Is having sex with escort cheating?

[Frank7 3939]

Yes it's cheating. Unless aggreed by the other. If it's not something you received the permission first, would you be okay telling your partner after? If the answer is no, then it's cheating.

 

In a relation between 2 or more people, they are some rules that all must aggree. Even if it's as simple as "no rules". If the people don't aggree to the "rules" either there's no relation or they continue together because that one point is less important then the relation.

 

That's just the definition. (without going if it's right or wrong) If there's an exchange and one of the partie doesn't know all about it, there's deception and it's cheating. No different then putting microscopic fine prints on a contract.

 

Additional Comments:

Not only that, but why should she have to deal with a husband pestering her constantly for something she doesn't want to provide? If the emotional connection is still there, just let him see escorts. Again, this is my personal opinion, which I don't expect everyone to have, but I think that expecting a marriage partner to be able to fulfill all your needs, is unrealistic. There are over six billion (probably more, I'm not up on my world stats) in this world and we're supposed to believe that there is one person for us who will be perfect for us and we'll live happily ever after until we both die of old age in each others' arms? RIIIIGHT. It just makes more sense to go through life knowing that no one is perfect and can live up to such unrealistic standards; different people can fulfill different needs and it doesn't make any one of them any less important.

 

That's more or less how i think. While i think i could very well find someone that satisfy me completly in the "classical" marriage sense, if there's a need somewhere, it should be shared between the SOs.

Being cheated on would really hurt me (cause of the lie) but if a gf talked about it to me and "asked" the permission to get satisfaction elsewhere, i'd probably aggree.

 

In fact, i was in an online relation once and she had full permission to keep having sex with whoever she wanted. It didn't seem fair that she stopped having sex just because she loved me and i couldn't get some on my side.

[Phaedrus 209521]

I consider myself to be independent thinker and I don't get my answers from anyone else, if actually, that was the reason behind initiating this thread.

 

I'm afraid I missed the bit where respecting the fact that you're in a relationship with another person was somehow equivalent to being unable to think for yourself.

 

It is not about the cookies but rather the state mind.

 

No, it's not. There is absolutely no moral equivalence between the thought of an action and the act itself. To posit such creates a standard that would be impossible for anyone to meet and utterly useless for all practical purposes.

 

Ummm, I do respectfully disagree, cheating is bad which is different from being justifiable or not. But, the question is it really cheating or not?

 

Well, that's why I put "cheating" in quotes in my post. For me, it depends on whether dishonesty is involved. If you're not being open about what you're doing with someone who may have a legitimate reason to object, then yes, it's cheating. Of course, that opens up a can of worms about who may or may not have a legitimate reason to object, which would depend on the exact nature of the relationship(s) you're involved in...

 

It also says absolutely nothing about whether seeing a SP - be it cheating or no - is preferable to the alternative, be it miserable celibacy or a miserable divorce or an affair with someone who may have their own demands on you, or something else entirely.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I'm afraid I missed the bit where respecting the fact that you're in a relationship with another person was somehow equivalent to being unable to think for yourself.

 

Now I am afraid that you have created a personal fact!

 

The "part" was simply referring me to someone else to get an answer. This thread is not about anyone in particular and the question shall not be directed to anyone in particular. If someone is comfortable to share his input then that's is his/her own choice.

 

No, it's not. There is absolutely no moral equivalence between the thought of an action and the act itself. To posit such creates a standard that would be impossible for anyone to meet and utterly useless for all practical purposes.

 

Not too long ago, masturbation was considered an immoral act in itself and with evolution this concept has changed dramatically to the extent that today some of us consider quitting masturbation an impossible standard for anyone to meet. This might well be the case for having sex with escorts in the future.

 

Moreover, I view masturbation as a sexual act capable of achieving the same end point.

[roamingguy 300291]

Not only that, but why should she have to deal with a husband pestering her constantly for something she doesn't want to provide? If the emotional connection is still there, just let him see escorts. Again, this is my personal opinion, which I don't expect everyone to have, but I think that expecting a marriage partner to be able to fulfill all your needs, is unrealistic. There are over six billion (probably more, I'm not up on my world stats) in this world and we're supposed to believe that there is one person for us who will be perfect for us and we'll live happily ever after until we both die of old age in each others' arms? RIIIIGHT. It just makes more sense to go through life knowing that no one is perfect and can live up to such unrealistic standards; different people can fulfill different needs and it doesn't make any one of them any less important.

 

And to add to that, if she entered into the marriage with the promise of sex, which she no longer wants and no longer wants her husband pestering her for, she can't then begrudge him for seeking sexual gratification from other women. Seeking sexual intimacy from professional companions has the added benefit that there isn't the risk of emotional infidelity that comes from having an affair. And affairs are far more likely to cause marriage break ups and someone to be hurt compared to seeing a professional companion.

RG

[PhantomKnight 7914]

Ask your SO. If they consider it cheating, then it probably is.

 

If you don't feel like you can ask your SO, then it also probably is.

 

--Best answer right there. Lol.--

[mrgreen760 37785]

If in a relationship as I am then being clandestinely intimate with another woman whether a pro or amateur is cheating. I could try to come up with some sort of justification or rationalization but I don't see the point because it is what it is.

 

Peace

MG

[April Dawn 12207]

If you don't tell your partner about it then yes its cheating. Online flirting is cheating to me. Its funny but I have very strong feelings about what constituents cheating and deceit in a relationship. For me sleeping with someone else or internet fantasies are a-ok, as long as they are discussed and a relationship's parameter's are set before hand. Human sexuality and emotional connections are a very fluid and beautiful thing that can be very damaged by lies. This is of course how I feel in the real world about this stuff but when I slide on my big girl panties as April Dawn, I could give a flying fuck less weither your wife knows or not. Just make sure she doesn't find my phone number.

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[Tara 1166]

This thread was actually initiated by one of the members in another forum. I honestly found the question to have much depth into it than what might be perceived at the initial glance:

 

Is having sex with an escort cheating?

I don't think so, but if your partner would think so, then it would be. If that is the case, then the problem you have isn't so much that you cheated in your partner's eyes (if they learned of it somehow), but the fact that your needs are not being met in the relationship itself and that is the real problem that needs to be addressed and not the cheating event itself.

[CristyCurves 169032]

:icon_biggrin:We can all manipulate words and reasons to form justifiable answers but the fact remains and it won't change the answer- if you have a so, married, commonlaw, ect and the other person doesn't know you are having sex with others then yes you are cheating on him/her. I'm not sure how the others occupation makes a difference, as sex is sex, no matter who you have it with. Ask the so or partner,or husband or wife if they consider it cheating I'm sure most would attest that it is.

 

Is it right or wrong, that is only for you to decide, and not the question- it is your realationship, and nobody's business but the two involved. As are the reasons one decides to do so, not for me to judge for if it weren't for married and attached men cheating I wouldn't make money.

 

[dbdb 110]

The answer to the original question lies within the question itself. If the partner does not have "permission". if that is the case then yes, cheating is on the table. In my relationship I am allowed to cheat but she does not want to know about. This is still considered "cheating" but it is permissable as long as I folliw her rules. Do I feel guilty? yes. I would feel guilty even if I were single aswell. Society kind of dictates that I think. My partner is a goid woman. I would never leave her and I have oven that to her many times. Even with her permission I still feel like its cheating so if no permission is granted then definately yes, it's cheating. I think a better question would be "Is it acceptable at times to cheat on your spouse and when would that be considered ok".

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

My answer to this thread is simply No. Having sex with an escort is merely a transaction and hence doesn't qualify for cheating. Whether the partner (or its equivalent) is aware of this transaction is a different issue. I have my own reasons to support my answer and can elaborate further if deemed necessary.

[The General 11309]

I would say No, but only in the mind of the one hobbying....

[dbdb 110]

I agree. The hobbyist is the one who decides in his own mind whether it would be considered cheating. His spouse would almost always consider it cheating unless another word can be used such as infidelity

[Guest a**4*]

You make that decision for what ever reason it is like the rest of us we choose to to do this and it's nobody bussiness but your own for me i am single for others it is a different siituation we enjoy what we are doing and we continue to do it if you didn't enjoy it you would not be at it.I guess feeling guilty about it is when your partiner finds out because there is no guilt when you decided to do if you feel that guilty why do you continue as long as nobody knows nobody gets hurt.If i was married or still with my ex-girlfriend and choose to do this i would not feel guilty because i choose to do this and i alone made that decision and nobody else made it for me you make your bed you lay in it......My nickel ninety-five worth

[roamingguy 300291]

I'll throw another curve in for discussion here. Is a lady who has a SO, be it husband, CL, bf, who's livelihood is being an escort or MA, cheating on her SO if she doesn't tell him of her livelihood. BTW the question is only asked for discussion purposes only

And as a sidebar, even though I'm single, and have no relationship strings so to speak, in no way do I sit in any judgement of the married gentlemen

who see professional companions. Everyone's personal circumstances are just that, personal, and not for others to judge

RG

[Mikeyboy 27111]

Thanks Kechara for your response and support about my last post. I have reread it a few times now and I wanted to apologize for perhaps being a bit defensive. It seems I have my own issues to work through. Perhaps the discussion has poked a few holes in my own rationalizations on various issues. Either way, keep discussing. I don't want to be that guy who ends a thread by being overly sensitive. Thanks for the understanding. And no rg, it was not meant for you. I know that you are as non judgmental as they come.

 

As for the question rg posed, I guess that also depends on many things. How serious the relationship is being one if them. I don't think disclosure regarding being an sp is required on the first date but hopefully it has come up by the time they are married.

 

But again, who am I to judge? ;-)

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I'll throw another curve in for discussion here. Is a lady who has a SO, be it husband, CL, bf, who's livelihood is being an escort or MA, cheating on her SO if she doesn't tell him of her livelihood. BTW the question is only asked for discussion purposes only

 

Regardless if the provider is working full or part time, I don't see the failure to disclose her own full or part time "profession" as cheating. I must remind that we are using the word "professional" here which again implies that any sexual involvement in the course of carrying one's duties is merely a transaction. The whole scenario is equivalent of the male partner failing to disclose his true profession to his partner.

 

Now, whether a provider can really do that, especially as a full time, that is another issue.

[roamingguy 300291]

Thanks Kechara for your response and support about my last post. I have reread it a few times now and I wanted to apologize for perhaps being a bit defensive. It seems I have my own issues to work through. Perhaps the discussion has poked a few holes in my own rationalizations on various issues. Either way, keep discussing. I don't want to be that guy who ends a thread by being overly sensitive. Thanks for the understanding. And no rg, it was not meant for you. I know that you are as non judgmental as they come.

 

As for the question rg posed, I guess that also depends on many things. How serious the relationship is being one if them. I don't think disclosure regarding being an sp is required on the first date but hopefully it has come up by the time they are married.

 

But again, who am I to judge? ;-)

 

In the case I threw out for discussion, it isn't a first date, or even early stages of dating. The lady has a significant other, be it husband, common-law or boyfriend. If the lady is a professional companion, be it escort or MA, and I emphasize this is her livelihood, is she cheating by not telling her SO and continuing as a professional companion

And this is just thrown in for discussion, again, in no way am I passing judgement or saying what is right or wrong

RG :-)

[fortunateone 156618]

Doesn't the word cheat imply that there is deception? In that case, if you are deceiving your SO in order to see an escort, then it is cheating. Remember also you are spending shared income on an sp. I know people have their own money, etc etc, and one is not necessarily dependent on the other, but if the sex part doesn't matter then lying about where the money is going could be considered another way of cheating.

 

There may be different moralities involved, which I agree with another poster, don't bother me, nor do they concern me. I don't put that same requirement on people, in other words to stay faithful sexually. There are many ways to stay faithful, just as there are many ways to be unfaithful. You can neglect your SO in ways that cause far more damage to their self esteem and happiness than just not having sex with them.

 

It is quite a cycle.

[roamingguy 300291]

Doesn't the word cheat imply that there is deception? In that case, if you are deceiving your SO in order to see an escort, then it is cheating.

 

There may be different moralities involved, which I agree with another poster, don't bother me, nor do they concern me. I don't put that same requirement on people, in other words to stay faithful sexually. There are many ways to stay faithful, just as there are many ways to be unfaithful. You can neglect your SO in ways that cause far more damage to their self esteem and happiness than just not having sex with them.

 

It is quite a cycle.

 

I agree the word cheat implies deception, and also wrongdoing, and has a moral underpinning to it when used by a person to describe another's activity/behaviour . But it is also the commonly accepted term for having sexual relations outside a marriage. But the use of this word in this thread IMHO by the various posters is less used as a judgement moral laden term than as the most common phrase to describe this activity...whew a mouthful

Just saying that's all

RG

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I couldn't have said it better. I think the only way to have more than one "relationship", whether sexual or emotional is wrong only if deceit is involved. If a woman or man has knowledge of and has consented to their SO to partake in particular acts, then that cannot possibly be called cheating, whether paid service or not.

 

The only true variable being truth.

 

I, very much, like this statement. But what about if the woman or the man are not aware that the SO is involved in a sexual act with an escort?

 

I mean. the typical scenario is the one in which the hobbyist is able to partake in sexual acts with an escort without the knowledge of or even being confronted by the other party.

[xxxAxxx 21016]

Without knowledge, there cannot possibly be consent. Therefore, cheating.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

Without knowledge, there cannot possibly be consent. Therefore, cheating.

 

Is the consent also a pre-requisite when the man or the woman indulge themselves simulating a sexual act with an escort?

[Athos 108589]

Cheating, not cheating. Why does it matter? I find the some of the implicit and explicit moral judgments implied in the word "cheating" simply not appropriate for this board. We don't pass judgements on people's sexual preferences, so I'm not sure why it sometimes seems as if we do around marital status.

 

Yes, in an ideal world it would be great if I could tell my wife. But I'm afraid I simply don't live in that world. So yes, its cheating, being unfaithful, running around behind her back .... all of those things! Absolutely. But, please, leave judgements aside.

 

I've been with my wife for 25 years. And yes, I see SPs ... but that doesn't mean I need to be told about fidelity, for in so many other ways I am faithful, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, and everything society (and my wife) demands of me, and wants from me, as a husband.

 

Porthos

[kechara 2526]

Cheating, not cheating. Why does it matter? I find the some of the implicit and explicit moral judgments implied in the word "cheating" simply not appropriate for this board. We don't pass judgements on people's sexual preferences, so I'm not sure why it sometimes seems as if we do around marital status.

 

Yes, in an ideal world it would be great if I could tell my wife. But I'm afraid I simply don't live in that world. So yes, its cheating, being unfaithful, running around behind her back .... all of those things! Absolutely. But, please, leave judgements aside.

 

I've been with my wife for 25 years. And yes, I see SPs ... but that doesn't mean I need to be told about fidelity, for in so many other ways I am faithful, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, and everything society (and my wife) demands of me, and wants from me, as a husband.

 

Porthos

 

Thanks for saying this Porthos, I completely agree with you. I would not want any other members of the board to feel that others here are passing judgement on them.