Regent

I think I would be considered open minded by many people's standards, though I rarely think of my approach to life in that particular term. I really value things like critical thinking, respecting diversity of experiences and identities, sex positivity, consent, harm reduction, kindness and compassion. When looking at other people's choices, identities and positions in life, it's very important to me to do so with empathy. We're fed a lot of stereotypes about all kinds of people who are different from us, and we're taught to make assumptions, and it is so important to critically examine those things and always remember our shared humanity. I don't think it's possible or desirable to be free of judgement all the time. Some things are worth being judgemental about. But I try to limit my judgement to things that are non-consensual, harmful or oppressive, and recognize that everything else is an okay part of the amazing diversity of humanity. I've found my experiences with the community on CERB to be pretty good. One thing that I do find disappointing, though unsurprising, is the way that many people here talk about trans sex workers. I see both transphobic language get used, and really troubling attitudes expressed, like this idea that it's okay to casually out a trans sex worker who isn't advertising as trans or that trans women are not real women. Transphobia is pretty deeply embedded in mainstream culture, and I've just recently started seeing more media attention and awareness aimed at trans issues. It would be really great if everyone in our communities would take some time to educate themselves and if we could see some resistance and shifting away from the really terrible language that seems to be a big part of the sex industry. And particularly for clients, exercising a bit more empathy, mindfulness and compassion when talking about trans sex workers. Casually outing someone can have really horrible consequences for them. Using language that's degrading or talking about trans women in ways that positions them as less-than perpetuates the dehumanization and devaluing of them. That devaluing contributes directly to the incredibly high rates of violence and murder that trans women sex workers experience. I think most people here are really good about recognizing that sex workers are human beings and that stereotypes and stigma are both harmful and inaccurate. It would be really great to see more of that openness and empathy extended to trans sex workers, too.

I'm not surprised by this. All kinds of businesses and professionals use really bad photography in their marketing. I'm sure there's all kinds of reasons for it, from not understanding the value of good photography, to not knowing how to take a good photo, to needing to post an ad right away and a crappy photo likely being better than no photo (and sometimes just not getting around to replacing it later.) But yes, good photography is a powerful marketing tool and well worth the effort. Any business that markets itself with images that don't enhance and support their brand is doing themselves a disservice.

I find that "statistic" that the average age for someone entering sex work is 13 to be just so mind blowing in both its absurdity and how quick people are to believe it and repeat it without any critical thought. I see it over and over again, and really, anyone who can do basic math and thinks about it for 10 seconds should realize that it's absolute bullshit.

Andrew Swan also supported the C-10 Omnibus Crime Bill so I can't say this surprises me in the slightest. He's clearly invested in tough on crime ideology. But, it's still very disappointing and concerning.

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/province-urges-feds-to-use-nordic-model-on-sex-trade-245655561.html Hey fellow Manitoban's - this is worth writing to your MPs and MLAs about. You don't need to out yourself as a sex worker or client, and you can encourage your representatives to take a human rights, evidence based approach and ensure that sex workers are consulted in the decision making process.

The rooms at AQ have doors which lock. If complete privacy is very important to you, and you're getting one of the theme rooms (recommended), you might just want to ask to see the room before selecting it - some of them have windows that people can look into. I don't recall if the jacuzzi room can be completely private or not. I've gone on dates there, when we wanted some alone time together and neither of us were able to host. I can't comment on Adonis, as I haven't been there.

People get a lot of really terrible and unhealthy messages about sex and their bodies, including many messages that stigmatize or discourage clear and honest communication between partners. It's really sad and not surprising that a lot of people have unsatisfying sex with their partners. Beyond that, sometimes there's just a lack of sexual chemistry or compatibility. Human sexuality is so diverse, chancing into someone who is a great fit for you can take a while, even if you're able to communicate well with each other. If dating isn't enjoyable any more then it sounds like a great time to take a break from it. Welcome back to hobbying :)

Does anyone know if Sur sees women?

Actually I do offer release for those who prefer it. :) If I'm not aware of your preference I might get you to stroke yourself so I can use both hands to get good leverage - if I'm going to be really enthusiastic and aggressive with a strap on, it works best if I can put my whole body into it. However, I'm absolutely happy to multitask (I'm talented like that ;)) and get you off, all you have to do is ask.

I've always been queer and I date people of all genders in my personal life. Offering duos is of course a marketing thing, but I'm only interested in doing duos with SPs that I feel good chemistry with and can work well with. If I wasn't interested in group play I certainly wouldn't offer it as an option. Currently the SPs that I'm open to doing duos with are all personal friends of mine, and our relationships predate our working relationships.

I usually call clients by their name. If terms of endearment get used, it's usually slut, bitch, sub, cocksucker or something like that. But, what is endearing to my clients is probably a bit different from your average guy ;) I am not into my clients using terms of endearment, but that's mostly because it just doesn't fit with the dynamic we're creating.

The first thing I noticed is that she looks like she's genuinely having fun.

I have an allergy or sensitivity (not sure which), to some fragrances - it's not life threatening but it's extremely unpleasant and could easily ruin a session, so I'm clear on my website that clients shouldn't wear strong fragrances when visiting me. I don't specifically ask about allergies but I do ask about disabilities or any other health considerations that might impact our session or that I should take into consideration when playing. I feel that with BDSM in particular, knowing these this is incredibly important, because the wrong combination of activities and undisclosed medical issues could end up with someone being seriously harmed. Asking about allergies specifically is not a bad idea either - they can be more rapidly life threatening than a lot of other things. I do keep an Epipen in my first aid kit, but I really hope to never need to use it.

I don't think "monogamy of the heart" describes polyamorous people at all. A key feature of polyamory is the practice/capacity/openness to having multiple romantic relationships, not just sexual ones. I think the concept of "monogamy of the heart" is antithetical to polyamory, as it suggests that you can only be in love with one person at a time, and if you're not open to or capable of loving more than one at a time then polyamory is definitely not the right description for your non-monogamy. I think "monogamy of the heart" would better describe a more "open marriage" type of relationship, where two people are in love with each other and have sexual relationships outside their relationship, but aren't open to other loving or romantic connections. "Monogamy of the heart" also strikes me as something that must be descriptive, not prescriptive. The heart wants what it wants, and we can't control our emotions. Some people are just not wired to be in love with more than one person at once, but I think more people are inclined to want to be monogamous for their partner but are fully capable of falling for someone else at the same time. While I don't think I'd choose to use "monogamy of the heart" as a term, I do like differentiating between social, sexual and emotional monogamy, which are all very different concepts that tend to get lumped together under the umbrella of just "monogamy".

Female/internal condoms are fantastic and such a nice alternative to standard condoms. But... I have never been with anyone who has used them before I introduced them, so I suspect most people don't even realize they're an option.

I've been listening a little obsessively to Beth Rowley's Little Dreamer. It's a mellow, sometimes a bit melancholy blend of soul, jazz and gospel influences.

White sourdough brushed with butter and bacon fat, extra old cheddar, sliced home grown tomatoes (black heirloom ones preferably) and very crispy crumbled bacon, grilled until it all melts together. Cream cheese, cucumbers, Italian dressing and black pepper on white.

I usually drink whites, which I don't particularly associate with hearty meals and rainy days, but I think Apothic Red might just fit the bill. It's a beautiful blended red, not too dry and extremely tasty. One of my favourites.

I think I would have stronger feelings about the series finale if the whole last season hadn't slowly eroded any interest I had in the show. It was just so riddled with plot holes and bad writing that I knew there was no way they could turn it around in the last episode, but with the way it played out, by the end I just didn't care what happened to any of the characters. Very disappointing.

Bleh, I'm sorry you got outted and that your building management is treating you poorly. Some of the downtown high rises are really nice, have big balconies and are fairly high traffic, which I hope would reduce the risk of being outted, save by someone being malicious and deliberate about it. Best of luck!

Has he actually asked his girlfriend to initiate contact more? Is she enthusiastic when he contacts her or does she seem distracted when they're spending time together? Has he talked to her about his feelings and issues, or is he just quietly brooding and venting to friends and hoping that she'll read his mind? They should have an honest conversation about where each of them is in the relationship and make sure they're on the same page. It doesn't sound like he's okay being more into her than she is into him, and so if that's the case, then maybe this isn't the right relationship for him. As a general rule: Don't make someone a priority, if to them, you are only an option. The whole ex thing seems like a manifestation of his insecurity and a red herring to distract from the core issue. There's nothing wrong with talking about your ex or staying in communication. Our past relationships are a huge part of what shapes us and makes us who we are, and our exes can be significant and important people in our lives, even if we have no romantic interest in them any more. Ultimately, it's not the ex that's an issue, but his inability to feel secure within his relationship. When we feel loved and valued, we don't need to worry about our partner's interactions with their exes, because those aren't threatening when we know our partners love us and value our relationship.

Yoga and when the weather is nice, walking as much as possible, instead of driving. Sex is also a really good workout. I like swimming a lot and I wish I could get out and do it more often. It's such a great full body workout.

A vague answer to a vague question: Really unpack what the problem is. Is insecurity stemming from a problem within the relationship (incompatibility, uncommunicated/unmet needs, different love languages, unresolved conflict, etc), or is the source of it within himself (lack of self-esteem, baggage/trauma from the past, internalized social messages about women/relationships, etc). If the problem is within the relationship, address it with his partner. Maybe this means talking more, developing new relationship skills, adjusting or renegotiating expectations, or possibly breaking up. If the problem is within himself, do some personal growth work, maybe with a therapist. Ask for reassurance, but own that his partner and his relationship is not the source of the issues and that she isn't responsible for making him feel secure.

Thanks for the input, cat and cristy. While I don't expect I'm going to change this particular person's mind, this conversation is happening in a place where other people can read it (yay Facebook), so it is important to me to engage in this dialogue, if only to give other people reading it stuff to think about. Also, I feel a certain amount of responsibility to engage with anti-sex work rhetoric because it's not just people expressing opinions. Not only are these people perpetuating stigma which makes our work less safe than it could be, many of them are involved in anti-sex work crusading that actively seeks to criminalize us and/or our clients, shut down the places that we work or "rescue" us against our will. As someone who has a lot of privilege, it's really important to me to argue against the ideology that leads to individuals, organizations or government policy that actively harms sex workers that it's intended to save, and that disproportionately impacts those who are less privileged. Otherwise, yeah, at this point, I'd probably just tell this person to fuck off, since it's clear that to her, a person's experience as a sex worker only counts if they hated it and were damaged by the experience. :P

Nine Circles stopped doing pre-test counselling early last year, so when you go for testing you'll do a risk assessment with the STI nurse, but you don't have to sit and talk with anyone else before your test. NC is one of the only (maybe the only) STI clinics in the city that will do a visual exam along with a routine screening. It's a little more time consuming and a little more intimate than just peeing in a cup, but I think the thoroughness of it is well worth it. Since not all STIs are routinely screened for, it's a really good opportunity to get checked for atypical symptoms that you might have missed yourself (example, herpes - no routine screening, and lesions that can present like tiny paper cuts instead of the usual blisters.) They'll also do throat and anal swabs as part of routine screening if you have risk factors and want those tests. The staff is awesome and I think it's pretty much the best place in the city to get tested.