Shy?

[ulixestrojan 3757]

I hope this is not too sensitive a subject.

 

I wonder how many guys are shy their first or second time with a SP. I know that these wonderful women know what they are doing but it always takes me a few visits to get into "form". I don't take performance enhancing meds and prefer not to due to the side effects.

 

There was a discussion last year between SPs that I was informed about, in which one said about our time together "the sex was terrible". Of course it was - we don't know each other, I am not turned on by you, there is no chemistry at all. In reply, the other said "that is not my experience, although he started slowly, then really got going and it was great for both of us."

 

I know chemistry is an issue.

 

Thoughts?

[antlerman 17064]

Shy on first or second visit????

Hell on wheels....I am shy each visit!

I never know what to do or how to ask.....I prefer a more aggressive woman who takes a little control....one who is confident in them selves......takes away the shy part from me.

 

And if the sex is not great...well... Agreed that we do not know each other.....

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[Aspen Wilde 31370]

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was this:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv343ai0EfA

 

The second thing I thought was, you guys aren't the only ones who get shy. ;) Call it shyness, performance anxiety, or stage fright- all of a sudden you find yourself faced with this other dynamic, real, and very 3D human being- things were easy on paper (on screen, over the phone), but this is rather different. Will we click? Is my sense of humour too wacky? Is my timing all wrong? I have these thoughts too! But that's what I find exciting. Left alone with an unknown variable, what kind of fun can we dream up?

 

You mention 'form'. But is there not something quite exciting about the formlessness and novelty of a new relationship? (And it is a relationship.) What will they say next? What shall I respond? To me, form implies predictability. You're hoping for a certain standard of 'performance', I gather. But is it really so terrible if you don't meet those expectations? It provides the opportunity to come up with something new.

 

Chemistry will always be unknown before the first meeting. All we can do is give it our best effort and hope our partner will be able to meet us where we're at. Sometimes it may take a few attempts before we really get into a groove that gets us both going. This is a natural process. Shyness is just uncertainty. And I think uncertainty can hold a lot of promise.

[ulixestrojan 3757]

Thank you antlerman and Julie Wilde. Nice to know that it is not one-sided! The ideal is to "lose myself" and to just "be" in the moment. Perhaps, like much in our busy lives, we expect too much and we miss what is really there.

 

Something to keep reminding myself of - just breathe.

 

ps: Ani DiFranco is very powerful poet.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

 

Yes, just breathe!

 

Shyness goes both ways and, actually, those butterflies in the pit of your stomach are pretty exciting and can actually enhance the encounter!

[billybob 20128]

Shy is an understatement for how I feel at each encounter I have had with ladies here on cerb. I have to say I am a little surprised to hear the ladies are shy as well, is it really being shy or is it a little apprehension?

I ask this because I believe the ladies who do this for a living have to have huge balls (metaphorically speaking of course) to do this for a living.

[Guest h**m****3]

The butterflies in the bottom of my stomach 10 minutes before the knock on the door (or as I was knocking) was crazy. The small talk can be a little calming, but nothing settles me down like a stiff drink.

[mrgreen760 37785]

I'm an experienced public speaker and facilitator and I've done tons of media both live and taped. Yet I much prefer contact electronically versus phone and it's not so much I'm shy about speaking on the phone as I do it all the time, it's initially I have nothing to say. I'm not shy when going to see some one, butterflies from anticipation but not shy. I'm comfortable with my body so nudity is neither here or there for me.

 

I like people and chances are very slim that I'd ever meet the women I see in my civilian life. So once there conversation flows very easily. I'm a life long learner and am curious about everything. What music is some one listening to, books they're reading, movies and on and on. Points of view I normally don't hear. More than anything else that's what this about for me.

 

Peace

MG

[fortunateone 156618]

I think nerves on a first visit are to be expected, and it would be unusual to not be affected by that. Actually doing a sensual massage is a really good way to get both mind and body much more relaxed. Also take that time to have a bit of a conversation.

 

The most benefit is that there are no performance expectations, for either side, when you are comfortably laying out on your stomach.

 

As a painfully shy person myself, I am most awkward when face to face with someone to talk to., This can manifest by talking a lot or too much, but also it can be vented out by being in a situation (i.e. massaging) where it is ok to be chatting, and not necessary to be doing more immediately after pants hit the floor.

 

This may be something that would work for you as well.

[Code Blue 3585]

Anxiety and "nerves" are signs of some emotional investment in the moment. In the absence of a little frisson from the adrenalin, we do not react or participate as fully as we would otherwise.

 

For me, if there are no such physical signs of interest, the moment is passé and has become too mundane to extract the best of it. If that ever happens in this lifestyle I have more serious issues than the rendezvous at hand!

 

On the other hand it is possible to go too far the other way and be paralysed or impaired by excessive anxiety. Fortunately for me, that has been something I have never had to manage.

 

CB

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

That shyness, or erotic apprehension, can be a lovely thing, for me. It's a reminder that we're real people who honestly don't know each other well, have no idea what to expect, hope to enjoy one another, are aware of the things that may go wrong or at least not happen exactly as anticipated, and who know that pleasure and delight are too often fleeting, ephemeral things.

 

It's my experience that the gentlemen who are not at all hesitant or who seem to feel completely in control from first contact are rarely ideal clients for me. Encounters with such men are more likely to be a disappointment in some way. I imagine that they're overly invested in a fantasy about themselves or me and may not be able to shift from that to the reality of two real people who may not perform according to plan.

 

The ones who are a bit shy and cautious tend to be terrific because they're not taking themselves or me for granted. While the whole engagement sometimes has strong fantasy elements, I feel that we're both real people having a real encounter.

[blue_eyes56 2010]

Samantha,

 

You always have lovely things to say. :smile:

[beaker 123]

I am glad to see, that I am not alone being shy !

 

To me the first encounter is always the most difficult.

I never know what to say or how to start the encounter.

It take me a while to feel at ease.

 

I think it is normal, for two stranger meeting for the first time, to feel this way.

Usually it goes a lot better, at a second meeting.

[Maverick 2873]

I've only partaken in massages, but I'm still incredibly nervous. I've always been a shy person and when you consider it's not just face-to-face contact, but face-to-face intimate contact with a beatiful and naked woman I'm absolutely terrified. However, I'm still young enough that my brain has no control over my loins, so once I get on the massage table/bed I know i'm in good hands, I relax, and everything goes well. I can't imagine the additional stress of seeing an SP where it's an even more dynamic session..

[rick_falcon 911]

As AntlerMan said above, I am always shy in some way.

It is true that chemistry is key and once you start to know each other, it becomes a little less awkward.

 

And as anything else in life, there are personalities that might clash and makes it even more nerve-racking.

As for performance, everyone wants to be their best but sometimes, it may not work to our advantage. Yet, a follow-up session might be in order to prove that all is good and provide a self-confidence boost...

[slurp 7020]

Hell yes! I'm shy, nervous, jitters, shaking with anticipation, whatever you want to call it. If I didn't feel that way I would most likely give up the hobby. The excitement of meeting a new partner is what this hobby is all about for me.

 

Granted, I usually perform better on second or more visits but the rare time that sparks fly right from the time she opens the door are the moments I cherish. But sometimes even after all the years I will see a regular as opposed to going thru the trauma of meeting someone new. I know that's a bit of contradiction but some days it's all guns blazing, let's go for broke. Other times the idea of a new person gives me anxiety and I prefer the comfort of a regular. So not only different strokes for different folks, I don't always have the same reasons for seeing someone. Different day, different needs. Yeah, it's complicated LOL

[LeeRichards 177238]

Hell yes! I'm shy, nervous, jitters, shaking with anticipation, whatever you want to call it. If I didn't feel that way I would most likely give up the hobby. The excitement of meeting a new partner is what this hobby is all about for me.

 

That covered much of what I had to say Slurp.... I just wanted to add that I have in every case of a first meeting, like to have some chit chat and perhaps some joking in most cases to lighten things up and hopefully be comfortable with each other and get a feel for each other. It works well for me.....Christ if I didn't I would be so nervous and shaking so bad I would be vibrating in the door and bouncing off the walls....not a good first impression ;)

 

I keep in contact if possible and very much enjoy repeat visits....I still am always very excited, nervous and the butterflys are rampant even if it is the 4th or 5th visit. I wouldn't have it any other way :)

[Guest ****y1**2]

Really interesting thread - as a long time lurker and recent poster, I have yet to take advantage of the ladies in town. I know that even with a new partner, nerves can lead to performance anxiety, but hopefully a few kind words (and potentially a good martini) can calm the client down sufficiently to enjoy the time together. I wonder if there are any strategies the girls use to calm a guy down, or if there's something I can do before hand to keep the butterflies down to a dull roar.....

[APower20 400]

Definitely gets the nerves going when I meet a girl for the first time, performance is always on the mind, and my looks...what will she think of my body? Will she laugh? Will she feel awkward when she realizes how old I am (I usually say beforehand)? All these questions and more will stream through my head, my heart pounding as I walk up to the door to meet a girl for the first time, and everything usually calms down once we start chatting and "getting to know each other".

 

But sometimes it doesn't, I'm incredibly anxious about a certain performance quirk of mine, think the opposite of minute-man, so even during the 'deed' I'm shy and trying hard to concentrate. I think after a long term relationship (done and done) I've become a lot more confident and overcome my anxiety issue a lot.

 

Although even now, recently single and interested in returning to hobbying, I'm worried about contacting SP's from 2 years ago because they probably won't remember me. So the rapport that I had built up with them has probably been lost, and I'll have to start from scratch. The butterflies in stomach is there, even just browsing through ads of cerb.

 

Finding a connection is key to any relationship, especially hobbying, if there is no chemistry then the time spent together will just be mediocre and no one will really have a good time. But when you find someone you can connect with, feel comfortable talking to, feel comfortable laying naked in front of, the relationship in the bedroom will most likely be a lot more satisfactory for both parties.

 

I, for one, will always be nervous about meeting new people. :icon_eek:

[APower20 400]

Now I feel awkward being the last person to post in this thread...quick! Someone cover me up! ;-)

[roamingguy 300291]

If I'm not nervous or no butterflies, call the paramedics...I'm dead or close to it

And the butterflies, nervousness, excitement, it's all part of the fun of an encounter, whether meeting a lady for the first time, or seeing a lady you like for a second, third, fourth or more times etc etc etc

RG

[orionzone 100]

Long time hobbyiest but relatively new to Ottawa.

 

This is a great thread. Everytime I meet a new lady, my nerves are on high alert. In the early days, I was not comfortable with this happening. Over time, I began to realize that it is part of who I am. I am confident with who I am but have come to understand that being nervous is just part of build up. I'm a bit nervious at first, the ice is broken and then there is the relaxation. Sometimes it take more than one visit (oh darn, I have to go back for seconds, or thirds, or.... :) ), but after the ice is broken, I have had many great experiences that go beyond just the physical aspects.

 

Usually, there is a bit of nervousness with the lady as well. When she is not, I wonder just a bit. Will she be mechanical and treat the visit like an assembly line?

 

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know everyone here.

Cheers.

[LatinLover 100]

Interesting thread but as many of you have said, being shy, nervous is all part of what a human being is and it wouldn't be different if my date was just a random girl and not SP. Every encounter (or date) remains a mystery until the two face each other but it's all natural. We can show up with our high expectations and let down because we didn't get or perform the way we imagined but we can also betray ourselves by thinking of what goes in the head of the other one... Over the years I eventually learnt that the less I expect, the less disapointed I will be. Of course this cannot always apply to every situation even if I try to. But at least I know that it puts my anxiety at ease and I can be more myself, enjoy myself and make the other feel that I'd like them to enjoy it as well.

 

But yet I most agree, it takes a lot of balls to all these ladies to do what they do...

 

Damn I'm getting horny (just kidding)

[Mister C 1725]

I am always shy the first time I meet someone. I am always happy to visit someone that takes control from the start and makes me feel like we've known each other for years. I am usally pretty comfortable after the first visit.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

There are times when I cant belive how shy I will get just before a meeting. I will have clamy palms, eyes peeled on the drive way in antcipation, checking my hair, teeth....thoughts of 'what will we have to say to each other?" That is the biggest one for me! I am confident that the sex will be good, but what if we have nothing to talk about!

 

That is when I get the most nervouse, when my date has nothing to talk about, or doesnt recpirocate back to me. I usually can take the lead really well, always a good hostess. But silence does erk me a bit. So I know what your thinking now...."well if there are no words, then go to the bedroom!" but what if he only lasts 5 min? Now we got 40 min of silence to get through! lol....Thank god for MSOG!! LMAO....

 

I always laugh at myself because I am an exhibitionist at heart, but yet so shy at the same time! Strange! When I was a dancer, my best shows were preferomed when I was nervouse!