SPs and Escorts on actual social "dates"

[Mu* G**py 100]

I'm married and I have as many female friends (or maybe more) as I do male friends. We share many common interests and I formed these friendships over the years based upon these interests. It might be a good idea to take stock of your interests and put yourself out there to meet new people in conjunction with your interests be they golf, running, working out, reading, music or whatever. Go to where your interests area. I am generally very comfortable around women in all settings and they are comfortable with me it would seem. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be sincere. Life goes on and if you wait for something to happen it never will. I like my women friends (without benefits).

[Athos 108589]

One thing I would suggest, though, is that practice is always just that: practice. Make sure your paid companion knows what you are looking for. Otherwise you are in danger of her trying to fulfill your fantasy ... That your jokes, small talk, flirtations, are dead on the money, and she may therefore act like they are!

 

RG's point, though, that SPs are real people is well taken. Some, you may find no trouble carrying on a sparkling conversation, whereas others you might find it difficult to find anything to talk about. In this respect, it could be very much like a real date.

 

My advice, join a recreational sports league, a running club, an environmental group, take a general interest night class. Whatever it is that is of interest. Start going to Church. Get a dog and go to the dog park!!

 

Even if you hone your skills with a SP, at some point you still need to meet women. And I shutter to even suggest it, but I actually do know several people that have found their life mate through online dating sites like e-harmony.

 

Porthos

[Boomer 33202]

I think it's a rather risky strategy. If you do hire a lady who necessarily has the good social skills, you might find that you start to have certain feelings. Although you hadn't intended you might take the next step with her, and you wind up in the boudoir. A couple of sessions like that and you might find it hard to get back to your original strategy of finding miss right.

 

One thing you didn't mention is one line dating, sites like POF, where you're bound to get lots of opportunities. A couple of years after my wife passed away I tried one of the match making services. It cost me a couple of thousand to join Lifemates. They do a lengthy interview and try and match you with compatible mates. In the end I did meet some nice ladies but as they had laid out quite a bit of money I found them to be a pretty aggressive lot, they wanted value for their investment.

 

I think you idea about putting your self out there is the way to go, don't pressure yourself, just be yourself and you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

 

Good luck.

[backrubman 64800]

I'm 42 years old and travel a lot on my business and recently broke up with a nice girl but it was "nice friendly break up" and we have no hard feelings. i found myself in a situation where I have very little social cirle left, have no kids and I need to "reboot" my social life and meet someone great. I hope to be married with kids and a family ultimately.

 

Have you considered some of the social dating sites? I can't speak from personal experience but I know a friend of mine was taking a nice lady on a dinner date almost every day of the week. Some of them were the addicted to sex types also :) Ultimately, after having met many nice ladies (and the occasional one with baggage), I lost track of how many but there didn't seem to be any shortage, he did end up marrying one of them and they have been living happily ever after.

 

As far as engaging SPs in non-sexual social dates, I do it often. Most offer a "social" rate that is different (less) than their regular rate and I think this only fair as they need not charge the same level of danger pay for having a pleasant lunch or dinner date in a public restaurant as they do for meeting a complete stranger behind closed doors, but some do and that's fine also. Of course we both know they are promoting themselves (in the case of a lower social rate) by being social and looking for opportunities to offer their more customary services at the normal rate and nothing wrong with that. In fact I see everything right about it, because if I do ask the lady for a more private encounter then we both already know each other and there is a level of comfort and rapport already established so it always results in a better, more positive experience.

 

But my purposes are quite different than yours. I want to avoid booking an awkward, lengthy encounter with a lady that I am for the most part incompatible with (and don't yet know it). Even more important, I want the lady to know who she will be spending this time with and ensure that she is comfortable with me. That crazy blind date nonsense and any nervousness associated with it of who is going to be opening the door (in-call) or who will be knocking on your door (out-call) is completely avoided in this manner and that is important to me. I should note that I don't do this looking for a lady I will never see again, I am always seeking one I will want to see again and again and develop a genuine "professional" NSA friendship.

 

So can SPs be of help to you? I think so, if you find it affordable it is a date with a very pretty lady available on request and at your convenience and NSA too. Most ladies are far more special, kind, understanding, compassionate, intelligent than those you would meet anywhere else -- I guess if your ultimate goal is romance then there is a danger you will never find a regular gal that can measure up to the extra special ones you'll find here :)

 

And if you find her irresistible after meeting her socially, then she won't have a headache when you see her privately (or if she does she will reschedule) :)

 

One thing I would suggest, though, is that practice is always just that: practice. Make sure your paid companion knows what you are looking for. Otherwise you are in danger of her trying to fulfill your fantasy ... That your jokes, small talk, flirtations, are dead on the money, and she may therefore act like they are!

 

And porthos makes an excellent point, it is a fantasy so she does have to understand what you want. I favor reality and never encourage a lady to laugh at my jokes if they aren't funny, but sure they so classy and more accommodating than reality.

 

Additional comments:

One thing I forgot to mention. All my life I couldn't make romance happen and find a new girlfriend when I wanted to but every time I gave up and stopped trying they quickly came out of no where and found me, odd but true.

[rickkkm 525]

my advice to you; do not mix the two; if you go out with an SP, go with her for her, not to tease others, as you may end up with egg on your face and lose on both ends. Join a dating site perhaps, Plenty of Fish is a good one!! Good luck!!

[Athos 108589]

As Boomer suggests, The other worry about the strategy is that you might fall for the lady. It may only be "practice", but it could start to feel real. The ladies I see are genuinely wonderful people whose company I enjoy. If circumstances were different, I could well imagine several of them being the sort of person I might ask out. But, and it's a big but: circumstances are not different and I know where the line is, and it's a line never to be crossed! If you were to go down this road of practice dating I wouldn't take the same lady out more than once or twice, unless you are able to keep that line firmly in your sights at all times.

 

To be honest, it sounds like you need to find ways to meet women, more than practice talking to them. Frankly, I love talking to the SPs I see, and enjoy engaging in conversation with them. But that can also happen in the bedroom! You might as well enjoy conversation and physical intimacy!

 

I'd agree with Backrubman, give the social dating sites a whirl. I think on a place like lavalife, most of the guys are looking for quick sex, but the women are more interested in serious dating. If you present yourself as honest and with integrity, you'll do well.

 

Porthos

[loopie 15358]

I agree with Porthos's caution. SPs are generally paid to provide a fantasy, and the best SPs are ones who can make a man feel instantly comfortable around her, so she's probably not the best indication of what a real first date or normal social exchange would be like.

 

Also, I don't believe there's any magic key to understanding women other than listening to them. You should probably think about how you would want your ideal relationship to work. Then think about what kind of woman would be needed to be the other half of that type of relationship. Then listen to the women you meet and see if they match with what you're looking for, but be open to the idea that you actually be just as happy with something else.

[Athos 108589]

I agree with Porthos's caution. SPs are generally paid to provide a fantasy, and the best SPs are ones who can make a man feel instantly comfortable around her, so she's probably not the best indication of what a real first date or normal social exchange would be like.

 

Also, I don't believe there's any magic key to understanding women other than listening to them. You should probably think about how you would want your ideal relationship to work. Then think about what kind of woman would be needed to be the other half of that type of relationship. Then listen to the women you meet and see if they match with what you're looking for, but be open to the idea that you actually be just as happy with something else.

 

Great advice!

 

You will rarely impress a woman by talking about yourself. You'll impress her by taking an interest in her and listening to what she has to say. Once you've done that then she'll want to know all about you! But it's her wanting to know, rather than you telling her she should want to know!!

 

Porthos

[backrubman 64800]

my advice to you; do not mix the two; if you go out with an SP, go with her for her, not to tease others, as you may end up with egg on your face and lose on both ends. Join a dating site perhaps, Plenty of Fish is a good one!! Good luck!!

 

Everyone has given such great advice here and yours seems a bit harsh and at the same time I find myself agreeing with it also (except I'm told by reliable sources that Plenty of Fish = Plenty of Nuts).

 

I'm sure my perspective is a little skewed as I do have an impression based on experience that Service Providers can and do gladly and happily provide other than strictly sexual services. Several weeks of a platonic companion SP (she was too young, young enough to be my daughter, selected by others to be at my service but we had a blast always) and even several special requests to help handle scheduling emergencies, and some other odd things to crazy to get into here were all elegantly and expertly handled by SPs, they have gladly been of help (to me) in many non sexual ways. In fact, as long as they are properly compensated for their time they tend to really enjoy doing something usual (unusual in that is is non sexual and not what is usually requested of them), as long as you ask politely. At least that has been my experience.

 

Ok, one crazy little funny true story (I do love telling them). So big emergency and a rush out to get out on the first available flight. I get home and my wife says "You didn't pack this suitcase, this way too neat and folded using techniques you wouldn't use and beyond your ability to do this and further more I know how much of a hurry you were in to pack it up and get to the airport, so who packed this suitcase?". Well, without any hesitation, "Oh she was the most beautiful and helpful lady, I asked her if she would do that while I was burning up the phones lines with the airline, the office, and trying to deal with this emergency". "Oh, how nice, hope you thanked her.", "Now you know me, oh course I did, yes, very much so". I though I'd get a lot more questions but oddly that was the end of it :)

 

One thing that should be mentioned is the OPs post does indicate a lack of confidence around women, I think seeing an SP or two can help a lot with that and that shouldn't be over looked.

[classyboy 100]

Thanks for the input guys!

 

Here's one reason I want to do social dates: There is a high school teen movie out called Easy A with Emma Stone. In the movie a redhead girl helps a male virgin friend by pretending to have dated him. Next thing you know he's the high school's "hero" and picked up a real girl friend.

 

When word got out all the dude's buddies hires the redhead to be their pretend date and break up and hook up with real women.

 

I figure it might be fun social experiment.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

If someone wants to work on his social skills, his flirting and comfort with women, by all means, engage a paid companion if that seems like a lower-risk way to proceed. In fact, I would not refuse such an opportunity out of hand.

 

But don't imagine that it would be a real date. No one can date Samantha Evans. She doesn't know how to date and I'm not going to teach her. :icon_cool:

 

If you'll forgive me for saying so myself, Samantha is an awesome companion. She is genuinely interested in you, whether you and she have anything in common or not. She has no need to think about where this relationship is going, whether you might think badly of her based on her career choices or even to be anxious that she might disappoint you in some unknown way. She's pretty sure that she is exactly the sort of woman you want to spend your time with and your money on, at least at the time. She's positive and up-beat. She can be challenging, but she won't top you unless she has an express agreement to do so, for which you may need to pay a premium. If you don't feel good about yourself, about her and about your time together, there's something terribly, terribly wrong. That would be extremely rare.

 

Samantha loves doing what she does and I love being Samantha.

 

If you were to date me, though, you'd get a whole 'nuther creature. I am all of who Samantha is, and more. If we were to date, I'm likely to ask you to do things for me, sometimes, like stop at the store on your way because I've run out of bell peppers or need some brandy. I might ask you to walk the dog for me while I finish dressing, because, unlike Samantha, I may not be 100% ready for you when you arrive: my real life sometimes interferes with my plans; Samantha doesn't have enough of a real life for that to happen. I may turn down sex. If it's our first date, that's guaranteed. Maybe the third, maybe not. If you were to date me, you'd get to know me, my problems, the things I worry about, the things I hope for, the outcomes I desire or fear. You'd get to know other people in my life, too, and what they really think about me. Like me, they'd be sizing you up to see if you'll fit in with my assorted friends and family. They'll tell me what they think and I'll listen, whether I agree with them or not.

 

It's difficult enough as it is to get to meet Samantha, but her screening requirements are nowhere near as stringent as mine are for someone I would date. For example, I don't date married men. I don't tolerate subterfuge or dishonesty. I also won't keep it secret that I know you and that we're dating, even if you're famous, very wealthy or have no particular wealth at all. Samantha is measured, thoughtful and reflective. So am I, but I'm also very protective of myself. Samantha will not fall in love with you, but if we date, I might, and that's an enormous risk that I will not ever entertain lightly.

 

It's true that Samantha does feel closer to some of her gentlemen friends than to others and that the boundary between her and me may become quite porous when we both feel particularly comfortable with someone. That's because I'm human, I have real feelings and neither Samantha nor I will see anyone who doesn't genuinely interest us. Even so, it takes longer to get to know me than her.

 

Samantha and I are both real. I don't know how to be anything else and so she doesn't, either. But her reality is shallower, less complex than mine.

 

Remember the old joke about which is more expensive, the sex you pay for or the sex you get for free? It's absolutely true. What you get for free always costs more, usually much, much more!

[DukeSSk 3430]

Everyone has given such great advice here and yours seems a bit harsh and at the same time I find myself agreeing with it also (except I'm told by reliable sources that Plenty of Fish = Plenty of Nuts).

 

Ya, I heard that website got a reputation for being a bit more casual/NSA than e-harmony, match.com, and other more long-term relationship websites.

[rickkkm 525]

Ya, I heard that website got a reputation for being a bit more casual/NSA than e-harmony, match.com, and other more long-term relationship websites.

 

you will find that as you go from one dating site to another, the same faces appear again and again, including the nut cases, as it is a small world...the thing with plenty of fish versus the others you named is that it is free, therefore why pay to meet the same people?? Nuts cases will always exist, they are part of our world.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Hey CB,

 

I think I understand your point about dating an SP but i don't believe it will help your dating life and finding a new social circle. SP's are great companions but they are "paid" to be with you, which changes the whole dynamic and really isn't an "honest date". As Samantha Evans said, you're getting the persona, not the person. If you want to see an SP for sexual companionship, that would be another matter. They can absolutely help a person understand that aspect of a relationship and probably make them a more relaxed, better lover if that is what they are looking for. Incidentally, God bless them for this!

 

I'm sure that an SP could help you with advice regarding woman and social situations/parties, etc. Are you uncomfortable around woman in social situations? I was (still am a bit) and what helped me was to just jump in with a "who cares" attitude. I don't mean you shouldn't care about being a gentleman around women(but don't go overboard here), just don't care about someone else's judgement of you. Don't expect results overnight but with practice you could find yourself with lot's of lady friends, maybe even with benefits. You could also take up a new sport or join a club and see what happens there. Bottom line, you need to put yourself out there and not wait for things to come your way.

 

I would also recommend you read a book by David Deida called "Way of the Superior Man". I read it years ago and it helped me understand my wife and my own reactions within that relationship. I can't count the number of time i used to over react when she would test or challenge me on something and how a simple hug could deflate the situation and show her, and me, that i control my own emotions. I'm not saying I'm not passionate about things, i just won't allow anyone to control my reactions. Btw, chicks dig this kind of confidence! LOL

 

Seriously, I found it a worthwhile read. If someone wants help understanding what women really want, what makes a good lover and friend, even a reboot for your life, this book would be a fulfilling read and if you're looking for it, put you on a path to a fulfilling life, complete with that picket fence or whatever else.

 

I hope i answered some of your concerns and didn't come across as presumptuous or too new age. Take care.

 

Steve

[NotchJohnson 214071]

I have just found this thread and I will give my 2 cents. You have dated this nice girl for awhile and now you broke up, since you must have went to the same restaurant, movie theater, pub, visit same friends etc. What you should do is change your usual habit so that you forget about her(you can keep the nice memories in your head when you are alone) Join a new gym, make new friends guys and girls and don't think about dating just yet and it will come naturally.

[Chanel Reign 28097]

I think somewhere along the way something got lost. CB is looking to "practice", not find ladies while doing so.

 

Social dating/time is offered by many SP's, and yes it is the fantasy that accompanies you. But...if you are upfront about what you are looking for; I suspect one would not hesitate to be upfront back at you, whether in the bedroom, Timmies or at Beckta.

 

I feel that just because you are seeing Chanel, my experience as a woman is no different.

 

I do other types of ...ahem, training. How is this different?

[LeeRichards 177238]

If someone wants to work on his social skills, his flirting and comfort with women, by all means, engage a paid companion if that seems like a lower-risk way to proceed. In fact, I would not refuse such an opportunity out of hand.

 

But don't imagine that it would be a real date. No one can date Samantha Evans. She doesn't know how to date and I'm not going to teach her. :icon_cool:

 

If you'll forgive me for saying so myself, Samantha is an awesome companion. She is genuinely interested in you, whether you and she have anything in common or not. She has no need to think about where this relationship is going, whether you might think badly of her based on her career choices or even to be anxious that she might disappoint you in some unknown way. She's pretty sure that she is exactly the sort of woman you want to spend your time with and your money on, at least at the time. She's positive and up-beat. She can be challenging, but she won't top you unless she has an express agreement to do so, for which you may need to pay a premium. If you don't feel good about yourself, about her and about your time together, there's something terribly, terribly wrong. That would be extremely rare.

 

Samantha loves doing what she does and I love being Samantha.

 

If you were to date me, though, you'd get a whole 'nuther creature. I am all of who Samantha is, and more. If we were to date, I'm likely to ask you to do things for me, sometimes, like stop at the store on your way because I've run out of bell peppers or need some brandy. I might ask you to walk the dog for me while I finish dressing, because, unlike Samantha, I may not be 100% ready for you when you arrive: my real life sometimes interferes with my plans; Samantha doesn't have enough of a real life for that to happen. I may turn down sex. If it's our first date, that's guaranteed. Maybe the third, maybe not. If you were to date me, you'd get to know me, my problems, the things I worry about, the things I hope for, the outcomes I desire or fear. You'd get to know other people in my life, too, and what they really think about me. Like me, they'd be sizing you up to see if you'll fit in with my assorted friends and family. They'll tell me what they think and I'll listen, whether I agree with them or not.

 

It's difficult enough as it is to get to meet Samantha, but her screening requirements are nowhere near as stringent as mine are for someone I would date. For example, I don't date married men. I don't tolerate subterfuge or dishonesty. I also won't keep it secret that I know you and that we're dating, even if you're famous, very wealthy or have no particular wealth at all. Samantha is measured, thoughtful and reflective. So am I, but I'm also very protective of myself. Samantha will not fall in love with you, but if we date, I might, and that's an enormous risk that I will not ever entertain lightly.

 

It's true that Samantha does feel closer to some of her gentlemen friends than to others and that the boundary between her and me may become quite porous when we both feel particularly comfortable with someone. That's because I'm human, I have real feelings and neither Samantha nor I will see anyone who doesn't genuinely interest us. Even so, it takes longer to get to know me than her.

 

Samantha and I are both real. I don't know how to be anything else and so she doesn't, either. But her reality is shallower, less complex than mine.

 

Remember the old joke about which is more expensive, the sex you pay for or the sex you get for free? It's absolutely true. What you get for free always costs more, usually much, much more!

 

I love this Samantha !!! You never seem to miss hitting that nail on the head !

 

And for the record .... unless they sell bell peppers at the liquor store where the Brandy is... you probably won't get them....and I would much prefer to walk the dog while you finish getting UN-dressed ;)

 

I would love to meet both of you someday :)

[roamingguy 300291]

A quick two cents more worth. I think if you date, whether through dating sites, blind dates (yuk, I hated those myself) or you see a lady you'd like to go out with and ask her out, well in short, dating will help you improve your dating skills

If you see an escort, whether for an encounter, social date, sleepover you will have in most cases a great time, but remember, you are seeing a professional companion, not a prospective girlfriend. Maybe it could help your dating life, but I think dating will help your dating life. Seeing SP's, you are seeing great ladies for a no strings attached encounter

Whatever you decide, good luck

A two cented rambling

RG

[Athos 108589]

To the OP, one thing to keep in mind, is that it sounds like you are on the rebound! In my view, that may be the worst time to see SPs. When I first started seeing SPs, I'll readily admit, my marriage was in rough shape. The SPs I saw were younger, fitter, sexually adventurous, and made me feel like a million dollars. In short, they were consummate professionals who provided me with exactly what I hoped for. It was hard not to fall in love with every single one of them. And to be totally honest, with one or two I did, although I hope they never realized.

 

Years later, I know better. Experience is your friend. It may be a bad time to try creating practice dating/relationship scenarios when you may be emotionally vulnerable. That's not to say hiring an SP for dating coaching might not be exactly what the doctor ordered. But go into it letting her know ... Don't just say you want a dinner companion, or someone to go to the theatre with, full stop. Because if you do that, she will be your perfect date!!

 

Eyes wide open and go with care my friend, and you'll be just fine.

 

Porthos

[cat 262460]

I agree with Miss Samantha wholeheartedly! She has (as always) said exactly what need to be said...

 

I offer a 6 month "relaunch" plan to vetted guests, it's basically a life revamp for men who are re-entering the world after the loss of a SO, break up or other such situation. It is a customized plan to integrate into the world and I work with my guests on every aspect of their lives; social, emotional, physical, home life and future goals, etc. It is a very rigorous program and doesn't come cheap but the things in life worth having always have a price. I've developed this after years of coming across great guys that were stuck and I could see myself becoming a way of life for them. It was a genuine shame because as Miss Samantha so eloquently pointed out, we are a fantasty with a shocking reality and these men were worthy of another serious relationship which plainly wasn't me. I am a woman that loves a good, meaty project and now that I live in a condo, furniture refinishing is out so I needed something new to fill my time. These guests fit the criteria of a truly satisfying hobby that positively contributes to the quality of others experience.

 

 

Perhaps you should look at hiring a Life Skills Coach. These skilled professionals do wonders for people trying to figure the world out...

 

cat

[Phaedrus 209521]

Well, I hate to be negative, but... I'm not convinced by how well seeing SPs will actually prepare anyone for real dating, I'm afraid.

 

The problem is that SPs (or at least, the ones I've met) are, by their very nature, pretty good at finding common ground and making polite conversation with someone they've just met and know next to little about. They're also very good at making that initial meeting fun, and remarkably non-awkward, and making you want to see them again. And your average random date, who may be a random-ish selection from society at large... probably isn't going to be so good at stuff like that.

 

Porthos mentioned the potential for rebound... in that vein, one thing I've found that SPs are *really* good for is the prevention of bad decisions. I've found in the past that I've sometimes gone on dates, or gone on further dates with someone I knew wasn't really a soul-mate, simply because... well, it'd been a while, and...

 

I'm sure many of us have been there. But it's much easier to make a good call if you know you can still get laid whenever you like. Seeing a SP is a lot better than ending up in bed with the wrong person for bad reasons.