Modification to Services, Part 2

[Cara Silver 32412]

This is part 2 to a thread I started long ago about painful DATY and digits. I tried to implement a system wherein I told each and every client the value of safety and comfort during those activities. After a while I stopped having that conversation because clients got to know me on cerb and through my website and blog. I am a woman who speaks up.

 

I met a client this week for whom "it hurts" was an aphrodisiac. I would say "I'm sore" "that's enough" "STOP IT" and he rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. I said, stay away from that area entirely, but his fingers gravitated towards my vagina every 2 minutes, as if I wouldn't notice stabbing pain.

 

I just want to say:

I am a person. The vagina is a very delicate area. Money does not offer anyone VIP access to my body. Money does not buy anyone the right to treat escorts as blow up dolls. Not every woman can sustain, or enjoy, repeated and aggressive DATY. When I say it hurts, it hurts-- it is not my way of 'cutting down' on my services, or 'cheating' the client.

 

Instituting boundaries is a key part of being a happy escort. It is not a sign that I am uptight, prude, chaste, damaged, or other words. There is nothing wrong with me if I don't like what the client is doing. I have found that some clients tend to see the escort as defective if she does not like what he is doing. There is an automatic assumption that something is wrong with her. It's not that I need to 'relax', 'take it easy', or 'go with the flow'. There is nothing inherently defective in my sexual organs or personality just because I don't like certain styles of daty or sex.

 

I may be an escort but the thing that sustains my business is my personality, not my ability to orgasm at the slightest touch, or my ability to withstand pain for the sake of the client's enjoyment. I am so sore right now, and feel so low. Yes, I will once again become defensive about daty. I just wanted to explain why.

 

ps. This was a non-cerb client. This thread is my way of seeking support, not an attempt to call out anybody. I have never met a cerb guy who treated me like this-- thank you for that.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I'm proud to be the first to nominate this post. Some men think that the exchange of money meant consent goes out the window. Consent is still necessary, when we say no you must stop! To do otherwise is rape/sexual assault.

 

I've never encountered men who don't listen to "No!" through massage, but I did when I was dancing. Being in the the company of a man who won't accept "no, please stop" is very scary.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Amelia, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Some people just don't care and are only interested in their own pleasure. I think in situations like this, you just have to stop the entire session, give them half their money back and ask them to leave. If they think you'e being a bitch, so be it. Some guys really don't have a clue where oral sex is concerned. And for the record guys, we don't enjoy clit sucking. I don't know many times I've told people that. Less is more.

 

Because I am no longer a new SP, I will tell a client if I don't enjoy something and they are responsive to that. If a client is trying to make me orgasm and isn't doing it right, I will tell him the way I like it. I always joke with them that I'm being a bit bossy but they just laugh and thank me for showing them the way that I like it and then we have a good time. I've had guys like the one you had here and I just remove their hand if they are too deep and have even resorted to slapping their hand if they didn't seem to get the message. If it becomes worse then that, then I will tell them to leave. Fortunately it never has. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and I'm glad that you did.

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Many honestly think that we are non-humans or less-than-human. Why else would they blatantly and belligerantly disregard our pain and discomfort? No means no, stop means stop. Period.

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[777flyer 1612]

Bravo Amelia !

 

Good for you for standing up for what you believe in.......and Kudos for telling it like it is....

 

It never ceases to amaze me the bad manners, or sheer ignorance some people display.........

 

SNK

[Guest s******ecan****]

I have often checked out sites over the years that offer advice about how to perform oral sex on a woman. I recall that every one of them mentioned how sensitive women are, that all are different, and that the guy (or girl LOL) should always closely observe his partners reactions and to be guided by them.

 

Sorry that you had a bad experience Amelia, here's to a better week ahead.;-)

[Royalfun 55449]

I must say that I admire your authenticity, Amelia, in this matter. And these bad manners should never happen. And I hope you will get better soon.

 

The kind of relationship, that we call "hobby", does never allow to consider the SP like a toy that can be used or abused. Paying for a service does not give the power to do everything without any consideration for the person.

 

Daty and digits are sexual activities that are within the most intimate in sexual relations. When a SP allows that, I consider that I am privileged, and that puts a responsability on my shoulders to take care and to respect her in that moment of vulnerability. And when it happens, I consider it as a gift and a moment of sensuality that I cherish.

 

Being with a SP is being with a person that consent to spend time of intimacy with me; the business side of the relationship is material, but the relationship remains a reality between two persons that have feelings, needs, sensitivity, personality and fragility. And my expectations is to meet a real person, not a machine.

 

What you say, Amelia, shows how much a person you are and how important your integrity is. I salute your sharing and the trust you have in us, here in this community.

[Seymour 3970]

It is unfortunate that some people would behave this way. Sadly this type of person will likely not change as they won't stop to see the result of their actions or observe things from a different perspective. Very selfish behavior to say the least.

 

Stick to your guns ladies, play safe and above all don't be coerced into doing any act or service or participate in any date where you do not feel comfortable, regardless of however much $$ someone may offer.

[mrgreen760 37785]

I'm a bit of an old fashioned guy, maybe I should just say I'm an old guy. As much as I'm paying some one to spend time with me, I view it as a privlege to be able to spend time with the women I choose. I'm was never good at one night stands so I do tend to seek out partners I may want to see more than once. To me its the advantage of familiarity, we can experiment a bit and talk about stuff a bit and each encounter may different for a variety of reasons from hormones to just a shitty day. It's ultimatley a partnership and like any partnership it works through communication, respect and trust. This time something might be fun and feel great, next time maybe not so much. And frankly I'm no different just because I'm a guy maybe something that felt great for me last time doesn't this time and I would expect my partner to hear me.

 

Too bad..this gig is hard enough without some fucktard being a dick :(

 

Peace

MG

[lipualipua 4704]

Right on, Amelia.

[Cara Silver 32412]

Thank you. I feel human again- sometimes that's a luxury. You're good people here. Amelia

[jasperzp 132]

I can never get over the number of these types of threads that end up on here...

 

That there are as many people that act in some of the ways described on this board is slightly disturbing. I guess I only have to think about some of the types of people that I've met in this lifetime though to know that there are unfortunately many that were never taught the value of empathy or respect for their fellow human being.

 

I am very sorry for your experience Amelia and hope that you are able to take some measure of comfort from the existance of those on this board that don't share in such callous attitudes and actions.

[capitalman 3861]

"we don't enjoy clit sucking."

 

With all due respect, I've met many ladies that do enjoy it and some that need that to climax.

[The General 11309]

I have to agree with Capitalman on this. Every lady is different and each one has a different sensitivity and that therefore results in variations of what they need and want...and often ask for. So, no one can speak for all, but certainly each can speak for themself.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

"we don't enjoy clit sucking."

 

With all due respect, I've met many ladies that do enjoy it and some that need that to climax.

 

I agree every woman is different, and some do like their clits sucked and some don't! But I know I speak for many when I say some guys suck on it WAY to hard. I think that was the original meaning of this thread, is that some guys take it tooo far. Amelia I am really sorry what happened and I have been there too. I hope you kicked him out on his ASS! I know I would have! All the best to you, you have many friends here!

 

:smile:

[fortunateone 156618]

I have to agree with Capitalman on this. Every lady is different and each one has a different sensitivity and that therefore results in variations of what they need and want...and often ask for. So, no one can speak for all, but certainly each can speak for themself.

 

 

Being a soft, sensitive and delicate creature that I am ;) , when I am giving out the do's, don'ts and tips at the start, I usually tell new clients that they can NEVER go wrong with any woman they are with, if they start slow, soft and gentle with everything from kiss to daty. If the lady needs or wants more, let her be the one to say so. She will not have a problem if you are soft at first, but someone who needs you gentle ALL the way, will have a huge problem if you aren'T. Often, that is enough for me (like biting or using teeth on nipples on me) to find a way to cut things short. It is that or at best discomfort, at worst actual pain. :shock:

[ford1976 1074]

I'm sorry that you had to go through this mistreatment yet again. Your words will make some people think a bit more, and hopefully make a difference. There are good people here and you are definitely one of them.

 

Thank you. I feel human again- sometimes that's a luxury. You're good people here. Amelia

[Cara Silver 32412]

The overlying theme here is that it's not about what you think your partner wants. If what you are doing is hurting your partner, what you are doing is wrong. It's not that your partner is dysfunctional in some way. If someone told me that I was hurting them, I would NEVER give them attitude or accuse them of having dysfunctional anatomy.

 

I posted this exact thread on my blog, hoping for some understanding. One person wrote back: Do you actually enjoy sex or are you just here for the money?

 

This is the type of client who thinks he is so talented, so skilled in bed that my lack of enjoyment points to a deeper physical or emotional problem in me. I think that "you're just here for the money" is the go-to anthem for bigots. That, and "you don't enjoy sex." We ALL work for a living- none of us would be at our jobs if we didn't have to support ourselves financially. BUT I am lucky enough to enjoy my job, and I enjoy sex. The key is to find a job that you actually like. Just because I'm an escort doesn't mean I'm predisposed to enjoying EVERYTHING that's done to me, just as a cashier at Walmart is not thrilled when the customers are rude and arrogant. The closeness and intimacy of my particular job does not invite physical pain any more than any job.

 

I am sensitive to Daty and that same client suggest I put a disclaimer up about just how sensitive I really am. I don't need a disclaimer. I need clients who listen to my directions, who respect me, and who understand that spreading open my vagina and attacking the clitoris is not what every girl enjoys. I need a client who understands that after an HOUR of aggressive daty I am chafed and angry. I need a client who respects my need for a break instead of arguing with me and surreptitiously returning his fingers to the same painful site. I need a client who understands that I am a person and not his personal play thing.

 

Bottom line: If daty is done according to what the woman enjoys, all is good! I enjoy daty as much as the next lady. But if you attack my clitoris right off the bat, it becomes sore and oversensitive for the rest of the session. That's why I will continue to tell clients to start slow. And if they don't like that they don't have a free-for-all pass to do whatever they want with my body? I stand firm in the knowledge that there is nothing inherently wrong with me, or any woman, but there is everything inherently wrong with a man incapable of offering respect.

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

Very very important to remember NO MEANS NO.

and reverse..lets say it's your penis and we are doing something you don't like...i'm sure as hell you would tell us and we would stop...everyman is different so just put yourself in our shoes..

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Amelia.. I love the way you've explained yourself. The thing is.. guys who are idiots won't even be able to understand that this relates to them. The guys who do understand it already know how to read women.. People who invade boundaries do it to everyone and in every aspect of their lives.

 

There was one time a client wasn't getting through his head that he was hurting me with the way he fucked me and when I finally had to throw him off me his ego was so obviously bruised I was scared for the first time ever.

 

Thankfully nothing happened and I knew enough to let him have the walk of shame to the door without another word to him.. but there guys is what we deal with when a client like that doesn't get it that we mean it when we say it hurts.

 

It's a tricky thing because I've seen that look when a guy like that has his ego bruised so sometimes you're tempted to just grin and bear it.. and frankly I have many times and just ''licked my wounds'' later.

 

re: clit sucking. I'm one who enjoys clit sucking.. but done like you would gently suck a tiny cock.. not like you're trying to chew the mango pulp off of a mango pit.:cooter:

[VedaSloan 119179]

Amelia,

 

I feel your pain!

 

Why do they feel the need to spread me open as wide as they can? And the digits. Jesus. CLIP YOUR GODDAMN FINGERNAILS.

 

The heat is getting to me, I'm cranky as all get-out.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Painful digits or DATY is the equivalent to a woman grabbing a man's balls as hard as she can and not letting go. Just something to think about next time you are with your favorite SP.

[PistolPete 61421]

I do not profess that I'm a expert in the field of DATY, But I would like to think the ladies I do see,I do it ever so gently.

 

I look at this way,very nice licking and soft kissing and sucking in that special area of a woman's pussy can really get her to orgasm.

 

Having your tongue moving side to side or even up and down can really arouse a lady. When she quivers or moans to a point that she might be over sensitive, that is where I would ask "Are you okay" and I will back off if she has had enough or she might say "Oh yes,please more" LOL...

 

Have fun gents, but be gentle and be respectful while making love to your ladies pussy with your tongue and lips, if digits are performed it is not like a jack hammer going off in and out,go very slow and rubbing the right area will please her,just watch a woman finger herself while she is masturbating, it is slow and gentle and rubbing the right areas ;)

[The General 11309]

I hope nobody disagrees with Amelia, I don't. And I agree with other posts that basically say to start slow and soft and listen to the lady and respond accordingly. And if you get the message that you are going too hard too fast, then back-off immediately.

 

I hope no one took what I said differently, it was just that I felt it was not appropriate to classify everyone into the same category as to what they like and dislike, whether they like soft and gentle or a bit more.

 

I support Amelia that she should be able to determine what pleases her and what does not. So, I think it is a great message to all the guys.

[Cara Silver 32412]

Good morning everyone,

 

I just wanted to conclude this thread on a positive note. I always know when something goes wrong I can come talk about it here. Sometimes that's all I need to feel better. Thank you for all the support and I look forward to the resumption of great sex in the very near future. Isn't it nice to have so much sex in our lives? Let's count our orgasms as blessings and divine gifts. Oh god I'm going straight to hell lol. Have a great day!

 

xoxo Amelia