WildTiger 1296 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 Good Day fellow Cerbites. I have recently come across a situation that has created an ethical dilemma for me. A very good friend of mine is in a new relationship. However, he isn't aware of that his new love is an SP. My first instinct is as a member of this community that I respect the privacy of the SP. However, my friend has just come out of one long term relationship and I fear that should he ever find out about the secret life of his new love it would crush him. He is already making long term plans. Is it appropriate to contact the SP? Trust me, I have no intention of benefiting from this situation in any way and would not threaten or blackmail the SP. After all, as a hobbyist who am I to judge. If they can have a loving, trusting relationship I think that would be wonderful. I'm just worried that if I have made the connection someone else may and my friend may be greeted with quite a surprise. Any thoughts, comments or advice are greatly appreciated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 I would personally stay out of it. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 No good comes out of interfering, I second Megan's opinion, stay out of it My 2 cents RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wendigo 687 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 Gotta agree with the other posts, it's none of your business and it's not your place to say anything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 Agreed. Mind your business. I know it would be hard. I know I'd sure as hell struggle with it. But yeah, I say let things play out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Fantasy 144625 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 Agreed with everyone else. Don`t get involved in it. It will only hurt people at the end. It`s better if the SP in question talk to her new partner herself then having a third party involved Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WildTiger 1296 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 So far you are all echoing my first instinct. After having posted the original message all I could think of is how I would feel in his situation and you are right, what a mess. I would feel embarrassed and probably want to shoot the messenger. And from the perspective of the SP and hobbyists, we both expect and deserve discretion and confidentiality. Thanks for the feedback. I guess I was just looking for confirmation that keeping it to myself was the best course of action. The irony of it all is that I stumbled across this situation as I was considering contacting the SP for a rendez-vous and something looked awfully familiar from some recent pics my friend has shown me. That will obviously never happen now!!! Thanks again. Additional Comments: Agreed with everyone else. Don`t get involved in it. It will only hurt people at the end. It`s better if the SP in question talk to her new partner herself then having a third party involved Just to be clear, had I decided to discuss this it would have been with the SP to let her decide if and how she wanted to handle it. As I said, if made the connection someone else might as well. I would never have gone to my friend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 . The irony of it all is that I stumbled across this situation as I was considering contacting the SP for a rendez-vous and something looked awfully familiar from some recent pics my friend has shown me. That will obviously never happen now!!! Thank God you found out in time! I can't imagine going to see a SP and having my best friend's gf answer the door! Or worst yet be introduced to her and we both recognize each other as SP and Client who have previously already had an encounter together. Talk about awkward! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted July 19, 2011 Just to be clear, had I decided to discuss this it would have been with the SP to let her decide if and how she wanted to handle it. As I said, if made the connection someone else might as well. I would never have gone to my friend. Not to sound rude, but if some random hobbiest that I'd never met contacted me to let me know that he knew of me "in real life" and that I had not told my new flame of my work, and give me relationship advice, this would totally freak me out!! Glad you will keep it to yourself. Also, don't assume your friend doesn't know. Maybe he does know but doesn't want all his buddies knowing his latest flame is an SP. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fortunateone 156618 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 Also' date=' don't assume your friend doesn't know. Maybe he does know but doesn't want all his buddies knowing his latest flame is an SP.[/quote'] That's what I was going to say. He may know, and figure it isn't his biz to tell his friends, coworkers and family about it. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SamanthaEvans 166766 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) I completely agree with Megan and would feel the same way if someone contacted me to say that he knew of me in real life. I would feel threatened and highly endangered, no matter how friendly he purported to be. Most of all, though, you have no idea what your friend does or does not know about his new friend. We never know what goes on in our friends' relationships even after many, many years. It's too easy to assume that the paid companion is trying to live a double life and expects to keep her occupation a secret. I think it's just as likely--maybe even more likely--that the man isn't telling his friends the whole truth. Whatever is the case, if the relationship doesn't work out, I hope you will consider yourself duty-bound never to tell your friend that you think you knew about his girlfriend's occupation. Even if he tells you himself. Don't humiliate him or yourself. This is a secret you must keep, forever. Edited July 20, 2011 by SamanthaEvans Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lexy Grace 103696 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 Not to sound rude' date=' but if some random hobbiest that I'd never met contacted me to let me know that he knew of me "in real life" and that I had not told my new flame of my work, and give me relationship advice, this would totally freak me out!! Glad you will keep it to yourself. Also, don't assume your friend doesn't know. Maybe he does know but doesn't want all his buddies knowing his latest flame is an SP.[/quote'] I agree with Megan 100%. I have been in a similar situation twice where 2 random guys contacted me but never knew at the time who I was until I open the door, they both looked familiar but I couldn't place if I knew them or just saw them somewhere. Come to find out after "play time" we chatted and realized #1 I went to school with and #2 was a gent that works in the service department where I bought my car and works with my cousin, who does not know I'm an SP. I still see #2 occasionally. When we found out where we knew each other from I was so freaked out and just watching my facebook for anything to pop up but they respected my privacy and to my knowledge have kept it to themselves. Like Megan said "don't assume your friend doesn't know. Maybe he does know but doesn't want all his buddies knowing his latest flame is an SP". One of my ex's didn't broadcast it and knew from the start. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest W*t D***** Report post Posted July 20, 2011 I do not think that anything good can come from telling your friend. Consider the potential pitfalls of doing so and you will feel likewise. They are two adults and as pointed out above by Megan and others you have no idea what they know about each other. Besides, one of the hallmarks of this "hobby" is discretion. I've run across various situations over the years and have always leaned heavily towards being discrete. Things will work out between them or they will not. It's up to them to make their choices/decisions. While your intentions are seemingly good, I am of the same view as the others in that it's best to remain silent which is what I would do. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
qwertyaccount 15793 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 Always remember: No good deed goes unpunished. And: "Ignorance is bliss" As Meg and others said, stay out of it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gagagaga Report post Posted July 20, 2011 or at least his advocate. If I was dating a woman who had a secret that could change my feelings towards her (not saying this is right, but this guy may not want to date an SP) and i found out afterwards that my buddy knew and didn't tell me, I would be pretty pissed. A person may feel humiliated, thinking that everyone was laughing at him. I'm not 100% sure staying quiet is the right thing to do. If your buddy doesn't know you see sp's, then staying quiet may be the best thing for you, but if he knows about your hobby, I see no harm in giving a good buddy a kind warning. I know my comment may be unpopular, but I hope eveyone realises that my intentions are good here. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moonshadow 369 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 I'm agreeing with you JoeBlow. This would be a tough decision to make, but personally I woud just stay out of the situation altogether. The OP will just have to do what his gut tells him...and hope it all works out. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
da2root 871 Report post Posted July 20, 2011 Always remember: No good deed goes unpunished. And: "Ignorance is bliss" As Meg and others said, stay out of it Stole the words out of my mouth - think of it this way too. If your buddy was dating a raging b*tch and was mean to you - you'd hold your tongue and put up with it.... Yes there is the common saying "bros before hos"; but in reality you never want to put yourself in a situation where your buddy has to defend his new flame; or his old time buddy. I'd go with the majority on this one & not say anything and if it ever comes out pretend to know nothing! PS - Lexy I'd totally date you given the chance ;-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boomer 33202 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 In short term you have to butt out and see how things evolve. But you call him a very good friend so at some point you might have to test your friendship and say some thing. When I got married I had to accept that my wife had a past that I wasn't going to be told about. It was a condition that I had to accept, but it obviously was always an irritant because to me it indicated that she didn't have enough trust in me to tell me about it. After her death the facts came to the surface and it was something that I had to deal with. Hopefully if your friends relationship evolves he will start to see some of the gaps in her history and have a frank talk to her, and she will fill him in. Potentially you might see her advertising and posts, and see something that isn't too positive, who knows. If it ever comes to the point where you have to talk about it, I really don't think it's her you should be talking to. You have to be thoughtful if you do have to act. Think about how you would expect to be approached if the shoe was on the other foot. Good luck, that is what friendship is all about. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cleo Catra 178382 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 I'm on the other side from most people. If I was dating someone, and his best friend knew and never said anything to me, I would feel so... weird about it if I ever found out. I don't think the OP has stated he wants to tell his friend, but tell the girl he knows - and I see nothing wrong with this. She may then tell him that her boyfriend already knows. Or, if she's struggling with how/wehn to tell him, this may help her ease through it. As long as you talk to her, respectfully, politely, discreetly, and with NO intention of trying to force her into telling your friend, I do not see why you can't tell her about this. Because imagine this - she tells your friend, he's fine with it, and he tells you about it one day - then they both find out you knew all along. That seems fucked up to me. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Labrador 248 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 I would talk to the sp so I would not feel weird when around her! My two cents Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 I would talk to the sp so I would not feel weird when around her! My two cents Why not just avoid being around her? There are lots of other SP's to choose from. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MiaBella 10988 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 Yes thios is a weird situation, and it is understandable that you care for your friend. I think, like in all relationships, the Best Thing you can do to be a good friend is be by his side when he needs you, and be understanding of his feelings, decisions, etc. Since you know this little secret, but don't know Her Or Their personal relationship(since you are not in it) I think the smartest thing to do is Say Nothing, but Be There for your friend. You never know, He may very well know, but has chosen not to tell you. If you say anything, it could damage the SO/SP relationship, even if you don't intend to. I had a Very Similar situation happen to me, and though myself and the SO were completely honest with one another, once the friends were involved and knew, it was never the same, and ultimately ruined the relationship simply because my job was forced out instead of me telling his friends myself. No one benefited, and the relationship ended(though we still had feelings for one another.) Just a suggestion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sonoma 431 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 STAY OUT!! We always see the good side of it but in reality if you say something you don't know how it will end up, you might end up loosing your friend... This is coming from someone who's been there before and thought he had a to tell something to a very good friend... Ill let you finish the story;) He doesn't know you know and she doesn't know you know that's very easy just don't say anything My 2cents Sonoma Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meg O'Ryan 266444 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 To the OP...something just struck me. You said that something looked awfully familiar. This means, to me, that you cannot be 100% sure that she is, in fact, the SP you are thinking of. If you are not 100% sure you certainly should not say anything to anyone!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sexnonstop724 1727 Report post Posted July 21, 2011 Are you sure that your friend doesn't know? Maybe he is cool with it and happy everyone else is minding their own business. I for one would love to date some of the ladies here. But that is totally another thread!! I am sure if they are dating, the topic of work surely would have come up one time or another. SNS724 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
