it. My son likes having his toenails painted, his favorite color is pink, he has a baby doll with a stroller and his favorite toys are his trucks and trains.

 

If our children are happy, we are happy.

 

I raise my son to be polite, empathetic and and individual.

 

He's happy, healthy and smart and that is all I can ask for

[VedaSloan 119179]

Or, raise them to be people and teach them they can be and do anything and to respect other people.

 

Gender roles are outdated and dangerous, not to mention a complete social construction.

[LeeRichards 177238]

Tis always a work in progress.......

 

Be kids....

 

Be respectful...

 

Be happy....

 

Laugh and love...

 

Don't pick fights....where do they get you ?

 

Play safe.......

 

etc.....

 

 

Kids will grow up with great big eyes loving, idolizing and wanting to BE their Mom and/or Dad...... So at the end of the day..........

 

Just let them be kids........... But BE the adult that you want your kids to be when they grow up :) The attitude, speak, beliefs, mutual respect, theeeeeeee Atmosphere they grow up in is crucial.

 

Just my opinion

[MightyPen 67414]

It's already been said in the thread, but it bears repeating.

 

There are no fixed, universal male or female identities. Stop trying to raise sons according to some kind of Sons template, and daughters to a Daughters template.

 

Just raise them to be capable, expressive, as unafraid as possible, and let them be whatever unique human beings they are.

[clearlycanadian7583 1199]

I struggle with this all the time, I'm a single father to a 3 year old boy (his mother took off when he was 6 months old). I'm doing the best I can trying to teach him things that only a mother could. It's hard to put into words what exactly I'm doing it's more like little things everyday with a greater purpose.

 

I hope that I can give a decent moral compass and the confidence he needs to succeed. I want him to be independent, respectful and driven.

 

>Above all else he will be better, smarter and, stronger then me in the ways that really matter. He will always be loved and given every opportunity available to him.<

 

Those two sentences are my parenting mantra.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

Additional Comments:

I've heard so many people say raising kids is hard..being a mother of a wonderful 2 year old boy I can say there are times that try my patience. But its really not that hard!

 

They have their own personality..and you can't change it. My son likes having his toenails painted, his favorite color is pink, he has a baby doll with a stroller and his favorite toys are his trucks and trains.

 

If our children are happy, we are happy.

 

I raise my son to be polite, empathetic and and individual.

 

He's happy, healthy and smart and that is all I can ask for

 

When my son was two and a half I had to learn how to paint toenails blue and pink because our swimming instructor had her toenails painted, "Paint my piggies Daddy." Currently they are green and purple.

 

Until recently my son's favorite toy was a stroller to push his stuffed animals around, it was a great way to go shopping with because he would pretend it was a cart and help pick out the groceries.

Posted via Mobile Device

[CristyCurves 169032]

I struggle with this all the time, I'm a single father to a 3 year old boy (his mother took off when he was 6 months old). I'm doing the best I can trying to teach him things that only a mother could. It's hard to put into words what exactly I'm doing it's more like little things everyday with a greater purpose.

 

I hope that I can give a decent moral compass and the confidence he needs to succeed. I want him to be independent, respectful and driven.

 

>Above all else he will be better, smarter and, stronger then me in the ways that really matter. He will always be loved and given every opportunity available to him.<

 

Those two sentences are my parenting mantra.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

When my son was two and a half I had to learn how to paint toenails blue and pink because our swimming instructor had her toenails painted, "Paint my piggies Daddy." Currently they are green and purple.

 

Until recently my son's favorite toy was a stroller to push his stuffed animals around, it was a great way to go shopping with because he would pretend it was a cart and help pick out the groceries.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

Kudo's to you, single dads aren't often acknowledged and should be congratulated for all they do. As should the single mom's, it certainly can't be easy doing it alone. But I think your son will be fine as you've given him the most important lesson/gift for becoming a well rounded human and that is love, unconditional love. I believe when someone is raised knowing they are truly loved then nothing can conquer them. It is what feeds the soul.

[Boomer 33202]

This doesn't directly answer the question, but I have a boy and girl and believe the biggest influence in their development was their order of birth. My daughter was first and as novice parents we treated her like china, breakable, so were always lavishing her with attention. When my son arrived we'd realized that babies are pretty robust, and we were far more relaxed. They have turned out as very nice young adults with quite different personalities.

[Victoria Phoenix 3403]

To me, the most important aspect of raising a child, is to instill love, and self worth in them! Tell them you love them everyday, how proud you are of them, teach them to be independent, and trust in themselves! Raising a son, teach him to RESPECT women, raising a daughter, teach her to LOVE herself,,but for both sons and daughter's, comes discipline,,the hard part, lol Without it, they have no boundaries, and grow up thinking, they can get away with anything and everything, without consequences,, and that just isn't the way life works,,,so with love compassion and discipline comes parenthood :)

[Guest D***el B***e]

Same here, same story as Boomer. Raised each one with their own individuality. We showed them the value of right and wrong, the value of being honest and hard working. They're both university educated and each one on a different path to a great career. We definitely had to pick our battles along the way, we lost some, but we won the war. It's mosty gravy from now on.

 

 

This doesn't directly answer the question, but I have a boy and girl and believe the biggest influence in their development was their order of birth. My daughter was first and as novice parents we treated her like china, breakable, so were always lavishing her with attention. When my son arrived we'd realized that babies are pretty robust, and we were far more relaxed. They have turned out as very nice young adults with quite different personalities.

[Reuben Sandwich 13841]

We have given our daughters support, love, shared knowledge and some clothes. The rest they did on their own. Probably would have done the same for a son.

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[Guest *ik****g]

The best advise I can give is exchange them for Air Miles and cash the points for a trip. But that's just me, I don't think society is ready for that yet. LOL

 

Raising kids is the most beautiful and rewarding experience one can have. It should not be stressful, but you need to savor every precious moment because life goes on. Yes there is a bit of coaching and mentoring involved, but otherwise, life happens for the better and the worst.

 

Be there for your kids, this is what matters the most.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I teach mine to break the fucking rules.

 

If mine wants to be a cog in the transmission of society, that fine; but I'm hoping mine

will be an entrepreneur, in which case, don't just think outside of the box, set that

fucking box ablaze! Even if mine settles into an 'occupation', one still has to fight

and take no shit in order to succeed.

 

I don't really believe that there are male personality traits and female personality traits.

 

Just as male and female bodies are different (female bodies are designed to give birth and nurture; male bodies are designed to fight other male bodies), so are their brains. For example, the ratio of girls to boys prescribed Ritalin (a drug compared by some to cocaine) is something like 20:80 (often at the behest of female teachers). Apparently boys' brains need to be drugged in order to conform, while girls' are not. The question is, what are boys being drugged into conforming to?

[loopie 15358]

Just as male and female bodies are different (female bodies are designed to give birth and nurture; male bodies are designed to fight other male bodies), so are their brains.

 

Gender roles give men and women different ways of expressing the same basic personality traits.

 

People think of men as being more competitive just because the traditional male way of competing was more obvious because it was more physical in the forms of fighting and sports. Women are just as capable of being competitive, it's just that gender roles assigned them different more nuanced ways of making each other feel like crap.

 

Our roles did used to be more defined by our bodies, which are different. But that is becoming pretty irrelevant now. Women still have the ability to give birth, but most have fewer children than in previous eras and many have no children at all. Men do still dominate physical professions, but fewer professions are physical because of technology. Even being a warrior doesn't necessarily require physical strength. You don't even need to be able to walk to pilot a remotely piloted jet.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

People think of men as being more competitive just because the traditional male way of competing was more obvious because it was more physical in the forms of fighting and sports. Women are just as capable of being competitive, it's just that gender roles assigned them different more nuanced ways of making each other feel like crap.

 

A million years ago it wasn't "gender roles", it was just nature. The simple fact is that you can't undue millions of years of hardwiring. Look at the difference in sexes when it comes to prison populations, Grand Theft Auto players, psychopaths, front line soldiers, etc. If you want to ignore the plain facts then go ahead and do so, but it doesn't change them.

 

 

Even being a warrior doesn't necessarily require physical strength. You don't even need to be able to walk to pilot a remotely piloted jet.

 

I wouldn't put all your faith in warfare "technology". You can't remotely pilot anything without satellites and both China and Russia have the capacity to take out American satellites during wartime, and EMP pulse weapons can take out local electronics. Once that happens you're reliant on the ability of your body, the ability of your weaponry, and that of your buddies'. That's why Russians design their weapons to be simple, resilient, and robust.

 

 

You can't deny evolution.Millions of years of fist fights have altered the human face to leave men's jaws more robust than women's, a study has found.

 

I can personally attest to my strong facial bones, as in the process of learning that I am definitely a crappy fighter, I've taken quite a few hard hits to the head and guess what, never a broken bone! :P

[Bianca Jaguar 39183]

I don't really believe that there are male personality traits and female personality traits.

 

I agree with you loopie...

 

I have 3 kids and raised them all three the same...that is to be confient, respectful and never to be a VICTIM! That doesn't mean to pick a fight every day but never tolerate to be bullied. If someone is physically agressive...make sure it stops!!

" My youngest had a situation where he had to react to a bully in grade 5...he grabbed the kids arm and twisted it (his dad had shown him)...the bully went crying to the teacher...lol he never bothered my kid again..."

 

Bianca

[MightyPen 67414]

Look at the difference in sexes when it comes to prison populations, Grand Theft Auto players, psychopaths, front line soldiers, etc.

 

What you're describing are behaviours, and behaviours are shaped as much by culture as biology. Both genders are equally competitive; but the way that competitiveness gets expressed is channeled by the culture in which it takes place.

 

Men are culturally encouraged to act out overtly and physically, and so guess what... they tend to do just that. Women have been encouraged to conform to a non-threatening, male-devised ideal (passive, gentle, etc.) and guess what... for a long time, that's the direction they tended toward, at least publicly.

 

Happily, these are no longer those times.

 

Women have always been equally capable of competition, aggression, and violence in those forms that the culture permitted. See: women competing for/fighting over men, and the vaunted danger of "mothers defending their children". These are both roles that men are comfortable with women inhabiting, so the culture "allows" them. But what they reveal is that women possess these attributes just as much as men, when given the opportunity to express them. Today, we see the dramatic rise of women gamers, since they can move into that sphere on equal footing with men because their gender isn't apparent online. They frequently dominate the areas they play in. Women also serve in the armed forces of several nations as extremely able troops, pilots, and commanders.

 

The inclinations and behaviours of the human genders are very nearly interchangeable; and there is much, much more variance among the set of all men, than there is between men and women in general.

 

You can't deny evolution. [punchy faced humans]

Be wary when citing evolution as direct explanation for complex human behaviour, or as the source of a box in which to confine it. The evidence is all over the map, and we tend to see in it whatever we're looking for.

 

That particular study takes some attributes of the face and extrapolates wildly on why they might take their shape. They haven't proven causation, they're just putting forward one possible interpretation. It's just as likely that faces have been shaped by climate and diet.

 

But if you prefer, we can certainly claim that all through primates' evolutionary history, while both genders have been expressing their equal competitiveness and propensity for violence, women used more subtle and varied methods to achieve their goals. But men a) tended to resort in dim-witted frustration to just punching each other in the face, and b) were forever too slow and clumsy to move their faces out of the way. I imagine the women found it amusing to watch.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Women also serve in the armed forces of several nations as extremely able troops, pilots, and commanders.

 

 

The failure of two Marine Corps officers to to pass the Jan. 8 first-day Combat Endurance Test of the infantry officer course brings the tally of female dropouts to 26.

 

Each one of these drop-outs could no doubt kick my pathetic ass, but it's not me they will have to face. If AmeriNATO keeps pushing Russia into a corner, we'll be facing the likes of these guys, typical Russian soldiers who don't give a flying fuck if they live to see the next day. To give you an example, these Russian soldiers gleefully shoot grenades at their own just for fun.

 

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=bf4_1425872503

 

Sure, physical standards for the most elite fighting forces could be lowered, but the Russians/Chinese won't be lowering theirs, and us doing so would give them the upper hand. Don't get me wrong, if we go to war with Russia/China we'll need every able bodied person on the front lines as cannon fodder, male or female. We won't have to worry about gender inequality; bullets don't discriminate.

 

If AmeriNATO doesn't pull back from Russia and let Ukraine (a large minority of which is Russian) sort out its own mess, a major war is what we'll have on our hands.