Better sex with your spouse?

[Antoine 502]

I have been looking elsewhere for sexual satisfaction for years now whether it's strip clubs, service providers or my frequent usage of a flesh light along with some good porn.

 

I have always wondered if I should put more effort trying to improve my sexual relationship with my spouse. In my case she is still very attractive to me but she doesn't have the same sex drive as I do.

 

Wouldn't be nice if you could change things at home so you wouldn't have to look elsewhere?

 

Wouldn't it be great if you could get your wife to give you a fantastic hand job, blow job or whatever gets you off every time you needed one so you wouldn't have to stray? Surely you would have to reciprocate in one form or another, it wouldn't even have to be sexual.

 

Is this crazy talk or am I onto something here? I realize that this topic is a bit of a conflict of interest to this forum but I would love to hear your opinions.

[stevecurious 42059]

 

Wouldn't it be great if you could get your wife to give you a fantastic hand job, blow job or whatever gets you off every time you needed one so you wouldn't have to stray?

 

Forgive me if I am wrong but is it not human nature to want what we can't/don't have? If your wife was able to provide these to you wouldn't it still be in your nature to want an even better HJ or BJ from an even more attractive or even younger woman? Please do not misunderstand me I am not saying you are wrong I am only pointing out that "fantastic" is a relative term. I believe that we hobby to satisfy the need for variety more than anything. That is why most of us see a variety of ladies. You see not only are we not monogamous with our partners but we aren't monogamous with our "lady friends" either...in a manner of speaking. At least that is a possibility that I believe in!

[etasman2000 15994]

I have always wondered if I should put more effort trying to improve my sexual relationship with my spouse. In my case she is still very attractive to me but she doesn't have the same sex drive as I do.

 

Since she is still very attractive to you why not give it a shot and improve your sexual relationship with your spouse. It sounds like you still care for her. Seeking professional counseling would be prudent.

 

Wouldn't be nice if you could change things at home so you wouldn't have to look elsewhere?

 

Hmm.....IMHO the decision to 'look elsewhere' and the circumstances at home should be mutually exclusive.

[NotchJohnson 214069]

I have been looking elsewhere for sexual satisfaction for years now whether it's strip clubs, service providers or my frequent usage of a flesh light along with some good porn.

 

I have always wondered if I should put more effort trying to improve my sexual relationship with my spouse. In my case she is still very attractive to me but she doesn't have the same sex drive as I do.

 

Wouldn't be nice if you could change things at home so you wouldn't have to look elsewhere?

 

Wouldn't it be great if you could get your wife to give you a fantastic hand job, blow job or whatever gets you off every time you needed one so you wouldn't have to stray? Surely you would have to reciprocate in one form or another, it wouldn't even have to be sexual.

I hear what you are saying brother, but I have been trying the same thing with mine and to no

 

Is this crazy talk or am I onto something here? I realize that this topic is a bit of a conflict of interest to this forum but I would love to hear your opinions.

I hear what you are saying brother, I have been trying for so long but to no avail. I come home after a hard day at work and give her a back and shoulder rub, help to do the dishes, clean the house etc... And at night while we watch TV she will come and lay on the couch, lay her head on my lap and ask for a head scratch which last for half hour or 45 min. and then I will take a bath with her and rub her feet and legs and wash her back. All I ask in return is give me 5 min. of pleasure in the bedroom. ( I know what you are thinking and yes I can last more then 5 min., I can be there for 2 hrs if she wishes).

All in all if I'm lucky with her it is once or twice a month and that ain't enough for me when you say that as a younger couple it was twice a day until marriage.

[antlerman 17064]

..................................... and that ain't enough for me when you say that as a younger couple it was twice a day until marriage.

 

 

Ahhhhhh.........Poor T....he has fallen victim to the cliche of putting a ring on a woman's finger cuts off blood circulation to her sex drive!......or is it the one food he fed her that inhibits the sex drive......wedding cake!

[RedShirt 150]

It would be great if I could get any kind of action at home. I am not and I needed to try a few things so I can get over it and stop worry I might never have these experiences before I die.

 

You can only put so much effort into getting you SO to do things with out pushing her away even more. She would be my first choice if she showed any interest in sex at all, but unfortunetly she does't. I married a woman that I want to spend every minute of the day with, and even though I knew our sex life was nonexistent I asked her to marry me any ways since we have fun 90% f the time. I believed, and still believe one day we will have a great sex life. I may be a fool for thinking this but I do.

 

T'storm, Your story sounds like mine. Are you actually me?

[mikeylikesthat 1767]

You are not alone my friend!

[Loki318 1631]

when I started hobbying so many years ago sex at home was at an all time low... 2 jobs, kids, etc etc ....

 

now the kids are up and gone, work has cut back for her and the sex at home is back and probably better than ever..

 

have tried to quit the hobby, have cut down a lot, but can't seen to leave it completely !!!

 

My hobby has become my additction!

 

Loki318

[fortunateone 156618]

I don't know anyone's circumstances, but there are a couple of things to consider:

 

- women may not be as up for it on the spur of the moment. I have heard that we respond very well to "date nights", i.e. scheduling sex into the week. This way they know about it, are thinking about it, and anticipating it for say Saturday night at 8pm. It is true that the more we have, the more we want, so even just getting her to bump it up to a regular routine can improve the chances of other encounters thru out the week.

 

- For the head scratchy guy, 45 minutes is a very very long time. I have a feeling that this is her way of signalling that she is interested in having sex with you. Next time, do it for 10-15 minutes, then move onto more. Women are really bad initiators, but when they are "in the mood" respond really well to pursuit, imo.

 

- Also, for bjs, keep it clean and soapy all the time. If, every time she does agree to give one you are ALWAYS fresh and minty, she will not have that same reluctance to do it when she in the past always encountered a less hygienic experience lol. You: head to the bathroom, no sound of running water for washing up, come back and say I'm ready for my bj honey, and she is NOT going to want to put her mouth on you lol.

 

 

It is pretty clear you don't make it all about the sex for the relationship and happiness, and some guys really do use it like that is all they are interested in from her, and she gets resentful of that. But showing you are interested by suggesting counselling or talking about it in a non confrontatiional way can help. At least you know what she is thinking about it.

[Old Dog 179138]

Hmmm... I was just looking at the title again.

 

If you think about it like: "Better sex with your SPOUSE," you are talking about improving the relationship with your current spouse.

 

If you read it like "Better sex with YOUR spouse," it sounds like you wanna a crack at my ex. If that is the case, give it a go, I hope you have better luck than I did!!!!

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

If you read it like "Better sex with YOUR spouse," it sounds like you wanna a crack at my ex. If that is the case, give it a go, I hope you have better luck than I did!!!!

 

Great response even if it IS off topic! LOL

[Old Dog 179138]

I try Meg... I really do... but sometimes the mind just seeks its own tangent.

[Antoine 502]

Yeah, thanks for lightening it up Old Dog, LOL, and thanks everyone for your feedback.

 

Writing this thread gave me the courage to give it a shot and have a good discussion with my wife - but I have to find the right time to do it. It won't stop me from going elsewhere but it may slow me down a little.

[Guest f***2f***]

A lot of us are here for the very reasons you state.

Perhaps it is the Venus and Mars thing...I don't know...I really don't know!!

[Andee 220524]

Now from the female point of view:

 

One of the main factors that led to my divorce was my husband's LOW sex drive. At age 32, I could not see myself limited to having sex once a month I had to be the initiator or it wouldn't happen period. He agreed to counselling but it never helped.

 

I discovered a few years later that he had been suffer\ring from depression from which he eventually sought help. But he admitted to me (yes we are still on speaking terms after all these years), that he just lost interest and the woman he is with now doesn't care about sex. So they're perfect together.

 

So it just doesn't happen to men - that their spouses lose interest - is all I'm saying!