Can't get it up / low libido / weak erections / job stress

[Guest *rb*n C*wb*y]

I'm 30. I've been working for the government for the past three years. It pays better than any job I've ever had, which means a lot to me since I have bills to pay off quickly.

 

However, every day I'm operating at full throttle (and many times at over capacity) due to the the gigantic volume of paper shuffling that goes across my desk. I try and do this in as calm and efficiently rapid a manner as I can maintain, but when more work deemed "urgent" gets piled on faster than I can shuffle it, it takes its toll. As a result, I'm stressed out virtually every day trying not to drown in the huge amount of work. So much for the "lazy government worker" stereotype.

 

You can imagine the effect this buildup of stress has had on my health. I used to be quite fit, working out with heavy weights two or three times a week. I stopped exercising because the work stress was exhausting me to the point where I couldn't muster the energy to exercise after a long stressful day. The downward spiral continued, and now I find it difficult to get aroused. Stress kills testosterone which kills libido. In the past year I've "wasted" hundreds of dollars seeing SPs and MAs and my sessions are filled with my inability to get an erection, so I stopped seeing them.

 

What can I do? It's not like I can ask my boss to reduce my work because I want to start experiencing boners again.

 

I've taken health-related steps over the past couple months to try and slow down my plummeting desire, including getting more sleep, eating cleaner, totally relaxing and enjoying all my non-working moments, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs. I'm actually feeling more energetic lately, so I'm itching to start lifting weights again to hopefully pump up the levels of testosterone in my body. But what I can I do about the job volume/stress killing my libido (other than the obvious, looking for a new job)?

 

Thanks in advance. :)

[Guest c**io**m7]

Been there...done that and at a similar age. As a fellow gov't employee, I have 2 suggestions:

 

1) EAP for stress management. It's there, use it!

 

2) Dr for blue pill

 

The reason I suggest #2 is that, after a while, you could be self-conscious. "Will it work today?". This is worse than any stress, hell, it is stress. The blue pill will help you realize it does still work and, as you learn how to manage stress, you will be able to reduce dosage to the point when you realize that you have your confidence back!

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I certainly am not a guy nor can I relate to your issue.

 

I used to be involved in a biz that had me totally stressed and as a consequence, sex was a very low prority but a lacking necessessity.

 

At 30, or thereabouts, I doubt that the blue pill is warranted. Your lack of desire is directly attributed to the stress levels produced by your job and further compounded by the stress you put on yourself because of your diminished sex drive.

 

A human's sex drive thrives and wanes not only because of testosterone/hormones but also because of outside factors. The only sure fire way to regain your drive is it ignore the stress and thoughts from the big brain.

 

More on this to come....I gotta go!.

[FunValerie 8573]

Your MD can actually measure your testosterone levels and do other medical tests. Most, perhaps all, of the required tests are covered by OHIP. You might want to see your MD first because you might have a hidden medical issue that you are not aware of. I sent a client with this issue to the MD and medical problems requiring treatment were found. Never hurts to get a through and detailed check up. When was your last complete physical exam?

 

Assuming your MD declares that you are OK, you might want to try the happy little blue pill. It will do wonders for your confidence so that you should be able to get off the pill after a period of time. I have seen that work in several people. I have several graduates in this area. Your MD can even give you a few free samples and run medical tests to be sure that you are OK to take it. Can't beat a free sample, right?

 

Lastly, over the long term, keep applying for other jobs so that you can move to another environment where you will have less stress. Some managers are much better managers than others.

 

Good luck to you. Persistence helps in all matters including this one.

 

Best regards,

 

Valerie

[Guest *rb*n C*wb*y]

Thanks for the supportive replies so far! :)

 

Been there...done that and at a similar age. As a fellow gov't employee, I have 2 suggestions:

 

1) EAP for stress management. It's there, use it!

 

I'm definitely going to investigate employee assistance programs... that's if I even have the time to do so! I barely even have the time to get up and away from my desk just to go to the bathroom, focus on eating lunch without getting swamped with work, or even something so simple as making a photocopy of something I need to do the task at hand...

 

The best analogy I can propose is a computer. It runs totally smoothly when you're feeding it a small number of light tasks. Increase the number of tasks or increase the intensity of the tasks (or both) and you crash the computer. Virtually every day, I am running at the crash threshold, if I were a computer.

 

2) Dr for blue pill

 

The reason I suggest #2 is that, after a while, you could be self-conscious. "Will it work today?". This is worse than any stress, hell, it is stress. The blue pill will help you realize it does still work and, as you learn how to manage stress, you will be able to reduce dosage to the point when you realize that you have your confidence back!

 

Thanks for the suggestion. If I am to consider this, I will have to overcome a major personal hurdle. I cannot bring myself to use medical "crutches". When I have a headache, I try to avoid taking painkillers unless it's overbearing. Given that I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs, I'm always been very anti-chemical and I try to resist chemicals going into my body. If it boils down to using the blue pill as a last resort, and only if it's a last resort, would I break down and admit that I need it. I'd have to exhaust all other options first, as FunValerie is suggesting.

 

I certainly am not a guy nor can I relate to your issue.

 

I used to be involved in a biz that had me totally stressed and as a consequence' date=' sex was a very low prority but a lacking necessessity. [/quote']

 

I can relate to this, so thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. Anything sexy/sexual right now is not even on my radar. Even porn is uninteresting to me right now. Never felt this way before. My main libido-related trouble in my teens and twenties was that it was difficult trying to hide my vast number of erections in public... anywhere I'd get the slightest bit comfortable or relaxed and it would just pop up to say hello. Not the easiest thing to hide when denim is such a stiff material for pants... :D

 

At 30' date=' or thereabouts, I doubt that the blue pill is warranted. Your lack of desire is directly attributed to the stress levels produced by your job and further compounded by the stress you put on yourself because of your diminished sex drive. [/quote']

 

Thanks. Gonna try not to use the blue pill as a crutch if I can help it, but will do if all other options are exhausted first. :)

 

Your MD can actually measure your testosterone levels and do other medical tests. Most, perhaps all, of the required tests are covered by OHIP. You might want to see your MD first because you might have a hidden medical issue that you are not aware of. I sent a client with this issue to the MD and medical problems requiring treatment were found. Never hurts to get a through and detailed check up. When was your last complete physical exam?

 

Assuming your MD declares that you are OK, you might want to try the happy little blue pill. It will do wonders for your confidence so that you should be able to get off the pill after a period of time. I have seen that work in several people. I have several graduates in this area. Your MD can even give you a few free samples and run medical tests to be sure that you are OK to take it. Can't beat a free sample, right?

 

Definitely going to call the doctor this week. The part where you mentioned it could be something else other than just low testosterone was alarming to me, so I'm taking this advice to heart.

 

Lastly, over the long term, keep applying for other jobs so that you can move to another environment where you will have less stress. Some managers are much better managers than others.

 

The thing is that all my jobs in the government are usually one year in duration, because I need change every year or so in order to not feel bored or tired of the same repetition. The thing that gets me is that I actually applied for my current job because I wanted the greater salary and was happy to win it. I was escaping a very stressful job, only to move into another very stressful job. Where are the "underworked and overpaid" government positions that people keep talking about? ;) I'm only four months into this job and I still have eight more to go before the term is finished. I'm not going to last if I don't do something, which is why I started this topic. :)

[Sweet Emily J 172062]

You could consider trying a professional sex therapist. :) Especially at your age, much of these kinds of issues are psychological and do have a fix!

 

http://www.sexwithsue.com/counseling/

 

Sue is a legendary sex therapist in Ottawa! :) Sessions are covered by health insurance, and she does counselling in a variety of ways, including over the phone, by Skype with webcam, and of course in person. If she can't solve the issue in a few sessions, she will refer you to someone who can.

 

There is also lots of great info on her website and blog. :)

[Metalsmith 2980]

Stress? Yup. Got that. In spades.

 

Paperwork? Yup. Personnel? Yup. Operations? Yup. Training? Yup. Public Speaking? Yup. You name it...what's the #1 thing I do to manage?

 

1. Breathe & Relax

2. Focus.

 

Get your tasks done one at a time. My biggest problem is jumping from one task to another, and having my attention drawn away prevents me from completing a task properly, and end up with poor results, which can mean a re-do, and certainly means extra work.

 

Pick a task, bring it to completion. Pause, breathe/relax then focus on the next task.

 

Getting things *done* is a very good thing. I actually had a day last week where I got every one of the items on my daily "to do" list DONE. It was a damn good feeling to attain that.

 

Get a manageable list of short-term items you know you can complete, and do them. Then with some positive feelings under your belt for your little successes, you can tackle something bigger.

 

YMMV, but that's kind of what I try to do.

 

MS

[ottanon 2930]

If your getting your testosterone checked there are 2 tests. 1 paid by the Govt, this one is useless. there is a more intense one they can do but I think its over $100. Also Cialis works well. Its about $20 a pill and works for upto 3 days on 1 pill. Not full 3 days :) Just when you need it.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

You can imagine the effect this buildup of stress has had on my health. I used to be quite fit, working out with heavy weights two or three times a week. I stopped exercising because the work stress was exhausting me to the point where I couldn't muster the energy to exercise after a long stressful day. The downward spiral continued, and now I find it difficult to get aroused. Stress kills testosterone which kills libido. In the past year I've "wasted" hundreds of dollars seeing SPs and MAs and my sessions are filled with my inability to get an erection, so I stopped seeing them.

If you walk into a session with the expectation that achieving an erection is the only indicator of a worthwhile encounter, then you are also putting pressure on yourself -- and combined with the amount of stress you are in with your job, and the effect it has had on your physical health and level of exercise, I wouldn't be surprised if the mister isn't willing to perform.

There have already been some useful suggestions made in this thread, but I'm also going to suggest that you re-evaluate what qualifies as "wasting" your money. You may want to contact a provider and explain your situation, and have the encounter focus on sensuality rather than performance. Taking away the pressure of achieving an erection may help. Also, if you're stressed about performance, prescription medication may not help. And finally, it IS possible to achieve an orgasm without an erection!

[Pleasureme 340]

Would recommend you make the time to do some good cardio workouts in at least 3 times per week. Min of 20 mins at your target heart rate - running for 30 mins being ideal. This will help overall with your stress mgt and mental well being. For me, it doubles at relaxation/meditation time.

 

Of course, if you are watching any kind of porn cut that out completely. Your brain becomes desensitized over time which could be a major factor ontop of everything else. Yes, fantasizing and frapping it to escort ads counts too!

 

Sounds like you also need to look for ways to reduce your workload while at work. Telling your mgt you are overloaded should be respected and simple enough unless your boss is a real dick. Good luck.

[WhiteKnight 1413]

I agree with Kathryn. I had similar issues in the past (stressful job, bad relationships, libido issues, chronic pain, on top of overall shyness). I exercised, ate well, went to the doctor, but things really started to improve when I let go of all my expectations and accepted that it was ok to be vulnerable with the ladies I met. With the right lady, I simply could let the encounter flow wherever it felt the best. Many times it was simply soft, sensual cuddling and kissing. Sometimes it was about giving each other sensual massages. A few times I simply perfected my spanking techniques :) Eventually, without me realizing it, the libido came back and the passionate lovemaking. But in the meantime I had grown tremendously as a lover, able to embrace and rejoice in all the wonderful facets of women's erotic universe. This is worth a lot, because you will keep this experience and newfound knowledge for the rest of your life.

 

After getting checked by your MD and managing the job situation as best you can, find a lady you are comfy with and you trust, have the courage to be vulnerable, and let her share with you everything that is good about sensuality. Abandon yourself in her arms.

 

There are wonderful, generous and experienced ladies around here. You might just be transformed as I have been :)

 

 

If you walk into a session with the expectation that achieving an erection is the only indicator of a worthwhile encounter, then you are also putting pressure on yourself -- and combined with the amount of stress you are in with your job, and the effect it has had on your physical health and level of exercise, I wouldn't be surprised if the mister isn't willing to perform.

[Guest c**io**m7]

I wish you the best my good man...remember this when you are swamped and overworked. An hour lost per week with EAP meetings is better than a couple months lost to a breakdown.

Also, many of the therapists/counsellors work after hours.

 

I am currently using EAP for stress management. My sessions were Monday's at 7 pm however, since it now conflicts with a family I am working with Monday nights as a volunteer peer counsellor for addiction, my therapist has moved me to Friday mornings at 7:30...no work missed.

[Guest P*rry]

Urban Cowboy: One of the areas you control is change. You touched on it in your opening message.

 

You have a job from hell. It sounds like it is a soul destroying one. Either you can change your approach to it. Or, you should look for a new job that isn't going to kill you physically let alone emotionally. I sincerely wish you well.

 

Joseph

[Guest m**on]

as a business owner, stress is something that was always there for me. It kept me awake many nights, always wondering if i was going to have enough work to keep my crew going and to pay my bills, morgage, truck payments and the list goes on. now this never effected my sex drive as the simple thought of a beautiful women would close the door before i got to it LOL, but it did effect my ability to connect with some one sexualy and mentally thus putting a strain on my relationships. The answer! well i work out pretty much every day, eat healthy, limit processed food but most of all i had to stop worrying and start thinking more positive. The fact is that the stress is always going to be there, its how you deal with it that matters. Take those fifteen minute breaks your entitled to and relax and breath deep, sit down for lunch and forget about the pile of paper work on your desk, it will be there when lunch is over. create a happy thought and when your stressed go there, but most of all you do what you can do in a day and when you walk out that door at the end of the day, the work and every though about it stays there until the next day when you return.

[roamingguy 300291]

Well stress isn't good, I'm dealing with it from another angle (not work). That said there is something else to try, it might help. L-argenine

Here's a thread on it I started awhile back

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=98245&highlight=l-argenine

Something else, just a thought, but don't view time the time spent with MA's and SP's a waste because of no erections. Companionship and intimacy is, and this is JMHO, more than sex. Maybe book a longer encounter, time to just relax with the lady and see where it goes. Maybe a longer less rushed encounter could help

Good luck

RG

[cat 262460]

Darling Urban Cowboy,

 

Your's is not an uncommon complaint and there are things you can do on top of the steps you've already taken that will change the way you handle the tidal wave of work you deal with on a daily basis! I don't suggest a little blue pill at your age as it's better to address the underlying issues first.

 

The first is your health...

 

Before you start blaming testosterone, you should look at adrenal fatigue. Adrenaline is one of the life hormones without which all other hormones fail. Google it and you will see that stress will exhaust your adrenals and it can be reversed simply. You are already doing some of the necessities but adding a adrenal supplement such as Adrenal Stress End from iHerb.com.

 

http://www.iherb.com/Enzymatic-Therapy-Fatigued-to-Fantastic-Adrenal-Stress-End-60-Capsules/2158#p=1&oos=1&disc=0&lc=en-US&w=adrenal%20supplement&rc=206&sr=null&ic=15

 

I recommend this supplement wholeheartedly! Also don't rely on your MD to be able to identify if your adrenals are actually struggling unless it's life threatening. The scale which they compare to doesn't recognize an under active adrenal unless it is almost completely shut down.

 

If this supplement and lifestyle changes doesn't help then go to see a bioidentical hormone specialist. The tests these MD's start with are not covered by OHIP but their subsequent visits are. These doctors, imo are the only doctors trained to treat us in a holistic wellness mode. Traditional MD's and Endocrinoligists simply do not receive the training needed to understand the orchestral integration of hormones in our day to day lives. If you would like more information about doctors in Ottawa, pm me. Whatever you do, DON'T TAKE SYNTHETIC HORMONES. Insist they prescribe bioidentical. They may try to tell that the natural isn't safe, consistent or effective but if you do the research you'll see that the risks of synthetic far outweigh the benefits.

 

The second issue at hand is time management!

 

For this I would strongly recommend three books read in this order...

 

1. Getting Things Done by David Allen. There is also software that can be added to your MS Office and free tutorials online to help you habituate yourself to stress free productivity. This book has changed my life.

 

2. The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch. This principles in this book should be taught from kindergarten forward. Amazing!

 

3. The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. You will either love this book or hate it but either way it will change the way you look at how you spend your time.

 

 

Most non-medical ED sufferers ignore the actions they could take to alleviate their symptoms and reach for a quick fix but trust me, it isn't the answer and will only worsen over time. Educate yourself on the real issues at hand and then rectify them...

 

cat

[theliquor (Lost but not fo 50595]

First, take a breath, a deep breath and then another.

I was also a workaholic, who could not say no, flew all over the world and it just about killed me, literally and physically.

I would suggest:

1. learn to say "no", it is not easy, you are probably seen as the go to guy in your department

2. delegate, let the baby birds learn to fly or fall, give them direction, make sure they understand, then it becomes their problem

3. breath deep, as a friend once told me, this to shall pass

Take care of yourself, the government sure as hell does not care if you do or don't.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Well I've been there my friend same boat when I was 35. Although I did get a prescription for viagra i just couldn't bring myself to fill it at 35. So I made a big change in my life, I made the decision to "work to live" and not "live to work". I learned to say "NO" and realized that life is too short to waste one minute of it. Maybe sounds easier said than done but when I broke it all down I wasn't "living" I was merely existing for someone else.

 

Bottom line, I'm now like a rock at the drop of a hat and my refractory period is almost non existent. Don't dispair your life's not over it just needs a change.

[cyclo 30131]

I'm 30. I've been working for the government for the past three years. It pays better than any job I've ever had...

 

However, every day I'm operating at full throttle (and many times at over capacity) due to the the gigantic volume of paper shuffling that goes across my desk. I try and do this in as calm and efficiently rapid a manner as I can maintain, but when more work deemed "urgent" gets piled on faster than I can shuffle it, it takes its toll. As a result, I'm stressed out virtually every day trying not to drown in the huge amount of work...

 

What can I do? It's not like I can ask my boss to reduce my work because I want to start experiencing boners again... But what I can I do about the job volume/stress killing my libido (other than the obvious, looking for a new job)?...

 

I barely even have the time to get up and away from my desk just to go to the bathroom, focus on eating lunch without getting swamped with work, or even something so simple as making a photocopy of something I need to do the task at hand...

 

The thing is that all my jobs in the government are usually one year in duration, because I need change every year or so in order to not feel bored or tired of the same repetition. The thing that gets me is that I actually applied for my current job because I wanted the greater salary and was happy to win it. I was escaping a very stressful job, only to move into another very stressful job.

 

Cowboy, we can all empathize with your situation. A good sex life is important for physical, mental and spiritual health. As others have mentioned taking advantage of EAP and talking to your doctor are important to do. Without ruling out an underlying medical condition, it sounds like you're trying to treat your symptoms which include low libido and lethargy rather than focusing on the cause, work volume and stress. I'm going to suggest two "career management" steps.

 

1) Speak to your manager/supervisor about your workload, your performance and his or her expectations. At this point you don't necessarily even need to talk about the impact your workload is having on your quality of life at home. Just focus on the work initially and your ability to get it all done.

 

As you've mentioned, it's a new job. You've only been in it for four months and normally you wouldn't be expected to be fully proficient in the job yet, which includes how much work you can be expected to get done. It's common for new employees to try to be superman and create a good impression which exceeds the performance expectations for the job. This is especially true at your age when you're trying to move beyond just getting/keeping a job and instead you're trying to build a reputation as reliable, a subject expert etc. It's also common for managers not to be aware of the specific problems employees are having unless they/you speak up.

 

You don't need to tell your manager "I want to start experiencing boners again...", It is however legitimate to talk about "I barely even have the time to get up and away from my desk just to go to the bathroom, focus on eating lunch without getting swamped with work, or even something so simple as making a photocopy of something I need to do the task at hand..."

 

It's also important to discuss that you're "... at full throttle (and many times at over capacity)..." "but when more work deemed "urgent" gets piled on faster than I can shuffle it, it takes its toll." What are the job's priorities? When and how can you get your manager to establish your workload priorities when there's too much to do? Time management is a good skill, but ultimately there are circumstances in which it's impossible to "do everything", no matter how efficiently you use your time. That's when you need focus on "priority management". Priority management requires a consensus or agreement amongst several affected parties, in particular your manager, who "has your back" when not everything gets done or doesn't get done to your usual standards. As theliquor and nlwoodchuck pointed out, you need to get to the point where you have the confidence to say "No". When you have this conversation with your manager, it's important to provide specific examples of the difficulties you're having in dealing with both work volume and "urgent" priorities.

 

 

2) It sounds like you're pursuing jobs almost exclusively on the basis of salary and to avoid boredom. You need to change this pattern before you assume too much debt and annual expenses. Then it will be too difficult to make a career change that may initially involve a lower salary but is a better fit for you. You've seen what some of the consequences of the career strategy you're currently pursuing are. It will only become worse as you get older and face a potential mid life crisis or more serious health problems (heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, substance abuse...).

 

Every job has stress. Every one thrives or withers under different conditions... repetition and accuracy, following policies and procedures, creativity and blue sky thinking, creativity and applied problem solving, detailed analytics, big picture thinking, working closely with others, working in isolation, dealing with the public, back of house work, urgent work, long term research, flamboyant lead singer, humble bass player...

 

You can reflect on which work situations you've thrived in professionally and personally. What work suits not just your skills but also your temperament? For example a person who is methodical and steady by nature... checking and rechecking their work is not suitable to a high volume environment. They'll never get it all done or be satisfied with the work they produce. A big picture/broad strokes person will die a thousand deaths working on repetitive work requiring detailed accuracy. You're HR department can help you with some personality analysis and career planning. You're manager may be able to identify a mentor for you to assist with some of the career/work challenges you're facing that aren't taught in school.

 

I hope this helps. Good luck.

[BootyLoving 2441]

For me, being loaded on caffeine or energy drinks is detrimental to the point that it won't work even if she's the hottest thing and you are connecting.

 

Another thing is bein in good physical condition. Regular exercise helps keeps the erection longer and induces MSOG for me.

 

 

Those two item seems to work well. I can see a difference of zero to hero. I've tried bois bands - didn't do a thing for me. The hgw did work well though, but avoid caffeine.

[dbottawa 130]

As much as I like to come to cerb when feeling horny, I'm also often impressed by the quality of comments brought in more serious topics, and this thread is yet another good example.

 

And since I sometimes like handling serious topics with a bit of humor, I'd like to say there are several quality, non-rush "therapists" in this forum to help us de-stress ;-) Thanks to all ! DB.

[2bigalow2 2935]

A week erection can also be a sign of diabetes. get checked for this.

 

Things that may help no masturbating for a week before sex

exercise

Cialis viagara levitro

vitamans c d and e plus b1 b6 and b12 all help with erection

[Ironsman1 1461]

You likely have a dopamine imbalance. Just eat healthy and some vitamin b6 should help.

 

I used to have the exact same problem. Trust me I used to go through the same thing. The solution is a lot simpler than you think.

[Guest tequilla]

Enjoyed reading your analysis.Would you know any SPs that can focus on sensuality ?

[hoffa68 939]

I have similar issues but with a little twist. I believe it is more testosterone/hormone based but with some stresses of life thrown into it. I have always had the issue that sometimes the desire and ability are not always there. I could perform regularly and then for a few days nothing. I am now 46 years old so certainly age has something to do with it but even my whole life it has always seemed cyclical. The older I get the longer my recovery. It drives me crazy that at the beginning of this week I had an erection so big and hard and yet yesterday I was "soft daddy". I've even made sure to get extra sleep this week and still I will probably have to wait a few days.

 

I've had a couple of encounters on here where I think I'm going to be OK but then it doesn't. That's why I went to a few MA's recently. At least if it doesn't work as well I get a really good message out of it