why ask/pretend?

[Cara Silver 32412]

Good morning...

 

I'm just wondering about the psychological process of this:

 

I get pms asking me what I offer/look like/charge. I'm pretty sure the first thing you guys do when you're interested in a lady is check out her photos and website, where everything is clearly listed. That's the great thing about cerb-- all the info and links you need in one place. But I get these emails all the time. I'm just wondering, why? Why pretend ignorance when you already know what I offer?

 

It kind of makes me feel like the sender really isn't interested in seeing me at all and sometimes I just don't write back. Just trying to figure this whole thing out :)

 

xoxo Amelia

[SmartnSexy 2089]

Interesting dilemma I can't say that I've done this myself, however if taken from the nervous hobbyist's perspective it might be that he's just looking for some way to open up a dialog between the two of you and has nothing else to open with.

 

I know usually I enjoy speaking with a lady before hand to get a sense of what type of person she is and usually I get that with our PM/email conversations that precede me booking an appointment with her.

 

However this is just really an educated guess... the best way, in my opinion, to find out why a guy asks you obvious questions that you've already addressed on your web page would be to ask him ;)

[Andee 220524]

I figure they want attention or they're just to lazy to look, so by asking and you responding, they get to feel special. Even though they may not even end up booking, they got you to expend your time and energy on them.

 

I don't get it either.

[Cara Silver 32412]

Interesting dilemma I can't say that I've done this myself, however if taken from the nervous hobbyist's perspective it might be that he's just looking for some way to open up a dialog between the two of you and has nothing else to open with.

 

Thanks for your insights, SnS. I never thought of it as a nervous opener before. But then why not say, 'i'm interested in seeing you and I've looked at your website. How are you today?' Looking at the website is a great way of getting to know the lady, especially for shy guys. How do you know you're interested in a girl if you don't know what she offers? xoxo

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

I have noticed a lot of this lately, and I have asked them to please read my information, that everything they are asking me for is listed there, and to let me know when they are ready to book. I have had some reply they were checking to see if I was real, and other admitted they are just too lazy to read the information. But you are abssolutly right about a good start for people who are nervous to say hi, how are you?

 

For the ones who are just too lazy I do not even reply after that, for the ones who wanted to make sure I was real, then they now have thier answer.

 

Most of the ones I see do thier research before booking with me. I am very fussy about who I see! Because of this I have some of the best regulars in my area! I hold them with high RESPECT and they do me as well!

 

I find as Angela said most of them who can't be bothered to read my information are time wasters and not worth seeing me!

 

Note: I did say "most" not "all"!

[SmartnSexy 2089]

Thanks for your insights, SnS. I never thought of it as a nervous opener before. But then why not say, 'i'm interested in seeing you and I've looked at your website. How are you today?' Looking at the website is a great way of getting to know the lady, especially for shy guys. How do you know you're interested in a girl if you don't know what she offers? xoxo

 

That's generally the approach I take. Usually something along the lines of "I saw you're visiting Moncton [this is usually how it goes as we don't have many ladies who call Moncton their home base] and wanted to know what kind of availabilities you have left".

 

However, everyone is different, maybe some hobbyists aren't thinking about the possibility that you may react negatively. They probably aren't thinking that they are the 4847613341324th guy to approach you in this way and you have the details on your web site specifically so you don't have to answer those exact questions.

 

While I always check out a ladies website I rarely specifically mention it in my first communications. I'm not sure the ladies should require a Litmus test of that degree. It's not my place to tell you how to run your business though, just seems kind of extreme that you won't talk to a guy unless he states he's visited your site.

 

To be fair though. If I decide to book I make sure to confirm everything on the website with her ex: "I just wanted to confirm that your donation was X for our time together".

 

It's also possible that they're just jerks :grin:

 

Additional Comments:

But you are abssolutly right about a good start for people who are nervous to say hi, how are you?

 

Problem with just opening with an email or a PM that say "Hi, how are you?". Is that a hobbyist will get accused of being a time waster. It's never happened to me, but I believe we've all read about it happening to gentlemen on and from this board.

 

It's an unfortunate catch 22 situation for some guys really.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

It is for us as well too.

 

Imagine going through all the work of building your site so people can easily access your info, and getting 100's of emails asking for the same info you have already posted!

 

We are stuck because if we tell them all to bugger off we loose business and reputation, but if we spend the time it takes to answer every one of them, we may loose out on that one good one in the bunch!

 

This business is far from black and white! And the thing is learning how to feel out what you want as an SP or hobbyist!

[Cara Silver 32412]

 

While I always check out a ladies website I rarely specifically mention it in my first communications. I'm not sure the ladies should require a Litmus test of that degree. It's not my place to tell you how to run your business though, just seems kind of extreme that you won't talk to a guy unless he states he's visited your site.

 

 

That's not what I'm saying at all. There is no 'litmus test' or 'extreme' aspect to wondering if a guy truly wants to see me. I'm asking why guys do this when I'm pretty sure the first thing they do is check out the website/view my profile/read my reviews/see my photos. I can understand why someone would ask if those things weren't readily available. But it's confusing, with all the great tools available on cerb, why someone would want to see you without knowing anything about you, or why someone would pretend to know nothing about you when they probably know alot about you. This happens relatively often.

[SmartnSexy 2089]

That's not what I'm saying at all. There is no 'litmus test' or 'extreme' aspect to wondering if a guy truly wants to see me. I'm asking why guys do this when I'm pretty sure the first thing they do is check out the website/view my profile/read my reviews/see my photos. I can understand why someone would ask if those things weren't readily available. But it's confusing, with all the great tools available on cerb, why someone would want to see you without knowing anything about you, or why someone would pretend to know nothing about you when they probably know alot about you. This happens relatively often.

 

Hrm... In that case, other than the original explanations of maybe he's just got a case of the nerves or maybe he's a jerk. I can offer nothing else ;)

 

Additional Comments:

It is for us as well too.

 

Imagine going through all the work of building your site so people can easily access your info, and getting 100's of emails asking for the same info you have already posted!

 

We are stuck because if we tell them all to bugger off we loose business and reputation, but if we spend the time it takes to answer every one of them, we may loose out on that one good one in the bunch!

 

This business is far from black and white! And the thing is learning how to feel out what you want as an SP or hobbyist!

 

You're absolutely correct, I should have probably said something along the lines of "It's a catch 22 for all involved, excluding the jerks, they're just being jerks".

[Guest s******ecan****]

At the end of it, I just don't think there is any real good explanation. Its essentially nonsensical behaviour.

[Cara Silver 32412]

I'm really not trying to be mean or weird. I just want to understand.:oops:

[SmartnSexy 2089]

I think it can be reasoned out. Given that the persons in question are following a certain logical thread of thought, it would all make perfect sense.

 

Here's an example, I can't know for sure this is how they're thinking, but it's a reasoning exercise I perform sometimes that helps me understand people:

 

"I want to talk to this SP, maybe even book her"

"I can't just say hi, she'll think I'm just trying to waste her time"

"Ok, what do SPs talk about with hobbyists?"

"Oh right, donations and what she offers"

"Ok, well I already know what she offers and what the donation is"

"..."

"I don't really have anything else to go with"

"Alright, I'll give it a shot!"

"Aww she didn't answer me, now I'm sad/angry/disappointed"

 

I know that most people won't agree with or understand this kind of reasoning, but not everyone is as socially adept as your average cerbite (that's a joke btw :P).

 

And just for fun, the jerk's thought process:

 

"I'm the man"

"I don't need to pay these girls for their time, they should be paying me"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Alright, how much is it?"

"Screw websites, at the very least this girl should waste her time answering my questions, because I'm me and I'm better than all those other dudes she has to see so that she can see me"

"Sending my awesome PM of "Yo, wat up bb, how much u chrg?""

"WTF she didn't answer! What a stuck up b*tch"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"damn"

 

Additional Comments:

I'm really not trying to be mean or weird. I just want to understand.:oops:

 

Don't worry Amelia, it's a good question. And I don't honestly think that there's just one answer. I've offered one of many possible answers.

 

Also, there's nothing wrong with being weird!

[rickoshadows 937]

One possibility not mentioned is that he may be confirming the information on the website is current. There are a few abandoned websites out there, especially free ones. And occasionally a SP has changed their rates or services but does not update the website because she doesn't have the money or the rights. I will usually ask right out if the information on a lady's website is current, but not everyone is me.

[moonshadow 369]

Amelia, lots of use smartphones for our Hobby related surfing.

I use a blackberry. That works well for CERB. But none of the "escort" websites

that many of you ladies have work on mobile devices. I can not get

any of them to work for me on my Blackberry. So unfortunately I have to

ask some basic info that I'm sure must be on each SP's site. I wish I could just use my home or work

Computer for my escort related surfing...but that is not an option for me.

 

So far the few ladies that I have contacted via PM have been more than kind in

questions that they must get sick of answering.

 

Take care...MS

Posted via Mobile Device

[Cara Silver 32412]

Thank you all for helping out. xoxo

[BarrhavenWoody 10776]

I always check the website for the relevant info. And (maybe foolishly) I have assumed that it is up-to-date. Maybe I should be confirming the details as Rickoshadows does. hmmmm... this cerb thing has lots of good insights

 

BTW Amelia: what do you look like and what are your rates? lol

[Ashley Ann 75247]

I experience this quite a bit too...Recently, I have thought about either posting the link from my ad, especially when the contact me indicating "I seen your ad on CERB", therefore I know they seen it..or the direct link to my rates page of my website..BUT I have yet to do this as I am sure it would come off as cocky or rude, but I wont lie, it's tempting!!!!!!

 

We also must remember there are some pro hobbiests who know the drill, and know the ins & outs on booking LOL...and there are some who are just plain nervous & intimidated...and may not react the same as the more established hobbiest. And then there are some, ( I am guilty of this myself :oops: ) who just take a quick glance at informative sites..yet when I have the opportunity to contact or speak with someone, I ask questions that could easily be answered by taking the time to read accordingly..

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Amelia, your questions and instincts are legit. For me I do all the research I can on a lady before considering contact (unless we happen to meet in chat). I look for services I'm interested in (if I have specifics only makes sense to me to select ladies aligned with those), posts she's made (I put a lot of stock in this as I think it helps me understand the lady more deeply and know if we might connect) (a little disadvantage here for agency ladies as they typically don't put themselves out there like that), finally the pics/physical (I'm not very particular but do want a woman I see as attractive and I'm more natural/classy look vs manmade).

Then I would PM/email and don't usually ask questions but use this first email to show my interest and describe myself.

If things align then we're on to our date.

Once I find someone I connect with I stick pretty loyal so don't end up contacting many ladies.

Now ALL guys are different so thats just my approach.

WC.

[777flyer 1612]

Good morning...

 

I'm just wondering about the psychological process of this:

 

I get pms asking me what I offer/look like/charge. I'm pretty sure the first thing you guys do when you're interested in a lady is check out her photos and website, where everything is clearly listed. That's the great thing about cerb-- all the info and links you need in one place. But I get these emails all the time. I'm just wondering, why? Why pretend ignorance when you already know what I offer?

 

It kind of makes me feel like the sender really isn't interested in seeing me at all and sometimes I just don't write back. Just trying to figure this whole thing out :)

 

xoxo Amelia

 

Hi Amelia,

 

It's simply because the gentlemen are lazy OR perhaps looking for you to offer them something in addition to what is on the web-site or maybe even thinking they may get a 'reduction' of the rate by asking.

 

They may think by asking, it somehow changes the rules.......

 

Pretty lame approach if you ask my opinion.....

[fortunateone 156618]

One possibility not mentioned is that he may be confirming the information on the website is current. There are a few abandoned websites out there, especially free ones. And occasionally a SP has changed their rates or services but does not update the website because she doesn't have the money or the rights. I will usually ask right out if the information on a lady's website is current, but not everyone is me.

 

 

I think current verification/confirmation directly from the sp herself is the number one reason (assuming he really has read the site -- and really, there is no reason why not, as it is unlikely he will contact someone out of his price range, or even who does not offer the services he is looking for)

 

For one thing, he has contacted or visited enough sps to know that he would be foolish not to have her confirm them now. The sp may (wrongly) feel offended by the idea he is asking about rates and services, but it is a way to make a connection and to reassure such a client that she is genuine. Just part of the biz, as far as I am concerned. If it is too aggravating then just copy the info off the site, and paste into the email. Or create a generic draft in your email with the standard auto reply, lol.

 

For the OP, I can see a pic of you in your avatar. If I want to send you a pm, I have to go right up there and look at you. Don't know why I would also need to ask you what you look like lol.

[Guest k*********y2**9]

Feels like all I see on these threads anymore from the ladies is how stupid, ignorant and smelly the guys are. How about telling us about some of your best clients to change the behavior instead of harping on the bad ones.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

When men have sex on the brain, they aren't thinking with the big head. LOL. I just take it all in stride. Yeah, it's annoying but have realized a long time ago that it comes with the territory. It's part of the process of tryingto set up an appointment. The only other thing that annoys me to no end are those sexster texters when I specificially said NO TEXTS!

[E.D. man 691]

Good morning...

 

I'm just wondering about the psychological process of this:

 

I get pms asking me what I offer/look like/charge. I'm pretty sure the first thing you guys do when you're interested in a lady is check out her photos and website, where everything is clearly listed. That's the great thing about cerb-- all the info and links you need in one place. But I get these emails all the time. I'm just wondering, why? Why pretend ignorance when you already know what I offer?

 

It kind of makes me feel like the sender really isn't interested in seeing me at all and sometimes I just don't write back. Just trying to figure this whole thing out :)

 

xoxo Amelia

 

 

Some websites by the ladies on cerb are difficult to navigate, thats why the kiss method is best. I have had some ladies websites ask me to register my personal info (uncomfortable with this), others have asked me to download programs for access to thier unsecure site which could be monitored by police. And other sites don't even allow access.

If the site is easy to access I will read carefully what they offer and their charges. i also check the scedule(sic) area as what they charge is often there.

[fortunateone 156618]

Some websites by the ladies on cerb are difficult to navigate, thats why the kiss method is best. I have had some ladies websites ask me to register my personal info (uncomfortable with this), others have asked me to download programs for access to thier unsecure site which could be monitored by police. And other sites don't even allow access.

If the site is easy to access I will read carefully what they offer and their charges. i also check the scedule(sic) area as what they charge is often there.

 

 

This reminds me also, that some sites will crash someone's computer. Those wix ones or flash etc, I would not be able to get past the front page. my older computer does not support certain things and there is a lovely website I cannot fully view (www.clairemonet.com) It overflows the page and I cannot access certain areas, or fully view all the pages.

 

So that might be a reason also why a client has to ask questions. old technology lol

[Cara Silver 32412]

These are all great answers. Thank you for taking the time to help me better understand this particular aspect of communication. And for showing me that I was thinking about it all wrong. :oops: xoxo Amelia