An immenent situation regarding a friend of mine.

[zcmy 280]

This is a question more geared towards the SPs, but my close friend has just started working as an independent SP. I support her fully on that matter, and have agreed not to tell most of her friends and family. However, her parents have recently gotten suspicious of her changing behavior. How would I tell her parents the fact? Her parents will come to me to ask about the matter before going to her. I don't want to deflect the matter, nor do I want to cause a confrontation between her and her parents. How should I handle this?

[Areez 11906]

This is a question more geared towards the SPs, but my close friend has just started working as an independent SP. I support her fully on that matter, and have agreed not to tell most of her friends and family. However, her parents have recently gotten suspicious of her changing behavior. How would I tell her parents the fact? Her parents will come to me to ask about the matter before going to her. I don't want to deflect the matter, nor do I want to cause a confrontation between her and her parents. How should I handle this?

 

I know you mentioned that this is more geared toward the SP(S).

But the way I see it, you have agreed not to tell most of her friends and family. Keep your promise to her, when the family asks, deflect the question. Sometimes a white lies is a better way for everyone.

-- my nickel worth (again. them cent is goner.)

Areez.

[The General 11309]

Frankly, I would expect that you would not share it with any friends and family, not just most. If she wants to share, that's up to her, you should have her back.

[Mikeyboy 27111]

I know you mentioned that this is more geared toward the SP(S).

But the way I see it, you have agreed not to tell most of her friends and family. Keep your promise to her, when the family asks, deflect the question. Sometimes a white lies is a better way for everyone.

-- my nickel worth (again. them cent is goner.)

Areez.

 

Again, another opinion from a non sp, but I agree whole heartedly. It is entirely up to her what information she wants to divulge to her parents. You may need to deflect, but if they keep pushing, simply tell them to talk to her. Keep your promise. It's her decision to share or not with whomever she likes.

 

Just my thoughts.

[steveyK 4311]

Agreed! Realisticly, you and her should have come up with a cover story for this situation! Make sure the cover is solid, and both of you stick to it and you should have no worries going forward...

[spud271 47779]

I would strongly advise against informing her parents. If anyone should tell them it should be her, otherwise you are breaking the trust that this woman has placed in you.

[roamingguy 300291]

She trusted you enough to tell you, and to keep it secret. Your loyalty should be to your friend, not to her family/friends. Keep her secret a secret. Trust once broken is hard to get back and you would be breaching her trust by telling her family/friends

If your friend's behaviour is giving her away, tell her, and tell her it is making others suspicious. But keep the secret a secret

And just to put the shoe on the other foot for a minute so to speak. What if you told a trusted friend that you see professional companions. You trust the friend well enough to share your secret, but don't want your family to know, be it wife, children or parents. You tell him never tell anyone. And he lets your family know your secret. How would you feel towards your friend after that

RG

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Let me put it simply, if a friend ever betrayed my trust in such a fashion there would be more than hell to pay! Your feelings of discomfort around her family are of no consequence.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

How old is this person?

 

I assume we don't have an adult/minor issue, right?

[Athos 108589]

I think you have received some clear advise, and there is an obvious consensus. A promise is a promise. If her parents ask you, you simply need to say "I don't know" and "if you have concerns, you really should be speaking to her"

 

Porthos

[macrin 947]

How old is this person?

 

I assume we don't have an adult/minor issue, right?

 

 

I had wondered the same thing. My thought is (if it matters) it really is only the business of the adult involved to share the information about their own personal life decisions.

 

A polite "I'm sorry you will have to discuss your concerns with her" would be the appropriate answer if it were me in the situation.

[zcmy 280]

She's half a month older than I am, and I am of the legal age of Majority (19).

 

SteveyK: We've both been attributing it to stress of school and rigors of constant training with swordplay (we both practice kendo).

 

I'll let her know when I see her tonight for Kendo. Thank you all.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

Don't tell her parents. Ever. That is her decision, and hers only. That is the only way to handle this.

[Nathalie L 112512]

Don't tell her parents. Ever. That is her decision, and hers only. That is the only way to handle this.

 

I completely agree. It isn't your information to tell and she would benefit more from having a supportive friend than one who expressly violates her trust.

 

Her parents questions aren't your issue and they should be speaking with her directly if they have concerns.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

To add to this:

 

Telling someone's parents about being in this profession is something many women still have not done, even if they've been around for years, and even if they're 'out' in other ways.

 

There are many reasons for this, and they are reasons I can't even understand, because I'm lucky enough to have told my mother and she said 'Oh! Well that makes sense!', and she is completely supportive of me. The key word I used there was LUCKY. I am so lucky, and happy, to have a family that supports my choices no matter what they are. Not everyone is like that, and that's why I can't understand their reasons for not telling - and neither can YOU. A persons relationship with their parents is something that is individual to that person, and that person only. How many times have you met parents that seem really cool, and they back you on something you do, but then when their child does it, they flip? Or, how many times have you seen a confident person cower at the mention of their mother?

 

This is all just to say again, that someones relationship with their parents is theirs, and theirs ALONE. Please don't ever think you have the right to step in on that. If anything, tell your friend that you feel awkward about keeping it from her parents, and let HER decide her response to that. That is all you can do.

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

A few things from my perspective....

 

if you know her parents that well that it can put you in an awkward position, you and the girl should discuss how this situation may unfold and how you should handle it according to your comfort level.

 

you said "most of her friends and family", that becomes none by default, without explicit permission from the lady.

 

put the shoe on the other foot for a minute and see what you think.

 

Finally if you do cave and have to say something without her knowledge you got to give her the heads up asap so she doesn't get blindsided.

 

J

[Boomer 33202]

I think this is a real dilemma, and I believe you have to tell the parents that you can't talk to them about her actions, and that they should be talking to her directly.

 

But, you obviously have a relationship with both parties, and have to understand the parents concern. I as a father have watched both my kids go through their latter teens, and this is a time where they are making life affecting decisions. Being new to the business, if she hasn't though out her approach she may face some real dangers. You should talk to her and tell her to deal with her parents and you shouldn't be placed in a position where you are put between both of you. Unfortunately the parents feel they have to come to you first as I suspect they don't feel they have enough confidence to talk to her first.

 

Finally, I wouldn't talk about her decision with anyone, that is her responsibility to let people know about her work if she chooses.

[cat 262460]

There are a couple of factors here that need to be addressed. I've been thru this dozens of time with girls and the consistent theme every time with every family/loved one is exactly the same each and every time.

 

It's a betrayal of trust. They don't have to like what she's doing but they have to be able to TRUST THAT SHE WILL TELL THEM THE TRUTH! Being honest with them may very well have long term ramifications but most of the time the loved ones will come around to a degree once they see she is safe and not on a self destructive path. They may never approve or support her decision but at least the basic trust hasn't been diminished. Once they suspect, the game is up. If she doesn't come clean, she is risking permanent damage to a foundational relationship.

 

As for your part in it, you need to remove yourself from the situation. It's going to bite you in the ass no matter what happens. Her parents will never trust you again if you deflect, they will be angry you didn't tell them sooner if you spill. This is on her and she needs to fix this. If she is mature enough to decide to become a sex worker then she needs to own it and handle herself like a grown up and honor the people who love her enough to tell them the truth and remove you from the equation...

 

cat

[VedaSloan 119179]

Don't say anything. I may be pretty out as far as being out goes, but I still get to decide who to disclose to and who not to. It's a safety issue--I don't know who is going to react positively or negatively and in some cases, I'd rather not take the chance.

 

I don't know this woman or her parents, but please don't tell them. Not everyone has a good relationship with their folks and she may never be able to tell them and that's ok. If they're asking, tell them you don't know and to take it up with her.

[Phaedrus 209521]

If there's an impending confrontation between your friend and her parents, get the hell out the way. And if the parents come to you... remember who's your friend, and remember that she's more likely to need a shoulder to lean on than a stab in the back.

[Guest C**Tra****er]

It's important that you keep your word to your friend. She put her trust in you and you should uphold that trust.

[explorer69 3513]

I think you should tell her parents since she obviously wants you to.

As a quid pro quo she can post your name, address, and Facebook info here. Then we can all congratulate you for being such a "good friend"

[mrgreen760 37785]

22 responses........by SP's 5 by non-SP's 17...... Interesting

 

Peace

MG

[Kyra.Graves 23779]

I would also add that you don't say anything to a persons family, friends or coworkers, it is up to them how much they choose to disclose and when.

One factor no one has mentioned but it's important is that this is essentially a part of her sex life, yes it's a paid part and it's her work but it involves sex and not everyone has a family they go and discuss the intimate details of their sex life with. My parents would not wish to read the details of when I had sex with another person, they would not feel comfortable knowing I engaged in xyz with a particular person the other day and especially knowing the details of it along with photos of me in next to nothing were available for all to read on the internet. It's simply not how my family talks about or deals with sex. If someone were to share that information with my parents it would forever damage the family relationships, partially with me but also with each other simply because I know how they communicate and it would become a giant elephant in the room.

 

So yes they would ask, like all parents they would want to know simply out of worry and concern (at least if I were 19) but they would be happy to hear that their worries were unfounded, denial is a well used tool in my parents toolbox. I know this, I am comfortable with this and understand that dynamic but if someone didn't know this and shared information with them I would be upset simply because they hurt people that I love and needlessly.

 

This may not be the situation in your friends family but the point is that we all have unique family dynamics, some of us know how to engage in them and some of us do not, still it is through growing up with these families that we gain that experience and we are the best ones to handle these situations not an outsider, well intentioned or not. If you are approached you can simply tell them that you believe it is best to discuss family matters with family, no matter what the issue is because you would not want your parents to come to your friends asking about you, whether that be asking about your dating life or your schooling. Tell them it would make you uncomfortable and you don't want her to feel uncomfortable either.

[EvaAdore 7767]

I had an incident where I was working for an agency (back when I first started) and they had posted my pictures on places other than CERB (not to my knowledge).

 

A "friend" of mine who knew all of my close social circle somehow found one of those ads, and showed it to all of my close friends. Luckily, my family is still in the dark (except the few I have chosen to share with), but it caused a lot of heartache and problems in my life. I was mortified, embarrassed (not of what I do, but there are some people I had not trusted with the information), angry, hurt, confused...

 

I am sharing this in the hopes that you will reconsider your urge to possibly say something to her family. If she trusted you with the information and confided in you, just because you know doesn't give you the right to go around sharing her personal stuff - she confided in you, honor that commitment. I may be coming across a little harsh, and if I am, I apologize, but I am trying to be as blunt as possible. Coming from the other side of the experience, believe me, it is unpleasant and causes a lot of emotional pain when someone goes behind your back and tells your personal shit to people. It's not your secret to tell. Even if you think you are doing the right thing, there may be consequences for her that you don't even realize.