Being in a relationship while working? Opinions?

[Layah 7013]

I took a break from working last year because I met someone and started a relationship with him. It didn't work out but such is life.

It got me wondering, what do others think about being in a relationship and working?

[EmilyRushton 253352]

There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship while you are working in this business. There are more ladies who are dating someone or married in this business than people realize.

 

Like anything else what happens at work, stays at work and outside of the closed door you live your life as everyone else does.

 

Having a partner who supports you and who understands you will only benefit you and your business in the long run. We have to fib as it is 90% of the time with our double life, so having someone who gets it makes it that much easier to feel normal at times.

 

Most of the men we spend time with are married or have a girlfriend, so why shouldn't we have the same personal pleasure?

[roamingguy 300292]

I would say the most important opinion is yours. You'll receive different opinions, but yours is the most important. That said, the only caveat I would make is tell your SO be it b/f, c/l or husband that you are a professional companion at the outset. Keeping it a secret from him IMHO will doom the relationship. You want a partner who is amongst other things, supportive. He can't be that if he doesn't know what you do.

 

 

Additional Comments:

There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship while you are working in this business. There are more ladies who are dating someone or married in this business than people realize.

 

Like anything else what happens at work, stays at work and outside of the closed door you live your life as everyone else does.

 

Having a partner who supports you and who understands you will only benefit you and your business in the long run. We have to fib as it is 90% of the time with our double life, so having someone who gets it makes it that much easier to feel normal at times.

 

Most of the men we spend time with are married or have a girlfriend, so why shouldn't we have the same personal pleasure?

 

Very good points Em. spot on as usual. But the men who are married or have g/f's and are seeing professional companions, well that to me says being married or having a g/f isn't really a personal pleasure. If it was such a pleasure the men wouldn't see professional companions

Sorry, just couldn't resist :-)

RG

[Old Dog 179138]

Why not?

 

Frankly it should never even be a question. Working in this industry at its most basic level is the same as working at every other job. You work a specific number of hours to achieve the financial goals to sustain a comfortable lifestyle. When you have worked enough hours, the rest of the day is yours to do with as you please. It's a tenet of life to which we have all grown accustomed and to which we believe justify in demanding.

 

In that regard, everyone has the right to personal happiness, to spend their free time doing the things they wish to do and with whomever they wish. It's the same whether you are a service provider, a government worker, an entrepreneur, a bus driver or a waiter. No one else has the right to impose relationship standards on anyone based on their chosen career.

 

You provide a service that fulfills desires and fantasies. For the hours that you are working, you need to present yourself as whatever persona that satisfies both you and your clientele. If that persona is a single, free spirited woman, so be it - she is not the person that goes home to her own personal life. Ostensibly it comes down to your choice of either maintaining Layah as a 24/7 persona or leaving Layah when the work day is done.

[Butterfly Kisses 2301]

I have dated three women who worked in this business. Only one of those three situations caused problems. Two things I saw that attributed to that was:

 

She could not keep her working experiences to herself, always talking about what she did to this guy or that guy or what they did to her and the stuff she really liked. That caused jealousy on my part. Especially if she did stuff that we weren't doing regularly in our own relationship.

 

Second, she always used me as an excuse to not work, because she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings for not being with me enough. At the same time when we were together she took calls and di last minute dates.

 

The other two relationships were great!, Why?

 

Because the work was kept discreet, no discussions.

Our time together was pre-determined so there were no interuptions from phone calls, or last minute appointments. Our time together was our time. I never imposed on their working days either.

 

Keeping those two simple things in mind, a relationship while working was do-able.

[1963Kennedy 10698]

very wise advice from the 3 respected members above & obviously I agree with them.

[Ashley Ann 75247]

I myself, cannot be in a relationship while doing this line of work. I do not think that this applies to every sp, this is just for me personally.

 

Not judging the so's who can accept this line of work. It's just for me personally, I dont want my future so/boyfriend to accept this line of work. I already know, I am super old fashioned ;)

 

Its kinda sad because I have not had a boyfriend for soooooo long :( And I will be the first to admit..that I do sometimes feel a little lonely...but..this is something I will always fall back on for income, so until I get a permanent 37.5 hours a week career with the FED GOV..or something else just as solid..maybe then I can pursue finding a man to call my own.

 

Being in a relationship is a personal thing. You have to do what you feel is right and what you can handle :)

[LeeRichards 177238]

I sure don't see why not. It would be complicated and may not last as relationships in all walks of life don't always last. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness.....at work and at home.

 

I also believe it is tried and proven that it can work as I know some lady members here have had long term relationships / marriages and worked in the business for several years. It's who you are....not what you are ....and putting my rose colored glasses on "there is someone out there for everyone" If you think you have found them then for me I would take the shot if circumstances allowed. But that's my opinion.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship while you are working in this business. There are more ladies who are dating someone or married in this business than people realize.

 

Like anything else what happens at work, stays at work and outside of the closed door you live your life as everyone else does.

 

Having a partner who supports you and who understands you will only benefit you and your business in the long run. We have to fib as it is 90% of the time with our double life, so having someone who gets it makes it that much easier to feel normal at times.

 

Most of the men we spend time with are married or have a girlfriend, so why shouldn't we have the same personal pleasure?

 

I feel it only ads to ladies success to have a supportive partner. After a trip/tour it is very nice to come home to a clean home and a nice dinner. Any person that runs a high stress business whatever that is can only benefit from support at home.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

One thing I love about being here is that it is a true melting pot of people, beliefs, experiences, thoughts and so many other good things and for the most part, accepted.

 

For me, it comes down to honesty, being true to yourself and treating people fairly and openly. I describe myself as poly because I have the ability within me to give to more than one. This is part of who I am and a "need to know" for someone thinking about getting close to me in a personal sense. I love what I'm doing and want to continue to do it.

 

There are differences between sex, intimacy and a personal relationship. Work is work, leave it at work (at least the fine details), make sure you are giving your personal relationships the time and attention they require to grow and letting the person know they are special in a million little ways. You might have a thousand ways for your clients but your personal relationship should always get more.

 

Again, it boils down to what one can personally do and what feels right for them. I would hope there would be no hypocritical behavior in that what is okay for a hobbyist (marriage, kids) would not be okay for an SP and vice versa. I'm finding that there is much more acceptance and understanding in this community than outside it. Praise be for that!!

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I think that following your own heart is all that matters. If it's too complicated for you to work and have a relationship, it's good that you know that. If you can make the separation between work and the rest of your life, that's wonderful, too.

 

One thing that many of us face is when the boyfriend or partner really isn't able to deal with our work. This is not unusual: men don't share very well, most of the time. Some men like the idea of dating a paid companion because they imagine she will be a fantastic sexual partner, or at least the sort of person who will never say no. These are fantasies; reality can be very different. But that's true for all relationships. Even good friendships start out with a lot of idealized expectations. It's when they settle down to the reality of life that we see what the relationship really is or can be.

 

If he can understand that what you do is your job and not a series of relationships, that's best. But if he gets caught up with who you've seen, how many people you've entertained this week, what you earned, appointments you've scheduled for the days and weeks to come, and what goes on in your encounters, you may have a problem. If he's too quick to assume that if you're tired, or not feeling well, or preoccupied with something that it's because of your work, and is interfering with his life, you do have a problem. If he ever makes unkind remarks about you in terms of your work, you have a serious problem and should end the relationship.

[canuckhooker 19202]

Unfortunately the number of people out there (men and women) who are truly wired polyamory and don't get jealous over physical intimacy is not very large. Even in this hobby, people will say one thing and then when the reality hits can't deal with it. And that is on both sides, providers and clients.

 

I think you have to come clean with the person at the start and be 100% up front. You don't want to hide facts and then have them found out later. But then once the relationship is established the line has to be drawn about how much they get told, or can get involved. Like any relationship, the more successful one's have no surprises and work better when you both have the same understanding and "play by the same rules".

 

Given the nature of this business it is best to get it all out in the open at the beginning, because it only gets messier, more painful and emotional later on. If you have a partner who can deal with it, then you are lucky and it can work.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I am an upfront person and have always told anyone I was involved with about my job and found they were always supportive. 95% of them were secure in themselves to know that this was job and not once tried to interfere in my business. If they couldn't handle it then the relationship was over. I don't do ultimatums and people have to accept others for who they are and what they do.

 

They were also able to differentiate between love and sex which is a huge issue as society has seemed to taught us that the two go hand in hand. Not always. Jealousy and insecurity have no business being in a relationship I'm involved in and I choose to walk away if that were the case.

 

Having said that, your job doesn't define who you are as a person. The men I have been in a relationship with have always had their own identity with their own jobs and careers. I don't like the stereotype of escorts playing sugar momma to many different men and I don't like those who sponge off of women either. I go into a relationship as an equal partner and expect the same in return.

 

I also tell them that I don't discuss specifics about my job and I don't tell and they don't ask details including which sites I advertise on. I keep my relationships seperate from this business and find this works well. I don't discuss what I do with my clients either. However, if I've had a bad day they are always there to support and comfort me which is great. Once again, I don't get into specifics.

 

My serious relationships have all been great in this regard and all you can do is be yourself. Being an escort has played a large role in my life and should I decide to leave the business, it will be my own choice and not someone telling me I should. They have never once tried to make me feel bad as with the stigma attached to prostitution in society. My partners have understood and accepted who I am as a person first and foremost with my job simply playing a role of what I do for a living. Love, respect and understanding are what humans crave.. Sex workers are no different.

[eclipse 100]

I meet someone from this site and we started out seeing each other and entered a relationship. It ended as it was hard to put what she did as a job when it didn't seem like it to me. She stopped working but by then it was to late. Being honest is a good thing but having secrets is what ended it.

[travellingsalesman 100]

I think support is important in any way shape or form. The journey isn't going to be easy every step of the way.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I myself, cannot be in a relationship while doing this line of work. I do not think that this applies to every sp, this is just for me personally.

 

Not judging the so's who can accept this line of work. It's just for me personally, I dont want my future so/boyfriend to accept this line of work. I already know, I am super old fashioned ;)

 

Its kinda sad because I have not had a boyfriend for soooooo long :( And I will be the first to admit..that I do sometimes feel a little lonely...but..this is something I will always fall back on for income, so until I get a permanent 37.5 hours a week career with the FED GOV..or something else just as solid..maybe then I can pursue finding a man to call my own.

 

Being in a relationship is a personal thing. You have to do what you feel is right and what you can handle :)

 

I too would never hobby if I am in a relationship and vice versa. Btw, from what I read and hear a job with the FED GOV is not that solid anymore :). On a more serious note, I absolutely agree with your last paragraph.

[FootFetishTess 1261]

We're human. We need to be with people who care about us and know us as our complete selves (rather than jut when we're on our "best behaviour"). I have to agree with the Emily, Katherine, and the rest who have said that a supportive partner is invaluable; and with Old Dog who said that no-one gets to impose relationship standards on us based on our jobs.

[ferm 100]

Well done good for you

[Hastings56 1148]

Yes Emily! You should !Indeed!!........I think all of you Ladies are just terrific and Cerb is a great forum for all of us!

 

Hastings56

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Someone once told me that he couldn't be in a relationship with me because I had too many secrets. He said that, as far as he knew, I might even be protecting people who don't deserve protection (according to him). We proceeded no further from that point.

 

Many professions have absolute confidentiality requirements. Psychiatrists and other therapists, as well as medical doctors, cannot discuss their patients' or clients' cases with anyone without that person's express permission. The same goes for lawyers, members of the clergy and people who work for CSIS. Many investigative journalists also cannot discuss their sources with anyone other than their editors and news media management. In all of those professions, as well as ours, maintaining confidentiality is non-negotiable. In my own case, I consider confidentiality to be sacrosanct, as long as my safety and well-being are not compromised. If a boyfriend threatened my stability or attempted to compromise my clients' privacy, the relationship would end, immediately.

[Tsukiyo_Chevalier 3242]

This will be my owe pov but i do not think there is any problem being in a relationship while working as long as there are no secrets or dishonesty. i work where you can not tell people anything about what happens during it so i know there is a fine line between what to keep secret and what not to. but there is always a way if the person you are with is a honest and trustworthy person to have a conversation with them, like telling them what your feelings are, talking about your day (without all the nitty gritty, or names) and just letting them know how you truly feel for the person in you life without trying to BS every word. The only thing i can say is that in this line of work you need to take things even more slowly then you would do to the fact that guys like me as someone else said do not share well, i know that only from my standpoint i would not mind having a GF who is a SP as long as we built a strong trusting friendship first and then became really close. the most important thing for me would be that we trust each other 100% meaning that i know that the things she says are true and that she knows that anything she says to me is taken with understanding and she know i will not tell it to other people.

If this happens i think that any relationship will last a long time to come.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I must add that NOT disclosing specifics of what happened on an encounter with your client is not the same as keeping secrets behind your partner's back.

 

IMO, keeping a secret means you have done something you would not want your partner to know about and hiding it due to guilty feelings and/or shame.

 

If an SP's significant other demanded to know what transpired with every client, I suggest she run away and fast! Jealousy and insecurity creates violatility and that is not good for any relationship.

 

Mutual respect, understanding and communication are qualities in each partner are what makes a relationship successful. I am grateful to have had all of those traits in men I have personally been involved with.

[YoungBeautyMirella 5600]

Because I am a full time University student and SP'ing very unpredictably(because also of my other part-time job) For me personally, I am focusing on not SP'ing or Uni in general, but my youth and personal life; but I will say this loud and proud; being a part-time Sp does NOT, NOT, NOT define me and how I am as a young woman!! period!!!!!

I can promise you that there are TONS of people whether that be at school, or on the street etc that would NEVER guess of me being an 'SP' no matter how 'beautiful', 'sexy' they think I am!!!

 

However, SOMETIMES there are things left unsaid and with my friends and people at school I do NOT tell them about my 'secret double life' of part-time sp'ing, and whether you are an SP or hobbyist, that may be the right thing for you to do with certain people in your life, while others may very well know what you do and have no problem with it because they know YOU as the WONDERFUL amazing person you are and do not hold that stigma and generalization against you like some people who plain and simple do not understand the real modern day of Sp'ing and hobbyists. Sadly, not EVERYONE will be able to proudly tell everyone what they are doing and get accepted with open arms, as there are a lot of 'haters' out there who no matter what want to look at the negative side, which is why whether or not you are in the dating world you learn to shut certain people out and do only what is right for you!! Whether you are an SP or hobbyist!!

Personally, I am lucky to have an amazing person by my side who not only supports me but I support her every step of the way with no judgement of what I do or she does because at the end of the day nobody is perfect no matter who you are!! I think it is ridiculous is someone thinks an SP cannot be in love and have a normal, loving and nurturing relationship!! Everyone is capable and deserving of love, no matter what gender or profession!! =D

[xxxAxxx 21016]

I myself, cannot be in a relationship while doing this line of work. I do not think that this applies to every sp, this is just for me personally.

 

Not judging the so's who can accept this line of work. It's just for me personally, I dont want my future so/boyfriend to accept this line of work. I already know, I am super old fashioned ;)

 

Its kinda sad because I have not had a boyfriend for soooooo long :( And I will be the first to admit..that I do sometimes feel a little lonely...but..this is something I will always fall back on for income, so until I get a permanent 37.5 hours a week career with the FED GOV..or something else just as solid..maybe then I can pursue finding a man to call my own.

 

Being in a relationship is a personal thing. You have to do what you feel is right and what you can handle :)

 

This is exactly how I feel personally too. That doesn't mean people who are "together" whilst one partner hobbies/works is "wrong", it just means its wrong for me. I left the business for 4 yrs to pursue a partnership. As you can see, my current presence indicates it didn't work out...

I've been approached by men who offer being "OK" with my line of work, most of them were looking for the type of relationship that I share with my clients, I felt like sending them a bill. The man I want does not want to share me, same I as would not dare share him... for me, that's not what "love" is about.

[Layah 7013]

Personally, I've learned to seperate my work life from my personal life. What I do at my job has nothing to do with what I do when I'm off the clock.

In the beginning, I didn't see it that way but as time went by, I changed my views.

As it stands, I'm not interested in a serious relationship. I'm getting to know myself and am really enjoying not having to answer to anyone. However if it does happen, if I were to enter into a serious relationship, I wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to work. I'm extremely loyal when I find someone worthy of that loyalty.

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