Turn offs for a hobbyist

[Guest R**3*9]

This seems to be a sensitive topic...which probably means it could use a little exploring. :)

 

....and being curious I like to explore.

 

I love pet names but they need to be sincere. I acknowledge that I struggle with this as well. I want to say something sweet and charming but I don't really know you so... 'What to do?'

 

I used to say 'sweetie' but I find it a little condescending so I don't and just use real names or stage names.

 

I've begun to try and make the phrase sweet and charming.

 

Instead of saying 'sweetie' I try to say things like "xxx you are such a sweet heart"

 

This thread is about turn off's and I hope this is just looking more specifically into a single turn off and not redirecting which would never be my intent.

 

I enjoy all the comments here. Bravo OP.

[Guest g*nch***2]

I don't mind being called hun, babe, baby, sweets and all that but this on time I texted a lady asking the usual rates and restrictions, her response was something like : Hi hun, it's X$ for the hour hun, sounds good hun? hope to see you soon hun! Now that is just too many hun in one sentence.

 

I have to agree that when you go to a lady's incall location and either the tv or radio is so loud that you can't hear what she is saying it does get annoying and kinda ruins the mood. It happened to me a couple times, last time, the lady told me the music was loud so people wouldn't hear her (she was in a hotel), but it was so loud that I was the one who couldn't hear! (turned out the loud music was a good idea after all ;) )

 

And like Lee said, no DATY and no kissing is a major turn off for me as well, I don't even bother.

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

well sweeties .... ;)

 

I'd rather use a term of endearment than accidentally call you by the wrong name ;) so that's my defense.

 

 

 

I am never offended by use of any term of endearment ... at $275 an hour you can call me whatever the hell you want to call me :D

[PistolPete 61421]

Funny, but it does not bother me if the lady uses any term of endearment when we meet, but in 95% of meetings the use of my first name is always used! When the Hun or sweetheart or lover is used it is one or two times not repeated all through the encounter.

 

But when it is used, I like it! as it shows affection, and doesn't bother me in the least.if lady wants me to call her by name only,no problem, or if she like me to call her other names, no problem again :) lol

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

I'll jump in on behalf of Newfoundlanders. Terms of endearment are the norm here. You come to NL to visit and you could be "Hun", "sweetie", "my love", "my treasure" and "my darling" all in one day, from 5 different complete strangers. Lol

 

Since I moved here 6 years ago, i have picked up this habit (ask Emily Rushton lol). But it is genuine and meant as a legitimate term of endearment.

 

Food for thought :) xo

[Old Dog 179138]

I'll jump in on behalf of Newfoundlanders. Terms of endearment are the norm here. You come to NL to visit and you could be "Hun", "sweetie", "my love", "my treasure" and "my darling" all in one day, from 5 different complete strangers. Lol

 

Since I moved here 6 years ago, i have picked up this habit (ask Emily Rushton lol). But it is genuine and meant as a legitimate term of endearment.

 

Food for thought :) xo

 

Jeebus. I must be part Newf. Those terms of endearment are central to my means of addressing people.

 

I think, if taken in its purest form, the act of endearing someone by saying "hun", "sweets", "darling" or even *gasp* "babe"... is a genuine form of drawing someone closer. By doing so, you aren't trying to demean or diminish them - you are letting them know that your intention is to be inclusive, that they mean something to you. In short, they like you!!!

[Highsexdrivebabe 11800]

Thanks darling (!) for saying this as indeed this is part of my personality strictly and honestly and not to upset or bother any gentlemen. Also love to be called honey, darling, chérie, etc...

 

But indeed there a lady for every specific wants and needs so I might not get an encounter with the way I answer back to a PM, text or email but I strongly remain myself and when I am visited I am just the same one as in my PMs, texts or emails.

 

Plus LOVE DATY!!! And DFK for the same it's my inner me and my personality purely and simply babe!!!!

 

Barbara darling!!!

xxxxxxxoooooooo

 

Extreme Arrogance and "Holier than thou" attitude

 

Ads that list all of these "No kissing and no DATY" It's all fine and dandy and to each his own......but for me it makes me feel like the lady isn't engaged in what she is doing nor enjoys intimacy. (strictly my opinion) I realize not every cat enjoys intimacy but I do. Also if I visited with a lady that does not enjoy or allow DATY I would probably have a nervous breakdown or start crying or something ;) hehehe

 

 

 

for the record ..... I don't mind at all being called baby or babes. I have gotten to know some ladies very well and that is just part of their personality and how they interact. It is just them :) It's cool.

[WriteOn 3250]

It seems the thread has taken a bit of a turn. The subject is 'turnoffs for a hobbyist". No need to get defensive, as one previous poster mentioned, to each their own.

[asuran 1138]

It's already been said, but I have to repeat it, "how are you hun?". If SP's could drop the word "hun" from their vocabulary altogether the world would be a better place :)

 

I don't really mind it myself but I can see where you are coming from.

 

Correct me if I am wrong:

[You feel it's not suitable because it's the very first time/moment you and SP see each other. The is no rapport between you two and endearing words are usually exchanged between people who have already known each other to some extent.

But if that same SP starts using these endearing terms on your subsequent encounters, you will feel more at ease.]

[star99 4852]

a turnoff for me is arriving and find that the SP or MA is either high as a kite, or drunk as a skunk. might just be me, but I don't find it professional to be doing that when your providing a service.

[Guest]

I'll jump in on behalf of Newfoundlanders. Terms of endearment are the norm here. You come to NL to visit and you could be "Hun", "sweetie", "my love", "my treasure" and "my darling" all in one day, from 5 different complete strangers. Lol

 

Since I moved here 6 years ago, i have picked up this habit (ask Emily Rushton lol). But it is genuine and meant as a legitimate term of endearment.

 

Food for thought :) xo

 

In smaller towns they use terms of endearment too and it's surprising how quickly you catch yourself saying, hun, sweetheart, dare I say pumpkin. I try to not use these terms but sometimes it slips on out and I'm using the Hun word. My bad, hehe.

[Luckyme 41401]

In smaller towns they use terms of endearment too and it's surprising how quickly you catch yourself saying, hun, sweetheart, dare I say pumpkin. I try to not use these terms but sometimes it slips on out and I'm using the Hun word. My bad, hehe.

 

 

I am perfectly fine with these words, Hun! I love it when someone I have seen before addresses me like these. In this hobby, I look for GFE, and which GF doesn't address you this way?

 

Never been addressed as "pumpkin" though...lol.

[waterat 20911]

whose brother worked in Texas and my colleague loved calling his brother because his brother's receptionist always addressed him as 'sugar' - as only a Southern Belle could! He was SO smitten by this! LOL

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I'll jump in on behalf of Newfoundlanders. Terms of endearment are the norm here. You come to NL to visit and you could be "Hun", "sweetie", "my love", "my treasure" and "my darling" all in one day, from 5 different complete strangers. Lol

 

Since I moved here 6 years ago, i have picked up this habit (ask Emily Rushton lol). But it is genuine and meant as a legitimate term of endearment.

 

Food for thought :) xo

 

And don't forget "My Duckie"! lol.

[Guest c**io**m7]

Allow me to clarify as I have read all the posts and have been thinking of my day to day...how many times do I say something like "thanks dear"? Makes me realize that terms of endearment are in my blood...therefore I realize, it's the fake and sultry, soft phone sex voice that I dislike.

 

If first contact is text and the first line from the lady is " hi hun " or "hi baby", I just can't help but hear the fake voice to go with it in my head.

 

Additional Comments:

I am perfectly fine with these words, Hun! I love it when someone I have seen before addresses me like these. In this hobby, I look for GFE, and which GF doesn't address you this way?

 

Never been addressed as "pumpkin" though...lol.

 

Well put!! For me, such endearments are well placed after meeting, not before. IMO

[Guest B*o***32]

I'm fairly new to all this but the only thing I have found to be annoying is way too much perfume. Don't get me wrong, I love getting in close and taking a deep whiff of some sweet smelling breasts, but if I'm going home and I can smell it everywhere on my clothes, well, I got a problem!

 

So far it's my only real "ask" of my lady.

[Highsexdrivebabe 11800]

Oh no U got that wrong babe!!! I am not fake at all I am just being ME!! And me is just loving to call and being call pet names!!! Now U know me and U can see me here and hey understand if U will never book an apt. I respect U.

 

Cheers for now

 

Barbara

 

Allow me to clarify as I have read all the posts and have been thinking of my day to day...how many times do I say something like "thanks dear"? Makes me realize that terms of endearment are in my blood...therefore I realize, it's the fake and sultry, soft phone sex voice that I dislike.

 

If first contact is text and the first line from the lady is " hi hun " or "hi baby", I just can't help but hear the fake voice to go with it in my head.

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

Well put!! For me, such endearments are well placed after meeting, not before. IMO

 

Additional Comments:

Oh no U got that wrong babe!!! I am not fake at all I am just being ME!! And me is just loving to call and being call pet names!!! Now U know me and U can see me here and hey understand if U will never book an apt. I respect U.

 

Cheers for now

 

Barbara

 

Allow me to clarify as I have read all the posts and have been thinking of my day to day...how many times do I say something like "thanks dear"? Makes me realize that terms of endearment are in my blood...therefore I realize, it's the fake and sultry, soft phone sex voice that I dislike.

 

If first contact is text and the first line from the lady is " hi hun " or "hi baby", I just can't help but hear the fake voice to go with it in my head.

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

Well put!! For me, such endearments are well placed after meeting, not before. IMO

 

Additional Comments:

Then specify it to the lady beforehand love!! I love to be perfumed almost every where on my body pussy included!! Just mention it babe. Then again U can shower or take a bath (at my place for my shower isn't working anymore since they fixed my running tap!!!). We R there to please and not to displease U hun!

 

Barbara

 

I'm fairly new to all this but the only thing I have found to be annoying is way too much perfume. Don't get me wrong, I love getting in close and taking a deep whiff of some sweet smelling breasts, but if I'm going home and I can smell it everywhere on my clothes, well, I got a problem!

 

So far it's my only real "ask" of my lady.

[Guest Be***iful****lah]

I love being called pet names by someone I feel knows me enough to feel sincere affection to me. And that includes someone who feels they know me just from reading my posts or knowing what I'm about.

 

When I FEEL affection towards someone I can't help but express that with a pet name. Sometimes it just comes out in writing...but if I can I try to catch myself before it slips out and ask.,,

" do you mind if I call you Sweetheart?"

 

Obviously if that person has already showered me with pet names I won't feel the need to ask permission if they mind it.

 

I try to be sensitive to who they are, how they communicate, how much they open up to me, what they need and are looking for...

 

From there I try to choose my words carefully to match with their personality.

 

The important thing is that it is GENUINE and sincere.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Allow me to clarify as I have read all the posts and have been thinking of my day to day...how many times do I say something like "thanks dear"? Makes me realize that terms of endearment are in my blood...therefore I realize, it's the fake and sultry, soft phone sex voice that I dislike.

 

If first contact is text and the first line from the lady is " hi hun " or "hi baby", I just can't help but hear the fake voice to go with it in my head.

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

Well put!! For me, such endearments are well placed after meeting, not before. IMO

 

I've had many men say to me "My Dear" and for some reason it just feels normal. I'm from east coast and have heard soooo many people say that to me, I don't think twice about it. However, I don't see it as fake like other terms used to address a person. I usually see the word "Hun" in a text. I have many welll established clients I call "Honey" but it's more of a term of endearment after I've spent time with them. It is what it is. Go to Baltimore and you will hear "Hon" all the time! lol.

[Ice4fun 78396]

I love being called pet names by someone I feel knows me enough to feel sincere affection to me. And that includes someone who feels they know me just from reading my posts or knowing what I'm about.

 

When I FEEL affection towards someone I can't help but express that with a pet name. Sometimes it just comes out in writing...but if I can I try to catch myself before it slips out and ask.,,

" do you mind if I call you Sweetheart?"

 

Obviously if that person has already showered me with pet names I won't feel the need to ask permission if they mind it.

 

I try to be sensitive to who they are, how they communicate, how much they open up to me, what they need and are looking for...

 

From there I try to choose my words carefully to match with their personality.

 

The important thing is that it is GENUINE and sincere.

 

From everything I have read that you have written on this sight I have come to the conclusion that you are very thoughtful and sensual.... I don't get the feeling that you use any words lightly... so I doubt I would be offended if I was ever lucky enough to attract your attention and gave you address me with a term of endearment.

[piano8950 32577]

I found your post funny and quite representative of my thoughts OD.

 

If I may though:

 

If he has been a dickhead, you have the right to kill him and dissolve his body in the bathtub.

 

I know you meant this as a joke, but consider this:

 

If she has been a bitch, you have the right to kill her and dissolve her body in the bathtub.

 

Chilling, isn't it? Especially given the context of this forum.

 

Humbly request that people try to abstain from overtly violent imagery

[CristyCurves 169032]

I found your post funny and quite representative of my thoughts OD.

 

If I may though:

 

 

 

I know you meant this as a joke, but consider this:

 

If she has been a bitch, you have the right to kill her and dissolve her body in the bathtub.

 

Chilling, isn't it? Especially given the context of this forum.

 

Humbly request that people try to abstain from overtly violent imagery

 

I appreciate your concern but....

We all know OldDog as being a jokester, he says things that are funny and to lighten the mood when need be. He can also say things that can be very poignant and articulate. He has the ability for both and if I may say does both better than most. So to turn his quote into a reason for worry is silly, but that's just my opinion.

[roamingguy 300291]

I found your post funny and quite representative of my thoughts OD.

 

If I may though:

 

 

 

I know you meant this as a joke, but consider this:

 

If she has been a bitch, you have the right to kill her and dissolve her body in the bathtub.

 

Chilling, isn't it? Especially given the context of this forum.

 

Humbly request that people try to abstain from overtly violent imagery

 

Wow!!!...talk about a mountain out of a molehill

Speaking of context, the post that out of one side of your mouth you found funny and representative of your thoughts yet in the next breath telling people to abstain from violent imagery.

Here is OD's post in entirety (copied/pasted) not just a line taken out of context

BTW the chilling imagery about "if she had been a bitch...." didn't come from OD, it came from you

 

"Turn offs?

 

Not many. At my age, I am always pleasantly surprised that a woman will not throw up when we are naked in the same room.

 

These are more general observations than anything else. If there is any advice I can pass along, these would be a few things that I would suggest:

 

1. Time: Hobbyists are consistently reminded that they are not compensating a provider for a specific service, they are compensating her for her time. Keeping that in mind, the idea of "shoot and scoot" just doesn't fly. A two hour appointment should last two hours unless the hobbyist leaves early at HIS discretion, unless of course he has been a total dickhead. If he has been a dickhead, you have the right to kill him and dissolve his body in the bathtub.

 

2. Punctuality: These days, everybody has time pressures. As much frustration as it is for a provider when a client is late, it is equally as frustrating when a provider shows up late. Life happens. We all make mistakes. We all get delayed. Just remember, when things start on time, everyone is a lot more relaxed and happy.

 

3. Social Media Interaction: This is a biggie for me. Whether you are writing here on CERB, on Twitter or on a subscribed Blog, your words are a window into your provider personna. The most beautiful person becomes ugly if they express themselves in a hateful manner. It cuts both ways. Some providers use what we say here as a screening tool - they don't want to deal with assholes and misogynists. Keeping that in mind, we won't see you if you have shown that you don't respect us. We won't see you if you are mean spirited. We won't see you if you twist our words against us. Food for thought.

 

4. Live rabid monkeys: Don't have them in your incall. They are intimidating.

 

5. Divided Attention: Everybody has a life. Sometimes we have stuff on our minds that we can't shake. The mark of a true professional in ANY line of work is to put that stuff on a mental shelf and get through the day. It's especially true here, where intimacy is so much harder to achieve when a provider's mind is obviously elsewhere.

 

6. Unnecessary commentary: Eeeeek. This is a tough one. Have you ever been in an intimate moment that has an undertone of soft and romantic when all of a sudden the badly delivered porn movie dialogue starts? I'm getting the shivers of discomfort just thinking about it. Ohhhhh... and please. Don't speak if your mouth is full... mid BJ commentary is kind of a boner killer.

 

7. Turkey Bacon: Only if every pig on the planet has died of a horrific flesh eating disease will turkey bacon be acceptable.

 

8: Outside communication: Turn off your cell phone. Do it. Now. Unless you have a friend or family member that is dying, your attention is with me. I've ended two encounters early because the provider was constantly checking her messages. In virtually EVERY other business, that kind of behaviour would merit discipline or termination. It's a disservice to your professionalism if you can't give me our time. The person on the other end of the line is NOT paying you now. I am.

 

9: Talking badly about other providers: This is tough. It's a very competitive business. Like many other hobbyists, I don't necessarily provide reviews or recommendations for the majority of providers with whom I have spent my time. Keeping that in mind, you have no idea of the nature of my relationship with nearly any other provider. I may absolutely adore a provider that you have just torn a verbal strip from... and that really doesn't help your cause.

 

10: Just another client: The biggest mistake any provider can make is to treat a client like "just another client." I have chosen you because you represent something desirable. I have brought my hard earned cash with me because I think you are special. I sought you out because I think you are going to be wonderful to and with me. Treat me like more than a donation envelope. Act as if you want to be with me. Make me feel like you want ME. The best providers (and we have so many great ones) know that the encounter is so much more than an intermingling of moistened body parts. They understand that the fantasy is passion and desire. If you want hobbyists to respect the fact that you are so much more than just a series of desirable body parts, treat HIM like more than a penis with an envelope.

 

Jeebus. I was on a roll there."

 

OD takes the time and effort to write insightful posts with both good useful tips and a sense of humour at the same time. His writing is original and a contribution to this community

Please OD continue with your humorous insightful posts. Most of us don't tear apart your posts to criticize them, we appreciate and value your contributions. Hell I wish I had your knack for humorous prose

 

A rambling

 

RG

[Guest D***el B***e]

I read most of the posts and it is a great thread.

 

For me, anything below is a turn-off:

* Being call Hun (arggghhhh, I hate that one)

* Being called dahling ... "you're no Zsa Zsa Gabor, so don't call me dahling)

* Being told by the lady "you're making me break all my rules' (like really dear!)

* Being short changed by 30 min or more (it happens sometime you shoot your load too soon but the lady makes zero effort to compensate of keep your for the duration of your time.

* Being told anything a fifth grader would laugh at.

* When the lady answers the phone or a txt during MY time.

* Not getting a welcome hug) even on a first visit (I love a welcome hug, it sets the mood)

* Not being offered the chance to shower

 

... just to name a few ...

[VictoriaJolie 64127]

I have read the entire tread and if I have done any of those to any gents I have met and they read this..I apologize in advance(I know I have been guilty to not reply fast enough at time due to my travels)

 

I personally do not like the babe Hun etc name when I never met someone however it seem it the new type of intro some guys do.

I try in general not to use those words as I hate them...

My usual reply to text like that is

Hello it's Victoria ..how can I help you ?

I know it may sound cold however nice introduction always help to smooth a convo