Sex Work is Work!

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I have noticed that many individuals on this site (hobbiests and providers alike) have an aversion to the word “work.” As a sex workers' rights activist, this has always bothered me. It goes without saying that there is a lot of stigma surrounding our work. I believe the key to achieving respect is having people recognize that what we do is legitimate work.

 

It also bothers me that people think that by calling this “work” it means I dislike what I do. The truth is I love my work. I am a teacher and a massage provider and I love both.

 

That being said, I wouldn’t teach my students for free, nor would I do massage for free because I believe I provide a valuable service and that I am deserving of the money I receive. There are many fortunate people in this world who truly enjoy going to work each day, and I’m lucky to be one of them.

 

Hope to see you all at Pride tomorrow. I’ll be carrying the “Sex Work is Work!” banner.

 

(I also wanted to add that my comments are in regard to what happens on CERB, not in regard to what happens during private encounters).

[TGirl-Kay 7484]

See you there :)

[Guest S**a*Q]

I agree with you Megan! I always say that I have to "work" but again, loving what I do makes a big difference.

 

For myself personally, I think I have more correspondence and paperwork to tend with time wise with this profession compared to when I was a manager and ran a whole store. I like that I make my own hours mostly for that though!

 

I do, in one sense, find it weird to call work, cause it's like dating for me... So that's not work, but fun...

 

I do get a good leg workout sometimes, hehe that's work ;)

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

 

Thank you Megan for this post. I have to admit I was one of those who would not like calling this work (mostly because I do not do it full time) until I read this and you are so right. I too have another part-time job that most of the time I enjoy very very much and that does not mean is not work :)

 

I have noticed that many individuals on this site (hobbiests and providers alike) have an aversion to the word ?work.? As a sex workers' rights activist' date=' this has always bothered me. It goes without saying that there is a lot of stigma surrounding our work. [b']I believe the key to achieving respect is having people recognize that what we do is legitimate work.[/b]

 

It also bothers me that people think that by calling this ?work? it means I dislike what I do. The truth is I love my work. I am a teacher and a massage provider and I love both.

 

That being said, I wouldn?t teach my students for free, nor would I do massage for free because I believe I provide a valuable service and that I am deserving of the money I receive. There are many fortunate people in this world who truly enjoy going to work each day, and I?m lucky to be one of them.

 

Hope to see you all at Pride tomorrow. I?ll be carrying the ?Sex Work is Work!? banner.

 

(I also wanted to add that my comments are in regard to what happens on CERB, not in regard to what happens during private encounters).

[BarrhavenWoody 10776]

You are one of the fortunate ones to enjoy your work. It seems like many people (in all walks of life) dislike their jobs. I have had jobs in the past that I hated and jobs that I have loved. I consider myself lucky to have a job that I enjoy. Much of the time I spend with my clients is enjoyable and even fun, but I still expect to be paid for my time.

 

I, too, have noticed that a number of SP's don't want to call it "work". They seem to resent when a client inquires about their schedule by asking when they are "working". They prefer to be asked "when are you available?"

 

Just because you enjoy your work Megan, doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be properly compensated. And, just because you call it work, doesn't mean that it can't be fun.

 

...just my 2 cents worth

[etasman2000 15994]

I have noticed that many individuals on this site (hobbiests and providers alike) have an aversion to the word ?work.?

 

My guess is it breaks the illusion which is part and parcel of a GFE. No different to the dreaded white envelope.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

My guess is it breaks the illusion which is part and parcel of a GFE. No different to the dreaded white envelope.

I understand the concept of the fantasy during the encounter, but outside of that I think it's disrespectful.

[Old Dog 179138]

I truly support the fact that what is being done is work... BUT the aversion to the use of the word is not because of a lack of awareness, it is akin to the notion that using the term breaks that "spell"... that the whole experience becomes less magical and more mechanical.

 

Think of a restaurant. The dining area normally is completely removed from the kitchen area. The work is done in the kitchen and the senses are completely disengaged from the preparation process and focused on the indulgence and ambiance. You enjoy the jubilation of taste, scent and texture surrounded in an alternate reality blissfully unaware that the women and men behind the scenes are busting their asses to ensure that the experience is magical.

 

It's much like that in any service industry... we want to experience seamless sensory enjoyment with the "work" behind the scenes.

 

The "public" side of CERB is much like the waiting area of a restaurant, the lobby of a hotel or the entrance area of any entertainment venue. It does give glimpses into the reality of the business but ostensibly it is designed to facilitate an exchange of communication, a tease, a seduction ... a small glimpse of the magic.

 

While I appreciate and absolutely understand that it is truly is work, I want to believe that it IS magical... and to constantly reinforce the "work" side breaks that spell.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Old Dog - I think you make a good point about not wanting to see what goes on behind the scenes.

 

At the same time, I do understand not wanting to think about "sex work is work" during the encounter. I'm sure you have other things on your mind lol. But I don't understand the need to deny it on a day to day basis. To use your example, I understand that people enjoying fine dining may not want to see all the work that goes into their meal, but I don't think most would have trouble acknowledging the work a few weeks later on a public forum.

 

To me, CERB is about more than just living out client/provider relationships. It's a community of sex work positive people, or at least I hope it is!

[mzcoventina 100]

I completely agree Meghan-well said. I am skilled in my work and enjoy doing it-therefore should be paid fairly.

I am so glad to be able to a safe space to have these discussions

MzC

[Old Dog 179138]

To me' date=' CERB is about more than just living out client/provider relationships. It's a community of sex work positive people, or at least I hope it is![/quote']

 

 

Megan... I do agree with you, but there is a paradox.

 

Sometimes, at least for clients, it is like walking on eggshells. On a couple of recent threads we have been witness to what a lot of people would see as over-reactions by service providers to innocent questions regarding the mechanics of work. Genuine interest was expressed in an interest to become more engaged in the "other" side of the trade... and it was met with derision and a vitriolic spew of intolerance (man that was a dramatic description, I may have to just quote myself later.)

 

It's "safer" to promote the wonderful illusion than comment or engage in the work side conversations.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I truly support the fact that what is being done is work... BUT the aversion to the use of the word is not because of a lack of awareness, it is akin to the notion that using the term breaks that "spell"... that the whole experience becomes less magical and more mechanical.

 

Think of a restaurant. The dining area normally is completely removed from the kitchen area. The work is done in the kitchen and the senses are completely disengaged from the preparation process and focused on the indulgence and ambiance. You enjoy the jubilation of taste, scent and texture surrounded in an alternate reality blissfully unaware that the women and men behind the scenes are busting their asses to ensure that the experience is magical.

 

It's much like that in any service industry... we want to experience seamless sensory enjoyment with the "work" behind the scenes.

 

The "public" side of CERB is much like the waiting area of a restaurant, the lobby of a hotel or the entrance area of any entertainment venue. It does give glimpses into the reality of the business but ostensibly it is designed to facilitate an exchange of communication, a tease, a seduction ... a small glimpse of the magic.

 

While I appreciate and absolutely understand that it is truly is work, I want to believe that it IS magical... and to constantly reinforce the "work" side breaks that spell.

 

 

Old Dog,

 

You brought up some valid points and the word "work" makes it sound as if we are doing the daily grind or a 9-5 like in other professions. While SPs do have to create that illusion or fantasy for the client, it still is a job yet I think it differs from SP to SP.

 

Many sex workers are doing this voluntary and enjoy their work, others are doing it temporarily and may or may not enjoy it and others do not have a choice. This can be compared to any other job or career. However, having said that, I think using the term "work" should still be applied. Fantasies aside, we are still performing a service and somehow always have to carry the attitude of "being on". For some, it is difficult. Others can seperate their personal life and their job.

 

Most people in society can have a career or job that they love but it is still work. In my case, I enjoy being an SP as it gives me the freedom to choose my own hours, decide who I want to see, etc but I still expect to get paid. I have been in several management positions, and believe me it was work and sometimes not in a positive way. I had to deal with a lot of BS, office politics and superiors who were morons.

 

I don't think hobbyists should be under the assumption that if an SP uses the term "work" to think of it in a negative way. It's not always what one would think it to be. I think one should also view it on a case by case basis with different SPs for the various reasons mentioned above. I get up everyday, go to work and I like it.

 

Nicki

[etasman2000 15994]

I understand the concept of the fantasy during the encounter' date='[/i'] but outside of that I think it's disrespectful.

 

Likely very dependent on the individual and context. Personally I would use any term by which the other individual is comfortable with.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Cerb is a (great) community and in every healthy community (unlike Stalin Russia that only one voice could speak) diversity of views and perceptions and thoughts is only natural and permitted. Therefore I don't think holding a view different to another and expressing it in a healthy community is disrespectful. I have no problem with those (hobbyists or SPs alike) who hold views different with mine lol. And yes I fully agree that the ladies' time must be fully and rightfully compensated.

 

There is no doubt that providing services should be legitimate however, we may need to be a bit careful about the word work. No, not for the reason of view or perception (which I believe in the right of every individual to have one and freedom to express it), but because of other aspects of that, as discussed below:

 

Any work-related income is subject to taxes (I don't know about you guys but I pay about half my income to various forms of taxes, income tax being the largest portion). Do we wish for our lovely ladies to pay half of their hard earned donations to taxes?? May be yes they should pay their fair share if it is work related income but what about other fees (likely heavy licence fees ....). However, if we perceive the encounter as Date (as one SP has already indicated that she would) then the money exchange is a donation (my gift to the lady for her time and companionship as I personally always perceive it) and we all know gifts are NOT subject to taxes. Now I am not a lawyer or a tax expert but likely there is a good chance that I am correct on this. Just a thought.

[etasman2000 15994]

Do we wish for our lovely ladies to pay half of their hard earned income to taxes??

 

Most ladies do pay income taxes under the classification of business owner. Without declaring an income it actually makes it very very hard to pass a credit check. This is crucial for obtaining a loan or even just renting an apartment.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I have met some dancers who do declare (part of) their income to establish a credit but I didn't know the portion is a majority. I am however, not sure that most of lady escorts declare their full income. If that is the case, then you have addressed my concern and I retract on my earlier statement, etasman.

[Old Dog 179138]

Old Dog,

 

You brought up some valid points and the word "work" makes it sound as if we are doing the daily grind or a 9-5 like in other professions. While SPs do have to create that illusion or fantasy for the client, it still is a job yet I think it differs from SP to SP.

 

Many sex workers are doing this voluntary and enjoy their work, others are doing it temporarily and may or may not enjoy it and others do not have a choice. This can be compared to any other job or career. However, having said that, I think using the term "work" should still be applied. Fantasies aside, we are still performing a service and somehow always have to carry the attitude of "being on". For some, it is difficult. Others can seperate their personal life and their job.

 

Most people in society can have a career or job that they love but it is still work. In my case, I enjoy being an SP as it gives me the freedom to choose my own hours, decide who I want to see, etc but I still expect to get paid. I have been in several management positions, and believe me it was work and sometimes not in a positive way. I had to deal with a lot of BS, office politics and superiors who were morons.

 

I don't think hobbyists should be under the assumption that if an SP uses the term "work" to think of it in a negative way. It's not always what one would think it to be. I think one should also view it on a case by case basis with different SPs for the various reasons mentioned above. I get up everyday, go to work and I like it.

 

Nicki

 

I hope everyone understands that the points I am making are not to diminish the value of the work or to assert that it shouldn't be spoken of... the point that was being made is the rationalization of the hobbyist mindset.

 

I don't think that any of us is under the impression that it is not work nor do we believe that it is not tough. It's like any other job in that respect, good days and bad, dream clients and nightmares, disappointments and unexpected windfalls.

 

But as to the "work" issue... you are only working when you are with someone else. When you are with "me," it is REAL. Every client wants to believe that they are the one and only "me." I think that is probably why there is a reluctance to accept the discussion of work... it somehow bursts the bubble of fantasy... like being told that there is no Santa.

 

I don't know whether that makes the issue any clearer...

[Victoria Banks 21899]

Old Dog - I think you make a good point about not wanting to see what goes on behind the scenes.

 

At the same time' date=' I do understand not wanting to think about "sex work is work" during the encounter. I'm sure you have other things on your mind lol. But I don't understand the need to deny it on a day to day basis. To use your example, I understand that people enjoying fine dining may not want to see all the work that goes into their meal, but I don't think most would have trouble acknowledging the work a few weeks later on a public forum.

 

To me, CERB is about more than just living out client/provider relationships. It's a community of sex work positive people, or at least I hope it is![/quote']

 

I hope so too !

[Andee 220524]

Cerb is a (great) community and in every healthy community (unlike Stalin Russia) diversity of views and perceptions and thoughts is only natural and permitted. I have no problem with those (hobbyists or SPs alike) who hold views different with mine lol. And yes I fully agree that the ladies' time must be fully and rightfully compensated.

 

There is no doubt that providing services should be legitimate however, we may need to be a bit careful about the word work. No, not for the reason of view or perception (which I believe in the right of every individual to have one and freedom to express it), but because of other aspects of that, as discussed below:

 

Any work-related income is subject to taxes (I don't know about you guys but I pay about half my income to various forms of taxes, income tax being the largest portion). Do we wish for our lovely ladies to pay half of their hard earned donations to taxes?? Not to mention the licence fees ..... However, if we perceive the encounter as Date (as one SP has already indicated that she would) then the money exchange is a donation (my gift to the lady for her time and companionship as I personally always perceive it) and we all know gifts are NOT subject to taxes. Now I am not a lawyer or a tax expert but likely there is a good chance that I am correct on this. Just a thought.

 

I don't really like the word "donation" because to me it's not - it's payment for my time (work). But if it turns out true that by calling it or considering a donation is the same as a gift and it's tax-exempt, I think I'll be changing the wording in my ads very soon.

 

Unless you want to live "off the grid", there's no way around not paying taxes. CRA doesn't care how you make your money as long as you claim it, so there is no shame in calling this "work" and declaring yourself self-employed consultant or whatever you want to call yourself.

 

Some of us choose to claim all, some, or none, just like other folks who are self-employed.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I am of course all for paying full (our fair share of) taxes. After all it is taxes that pays for our social programs (taking care of the sick, the needy, elderly, education .......) to bring about social justice in our society and I am glad to learn that most of our SPs are too doing their share as I believe we all should. I was just making a point above that thought may have been off radar.

 

If you don't like the word donation (which btw I always thought it meant gift!!!) then by all means call it whatever you like or prefer. However, please note that one can not have it both ways. On one hand to consider it as work and on the other the income generated as gift and tax-exempt!!!.

 

As I said I believe in healthy communities and the right to have an opinion and freedom to express it is the fundemantal principal of a healthy community. I regard my giving as gift to the lady in return for the great time she provides and she has the right and freedom to regard it as she likes. It is certainly not my position to ask the lady how to regard her time with me (work, fun, date ....) or to speak on her bahalf, but I can say that to me it is definitely not work on my part. I am however happy to learn that part of my giving is in fact going to pay taxes to take care of sick and needy in our society.

[etasman2000 15994]

I don't really like the word "donation" because to me it's not - it's payment for my time (work).

 

The usage of the word donation (and roses) started in the US to get around the illegality of prostitution. I really like Victoria Jolie's Honorarium in place of donation.

[rickoshadows 937]

You could call it an "Appearance Fee" where you have to actually show up to get the money!

 

But I digress.:-?

[Seymour 3970]

the rationalization of the hobbyist mindset.

 

... you are only working when you are with someone else. When you are with "me," it is REAL. Every client wants to believe that they are the one and only "me." I think that is probably why there is a reluctance to accept the discussion of work... it somehow bursts the bubble of fantasy... like being told that there is no Santa.

 

 

Exactly - when guys make a date or go to spend time with a lady, they are not thinking of her previous client or the next or her rent or tuition payment. The reality is she is working.

 

 

The usage of the word donation (and roses) started in the US to get around the illegality of prostitution. I really like Victoria Jolie's Honorarium in place of donation.

 

Personal choice again - donation was a kinder gentler way of saying 'rates'. Alternatively 'gift' has been used - problem with gift is how it is interpreted. Gift in my mind is a present - something unique and on a more personal basis, not to be confused with payment.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Work is work. When I first got involved in seeing SP?s it never occurred to me that escorting is in fact ?work?. I think it was my self created illusion that I was some how special or different than the other players and the sex-workers I saw made me feel that way. Initially I confess I found it all quite confusing, but hanging out on CERB and watching the Secret Diaries of a Call Girl helped me get a better handle on it. Like any work people do they do said work for a variety of reasons and some are very fortunate and do in fact love their work and for others it?s a means to an end. I find it much clearer now to consider sex-work to be work and threads like this one really help me keep things in perspective. Thank you!

 

Peace

MG

[Bethany Westbrooke 7532]

Megan, once again you have hit the nail on the head. I am someone who has always loved working. I gave up living in paradise some years back in order to get back to work as I couldn't function without it!

 

The idea of not being able to refer to "work", "working" and other associated terms brought up in previous threads was a bit jarring to me as I also consider this to be work, in fact, my only and near full-time job at the moment. I do agree that there is a certain fantasy that is important so we shouldn't refer to it too much during our sessions but as it still is work it seems strange to avoid the notion at all costs, not to mention the recognition as you said that sex work is real work!

 

Is there nothing sexy about the idea that you are paying a professional to give you their best pampering possible? Getting someone to work their magic on you?