What Could I Be Doing Wrong?

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I hate complaining, and rarely do. I've always felt very blessed and fortunate, and I'm always aware that millions of people have it much worse off than I ever could. But all that aside, I'm wondering what I could be doing wrong.

 

I get PMs and emails, most are longer than a sentence, and the more detailed the message, usually, the longer my reply. But even if it's rude, I reply. I always, always reply. I try to be friendly and funny and not too serious. Just like I usually am. But I cannot tell you the amount of people I never, ever hear back from. What gives? I read about SPs barely answering a text (I prefer email, I have a shitty phone for texting, but I still do) and here I am thanking them for their interest, answering all their inquiries, trying to get them excited about a possible future meeting, and I await a reply and nothing. I feel so frustrated, I'm losing my motivation to be a responsive and engaging SP in emails and PMs.

 

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom? Or am I likely being too sensitive?

[Mutau 2516]

Bonjour Mlle Soleil,

From the contents of your post it does not appear that you are doing anything wrong. Soleil, you are an engaging individual who is polite to all. You have an enchanting personality and a big heart.

 

Continue doing what you do best and what makes you feel comfortable.

Mutau

[mrrnice2 157005]

As you describe things Soleil I cannot see where you are doing anything incorrectly at all.

 

Persistence usually pays off in the long run, and sometimes for whatever reason everyone has a period of time that things just don't roll in their direction. My instinct would say to keep up your good communication methods, just as you have been, and the tide will turn.

 

I probably have a cliche for every situation and for right now I say, patience is a virtue.

[spong 1344]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, and I wouldn't take it to heart that some don't further the conversation. Putting yourself and your contact information out there is an obvious necessity in your line of work, so you will get lots of messages from people who think it's funny to ask about your encounters, or get a thrill from listing your services, or who get scared off by the whole thing once you make it "real" by responding, or who just don't think about the courtesies involved.

I try to make sure I always respond to a pm or email if possible, but it has happened that I've received a text reply some hours after initiating contact, and am not able to reply in a timely fashion; contact info sometimes gets erased, the conversation gets pushed down the list on my phone, and or I just forget until that awkward next day or two later where contact usually feels intrusive or unsolicited.

[Phaedrus 209521]

I think what you're doing wrong is letting the assholes get you down :)

 

Alas, there will always be assholes. I don't see that we can do much about it, and I don't see that it's worth worrying about...

[backrubman 64800]

I get PMs and emails, most are longer than a sentence, and the more detailed the message, usually, the longer my reply. But even if it's rude, I reply. I always, always reply. I try to be friendly and funny and not too serious. Just like I usually am. But I cannot tell you the amount of people I never, ever hear back from. What gives? ...

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom? Or am I likely being too sensitive?

 

I think what you are doing is awesome. That said you need to forgo any pressure on yourself to respond immediately with a lengthy reply (if you think the potential client expects that, send back a short canned reply that you will respond more fully as time permits and do this only if you are so inclined to respond) and apply time management. Do it only when you simply have nothing better to do and quite frankly only when you feel like it or not at all. Or suggest the potential client call you as it does take more time to compose a lengthy reply via PM or email.

 

Oh and as for those that take up your time and you never hear from again, well just the cost of doing business, definitely don't let it get you down!

 

I think there is a large population of potential clients out there that can exchange endless emails but when it comes time to commit to an appointment somehow they can't do it, with your patience perhaps they can. So if you have the time and only when you have the time, I also think a lot of them can be put at ease by your email exchanges and I know when I find a really good SP I am comfortable with I will see her again and again -- like why spend the effort getting to know someone new?

 

So you might at the end of the day pick up a valuable regular and build your client base but don't waste too much time on it. You have to strike a balance between wasting your time or being the early bird that gets the worm (or the one that's willing to answer their questions through what is a very scary process for a newbie).

 

Back when I was doing a lot of legal work and over run with emails and correspondence I used Dragon NaturallySpeaking to send out a hundred detailed letters and emails a day and got all my other work done too. May you could take a look at that kind of optimization of your time and get ahead of the curve. The latest version is amazing. I don't use it as much these days as I can probably type a 100 words a minute but if you are a slower type-er, this thing does the typing for you as fast as you can say it.

 

That said there are those that will never commit and are just wasting your time and I'll even guess that most of them don't even know this is the case. In other words I don't think they are intentionally or knowingly wasting your time and being responsive like you are could give you an edge to pick up the ones that will eventually decide to move forward.

 

Oh and as for those that waste you time and you never hear from, definitely don't let it get you down, nothing to do with you and everything to do with them!

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

Thanks so much to those who replied. I really appreciate them. :) I thought about it, and maybe by putting so much into my responses, I either scare them off or perhaps appear desperate?

[Andee 220524]

It's not you, sweet cheeks, it's them, but when you get a slew all in a row, you start to doubt yourself. I find these days, most people do not practice etiquette in following up to emails, with even a simple, thanks, no thanks.

 

Keep your chin up and just keep doing what you do. Don't change because of a few morons.

[backrubman 64800]

Thanks so much to those who replied. I really appreciate them. :) I thought about it, and maybe by putting so much into my responses, I either scare them off or perhaps appear desperate?

 

I don't know girl... You said they were the ones sending you lengthy messages which required lengthy responses. You don't scare me at all and if a girl (like you) sent me a lengthier response than I expected it wouldn't make me think you were desperate at all, particularly someone with a great reputation like yours! I'd think you were more sincerely interested in and serious about meeting me, that is all.

 

I think communication is key, it's important for the SP to know a bit about me and me about her before committing to an appointment but I won't waste her time either. But then once I make an appointment, I can't wait to meet, look forward to it and am not the least bit nervous. If I made an appointment with you, you'd probably be more nervous than me but I know I'm a weirdo in some ways, many guys get cold feet, particularly if they don't have any experience.

Do these guys have any? Do they provide references? Most SPs won't waste their time unless you provide a reference or two or have more extensive screening for those that can't provide a reference. Perhaps that's part of the key to understanding this, if they don't have any experience then they might well be the sort that never will (or need extra care and attention to make the leap of faith).

 

I really think these time wasters don't even know that they are such. But then what do I know? Not like I have been reading your emails and PMs :)

 

You haven't given the other SPs enough time to give their great wisdom on the subject. I'm sure they will have some more insight for you.

 

I really don't think it is you or your fault in any way... except for letting it bother you :) But then that just shows you are sensitive and have feelings (thank goodness)

[Kyra.Graves 23779]

I am going to disagree a bit with the guys, not that you are doing something wrong necessarily but if you don't see a decent conversion rate with clients and are spending a significant amount of time responding to inquiries without some sort of compensation for that time (which should be in your fee structure) then you may need to reevaluate your marketing to see if you are reaching your target audience.

 

I've never looked at your business plan so please don't think this is a specific critique this is just some general observations about the industry, it's up to you to figure out what applies and what doesn't.

 

Often I find that some ladies believe casting a very wide net is a good thing, they try to appeal to as broad an audience as possible in hopes that they will reach as many potential clients as possible, this can actually work against you. If I use myself as an example (I always do - just trying not to single anyone out) if I were to advertise on some websites, leave out my 2hr min. and my rates then I would find that I would have a significant number of inquiries however many, many clients would not be interested in the longer engagement and I would spend a lot of time responding to those clients and not be able to focus my time on the ones that are interested in the types of dates I offer. This would be poor time management and I am going to end up with less bookings than I would with a targeted marketing plan; my frustration with having to respond to so many inquires may begin to show in my responses, my time is divided thus I may not be able to include certain services (ie. concierge services, referrals, etc.) or I may simply not be able to respond to conversational emails which help establish an ongoing relationship.

 

Another common issue is as you work in the industry you sometimes develop a bit of a niche, you establish yourself and without noticing it you may specialize in one type of date or another and subtly begin to dissuade potential clients that do not fit your date preferences. For myself this was a slow process but it became evident to me when I read a post on another review site criticizing me for declining a date that the potential client felt was a fair request. It was not until that time that I realized my responses to inquiries had changed over the months/years and I had developed my own interests and preferences and I needed to adjust my marketing to reflect that. In any regular job/career an annual review would provide the feedback you would need to see this sort of change but in this line of work it's often difficult to find objective outside feedback however it is important in order to effectively manage not only your time but your marketing.

 

There are a lot of different areas that you might want to look at the above is just two examples, basically it all comes down to stepping back and taking a look at your marketing, the time you spend on an inquiry, the number of people that contact you that are in your target audience and your conversion rates. Evaluate it, ask for an outside opinion if needed and make a few key changes, if you don't see any improvement then ask for some help and go through the process again.

 

I don't know if the above will be of any help but it never hurts to stop and take a look at your process every now and then, we all have areas we can improve on and sometimes just writing them out, looking at the actual numbers and getting feedback can change our perspective in areas where we least expect it.

 

Good luck!

[milfhunter1967 2154]

The cream always rises to the top Soliel and judging from your reputation on this board you are at the top! There's no point about getting down about stuff you can't control. Sometimes things just don't happen as you want, after all it took over a year for you and I to get in the same room and another two months to have a session!

[Athos 108589]

I think you've got a lot of good advise here. Like other's I don't think you are necessarily doing anything wrong, but you may want to think about a variety of methods of communicating information. For example, a shorter, "thanks for your interest, most of your questions are answered on my website in the FAQ sections" followed by " Let me know when you would like to book and I'd be happy to answer any other specific questions you might have". This would still communicate information, invite further inquiries, but put the question of booking directly on the table.

 

I rarely ask a lot of questions in the preliminary contact stages, but perhaps that's because I do my research before contacting a lady. When I do contact a lady I almost always am proposing a time frame, or even a specific date or two I would like to meet in that first e-mail.

 

Soleil, you seem absolutely delightful, so don't let the time-wasters get to you. Just waste less time on them.

 

Porthos

[castle 38816]

From what I've heard from some SP's and from what I've read on different threads. It seems that unfortunately this lifestyle comes with it's fair share of looky loos. People who get their jollies on just seeing what kind of reply they'll get from a SP without having any intention of actually booking.

 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think putting up with these kind of people is just a hazard of the profession. I think you just have to take the good with the bad.

 

I really don't think you're scaring anyone off. I don't the majority of these people had any real intention of booking in the first place. If I were you I wouldn't change anything about how you approach your communications with potential clients. If you do I don't think it will discourage the looky loos at all but instead may turn away potential REAL clients.

 

At the end of the day. Do you what feels right to you. :)

[Guest L**gh M****e]

Soleil....great advice you are receiving from the cerbies...truly! This is one greatest avenue I have..is listen to their advice. Never stirred me wrong yet!

 

I found, as with you (and most) we are gentle beings, considerate, kind and respectful towards most, if not all...we give the benefit of the doubt no matter what. That's because we are non judgement, giving all as much as we can.

 

However I find that one (myself) can get bogged down, tired and frustrated with answering EVERY inquiry. Half that have been proved to be maybe a waste of my time. So what I started to do after reading such emails, pm's longer then a sentence (which is a breath of fresh air of course, then the ordinary one liner) was instead of answering right away, I would research their activity on Cerb, their age, their postings, their reco's, etc.... then I would respond to their message and ask for particulars.

 

If I feel that I'm not a good match for them (with my own discretion of course) then I thank them for their interest and move on.

 

Soleil, you are not doing anything wrong dear, just stop exhausting yourself to the point where you are frustrated. It's not worth it honey....move on and forward!

 

Just my thoughts! xoxox

[nntsci 11075]

I would think that it would depend on how much messages one gets. Sometimes you just get too many messages to make responses to all of them. That happens to me at work. so when I don't ge a reply, I just figure the person's busy. Fortunately, I have such a bad memory, that I forget who I sent messages to so I don't take it personally if I don't get a response back. Another thing is that there are lots of people who come onto this site to read a recommendation, try it out and then don't come back, so some non-responses may be due to not coming back.

But as others have said, keep up that positive attitude and politeness.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I hate complaining, and rarely do. I've always felt very blessed and fortunate, and I'm always aware that millions of people have it much worse off than I ever could. But all that aside, I'm wondering what I could be doing wrong.

 

I get PMs and emails, most are longer than a sentence, and the more detailed the message, usually, the longer my reply. But even if it's rude, I reply. I always, always reply. I try to be friendly and funny and not too serious. Just like I usually am. But I cannot tell you the amount of people I never, ever hear back from. What gives? I read about SPs barely answering a text (I prefer email, I have a shitty phone for texting, but I still do) and here I am thanking them for their interest, answering all their inquiries, trying to get them excited about a possible future meeting, and I await a reply and nothing. I feel so frustrated, I'm losing my motivation to be a responsive and engaging SP in emails and PMs.

 

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom? Or am I likely being too sensitive?

You are not being to sensitive,you are being you,kind and reacting to a frustrating situation.But please don't let it get you down,there are all types in this business,the good ,the bad ,the confused,time wasters,looky loos,but what makes it all worth while are the good guys and gals,like yourself.Just this morning I got an email from a girl ,telling me I was a pig,ect,ect,ect,I laughed and replied ,as I to always reply to all pm's,however maybe not so politely,but that is me,so in short,we all go through not so great phases,which will pass,and the good ones will follow through,they are worth the wait .So hang there, and know you are not doing anything wrong and you have all you cerb friends for support.

[ulixestrojan 3757]

I run a successful consulting company. Like this business, we get paid for billable time. Everything else is a cost. Three years ago, we implemented a better comm strategy that increased profits by 22%.

 

Simply put:

1) answer repeat clients first and fast

2) Qualified contacts - some previous communication, send a personal message quickly to close business

3) New enquiries - send questions template to get them to work on telling you in detail what their needs are.

 

Spend your time where you make your money

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

Nicely stated! Promotion Rules 1-3 #101!

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I would simply like to extend a heartfelt thank you to all of you who took the time to so thoughtfully respond to my quandry.

Mutau, mrrnice2, Kyra Graves, spong, Phaedrus, backrubman, Angela of Ottawa, milfhunter67, castle, Porthos, MatureLee, nntsci, Cristy Curves and UlixesTrojan you all touched my heart by your support and advice. I truly do appreciate every one of you!