Regent

So, a bit of a heavy topic. I'm in an ongoing conflict/dialogue with an acquaintance who's very anti-sex work. (Though I'm about ready to throw my hands up in disgust.) I recently asserted that it's easy to be an ethical consumer of the sex industry if you actually care about being an ethical consumer, and that the more direct interaction you have with a worker, the easier it is to make sure that they're doing the work consensually and by choice. (So making a solid ethical choice when seeing a service provider is easier than doing so when watching porn on the internet, for example.) She asked me how one could know. It seems pretty obvious to me, but I'd rather not just give a flippant response based exclusively on my own perceptions and experiences, which are obviously limited - I work as a SP, I have many friends who are current and former workers in various parts of the sex industry and I've worked in social services where I had clients who were SPs, but I don't have any experience as a male hobbyist hiring a SP, and I do know that when I am a client at say, a strip club, my interactions with the women working there are really different than the interactions men have. So, if you were giving advice to someone who had never seen a SP before and was really concerned about the risk of seeing someone who had been trafficked or who was being coerced* into the work, what would you tell them? I'm interested in responses from both SPs and hobbyists. Things I would recommend: See someone who**: - works independently & has their own website - participates in online communities for hobbyists and/or SPs - is involved in sex worker rights activism/blogs or talks about their experiences and their work publicly - screens their clients Get to know them a bit, either through their interactions online or by booking some social time where you plan to just talk. * When I talk about coercion, I mean through violence, emotional manipulation or abuse. One of the popular arguments against sex work is that there is no free choice when there are economic pressures that might influence a person's choice to do this type of work. Ultimately though, that adds up to an argument against capitalism and all work being coercive, and doesn't logically or meaningfully single out sex work, without doing a bunch of mental gymnastics. ** Obviously not meeting these criteria doesn't mean anything and many SPs who choose this work don't meet these criteria. Additionally, this is really complicated too, because these sorts of screening criteria could further marginalize already marginalized workers, by steering good potential clients away from them and towards workers who are already more privileged. But at the same time, those who are making the argument that it's impossible to do this type of work consensually or that it's impossible to be an ethical consumer are already seeking to force us all out of this line of work anyway, which, imo, does far more to marginalize already under-privileged workers.

https://medium.com/boinkology-101/98e69aae5ea2 You all might find this article interesting, discussing the false dichotomy that the "porn sex vs real sex" framing creates.

I never feel guilty about food, but some of my favourite things are: - Freshly baked, chewy chocolate chip cookies with coarse salt. - Grilled cheese with old cheddar and copious amounts of butter. - Hawkins Cheezies (arejayell, these are the best!) - Any kind of pie with really good, home made crust. - The highest fat yoghurt I can find. I adore baking and really fatty foods.

I endeavour to be out about all aspects of my life and for the most part I am. Maintaining closets and multiple identities tends to stress me out. That said, I don't have face photos up because I'm not fully out about this part of my life. I'm not ashamed about it at all, but I don't feel like I've fully assessed the possible long term consequences of being out and had time to get really comfortable with the possibilities. My primary concern is tarnishing the public image of an organization that I'm heavily involved in, should I be out. Another concern is working in a community that really buys into the stigma around sex work. Once I've sorted out my conflicts around how this part of my life integrates with the others I may choose to put face pics up, but for now, I'm not going to.

Indeed. I don't expect people to magically change, and so if someone can't follow directions during initial contact, I figure I can expect that behaviour to continue through all our interactions. I have no interest in dealing with anyone who doesn't listen and won't respect the boundaries I've laid out.

This is so dependent on who I'm with - what works well with one partner isn't going to be the same as with another partner. Personally, I'm partial to Lifestyles Skyns and Ultrasensitives, and I also really like the FC2 female condom.

Thank you for this thread, it's been great to read so many different experiences and perspectives.