Gentlemen, some advice about surprises

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Sometimes people behave impulsively. That's understandable, but when it comes to relations between paid companions and clients, surprises may not be interpreted in the ways that they were intended.

 

After a lovely long walk with my dog I came home in the late afternoon today to find a box containing 18 exquisite long-stem roses on my doorstep. There was was a generic Valentine from the florist; the note said, "Thinking of you," but there was no signature and I don't recognize the handwriting. The florist's seal was on the box, so I called them. They didn't deliver anything to my house today. Whoever bought the roses must have gone into the florist in person and then delivered them to my house himself. Since it's Valentine's Day, they've been swamped with customers and have no idea who might have purchased the roses.

 

I've had a quiet day to myself: I didn't see anyone today.

 

I never encourage people to drop by unexpectedly. But someone has presumed to come to my place, uninvited, and left this ostentatious, expensive, anonymous gift. While it may be that the fellow thought he was doing something thoughtful and kind, my experience of it is very different.

 

I feel unnerved. My boundaries have been violated, and my privacy has been breached by someone who didn't have the courtesy to identify himself. I wouldn't have been happy if I'd answered the door this afternoon. I would have told him off in no uncertain terms and I would probably have refused to see him again.

 

I'm assuming that this may have been someone who has only visited me once or twice. I'm sure that none of my longer-term, regular clients would do this, just as I never call any of them without having been explicitly asked to do so. Discretion and confidentiality are essential to everyone. However, unless the person who delivered the flowers confesses, I will probably never know where they came from. That is deeply unsettling to me.

 

I had a difficult time with a stalker last year. The police were very helpful and I know they got the message across to him loud and clear when they visited his home. He consented to a no-contact order and knows that if he were to breach it he would be arrested. I don't think he sent the flowers: he has too much to lose to risk doing something like this.

 

Gentlemen, please take time to think things through very carefully before doing anything surprising or unexpected. In particular, never arrive at a companion's place uninvited and never send anonymous gifts or messages. What might seem to be a romantic gesture to you can easily seem much more ominous to us, unfortunately.

[billybob 20128]

Wow, sounds creepy Samantha, don't blame you for being unnerved, hopefully the guy who did it will own up so at least you know who it was.

[ostirch 1668]

I would take a deep breath... It may not be a client. And if it is, was the experience with the stalker so traumatic that you have to now shut-out any client who makes an honest mistake? Again, you have no idea who it is. When you do find out, there may be a case to have a frank discussion with the person who, probably unwillingly, crossed your boundaries without having to shut him out.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I'm not over-reacting, Ostirch. I'm as protective of my privacy as I'm sure you are of yours. I make a point not to draw unnecessary attention to myself not only for my sake but also to maintain the confidentiality and discretion I offer to my guests.

 

I reported the delivery to the VPD this evening. They will talk to the florist in the event that my stalker was the guy who bought the flowers. If so, I am happy to cooperate with them to prosecute him.

 

Honestly, I hope it won't come to that. But stalkers are notorious for trying to get around the rules. The way they see it, laws and community standards don't apply to them in the way they apply to others. Unfortunately, it's just not possible to be sure that someone won't do something dangerous if they've become fixated on someone else. Having decided that regular boundaries aren't worth their attention, they may become a real threat.

 

I want to emphasize how rare it is for independent paid companions such as myself to have serious problems with our guests. By far, the vast majority of the gentlemen who visit us are kind, thoughtful, pleasant men who have no interest in creating problems for anyone. Most of the troublesome ones don't pass our screening requirements. Those who plan to be abusive are very reluctant to pay our fees, even if they expect to retrieve the funds from us, perhaps because they recognize that we will not keep confidentiality agreements if we have been harmed in any way. I'm happy to say that I've had no conflict with any of my visitors in a very long time.

 

I hope that this was an impulsive gift from a misguided client. If so, we'll talk about it and, depending on how that conversation goes, I may or may not see him again. I do recognize that good men hope women will be pleased to receive flowers. This was a handsome gift. I would feel much more at ease if the fellow had signed the card.

 

Ultimately, my safety and peace of mind are more important than anything else. I'm sure that the gentlemen I entertain appreciate this.

[Guest s******ecan****]

Great subject Samantha and very important information. If the client who did this is not the stalker and happens to read this I hope he will "do the right thing" and contact you to apologize so that at least you'll know it wasn't the stalker.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I do hope this is a misguided client rather than the person who gave you troubles while back. I can see why you would be extra cautious after what you had gone threw.

IF IT IS A MISGUIDED.... I hope he approaches you with this so you know, and able to relax.

It is a good reminder indeed that discretion is paramount for our safety and peace of mind. Although it seems harmless, at first glance, clients have to understand how else it may appear to a SP.

[MightyPen 67414]

Sorry to hear about this; like others I hope it's just a misguided client and not the stalker you had so much trouble with.

 

I wonder if the guy who left the flowers mistakenly thought that "anonymous" equalled "discreet"; that you'd be happier that the card was unsigned rather than one reading "From querty1234@somewhere" or "From Jim at 123-4567".

 

Of course, that would only work from his perspective; he knows he's harmless and well-meaning. But for you the gift could be from *anyone*, so you don't know what meaning you should attribute to it.

 

No matter how this turns out, you chose the perfect thread title. The most important lesson here is that the client/SP relationship does NOT have room for surprises, in either direction.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I have gone through the same thing a few years ago ,everytime I came home ,for a couple of weeks there would be a bouquet of flowers outside my door,never with a note though just the flowers.I can only say the feeling it leaves you with is very unsettling.I felt nervous,a little paranoid and angry that someone would think that this was a romantic or nice gesture.In time I discovered that it was a guy from my neighbourhood who didn't mean any harm,he thought he was doing something nice.So this is a good point to bring up ,as there are some people who think anonymous gifts are a good idea,or romantic,they are not.They leave the receiver ,especially women in this business a disconcerting feeling.I hope your sender will turn out to be an innocent admirer and not that sick stalker,thinking of you,Cristy.

[Katherine of Halifax 113931]

I totally sympatize with you Samantha. On such a smaller scale when I was in college someone managed to get in my locker and left me gifts of love on a daily basics. School is a supervised and controlled environment but it eventually got to the point I was terrified to open my locker door.

 

Eventually the person was seen and dealt with properly, not ever did he realize the turmoil he was putting me through and really was just to shy to show his affection openly.

 

Weather the giver has great intentions or not I hope stories like this will remind gentlemen that ladies, and especially ladies in this buisness to never to behave this way.

 

Please if you like send us a gift but have it properly delivered with your name.

 

Sending you healing energy accross the miles Samantha.

 

xo

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

The best gift us guys can give is that of respect and discretion.

I would think that the premises of a provider would be completely off limits unless there is a pre arranged appointment. No matter how many times you have seen a particular lady.

I'm not sure why a guy would send/leave roses like that and not book an appointment to begin with. If he was unable to make it on that particular day would a PM or email saying that but I will see you soon and btw I will bring you you a Valentine's Day gift when I see you.

Privacy and discretion are at the foundation of this way of life and once the lines are crossed or even stretched it becomes riskier and less desirable.

And it cuts both ways.

This post is a great reminder of these basic rules of behaviour.

Thanks for posting it.

 

J

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Samantha,

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Like others said, hopefully it was just a client who didn't think things through and they will come forward. If it it the stalker you mentioned, I'm sure the police will be able to track him in sending these flowers. And I don't this is an over reaction on your part. Stalkers do not give up and in this business you constantly have to be vigilent about this as stalkers come in all different types of personalities.

 

And speaking of surprises, I think this should be mentioned as well... SPs do not like to be surprised especially on their own turf. Do not show up unannounced! I had someone try and come and see me unannounced one time and I had never met him. It turns out he had been there to see another SP previously. I wasn't even there and I don't see clients where I live. My gf ( it was her place) was taken aback and told him wrong address. If it were me and I had answered the door, I would have threatened to call the police if he didn't leave.

 

I personally offer you discretion and respect and if you can't offer me the same, then there are going to be problems. If you want to do something thoughtful as wanting to bring by a gift, call first. Most hobbyists will not go near an SP's place unless they have an appt but there are some odd people out there. I've seen a few in my time and they look like any other guy but right away you can tell that they have some weird tendancies. Some of them creeped me right out over the years.

 

Anyone who stalks women think they are above the law and when it comes to SPs, most of their stalkers seem to think, she will be afraid to call the police. Not true at all. So think again...

 

Samantha, I am really hoping for your sake it wasn't the person you had problems with but part of me seems to think it is. I think any other client who respects you and your privacy would have given you a heads up and asked for permission to stop by. Please stay safe!

[Rodster 476]

Samantha, your experience serves as an excellent teaching moment and reminder for all Hobbyists. Another "what to do/what not to do" lesson.

 

I hope the giver of flowers is indeed a well intentioned customer and not the stalker.

 

If this is the case then, from one hobbyist to another, I encourage the individual to speak to Samantha privately to settle this. If a sincere mistake was made, so be it, you can learn and move on. These Ladies need their peace and security.

 

As a side note, I used to see a wonderful woman, now retired, who publicly stated on her website no client, new or regular was ever to bring flowers because the package itself is just so darn big and obvious. That was her choice for the same reason of privacy.

[roamingguy 300291]

One underlying code of conduct in this lifestyle is discretion. Don't draw unwanted or un-welcomed attention to a lady, and likewise, a lady is not to draw attention to her clients. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot, and a lady dropped off a present at a client's home or place of work. Do you think a guy would welcome it, or would he post on all the boards possible about this extreme lack of discretion

Whether it is a guy seeing a lady at her incall, or a lady seeing a guy at his place, be it hotel or home, encounters and contact are done at at a set time/date/place. If you see each other outside that time/date/place, you just act like total strangers. As for the flowers, not signing the card, well if it was truly innocent, wouldn't you sign your name...keeping it anonymous makes it not just in-discrete and a violation of Samantha's privacy, it leads me to believe something is wrong. A innocent gesture you wouldn't do anonymously. And frankly, unless both parties are aware of the gift giving and agree to it, the only correct time to give a gift is when you are having an encounter. Surprise gifts outside of an encounter are completely inappropriate.

As for taking a deep breath, well I too have been stalked by an ex-g/f. And a stalker's behaviour appears innocent to the naked eye, but has sinister ulterior motives, nothing worse than someone obsessed with you. It isn't fun, and nothing to take lightly. Samantha has every right to be concerned, and she shouldn't minimize this

I hope all it is is a misguided client, who needs to take the course How To See Escorts 101 along with How To Treat A Lady 101. Behaviour is creepy to me

RG

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Well, I'm relieved to know now that it wasn't Bryan. A client I've seen only once called today to confirm our meeting tomorrow. No problem with that. Then he said, "I hope you like the roses. Sorry you weren't there when I came by with them."

 

I felt flooded with relief and then irritation. I took a breath, then another, collected my thoughts and asked him if it would be okay for me to drop by his office sometime, maybe leave a small gift or a personal card there for him if he wasn't in. He was flustered, then. I explained that it's not okay to come to my house without an invitation. Suppose someone else had been here with me? Suppose my son had come home before I did, or had even answered the door? I never run the risk that clients might run into each other and I don't want to have to explain anything to anyone, particularly my son.

 

He started falling all over himself, apologizing for not having thought things through. He'd felt comfortable with me and said he must have gotten ahead of himself, making assumptions. He thinks of our engagement as a private little affair and has enjoyed thinking about it that way. He recognized that he'd crossed a boundary that he shouldn't have approached. He asked me whether I would have accepted the gift if he'd called first. Of course I would, and said so.

 

He's feeling sheepish and awkward, now and determined to make it up to me. It's enough for me that he understood things from my standpoint, wasn't defensive about what happened and didn't question my response. He's asked to take me out to dinner and I've agreed.

 

So, all's well. I've called the VPD and left another message. I'm happy not to need to deal with the police again and very happy that Bryan wasn't involved.

 

Thank you, everyone, for your expressions of care for me personally. I do appreciate it, more than you may know!

[bewlayb 7480]

I'm glad it's ended well for you. This is a good lesson for all us hopeless romantics... of how thoughtfulness quickly turns to thoughtlessness.

[roamingguy 300291]

Happy it ended well for you Samantha

He does need the course, How To See Escorts 101 though :-)

RG

[RubJunky 1954]

In this business you have two kinds of people one's who live within reality and the ones that live in a fantasy world, be careful of the latter.

 

Good luck be safe