Blurring the SP-client relationship...

[steveyK 4311]

I'm glad we got back to the original thread, ironmam, and I feel for you.

I too have been involved, unfortunately, with some SPs, during a time in my life when I thought I needed to have some adventure, and adventure and danger is what I ended up with.

Once they found out my true identity, I was gouged for large sums of money and even blackmailed...all of this of course was my own doing, I let it happen so I really can't blame any of the ladies, I can only offer my story as an affirmation to some of the posts here on this thread...keep business as business and don't get involved, but if you must then you must end your business relationship to move on with your lives ,!! Imho

[waterat 20911]

....Once they found out my true identity, I was gouged for large sums of money and even blackmailed...

 

I think it is only fair of your to remember that your problem could have cut both ways.

 

A classic Steve Goodman analysis to this:

[castle 38816]

Early on I hung out with a client or two off the clock. I will never do it again. While I am out in my real-life, believe it or not, Cleo and 'me' are very different, and I want to keep them separate, always.

 

Cleo is a part of me that I love, and I love being her. She is always flirty, always happy, always in the mood, doesn't gossip about others, is always attentive, etc. I truly love being her.

 

The 'real' me can be grumpy. Tired. And, believe it or not - gossipy. Talkative. And she can get pissed off if you comment on her tits and ass. And this me is one I want to keep away from people who have met Cleo.

 

I do truly connect with my clients, and when they ask me for dinner, it sometimes can be hard to decline. Or to tell them... yes... but I'll charge my social rate. It is a bit of a mood-killer to bring up money when someone is trying to offer me a friendly meal. So I'd rather just not do it.

 

As always, Cleo nails it! If the SP/client relationship is going perfectly, why screw that up by letting things potentially get messy (and not in a good way :p) ? SP's live double lives just as much as we hobbiests do. And for good reason...they can't be "on" 24/7. The whole purpose of this lifestyle is fantasy. By definition, fantasy is the opposite of reality. The reality may not be something you like or were expecting. How they are with clients is not necessarily how they are all the time. I know I act differently when I'm with an SP. Same way I act differently if I'm on a regular date.

 

Sure it's possible a great friendship (and sometimes even more) could develop out of it. But it could also blow up in your faces (and not in a good way ;) ). If a more casual relationship/friendship develops naturally, and outside of your control (as will sometimes happen) then great, by all means roll with it. Our time on this planet is too short to pass up any opportunity for a meaningful connection. But personally, I wouldn't try to force it to happen. If it goes south you've just lost yourself a great SP. If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.

[TheRiddlerMan 872]

Whenever two people spend time together the sky's the limit - but paying by the hour for the girlfriend experience is totally different from the real thing. The women here are service providers like any other, except instead of doing my taxes or providing legal advice they're building a fantasy. It's remarkable how good that can be, but rule #1 is that it's a service. Losing sight of that would be bad for provider and client alike. Relationships can still happen, but real ones form outside the bedroom.

[Nathalie L 112512]

Personally, I don't like thinking of the relationships I have in the industry as less real than relationships I have outside the industry. I also don't like thinking about this notion of "fantasy" versus "reality". Life is so much more complicated than real/fake or fantasy/reality.

 

I think boundaries are really important between a service provider and client, but they are equally important in all relationships be they in the industry or not. People have different boundaries (sometimes fluid and sometimes not) for different reasons and I think it's important we respect the decisions people make about their relationships and business model(s).

[PistolPete 61421]

Nathalie nailed this with her thoughts on the subject. I would like to add....my nickel

 

"respecting boundaries is paramount importance for the SP/MA-Client relationship to actually continue on with a friendship within the business relationship. If those boundaries cannot be followed, then the friendship should dissolve itself without any issues from both involved"

[bellafan 11341]

I would say that we all hang by a silver thread each and every day of our lives. Our silver thread is how we feel about ourselves and our lives, what we do, the people we love, and those who love us. Sometimes, sadly, the thread breaks. More often, life, and love go on! Thank heavens for that!

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

The subject of this thread is very interesting and of great value for both the providers and the hobbyists. Putting aside how it was perceived and focusing on the subject matter might lead to more beneficial results for this community.

 

In my view, blurring the boundaries between a provider and a client is to be avoided at all costs. Many clients have some curiosity and want to take a peek into the provider's private life and more often they are the ones blurring that fine line! The motives can vary but an underlying interest in spending "free" time with their favorite provider is always there. It is always cheaper to take a lady for a dinner as a "friend" as opposed to an "escort". In such instances, the provider is usually at risk of being taken advantage of!

 

There are occasions in which the provider is the one actually blurring the line and it is here where the client is usually at risk. The first example made by the OP belongs to this category. However, why would clients get caught in such instances? It is quiet simple. A pure misconception and a wicked motivation. The misconception is basically, that the girl must have liked the client's physique and/or stamina! And the wicked motivation is the "free" time.

 

Last, irrespective of the initiator, blurring the line is consensual between the two parties and they should be both responsible for the outcome which is going to be disastrous, in my view, unless the client-provider relationship is ended and another form of relationship is started!

[all-in 300]

I've let the line get blurred way too often in the past year, with too many girls in the industry, with varying results. I am no longer a customer to any of these girls, and in a way expected to never hear from any of them again, but things did not quite turn out that way.

 

One girl I ended up sleeping with once. Was the last time I was seeing her, and was just supposed to grab a bite to eat with her, then drive her to the airport. We stop by her place to grab her luggage, and she starts picking up her stuff on the ground, on her knees, moving like her stage routine, ass in the air and her thong hanging out. At the door, she grabs me and says "you're not married yet." and kisses me. I was way past the point of no return.

 

Since then we've stayed friends, no money or sex involved, going to eat every so often, making plans to go hiking or inline skating. No mention of money, and all she gets out of it beyond my platonic company is occasional transportation. This is healthy.

 

Another was an extras girl, that I started seeing platonically outside the club. She's going through some serious industry related drama, and confided in me about some of it. She at one point wanted a no-strings attached no money exchanged FWB arrangement, but after much discussion we reached the conclusion it was a bad idea. I still try to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. This is healthy from my side of things, except I keep wishing I could get her out of her situation.

 

Both these girls chased me, which added to the appeal, and boundaries are clearly set.

 

Lastly there's the girl I fell for. After chasing after her for over a year, some serious mistakes on my part that ended up hurting her a lot, hundreds of hours discussing any topic with her on the phone, seeing her outside the club off the clock for dinners, movie, billiards date, clubbing, etc, I always tried to keep in mind that it was still a business arrangement. I thought I had my head screwed on straight when I headed to see her one last time, 12 hours before my wedding. I wouldnt see her again as a customer, which meant I wouldnt see her at all. Instead? She cries during the CR session, telling me I made her love me, exchanging passionate, desperate feeling kisses. She went from sweet and sad to ferocious and angry, deliberately sending me to my nuptials covered in bite and scratch marks. I walked away from the club crying, feeling like I had just lost something more precious than anything that could replace it. The next day I wake up to a long email basically saying she wishes things were different, but would like to try to remain friends.

 

This last one is definitely not healthy. I wake up and go to bed thinking of her, wondering what to do next. Fact is I would leave my wife and do anything for her, but she is not ready to leave the industry behind. Wish I could forget her, but its impossible, she's perfect.

 

In conclusion? It can both be great and extremely bad to blur the line. Buyer beware.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I've seen dozens and they all wanted to have my baby. I haven't decided yet who deserves my seed though.

[waterat 20911]

It can both be great and extremely bad to blur the line.

 

all-in: It appears to me that this is not 'Blurring the line' but jumping back and forth across it. Be cautious of the classic 'Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor' relationship! It is not healthy and I know of what I speak.

 

More unsolicited (though free and unused - sort of) advice: Maybe start paying your new wife for sex?

 

Blurring lines doesn't keep things simple!

[McGuinessDraft 2240]

Good thread, a lot of good examples and opinions. Thanks guys

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Please excuse me as I explain this out. It might be confusing but I wrote it this way on purpose.

 

"I" always want companions that I visit with to consider me to be a client that they enjoy their time with and look forward to my company beyond my envelope. Consequently, "Chuck" from time to time goes beyond perhaps the norm of the SP client interaction and sends the SP short messages out of the blue to let her know that he thought of her fondly and even for some ladies that "I" knows enjoy it he sends them some of his "erotic" musings as a prelude to the next visit. To a certain degree "I" do provide for them an illusion of what a "relationship" with my "Charles" persona would be like.

He's suave, a consummate gentleman, fun loving, worldly, sexy, flirty, erotic and free with his wallet (some of my good traits). He's never moody, grumpy, stressed or an ass (some of my bad traits).

 

"I" can be a handful but it's easy to like being with Chuck and he often gets messages from companions he visits with asking when he can come back to see them. Charles is desirable, and it shows, often he receives messages from companions that they miss his company and talking with him.

 

Recently, I've begun to re-evaluate how "I" let "Charles" operate. I have an issue, I feel for people. As a result, I know that I'm susceptible to manipulation if the right person pulls on the right strings. I really struggle with walking away from someone in need and if I have to, it weighs on me heavily. For that reason the blurring of the lines is something that has started to bother me. When "Charles" is being asked by companions to come visit them that he 's missed, I sometimes feel bad about it when "I" have to say no or I decide that I would like to enjoy the company of a different companion. I treat the companions I see well physically, emotionally and financially. However on a number of occasions I've had companions contact me and say, "could you please come and see me, I could really use the money". Because of my nature, I feel bad. I'll admit I've taken the bait and helped some ladies out using my "playtime funds" even when I couldn't see them by offering to prepay for future dates that I know I won't collect on just so they wouldn't feel like I was giving them a hand out.

 

Bottom line, slowly the line became blurred through intentional or unintentional reasons, drama entered into this supposed NSA, drama free enjoyment. Honestly, in the beginning I didn't sign up for it and quite frankly didn't realise that the "professionals" on the other end of my experience were real people and could sometimes let the line become blurred themselves. To ensure that this life and my real life don't intersect I've been forced to become harder and ensure that the lines go back to being clear again for my own sake. However, I'm still bothered by the fact that some ladies I've known will no doubt see this as a rejection of sorts.

 

I rambled on I know but this was a little bit of clearing my head in addition to contributing to this thread.

[roamingguy 300291]

I don't blur the SP-Client relationship. All of my encounters I realise and recognize are at it's core, a business transaction, and that I never forget.

That said, this is a very unique lifestyle and business, one dealing with intimacy and companionship, and has no comparison. For emotions coming into play, actually is IMHO natural. What you have to do, and I do, is keep your head on straight, and not let your emotions run you. I still recognize that the lady is a professional companion who sees other clients, and I have no delusions, I know I'm not the one and only LOL or the man of her dreams, but we are friends and I respect them, and they have shown me nothing but friendship and respect in return.

There are for example, a couple ladies I consider friends. But the only time I see them is in scheduled paid encounters. No blurring of the lines here, I still respect the core boundary, that this is a paid business transaction, and that it the only time I will see them. But encounters are two friends getting together, not a SP meeting a client, if that makes sense. Does that lessen the friendship, IMHO no. It is just a unique friendship founded on a ongoing business arrangement.

A rambling for what it's worth

RG

[Guest c**io**m7]

Such an interesting and helpful thread. I have had my blurring experiences and, on one occasion, received phenomenal service without an expectation to pay. As this was to be a non-sexual and "friends" get-together, I did not have much money on me but I emptied my wallet anyway. I think I insulted her a little as she would not stop repeating that this visit was not about money.

A "freebie" would have been cool but, since we have become friends, I do not want to get to a point where I start expecting all of our physical visits to be free. No matter what, this is her job designed to feed her family.

We are still friends and, we have a fantastic provider/client relationship.

 

The line almost blurred and I believe, to this day, that insisting on paying that day kept the line intact, for both of us.

[xxxAxxx 21016]

I just want to say that I am shocked by the level of hobbyists saying they are approached by SPs to "come visit me,I need money" or "Haven't seen you in a while, miss ya"... Seems highly unprofessional! I would have to think that if these particular women cannot exude discretion, they may have chosen the wrong profession. JMHO, discrete is the first thing an SP should be, and reaching out to clients is not discrete. In these cases, even if they are soliciting you for paid visits, they are already blurring the lines by initiating contact. Most of the lovely ladies here will tell you that isn't classy. I won't even reply to a missed call or text if I received it more than 30mins ago! DISCRETION, DISCRETION,DISCRETION!

I understand some SPs may struggle financially for whatever reasons, but it's just so unprofessional to approach potential clients who did not approach you first! It's been my personal experience that placing an ad (be it here on cerb, or EC or BP, whatever!) will generate visitors, no need to "harass" hobbyists.

For the record, I would never want to be romantically involved with someone whom I met via this industry. Like some of the other SPs have stated, we kind of live double lives... and to be brutally honest here; if it's Alexxxis you are falling for, you're not in love with ME.

[ace881 295]

sorry to hijack this thread again, but I really don't think Ironsman deserved all that was said. Its the 'oh, typical man, only cares about looks' argument. First of all, he only mentioned that to show how the drugs damaged her. 'Oh well' didn't meant 'oh well, shes not attractive anymore, so I don't care.' It meant 'oh well, I tried to help, got her to rehab, but....'.

Second of all, women are just as guilty of only paying attention to guys with good looks. Give me a break. Oh, they say, its all about your personality, intelligence, humor, being a nice guy, and other b.s. clichés, but we all know its looks First, and nice guys finish last.

[nntsci 11075]

sorry to hijack this thread again, but I really don't think Ironsman deserved all that was said. Its the 'oh, typical man, only cares about looks' argument. First of all, he only mentioned that to show how the drugs damaged her. 'Oh well' didn't meant 'oh well, shes not attractive anymore, so I don't care.' It meant 'oh well, I tried to help, got her to rehab, but....'.

Second of all, women are just as guilty of only paying attention to guys with good looks. Give me a break. Oh, they say, its all about your personality, intelligence, humor, being a nice guy, and other b.s. clichés, but we all know its looks First, and nice guys finish last.

I agree, in terms of women being as fixated on appearance, because I was almost totally ignored by women until I was in university (ok, maybe it was my creepy personality as well, but I'm pretty sure it was my rather mediocre physical appearance, LOL).

 

But women also do look for deeper qualities like that size of mans bankaccount, LOL.

 

My best friend also had incredible problems finding love... until his income surpassed 6 figures.

[zorobaby 4121]

I agree, in terms of women being as fixated on appearance, because I was almost totally ignored by women until I was in university (ok, maybe it was my creepy personality as well, but I'm pretty sure it was my rather mediocre physical appearance, LOL).

 

But women also do look for deeper qualities like that size of mans bankaccount, LOL.

 

My best friend also had incredible problems finding love... until his income surpassed 6 figures.

 

 

in my line of work... plowing and construction... many women wont even give us the time of day, seems like most wouldn't piss on us if we were on fire in the middle of the desert... but that's just most...

 

i am one of the "nice guy" types... yes better looking assholes get chosen over me all the time in my personal life... yes the friends that make more get chosen over me all the time... but its all in the ways you look at your life. im happy in my current position, i enjoy what i do, who i do it with, i don't need a s/o to make it better if i have the occasional accompaniment of a lady.

 

getting back on topic. it surprised me that in my younger years, granted im not very old, that the line was blurred more often then i could recount at this time. i use to frequent a certain club a lot, got to know the girls, bouncers, bar staff and owners. what started out as casual conversation, the odd c/p visit, turned into casual sex, friendships, movies and coffee with multiple girls. ive not been on the side where i have been harassed or blackmailed, only positive things have happened to me, and i haven't been the initiator.

 

where the line should be drawn in most circumstances, i find that a client/sp relationship can be brought into the personal lives of certain people. this kind of relationship isnt for everyone... as alexxis said, if your falling in love with the person you speak to here... then you aren't falling in love with the real woman in most cases.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

MMM Blurred lines

Robin Thick Baby!http://youtu.be/zwT6DZCQi9k

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Many guys tend to fall in lust ( not love) with the idea of the SP and what *they* think she is or the image she portrays in her business. I am pretty much a genuine person but I also have my faults/flaws and am not perfect.

 

Some clients tend to fall in love with the illusion we offer. It's a fantasy and that is what draws men towards SP. Personally, I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me and for an SP, it is extremely awkward to have to deal with a customer who crosses boundaries and doesn't respect them. Do you really want to know all of me including the not so good side? Most likely not.

 

I once had to deal with this sort of situatuon with someone who isn't a Cerb member and met them as a client through another type of escort advertising. Having to be put on the spot about phrases like "I think you're great and I consider you a friend. I would really like to take you out to dinner or a movie." or "Anytime you feel horny, give me a call." And all the while knowing full well about my personal situation and NOT respecting it by pushing their way in.

 

How am I supposed to respond to this? Shall I be clear, blunt and be a bitch and say "Is this off the clock?" or "Okay, I can go out with you, it's going to be this much." How is a client who is clearly falling for an SP going to respond to this? I know what it's going to be...disappointment, rejection and I'm a money hungry bitch. it will be all put back on me when I'm just trying to do my job but put in a situation where it is only one sided.

 

I'm not looking for a boyfriend or to hang out on the side! I am well aware that some ladies do this and some unsavory women may use men despite the type of job they hold in this industry but I'm not one of those women.

 

I see my clients, give it a 100% when I'm with them and that's it untll they decide to call or text me again. I do not contact them out of the blue, use them to my advantage to get extra money by leading them on. That's not the way I roll.

 

I am not interested in having personal friendships with my clients and maintain two different worlds. Sorry to say but it can only go so far. Having to let someone down isn't easy because they are going to feel rejected either way even if it's put in a nice, polite way. If an SP isn`t being reciprocal in your advances to take time to see each other off the clock, take a hint and understand why. She is doing her job!

 

I refuse to have a client turn this around on me and make me feel bad when THEY decide to blur the lines. if this is the case and my boundaries are not respected, I will no longer take them on as a client and it's not my fault.

 

If a client can't understand the difference between a real friendship ( without being paid) and one with an SP who he pays, then he has to deal with some issues of his own. I've encountered a few clients who really did blur the lines and were in denial and didn't want to think of their favorite SP as someone who was in a business relationship with them. Often times, they have issues going on in their lives and quickly attach themselves emotionally to an SP due to the imtimate intricacies involved in an encounter.

 

Many clients have said to me that they feel when they're with me that they don't even feel like they're with an SP because it feels so natural but they really are with an SP! Don`t get me wrong... I really do enjoy what I do for a living but it`s what I do for a living and I am good at it. It is not something that coincides with my personal life.

 

If my personal life is affected and I feel anxious or awkward every time a clients pushes the boundaries, money is not an issue with me when it comes to my mental and emotional state. They will be asked not to return.

 

Respect your SP..

[waterat 20911]

...

Respect your SP..

 

I think that Nicolette makes excellent points here.

 

The distinction for SP's is, I think, between what they do 'for' a living and what they do with their life. Many clients would benefit from recognizing that there are two different personae here.

 

Perhaps we should realize there is a difference between what we do to to keep us lively and what we do with our life.

 

waterat