At the beginning it was not Love - it was business. As time went by we spent more time together. We got to know each other more and more. We became more familiar with each other's private lives. Trust was developed. After many years I actually began to feel what I think was Love for her. I think I'm not entirely sure because my mind whispered continuously to me this can't happen, it does not make any logical sense given each of our situations. The problem is that my heart and my soul told me and made me feel differently. It was a constant battle.
After a few years with this constant battle and conflict within me, I began to develop a different understanding. It was still a feeling of Love but of a different sort. A Love between 2 people who cared and most importantly trusted each other as much as 2 people can given the situation. It was about being there for each other when life was not so pleasant for each other. It was about spending time together and escaping the realities of each others different problems. It was about being able to do and say anything in each other's presence given everything we knew about each other. It was about laughing, being crazy, having fun, even arguing sometimes, helping each other and most important being able to move forward with each other despite any incident. It was like having a Lover and a Best Friend, all wrapped up in one beautiful package - is that Love ?
I think it was Love because I always wanted it to be more. I'm not sure about her thoughts on this. We never spoke of it. I think despite all the great times and how far we both pushed the connection we had , deep inside we both knew it would never be permanent and forever. It was and has been the most special of times I have ever spent with another person for so many years. I guess maybe it is Love, a different, very special and very unique kind of Love.
Even today, there are times my mind still says it cannot be Love, my heart still tells me otherwise. My heart missed her when we were apart for many months, my heart missed her when I was not in her presence while seeing or talking to her on a daily basis. Finally I still miss her now that I only talk or see her very occassionally. I guess it must be Love. I never remotely thought it possible that I could Love 2 people in 2 very different ways so very much at the same time and that both these people could affect me personally so much and in such an intense fashion.
I am so lucky for having experienced this and just want to say thanks and I love you.
Finally sorry for the long post but there is no other person or no other place where I can say this. Thanks for your patience.