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One of the biggest ares of concern publicly around sex work seems to be an objection to attached people seeking it. I think this stems form with how we view relationships traditionally. In all other area of our life we would never expect someone to exclusively meet the others needs exclusively with one person or expect our partner to engage in all of our interests, hobbies etc. This is why people in relationships have external friendships and these are not a threat to the primary relationship but rather. We also would condemn a behavior where one member expected that the other would only engage in certain actives exclusively with but also feel no responsibility to be willing to engage in that activity in return. Yet we expect one person to meet all of our needs sexually. This seems like pretty lofty expectations and one that often even in a great relationship can leave some needs or desires wanting. I think this explains a lot of the drive for sex work. When it's done in manor that is about meeting a need or desire the your partner is uncomfortable or simply unwilling to meet than it's really a win win because it will allow the customer to meet their needs without the risks of developing an emotional attachment that can happen if they had an affair. That said I think even in good professional encounter there is always a degree of connection but it done so knowing the boundaries from the outset. What do you think?

We ask for references to make sure you are a respectable guy...to make sure you are not a time waster. Alot of guys here on cerb don't need to use a reference {with me] ..gents that i can see just by reading their posts and reco's that they are gentlemen..on the other hand their are gents i wouldn't see too by their posts or reco's...lol..i'm sure the same goes for the gentlemen...that's another reason why it's good that people participate here... kisses, Emma

I am giving here my humble opinion; please take into consideration I was married before ( a couple of times) and I know what "routine" does to a couple. It may be a straight couple or a gay couple...."routine" is the issue. We get used to the "intimacy" that allows our partners to see us in different and "unsolicited"ways ( bathroom, sicknesses, periods, hard work at our jobs, the children expectations and demands, etc.)we loose the "initial appeal' we had for them. Love is a great word and some are able to survive the "routines", however it is a hard thing to take. I was raised in a regular family and my dad "cheated"on my mother.I had to learn that in a hard way, another story for another day. I was instilled with the idea that Marriage was sacred.....bullshit....it is not. Why? because we do not "buy"each other...most of the persons I know are attached for financial reasons and a little percentage for the children, the family or the appearances, or they struggleto find a loving reason.... I have many "great friends" that do not stand to sleep in the same bed than their wives and at the same time they feel guilty for being with SP's. Society imposes on us rules....how do you think we feel about being SP's? however, every time I (we) see my (our) "friends"I am delighted and happy and full of joy to see them and there is no way that the "sexy feelings" are not there.....I feel loved when they hug me and loved when they kiss me...I feel true desire when they are with me....not only on physical manifestations, rather in the eyes and the hugs and the wordings of every second... I love you all, and "Yes"it is possible to love many people, it is possible to survive having "girlfriens or "SP's" (we are safer than girlfriends however) Many gentlemen have told me that they feel better with their wives after being with a good SP....here at CERB there are many great ladies and you can comfort yourself with us...please this new 2010,do not feel guilty, because society does that, not you! you are a genuine human being, male and "thirsty" Hugs and more hugs to all of you for 2010, be free of guiltiness please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are paying your due to your family and you are entitled to happiness, one way or another. If anyone can bring to me 10 couples that do not need to get satisfaction outside of their own lives, I will reward you! Merry life to all of you! Tracie G.:rolleyes:

Archer, I think you have a great point about traditional views on monogamy affecting how people view sex workers and their clients. It is something that has been discussed indirectly in other threads and is definitely due some attention! Buggernot- I feel like my thoughts are so similar to yours that they may not even need stating but I have some pretty strong feelings on this subject so I am adding my two cents anyway- though they may look very similar to your 2 cents... Personally, I have come to learn that we- as animals- are highly driven by sex, especially me! I recently watched a video (linked from here maybe?) that mentioned how bizarro it is for us to expect monogamy when in reality the only animal who has yet to prove this consistently with no exceptions is some weird worm that lives in the stomach of a fish, who fuses with it's mate shortly after birth and is then stuck for life... We are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we expect others and ourselves to remain faithful forever. It can be especially hard to handle when we are the ones being cheated on, not to say that guilt doesn't have it's fair share of emotional weight... Many women have been raised to be "good girls" with the idea that you save yourself for your one true love and then live happily ever after. Unfortunately for the good girls, simultaneously, there have also been enough "bad girls" to fulfil the naughty desires of their husbands... (and vice versa) Of course finding out that your one true love has sullied your happily ever after is a touch hard to deal with and strangely it is more natural to harbour bad feelings against the "bad girls" for being bad when in reality these good girls are simply displacing their own insecurities/fears/anger onto the sex worker/mistress/girlfriend/insert other bad girl type here to make themselves believe that their husband had no choice but to stray/be tempted/corrupted/ etc... Perhaps some of the problem also lies within the "bad-boy" syndrome- tell me I can't/shouldn't have something and it only makes me want it more... In order to change this harbouring of negative feelings against sex workers and bad girls/boys in general it is important for couples to communicate about what is expected vs. what is actually going to happen even if that is something that neither of them wants at the time of the initial topic discussion. A friend I met on vacation recently told me how his gf made sure he brought condoms with him "just in case" and then told him to have fun! That is truly refreshing, and just the kind of mentality and acceptance that we all need to adopt in order to live happier and more peaceful lives without displacing our anger or insecurities on the lovers of our lovers. As soon as we stop lying to ourselves and each other we will stop all this negativity from being created to begin with, and then focus our energy on more fulfilling activities, like more sexy time for instance... ; )

For those who aren't members of our social group Redhead Appreciation Group (RHAG) on cerb, I thought I'd mention some hot new redheads that we've been talking about: Blair at Cupid's www.cupidsescorts.ca There's also Scarlett; though she's not new, she's definitely hot! Robyn and Roksi at Garden of Eden www.gardenofedenladies.com April at Dream makers (pics not up yet, but check the RHAG site on cerb for a preview) Holly at Roommates http://www.roommates-escorts.com/holly.php Cassidy at Entourage (pm me for the link to this one).

I don't have a great way to say no to a dancer. I certainly have made many rookie mistakes and ended up paying dearly. I just wanted to add my comments about how many of the girls in the clubs must not appreciate that spending time in a CR is a very expensive hobby. $100 can disappear in 15 minutes sometimes less. Most girls aren't happy if you take them for just one dance. Therefore no girl should be hurt or offended if I say no to them. There may be 20 or more girls trolling for business and I will maybe go into the back with 3 of them and that will still make for an expensive night. So please don't be hurt and certainly there is no need to be rude if I politely say "no".

I use to do that... spend all my time searching out the person on my own, reading through their posts.. ect... It leaves little time to do much else and it can take forever. So now I only see those with references... it makes me feel secure when having people to my location and it saves me a lot of time and burnout not having to sit at the computer all day trying to figure out if you're ok from your posts. On a side note, before I had a recommendation I got next to no clients... the odd one a month... I had no "references" so people were less inclined to see me... I don't see how asking for client references is much different than you reviewing us... it is at least far more private and less detailed.

I've been asked by a popular SP for a reference, an email or phone of another SP that can vouch for my integrity and/or goodness, I guess to find out who I am? It was really weird asking a girl I know if she wouldn't mind vouching for me to another girl....so weird in fact that I've decided I won't do it any longer. Fuck that. It was embarrassing and humiliating! Oh ya, even after all these hoops that I jumped through she ended up cancelling on me....wtf? If an SP is worried about who I am, they can research me a little bit just like I have to do towards them. Otherwise, kiss my ass! :)

I am happy that you are seeing the benefits of a non sexual date, agency or not however a worker will be there for your needs....be them sexual or just "hanging out". As per profession however, Think of it this way: I'm assuming you are a carpenter because you like what you do and are good at it. The same goes for escorts. many of the best are skilled conversationalists and can hold a conversation rather than chewing gum...yanno? they can get a giggle and a smile from sometimes the most socially akward person....they devote their time to you and only you...no matter who you are. we love what we do, some were born to be social for hire. its a skill....we dont see it as offering a mechanical service and THEN offering you a relationship experience......(to me anyway) it all falls hand in hand no matter what deed is exchanged. Someone once said that if you loved the outdoors and you decided to open a campsite as a business, you would still charge your camp tenants rental of the space....regardless of your love for your love for nature. Sure you would have to pitch tents and clean up garbage and do all the "work stuff" but it doesnt mean you'd let anyone set foot on your campsite without treating them differently than anyone else at your camp. It just wouldn't make sense if you did. ultimately, if you decided not to charge those with the same interests as you because it "just didn't feel right' your business because they shared your love for a common admiration, would eventually suffer. we all come together because of similar interests here on cerb. some have different interests or requests but in the end of the day everyone is here to respect the boundaries of each other and hopefully fulfill the requests of the respectful. social interaction yes, but I wouldnt say a strong force 'because of recos' being the main point leading to that. I have known many cerb gals who have received favourable recos yet have conducted themselves less than comparative in their postings. Cerb is *not* all about recos IMO.

Being single and having trouble picking up in the 'real world,' sex work is a guilt free way to relieve my sexual tension. That being said, if I were attached, I would hope my SO would be as open to things sexually as I am, and I would not need dally in the SP world.

. The age old monogamy question . Of course the attractive woman , who have no shortage of attractive suitors feel that monogamy is unnatural . However I am pretty sure that the less than attractive ladies don't share that opinion because they have a lot more to lose . I think when people speak on this subject they should confine themselves to what is right for them and not generalize that it is right for all or even most people . It would be surprising and hypocritical to hear a sex worker come out in favor of monogamy .

Well i know some one personally, who was given permission to see SP's from his wife, as long as he did not repeat with the same SP more than twice a year. She was ill and could not give him sex. He was allowed to see an SP twice a month. I also know another situation where the woman chose the SP for long term sex with her mate. But if he wanted to change the SP she would choose again, one lasted for over 2 years the other 5 years. She is now passed. These situations both happened in the 80's!:confused:

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My general view on attached clients as a sex worker is that each relationship is unique and I'm not there to judge.

There's something specific about the dynamic between women I have always been curious about and Bethany touched on it in her previous thoughts. It has always amazed me how often women look at other women like predatory comptetitors for the men in their lives. How often do women look at other women as threats to their relationships? How often do they coin the phrase "she's trying to steal my boyfriend/husband/man" Ummm, if the man in your life can be stolen that easily maybe the relationship is too fragile to take seriously. And if that's the case, shouldn't the malice be directed at him for cheating? After all, he made the choice didn't he? A man can't be stolen, only lured.

Even some of those who believe they have 'relaxed' views regarding monogamy will succumb to hypocrisy given the right circumstance. So factor in the puritanical views many people are ingrained with and there's no surprise that there's much indignation. People fuck around for a reason whether it's a drive, weakness, or lack of something. Always been like that and always will be. Sex workers make it easy because it's anonymous and simple. But if they weren't there to go to, things wouldn't change, they'd just be looking elsewhere for companionship or fucking...

In life you should always be honest, polite, and respectful. So, why should this be any different. Just say no thank-you. You may have just entered the club and want her to come back later, then say that. You may not be interested in her at all, then say, you don't want to waist her time and that you are not interested, thank-you. If she askes if she can sit with you, be polite, say yes if you are interested and say no if you are not, thank-you. Don't be afraid that you are hurting anyones feelings, this is a business and the girls will appreciate the honest, polite, respectful approach, and that you are not waisting there time and costing them money. And the ones who don't, aren't worth your time anyway. Thank you,

Great thread. I just returned home from a short trip to Ottawa. I visited Barbs and the Playmate for the first time. What I learned, is that honesty is the best policy to a certain point. When I first walk into a club and a girl sits with me in the first 5 minutes she usually gets the line "I just got here and want to drink a couple beers before I go for a dance" This line is true, however, when the girl comes back 20 minutes later you now need another line if you don't want her to dance for you. Personally, I love the line "I am waiting for a specific girl to dance for me" This line is normally true as well. I have never walked into a club and couldn't pick out a girl that I thought was very hot and was willing to wait for. I think this is a great line because if the girls feelings are hurt she needs to get a thicker skin, because you did not say you are waiting for a hotter girl. And the bonus is, sometimes that girl will go and tell the girl you are waiting for that she has a guy willing to spend a few dollars on her. I personally love it when that happens, saves me trying to gesture or make eye contact. Or saves you the frustration of watching the girl you want sit at a table with guys who hope she will sit and talk for the entire evening. I did make some rookie mistakes on this trip as well. In my first hour at Barbs, a girl which I did not find attractive slid into the seat next to me and after a short conversation she asked if I wanted to go and get a dance. I did not want a dance from her and blurted out the line "I am not getting any dances" a total lie of course, because no more than 20 minutes later I got a very dirty look from her as I walked into the back with a different girl. Another mistake I made was that I went for a "pity dance". I listened to a girl chat about how she hasn't made any money and how she might not be able to go out with her friends that night. So, like a sucker, I went and had a girl I was not interested in dance for me for a couple songs. I swore this will never happen again.