Seeking feedback from those with wisdom...

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I'm not looking for a girlfriend in this industry, nor in my life at the moment. Some kind of caring bond did come from knowing each other for well over two years. As for what the post said about mentioning "friends" and "close", I used the terms loosely as in within the realm of the industry, to describe the circumstance. I'm not a complete fool. As for this thread, I digress.

 

We can then add other words to the realm of industry: love par example! Words connote meanings, and once we tamper with them, we voluntarily misconceptualize the whole situation. It all started with loosening terms. Before it was 'connection' and 'chemistry' and now 'friends'. In my view, as long as the transaction component is maintained, those words are non-applicable.

[Guest v**do****g]

In the right circumstance a client can become friends with an SP and it happens more often than people actually think.

 

It is never planned but it can happen when two people just click and get to know each other over time.

 

 

 

 

We can then add other words to the realm of industry: love par example! Words connote meanings, and once we tamper with them, we voluntarily misconceptualize the whole situation. It all started with loosening terms. Before it was 'connection' and 'chemistry' and now 'friends'. In my view, as long as the transaction component is maintained, those words are non-applicable.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

In the right circumstance a client can become friends with an SP and it happens more often than people actually think.

 

And that friend would still charge for being a friend!

[nntsci 11075]

And that friend would still charge for being a friend!

 

Not paying for the friendship... that's a free bonus...

 

I have friends who are also colleagues. I see no contradiction as long as one avoids conflicts of interest.

Edit: or another example the guy that runs a local video rental store treats me as a friend but I still pay for the video and any late fee. It would abuse that good relationship to expect movies for free.

What I do get out of that friendship is personal service and good advice on movies to rent; I reciprocate by telling him what I think about movies that I rent especially those that he hasn't had a chance to watch.

This hobby is no different and I have made friends with a couple of ladies.

[Hector17 9215]

Anything, and everything can happen. I had a rendez vous scheduled with a gal, who like you, I have a connection with. It was for Feb 26th...she was making a special lunch..lots of "cant wait...",and " looking forward to..." etc, and then nothing...no show, no calls, no messages, no whatsapp since...until 2 days ago. We had a coffee yesterday, and wow...it was quite a story, some of which I knew was in her future, and I was away for part of March too, but truly, she was without her phone and busy with a different and important project. When she got her phone back, and her "contacts" reappeared she was happy to hear from me, and we'll see each other again.

[Mikeyboy 27111]

The bottom line is that we are dealing with people. Not a profile that have a set, predictable pattern of behavior. That means that it is really hard to read the situation for those who don't know her. You know her better than we do so you know if this behavior is completely out of the ordinary or not. Unfortunately though, as good as you know her, you likely only know the parts of her life she chooses to share with the clients she likes. There are many perfectly reasonable explanations as to why she is out of touch. That likely won't help the uneasy feeling you have though.

 

I lost touch with a lady I had seen repeatedly over a long period of time several years back. I know she was having problems in her life at the time. (An ex found out about her line of work and was causing a lot problems in regards to her children). She stopped advertising and eventually dropped out of site. I figure she chose to leave the industry for the sake of her family, but I really don't know how she made out. I can't help but worry about her but I couldn't really investigate any further. (I don't even know her real name.) You can't help but feel connected when you have shared the kind of intimacy we do, but you have to be a realist about the relationship.

 

I guess my point is that we have to accept that due to the nature of the secrecy in this industry that we are only a small part of their life, and that part can change quickly. In all likelihood, she will reply shortly and with a perfectly good reason for being out of touch. She may not though, and you have to be prepared to be OK with that too. It doesn't necessarily mean that anything is wrong, just that her situation has changed.

 

Good luck.

Mikey

[Guest v**do****g]

No one should ever have to pay someone to be their friend.

 

My friend is a cook but I do not always eat for free or take advantage of our friendship. ;)

 

 

And that friend would still charge for being a friend!

[casey 2936]

Enough said...It's not my intention to establish some kind of bromance with you WhereIRoam, I hand-picked a nice scene which fits your situation. If you ever feel so down, just listen to some soft musics, that's my best buddy since my teenage years.

 

Best Hellboy 2 scene. Hellboy and Abe drinking and singing

 

Just let us know if you ever hear from her again. We lyla folks here are very very worried about you...

[WhereIRoam 21825]

I have heard back from this MIA SP. She is alright and assured me that I don't need to worry about her.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I've been away and just noticed this thread, which interests me.

 

I have always wondered if a lady wants extra attention from a client or is she just happy to leave an encounter as a pleasant business exchange. If I try and put myself in her place, my answer would be emphatically, let's keep it as a pleasant business exchange 99% of the time.

 

I don't consider people I know through business as true friends. I get along with them and golf with them, have a drink, laugh, I might even care about them if they are nice people but when the weekend hits I do not call them up to hang out. I save that for a small circle of friends, not acquaintances.

This business is even trickier to navigate given the pseudo relationship at play here. What these ladies offer is beneficial to a lot of people but it has limits, one of them being friendship. Real friends don't charge for their friendship. These ladies walk a fine line between GFE and keeping things strictly business. It can confuse some people.

 

I won't say that it can't happen that a client and provider become friends and maybe something more but leave that up to the provider to offer this. If she does, be grateful but also remember that this may simply be a strategy to encourage return visits. People who don't have strong relationships outside this business can have a hard time distinguishing the difference. I'm not saying that's the case here.

 

I cant tell you how to spot the difference. It's just something you acquire over time through experience with women here and other's who hang out with you at no charge.

 

Having said all this, I am very pro this industry. They help a lot of lonely people. Just don't expect more than their paid time. If you do, you are crossing a line.

 

I'm glad you got things resolved, WhereIRoam.

[GoinDown 3669]

WIR you'll not find any better advice than what SMcQ just gave you.

[Lephturn 2649]

If you find this thread interesting I'd suggest reading this:

https://percieblakeney.com/2017/04/28/loving-an-escort/

 

Percie is an Aussie client and this article is an interesting examination of connection/love/intimacy and how to manage it without falling too far. As a gentleman who is new as a client I found this very interesting and it helps me be aware of these emotions and prepare myself or just be more self-aware.

 

Some will say that "love" is the wrong word, and maybe it is, but to me these emotions are all on the same spectrum - the key is to find the right level and stay there, without falling too far.

 

Lephturn @OttawaErotica

[nntsci 11075]

Its a good article.

 

I agree with that point about being in love with more then one lady... its a good idea because it kind of hard to take a "love" too seriously when you feel that connection with more then one lady... but I think of the connection I have as friendship, not love.

 

I started seeing a second lady because I was becoming too attached to the one I see the most... It was wonderful, but I knew it was fantasy.

 

Seeing a second lady, helps me keep perspective especially given that the first sees other men.

 

To lovers, girlfriends, and wives... may they never meet.

[casey 2936]

I find this old thread very interesting and I think it's worth to read:

 

https://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=4259

 

This thing had been discussed from multiple perspectives. Some members suggested practical remedies to overcome it.

[Luckyme 41401]

I find this old thread very interesting and I think it's worth to read:

 

https://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=4259

 

This thing had been discussed from multiple perspectives. Some members suggested practical remedies to overcome it.

 

Thank you, casey, for finding and posting the link to this thread. It is probably the most thoughtful and insightful thread I have ever read on this website.

[Tempted Monk 5057]

I find this old thread very interesting and I think it's worth to read:

 

https://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=4259

 

This thing had been discussed from multiple perspectives. Some members suggested practical remedies to overcome it.

Thank you Casey for bringing that old thread to the attention. Threads liken this one and that one make this site unique and special.

 

Regarding the relationship in escort business...

My very good friend, the woman I met as an escort, said to me once something like this:

"Really good escort service is not about sex or physical satisfaction (what is a big part of it of course). It is about client fantasy, client dream. Dream can be different: being in love again (feeling forgotten long time ago), having close friend, being himself and not playing any roles... Satisfy client dream and you will make him really happy, he will return to you again and again. And making client happy is the best part of this business. But both party must know the line which should never be crossed, ideally".

I think she was right, with escort, we are often looking for a dream which cannot be realized in real life.

 

And that friend would still charge for being a friend!

I incline to agree. Friend whose name you don't know, who you pay for the time together, who can disappear at any moment without notice? It is something different... Of course, relationships can start as client - provider and go outside the business - I have met the most incredible women in this industry. But in the context of escort business, it is rather paid "friend experience" service, exactly the same way as GFE (what is experience during the session, not the real girlfriend).

 

I know it looks like contradiction to my statement above regarding good friend from this business..

She was the real friend, not paid one. At some moment, it became clear there is something more between us then just business. She said that having me as a friend was more important and meant more for her than having me as a client. And if I feel the same way we should stop our client/ provider relationships. Because if we continue I will have doubts if she wants to see me as a friend or money is the most attractive part. And if we have sex without business transaction, she will have doubts if free sex is the most attractive part for me. We decided to be just "pure" friends for a while and see what happens. Yes, later over years, we became "friends with benefits" but it is the other story...

She had been my best friend, the only person who knew everything about me for almost ten years until she passed away - cancer...

Except my family, this woman was the best what happened to me in my life.

[nntsci 11075]

"And that friend would still charge for being a friend!"

 

LOL... The lady I see does not charge me for being a friend... the friendship is free...

I'll note that in my life I've had more female friends then male friends, but sex often eventually gets in the way of friendship and the friendship ends.

 

I've never had a friend, who became and lover, and continued to be my friend... In fact crossing that line into sex ended 2 friendships. One because my wife found out and part of reconciling with her was to never see that friend again (in fact we moved to a different city)... but both also became really awkward once sex was involved. I've lost two other friendships because of sexual complications. In one case, the woman flirted with me and I didn't respond as she had hoped... and that was it, the friendship was gone.

 

I have had friendships that have not gotten sexual, but typically they are work related and that work relationship is an effective barrier to getting involved sexually (for practical and legal reasons). That said, those work friendship do tend to be shallow because there is always some sexual tension.

 

In fact there is only one woman in my life who I can honestly say, sex does not get in the way of friendship... my wife... lol... I jest of course... but the fact is I actually like my wife as a friend and its that friendship that explains why we are still together after 31 years... (it sure isn't for the sex, or lack there of, lol).

[Taffer 2280]

To be perfectly honest, there is nothing wrong with feeling love and connection for someone, this doesn't mean you have to cling to them like glue. You can't pay for connection/friendship, it either happens or it doesn't.

 

I've probably met ~20 different sp's so far, most were just casual encounters in which I respect them as acquaintances, but 3 of them I do care about on a deeper level that could be described as love, mostly because they seem to express the same feelings back.

 

This doesn't mean that I'm texting them/bothering them when they aren't working, though In some cases I've told them that I'd always be there if they needed support, it's just an element that makes spending time with them that much more meaningful.

 

I know it can be difficult for some to reconcile these feelings of love and affection with the type of short term encounters that we enjoy. Society has after all tried to hammer it into our heads that love for someone of the opposite sex should automatically = commitment, marriage, kids, and more likely than not years of drudgery and unhappiness ;)

 

So break the mold, don't ever be ashamed of expressing love/affection for someone whether you are an sp or client.

I personally prefer sp's who I have developed a connection with. Some sp's prefer to keep emotional distance, and I respect that, but it's just not my cup of tea. I prefer that people are honest about this choice though, unfortunately some people do try to fake affection/love as part of the gig, but it often falls apart as disingenuous over time.

 

I also know of an sp that has dropped out of sight without warning, and she is one of those that I feel love for. In any case though, I'm sure she has her reasons, and I hope she is doing well.

[nntsci 11075]

Society has after all tried to hammer it into our heads that love for someone of the opposite sex should automatically = commitment, marriage, kids, and more likely than not years of drudgery and unhappiness ;)

 

 

Good point. That I think is precisely why friendship and sexually usually don't mix. The ladies I had who were social friends, who briefly (all tooo briefly) became lovers, didn't want to just be friends after that... so the friendship was ruined... couldn't put sexuality away again... In the case of SP... a relationship is NOT an expectation, so the sex and friendship don't conflict with each other and if anything enhances the enjoyment.

[BrettonWoods 4365]

A client needs to remember he sees only a small slice of her life. She provides the illusion, the fantasy of perfection, and the kind of love built between them is a temporary one, a spiritual one, and not sustainable in daily life. He pays for her eternally good mood and her ability to enhance each session. There is a reason why she is a fantasy woman, and why that ends when they become too close in the real world. It's a fine line. She has chosen and prefers this life for now and the freedom she enjoys in her current lifestyle. Most importantly, she enjoys and needs the time she has to herself and her own life. Just because you are highly comparable and connect for a few hours does not mean that will happen in the broad spectrum of daily life. She may settle down in time, but only when she is ready, and rarely with a man who has paid her for her time in the past. It is a respected, caring business relationship and spiritual love, and nothing more. They may genuinely care for each other, in fact they should. I have a soft spot in my heart for all my lovers but realize that that feeling and affection is best kept within the limits of what both parties freely bargained for. This is part of respect as well.