Bad Life decision to join cerb

[roamingguy 300291]

The last I checked, we are all adults and as such we are or should be responsible for our own decisions. I have to honestly question how a board, as if it is some omnipotent force, can control/ruin someone's life.

CERB didn't come out of nowhere and grabbed me to join, it was my choice to, when I was thinking about seeing an escort, to go on Google, do a search, and then found CERB. And seeing escorts and joining CERB I count as a couple of good life decisions I made in recent times. It filled a void in my life after a personal decision to no longer date

It may have been a bad decision for the poster to see escorts, but that was his choice. He knew his personal life situation and chose to join CERB and see escorts. Now that his decision didn't work out for him, he sees fit to blame CERB and seeing escorts. He should accept resposibility for his own actions, not pass off blame on CERB or escorts.

I know speaking for myself, joining CERB and seeing escorts was and is a good life decision, and I don't need someone else saying otherwise

RG

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Bad Life decision ... I am a married man who has probably ruined his life ... I came on because I was curious ... I regret ever joining and I wish now I had gone the other way ... i wish I had realized this sooner and I now hope I can somehow fix the devastation i have caused to my wife, children and family....

 

This doesn't sound to me like a man who is blaming others for anything. He speaks of his own decisions, that he has learned something, and is now actively making a new decision to fix something that "i have caused".

 

Fair enough, I say.

[Victoria Banks 21899]

I am a married man who has probably ruined his life by participating on this forum. I came on because I was curious, but the longer you are here the normal this side of life seems. It has enabled me to go down a path I should never have followed. I regret ever joining and I wish now I had gone the other way and focused more on improving my marriage instead ways to destroy it.

This will be my last post on here, i wish I had realized this sooner and I now hope I can somehow fix the devastation i have caused to my wife, children and family.

So if your at this cross roads in your life, log off and go hug your wife. I wish I had...

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

All the best and good luck in the future.

[Bear34 1339]

Well I just think People now a days seem to have some inability to take responceablity for there own actions and try to blame it on something else.

 

be it drugs a website etc.

 

might sound cold

but if you make a decision own up to it and live with it thats how I live my life I fuck up I take the blame I do something good I'll take the praise.

 

and if you don't make mistakes you sure as hell can't learn from them.

 

there are all kinds of reasons to join this site be it fun. work, a hobby or for a shy guy like myself to help get over that shyness.

 

hope everything works out for you but don't blame the site blame yourself.

and learn.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Dunn's original post is a helpful reality check for a portion of the guys here on Cerb. How big a portion that is I have no idea.

 

That being said, rock on!

[bewlayb 7480]

Taken literally and out of context, his words may say "I did this", but then why say anything at all? Especially on the very forum that's causing you all your grief. And he does say that too.

 

More selective editing clearly reveals cerb at the root of his woes. Consider:

 

...the longer you are here the [sic] normal this side of life seems.

 

Translation: Being "here" (on cerb) makes our lifestyle "seem" more "normal".

 

It has enabled me to go down a path I should never have followed.

 

Translation: It (cerb) has led me astray.

 

Can't get much more judgmental or blameful than that.

 

And finally, a dash of righteousness:

 

So if your [sic] at this cross roads in your life, log off and go hug your wife.

 

Translation: Repent, sinner, repent.

[ostirch 1668]

Hobbying is not for everybody and, for some people, like many pleasure seeking/filling activity, can easily become addictive and devastate lives. A warning about the dangers is not such a bad thing.

 

A crisis is also always a moment of opportunity...

[Areez 11906]

My 1cent... (cause its short.)

 

This is a perfect sample of how easily one can point and blame something without assesing the fault in the first place. One's life choices should be made with responsibility as for every action ... there will be an outcome. May it be good or bad, thats up to each individual to determine.

 

-- NyQuil kicking in ... and i ramble.. ;) good night everyone!

I for one will x's and o's all the ladies here with pleasure!

[ostirch 1668]

... of how easily one can point and blame something without assesing the fault in the first place...

 

Respectfully, I don't see the OP blaming anybody but himself. He thinks CERB and this lifestyle is bad for him. He's obviously going through a difficult time, let's be compassionate and give him a break!

[Old Dog 179138]

 

Regrets. If any of us escapes this mortal coil without one or two (hundred... thousand...) we would be extraordinary people.

 

I truly hope that the OP can salvage what he feels he has damaged. The feeling of helplessness within a marriage is horrible - I was there. I do think, however, that joining a website and using the services advertised are not the root cause of the distress - they are a manifestation of escape.

 

We all come here looking for something. We join because we think that "something" can be found within the confines of this site. Generally, we try to augment the lack of intimacy, the lack of passion, the lack of physical contact within our own lives. We want the excitement that is not present in our everyday lives.

 

I will share something though... hindsight is not always 20/20. Had the OP tried to mend his damaged marriage before joining CERB, he may still have joined after. No one can say definitively whether his attempts would have been successful. To surmise that you would have been able to salvage a relationship in retrospect is like revisionist history - it ignores all of the ancillary issues that may have spun out of control in a different way. It's complicated but looking at the past with rose coloured glasses is as dangerous as looking at the present or the future with those same lenses.

 

just my two cents...

[bewlayb 7480]

Okay, so here's the part I don't get. The OP uses his last post to dump his troubles on us and supposedly walk away. What's the point? Many here are saying be nice, be compassionate, give him a break. I say, show compassion to whom? The OP said that #37 was his last post. After the message he delivered, he'd have to be a hypocrite to turn around and continue logging on to read whatever we have to say about him.

 

His last post was designed to either elicit our sympathy or dismiss us and our lifestyle. Personally, I would prefer it if he (or anyone else so inclined) just quietly asked the mod to deactivate his account. If you want to go, go nice, go quietly. No need to lay parting shots or guilt trips on the rest of us.

 

Now, who wants to talk about sex?

[spud271 47779]

The only person who blame can be laid upon is yourself. You joined this site through your own free will, so obviously when you join an escorting site as a married man, there are serious issues at home. I am sorry you now have domestic problems to deal with however, CERB is not where you should be directing your anger. Take a look in the mirror, and accept the blame yourself. Most, not all, but most people here are decent and greatly enjoy being a part of this community. It's not always rosy, but it is by modern definitions a happy community.

 

I hope everything works out between yourself and your family, but don't blame CERB for it...those issues were already there in the relationship.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Well I am glad we were here for you when you needed us....but wow, no need to toss us aside like trash after you are done with us!

I hope what ever issues you had dont creep on ya again, causing you to join a site again. This is not a hobby for all, as this is not a profession for all. But it is yours and yours alone to decide, hopefully next time you will quietly go and not try to make us feel sorry that we are the cause of you " falling from grace" in your marriage. Best of luck, I truly wish you a happy and loving marriage.

[Pink Kitty Escorts 6195]

It's true that at the end of the day, we all make choices that we have to live with. But let me put something into perspective for some of you. And this might strike a cord with people who have had problems dealing with something they could not control.

 

When the average person goes out for a drink or two, there's no problem, and they can leave the bar. They go back home, live their lives and nothing ever changes. Then there are some people, who will continue to drink, and not stop. It will interfere in their life, and will bring chaos and possible ruin to it. Nobody is going to blame the bartender, but still this guys life is gone south.

 

When the average person goes to the casino, he/she will blow some money, get a thrill and leave. Not to have the urge to come back the next day. It's about fun, and control. Then others will continue to gamble, and destroy their finances. Nobody will blame the blackjack dealer, but the individual will still suffer the consequences.

 

Let's face it folks, this is a vice industry as well. And for the vast majority, it's something like gambling, or having a drink. It's even referred to as a hobby because it involves an activity that is not a necessity but something fun. Most people can start, and stop when they want. I will say this, I think the idea of having no strings attached with beautiful women to be as addictive as gambling and drinking.

 

So this gentleman may have a problem with sex addiction. Joining Cerb may have provoked it, and it may have been like opening pandora's box for him.

 

How do we act towards alcoholics or gambling addicts? Do we shun them, or do we encourge them to get help? I don't believe SP's are to blame, just as a bartender or blackjack dealer is to blame. I do believe that as a service provider, just as a bartender or anyone else in the Vice field we have a moral obligation to steer someone we see that is having issues in another direction if we are aware of a problem.

 

I wouldn't take what he says about Cerb or the industry personally, at this point he is feeling sorry for himself, and his loss. It's time that he gets the help he needs and move on.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

The OP's post is a reality check, and after thinking about it overnight, I REALLY appreciate it. It grabs you by the throat, as it should. And its important for anyone in a committed relationship to take to heart.

 

I think many of you, especially the guys, are being really hard on the OP here. Many of you are parsing words and phrases, and I never think that's a good idea as the OP probably didn't put that level of thought into the post when he wrote it, not to mention that there is a lot of emotion in that post. Sure, he's blaming things a bit on cerb ... maybe ... but he seems to be taking responsibility and he looks to be in the middle of sorting all that out when he wrote the note. And I definitely disagree that he shouldn't come back and read the messages ... maybe that's helping him work through this, so I hope he does come back and take a look. I wish him the best.

[roamingguy 300291]

Jason's post got me to thinking. And the OP's original post is more akin to, lets say an alcoholic standing in front of a bar, shouting for all to hear that "drinking ruined my life, and this is the bar where I did all my drinking" More a case of him transferring blame, at least somewhat transferring (enabling I believe is the OP's term...CERB the enabler???) blame to CERB, and by extension escorts, for ruining of his life.

Did getting involved with escorts and joining CERB ruin his life. Or just ruin any chance of saving his marriage....two different things. And emphasis here, he decided to join CERB. He could have decided to seek marriage counselling. And take the OP's post to logical conclusion, should CERB screen all prospective members before joining to ensure they are joining for the right reason, whatever the right reason is.

I truly do hope he gets his life on track, but really, he could have, and should have just signed off by just saying goodbye, or better yet, just close his account.

RG

[ostirch 1668]

I truly do hope he gets his life on track, but really, he could have, and should have just signed off by just saying goodbye, or better yet, just close his account.

 

Why? I have seen tons of "this is my last post because..." messages on here. We are social beings and posting that last message may have helped him put a period on this lifestyle and move on. He's not speaking to all of us, just trying to reach to the people like him for whom this lifestyle can have negative effects.

 

Plus, what's wrong with "go hug your wife". She is after-all the most important person in some of our lives.

[ulixestrojan 3757]

We all make mistakes, it is how we deal with these mistakes that make us.

 

I wish all those struggling with their choices - the best of all possible worlds.

[MightyPen 67414]

I don't really mind that the OP said something public, heartfelt, and challenging before he left. And the discussion afterward has been useful.

 

After all, we don't hold funerals for the benefit of the dead. How can they benefit? They're dead. We hold funerals for the sake of the living, who are still here and can use the chance to sort out how they feel about the death.

 

Likewise, the OP's public death-rattle for his life on CERB is a chance for those of us still here to compare notes on how we feel about the same issues. Which I think we're doing pretty well.

[Royalfun 55448]

I will never put a blame on CERB for anything that could happen to me in regard of this hobby.

 

The first moment I became aware of CERB, I had no clue about what it was, if it was a "hobby" or if it was a 'lifestyle', and curiosity was my main motivation. After a while, it became far more than that, and I chose not only to become an active hobbyist, but to bring my contribution to this community in which I share some values.

 

For sure, it's a kind of an "extreme sport" with all the risks related to such activities: confidentiality, professional reputation, eventual consequences on the family and the SO, money, etc. But that's a choice I made, and I assume the responsibilities of doing this activity.

It's like everything in life, don't blame your skis for your broken leg, don't blame CERB for your broken marriage.

 

Trouble in life is always a bad thing, and we all try to manage our life to avoid or to lessen the bad consequences of what we do; but consequences happen and we have to deal with them, that's life.

 

Now, if we want to discuss the risks of this hobby, or for the SPs and MAs, the risks of this business, we could begin another thread, but I consider that we are all adults and we choose to be in this community for personal and professional reasons, but overall it is a free choice.

 

It is too bad that our friend had consequences on his personal life and I hope he will find a way to find harmony and peace.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

He's not speaking to all of us, just trying to reach to the people like him for whom this lifestyle can have negative effects.

 

Plus, what's wrong with "go hug your wife". She is after-all the most important person in some of our lives.

 

Agreed ... Completely. This is a great summary.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Simply put, you cannot blame a website for your actions. Your actions are what brought you here. Peace out.

[Peachka 4334]

I see as he made a decision.Sounds like he didn't cover his tracks.I to don't see he is mad at Cerb but he is here venting because he was caught.Posted via Mobile Device

 

This was my first thought as well, it's only an issue for the OP because he got caught.

[Lauren Lewis 1148]

This lifestyle of escorts does not lead to unfulfilled marriages. Unfulfilled marriages lead you to us.

 

From my understanding, this profession has actually saved many marriages from breaking up. We intelligent and caring women provide an invaluable service to men.

 

Lauren

[Guest s******ecan****]

forgive me for I didn't read every post in this thread but does anyone even know this member?

 

Sounds like a shill post by some misguided "do-gooder" who wants to change the world by trying to guilt some people into changing their behaviour.

 

There is just an air of inauthenticity to his/her post if you ask me.