Top 5 regrets in life

[Guest D***el B***e]

I found this article written by a nurse by the name of Bonnie Ware and wanted to share it with you.

 

 

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

 

 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

 

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

 

 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

 

 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

 

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

 

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

 

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

 

 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

 

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

 

How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

[IsaMassage 54318]

Wonderful post..., one reason i try to enjoy my life at best, and the people i love..., You never know when things can change for you.., one day we are.., the next we dont know... Today i can be healthyband bouncing all over.., but tomorrow everything may change! So enjoy your life and the ones you love!

[toklat77 4616]

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves!"

 

Walter Anderson

[lastchance69 914]

Vow! First 3 fit me to a tee ...

[Guest D***el B***e]

It's all about finding balance in life, having good friends, being happy and true to yourself, and finding the right groove.

[lilly 10171]

When you are dying, that last moment when truth flashes before you...it is too late. Too late for those "I love you" that you meant to say; too late to learn you are loved and it was around you all the while; those flashes of regret. I accepted that moment about 6 months ago and life now keeps getting better and brighter. Why wait for the truth when you can change it today. Peace.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Since I'm responsible for all my decisions, I have no regrets.

 

Peace

MG

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Thank you for this wonderful inspiration.

[roamingguy 300292]

When you are dying, that last moment when truth flashes before you...it is too late. Too late for those "I love you" that you meant to say; too late to learn you are loved and it was around you all the while; those flashes of regret. I accepted that moment about 6 months ago and life now keeps getting better and brighter. Why wait for the truth when you can change it today. Peace.

 

Very good point and one that also touches close to home. When I went to see dad back in January he expressed to me a regret that he didn't stay closer to both my brother and me when he remarried. He went out east and basically his wife and her kids became his family, and my brother and I saw him once a year, either by visiting him or he visiting us. He saw very little of his (blood) grandson (my nephew) and considered his wife's grandkids his grandkids.

Now that he is terminally ill with cancer, he is expressing regrets over not staying close with my brother and me and family on his side of the family

and missing seeing his grandson grow up. I certainly didn't say I told you so, I accepted when he left mom and got remarried his choice. But now he has some regrets, but it is too late to do anything about it.

RG

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Good thread. An unusual regret many may say. My one regret in life is that I studies for so many years all the way to the highest degree and now in my mid 40's I have only 15 years of pension (not to mention I over-qualified myself for many jobs) and have to work another 20 years to have a comfortable retirement income. If I am born again I would only go up to the Bachelor's degree and go to work at 23 and retire when I will be 55 to enjoy the second half of my life travelling around the world.

[The General 11309]

Awesome post, I feel that for the most part we make informed choices, and that I believe that choices I have made were not wrong, and really I think we should always look forward and not backwards. But I get it. Think about you future choices, but don't every regret the ones you have made, that will only make you bitter.

[Athos 108589]

I tend to think we all have regrets, choices we wish we could have over again. The key, it seems to me, is not to allow yourself to be defined by the choices you didn't make ... by the regrets. Move forward and don't dwell on the regrets. But also think carefully about choices, and your actions and interactions with those around you. Try to live so you minimize those regrets.

 

Porthos

[Guest *l**e]

I have no regrets; simply things I wouldn't repeat. Semantics? maybe, but I don't think so.

[MightyPen 67414]

I have no regrets; simply things I wouldn't repeat. Semantics? maybe, but I don't think so.

That's an interesting distinction! I had to stop for a minute to figure out what I think the difference is.

 

"Would't repeat" covers all those simple, "value-neutral" lessons we learned by doing stuff that didn't work out. "Okay, so next time I won't ignore my car's engine light."

 

I think "regrets" in this context covers actions that carried a significant personal cost, either to ourselves or to others. Say, deeply hurting other people who deserved better, or something tragically done or not done for ourselves. They key being that even after the lesson is learned, we feel burdened by the outcome of the error we made, and think differently about ourselves.

 

I've got what I think is my normal human share of regrets, though my awareness of them doesn't darken my view of who I'll be tomorrow.

[Tsukiyo_Chevalier 3242]

I think that everyone has at least a couple of regret in there life, no matter what people say they do not. and it is not a bad thing i could write a book on all the things i regret but even thou everyone would like to go back and change the things they made mistakes on, or things they do not do whould it be for the best.

In our life it is our mistakes that made us who we are today and so might say great if i could change things in the past i would be even greater or beater then i am now, but on that same logic you could all so be a shadow of what you are now.

with all the things i wish i could change i still think about some of them even to this day but i know there is nothing i can do but i can take the following attitude and i hope every one else will find it nice as well:

 

" There is nothing your persent self can do to change your past self or the events that happened, but you can live in this moment and if there is something you do not like about who you are, strive to make it better. because your present self can change your future self. so it is never to late to be the person you want to be."

 

Have a great and safe day

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I must say that this is one of the best threads I have ever came across! The most wise people ever are the ones who faced mortality either directly or indirectly. This thread sends a great message but I am afraid that after awhile this message fades away by the realities of day to day life.

 

Of interest, is point 1 & 3 which tell a lot about our hardware as human beings. They were naturally designed to be free but for the sake of short lived luxuries enslave themselves!

[Nathalie L 112512]

I try to be compassionate with myself as much as possible. While regret is useful, as articulated by Porthos, it does not serve a purpose beyond learning about oneself. If ever I experience a twinge of regret, I try to remind myself that in that moment (the moment over there, forgotten, lapsed, or otherwise inaccessible), I made the best possibile decision for myself. Perhaps now I'm different, or somehow wiser (possible older?), but that doesn't mean that back then my decision wasn't right for me.

 

With age comes that recognition. I made a lot of really stupid mistakes, even within the past few years, but I've learned incredibly valuable lessons from them. I try not to be too hard on myself :)

 

This was a wonderful thread, thank you so much Al!

[Guest D***el B***e]

It looks like this thread has awakened something very personal in everyone. Is it an age thing, a gender thing, a culture thing .... What is it????

[Athos 108589]

It looks like this thread has awakened something very personal in everyone. Is it an age thing, a gender thing, a culture thing .... What is it????

 

I suspect it's simply a human thing.

 

As we go through life we face many forks in the road, and meet many people along the path. In that sense, there are always "what if" questions.

 

What if I had done that differently, what if I had followed her when she left, what if I had returned that phone call, what if I hadn't ignored the warning signs, what if I had said "I love you" when I had the chance.

 

All very human ... learn from mistakes, and try not to repeat them. A lot of wisdom in this thread. Thanks for starting it.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Live for today and not tomorrow.

[Guest D***el B***e]

Live for today, learn from yesterday, enjoy tomorrow ....

[oldblueeyez 15475]

1. N/a

2. N/a

3. N/a

4. N/a

5. N/a

[crankF 12893]

Number 5 in OP is one of my major regrets, not staying in touch with old friends. On occasion it 's possible but more often than not, very awkward to reconnect with the warmth that was once there.

[Guest D***el B***e]

crankF, I totally understand your point of view and this is something I can say I am proud of. I have a number of friends I see regularly, many of whom I have been close friends with for over 40 years. The relationships developed are so close many people don't understand it, even being married for over 27 years doesn't equate the friendship I have developed with these guys.

[Tsukiyo_Chevalier 3242]

Regrets are hard to get over as you never know if the other option was better or worse. I know from experience that i will always have regrets, one i have that is the most resent come to mind but i have to think of something. it may hurt but you have to be the person you are, the reason we have regrets is that the person why are is fighting the person we want to be. there is no right answer it is just life and we just have to try and think that the choice we made was the correct one. i know that is hard to follow but this is a deep subject.