anyone know the cure for teenagers?

[dirkgently 1778]

Seriously, does everything I say have to be an argument? Mine have some developmental issues also, but I'm fairly positive I would never have talked back to my parents the way these two do.

 

They used to be so polite, friends and strangers used to remark how polite, well mannered and well behaved they were.

 

What switch was flipped at 14 and how do I flip it back?

[mrrnice2 157005]

Hey Dirk. Totally, totally common. Practice patience and show love as a parent and the switch will get turned again in a year or two. There would not be too many teenagers that have not gone through that phase and not too many parents have been fortunate enough to miss it. That politeness and well mannered behavior if it was there before is still there and it will come back. :)

[dirkgently 1778]

Hey Dirk. Totally, totally common. Practice patience and show love as a parent and the switch will get turned again in a year or two. There would not be too many teenagers that have not gone through that phase and not too many parents have been fortunate enough to miss it. That politeness and well mannered behavior if it was there before is still there and it will come back. :)

Thanks, rationally I know it is temporary and they will grow out of it, but emotionally some days are incredibly trying.

 

One friend told me teenagers were the price you pay for having a good time. Don't remember it being that good...

[fiskaa 2600]

No magic cure I'm afraid other than time.....as per Mrrnice2, they do come back as the polite and appreciative children you once knew....but getting to that point can definitely be trying....hang in there!

[Boomer 33202]

They do come around eventually. Part of growing up is fitting in with their peers, so actually they at this juncture have a great deal of influence. If you've given them a good foundation they will survive the teens. Don't let them get to you and don't be too strict.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I'm no expert obviously but kids are mirrors of their parents, environment and friends. Teenagers are under constant pressures from their peers, parents and the pressures of growing up. Imagine being that age, your friends are pulling you in one direction, teachers in another, parents telling them this and that and society saying they should look and act this way or that way. It's an overload for the most grounded kids. Show them respect and understanding, as hard as it may be, and eventually it will sink in and they'll give it back and always, always unconditional love. Imprint in them that they can tell you whatever they need to and that you are there for them no matter what. When a child has love on their side they can conquer anything. I think they may be trying boundaries and pressing buttons to see how far they can get, perhaps. Or they may have some things bothering them, never hurts to ask. Sometimes we act out because of stresses that aren't known or even obvious. When I was a teenager the people I hated the most were my family, especially my parents and they were the ones I loved the most as well. It certainly is a complicated time for both sides. I'm glad I don't have to relive those years. Hopefully you and your kids will come through this happily:)

[Brad 49548]

Well usually I turn to Google for answers. Not sure how much help this is, but might at least give a smile...

 

[Elle Diablo 1345]

Remembering my own teenage years I know it can be harrowing for both sides, so to make light of the whole situation ...

 

My grandmama always threatened locking me in a closet 'til I was 35 :confused0024:

[roamingguy 300291]

 

[olderguy 5797]

I raised 4 kids that are adults (of sorts) now.

TIME will cure everything (as previously stated they DO grow up).

In the meantime might I suggest white wine (or beer) headphones playing your favorite music and dreams of the future. :)

Good luck!

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Adulthood seems to be the cure! I know that sounds terrifying but it makes you forget the teenage years 20 seems to be the magic number :)

[Ice4fun 78396]

I had the pleasure of raising two children and when they were in their Teens they knew all my buttons to push and there were times when we were going through it that I could not believe a child of mind could act like that.

 

Now years later I understand that it was part of their development..in hind site the behavior was not nearly as bad as I thought part of it as also my wanting to retain control of my children not accepting that they were trying to establish the first parts of their independence.

 

It all passed pretty quickly and there were some tremendous times that I wish could have been longer. They will grow so fast and be gone cherish every moment even the tough one.... As a parent you are contributing to the formation of the great adults who I kinda know will do a better job in this world than we have.

 

Just my opinion.

 

[Guest P**aq]

Condoms.

(nuff said)

[MightyPen 67414]

Condoms.

(nuff said)

Yeah, I was going to say "yes, but you had to apply it 14 years ago." :)

[redskin44 3588]

my neices father was not in her life until.she turned 16 . i had taken it upon myself to try and fill that role . she was always a very affectionate little girl , lots of hugs and kisses , always wanted to sit right next to the person she was with . of course when she was 12 all that changed , wanted to be left alone , snarky replies to questions .

it was once said " a hug is worth a thousand words " , so after reading this and knowing i still wanted her to know i stilled cared but not invade her space , i just started lightly squeezing her head with one hand and would say smooch . it would get a smile out of her, a chuckle under her breath . and it made me feel pretty good as well .

 

well after a couple years and she was developing problems that unfortunately alot of teenage girls develope , she came to me . we were able to get her help , including a hospital stay . after regular visits with a shrink she is now a thriving 19 year old catching up on her schooling . she is also very much back to being a happy go lucky young lady .

 

dont know if this helps at all , but i must admit for me , it felt good to put it out there .

[jdstar 1065]

My boys are now 15 and 18 and I can't remember a day of grief. On the other hand, my sister has 2 daughters, 12 and 15, and they are becoming shadows of their former selves. They were the 2 sweetest girls you could ever meet but they have transformed into 2 self entitled little trash bags. Hopefully it passes.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I do not have children, but I remember being a teenager very well. I was a rotten teenager! But what has been said here is true, this is how teenagers exercise their new found freedoms, learn coping skills and their brain is developing in a new way that makes adults think their kids have turned into monsters! The foundation is still there, just mucked up at this time.

 

While I was a rotten teenager, my parents felt like enemy number 1. To this day I carry guilt of what I put them threw:( But they stood by me, and now Mom and Dad are my best friends! I took till about 23 when I became friends with them again. Now we are so close, there is not a day that goes by I call to say "hello I love you"

 

Hang in there!!

[Gentleman11 10508]

I remember well the years when the attitude came out, only a bit though (I was fortunate). The famous words "Dad you don't know anything!!!!...." started coming out when she was 14 or so.

 

I knew she was over it one day when she was just shy of 20 when she smiled playfully one day when we were talking as adults and she said "I can't believe how much you've learned these past few years....."

[dirkgently 1778]

Condoms.

(nuff said)

I keep saying we should have gone to the movies that night

 

Additional Comments:

I just want to thank everyone for their words of advice and encouragement.

 

My two also some developmental issues and I guess I somehow hoped we could skip the extra issues being teenagers brings. Alas not to be.

 

On a different note, today they are both happy and talkative and actually seem like they want to interact and be part of the family, weird.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Ann Gallerie 7910]

My former teen has multiple disabilities, including autism. We are very fortunate to have our children.

[Jabba 18389]

I don't want to pontificate. I just remember my teenage years...

 

Music, rebellion, individual expression held a lot of importance to me and my friends. We had the luxury of education & living in our parents' basements.

 

Our parents indulged our crap because they simply were there for us to abuse. We smoked pot, rocked out on loud music, drove their cars into the ground (I don't know why we're still alive).

 

We worked at shitty retail jobs on weekends and earned enough to buy records, dope, egg rolls and stereo equipment.

 

Teenagers are a confused mess of emotions trying to find a path into adulthood - whatever the fuck that is...I'm still an infant.

 

I'm afraid all you can do is enjoy the teenage ride. Ignorance is bliss if you can get away with it.

[kmwq 5477]

Time! They grow out of it and the good part is you get smart again when your kids are in their twenties and they start liking your music too.

[Darr 1019]

Well I'm sure our parents had this same conversation and theirs before them. I would agree time is what takes them though the teen years. I raised two boys after I divorced. I always let mine know they could do what ever they wanted to do, and that was their choice. I have the same right to choose and they might not like what I choose if they make the wrong choice. My choices were going to be my fault and I was willing to accept the consequences. Were they?

 

No real cure. My father always said no two children are the same and so have to be treated different and raised different. No one rule. Rules are based on individual behavior.

 

If knowledge is threatening then they could consider themselves knowledged. With that I never had to raise a hand to them but they were so sure that it could happen.

Now they are 23 and 21 still here and now I'm raising adult. Wait for it, now-a-days they don't want to leave.......lol