Who Knows About What You Do?

[Cato 160314]

I completely trust the two friends I've chosen to confide in. They're like brothers, and we've been close for a long time. Anyway, I wouldn't enjoy the experience nearly as much if I couldn't talk to any friends at all in person about it.

I don't share many details with them, not much more than I do in my posts, or even less. It's not a main focus of our conversations. But just to communicate, sometimes, the enjoyment and satisfaction I feel in these activities is important to me.

[APower20 400]

I told my roommate about my first SP experience, but kept quiet about all future encounters. He promised not to tell anyone, and I trust him to keep his word.

 

Another friend found out, was browsing this website and noticed my username...which is not discreet at all...being my first initial, last name, and age. Thankfully he was not judgmental, and was curious about the hobby. We've promised not to tell each other's friends about our interests.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

This is an entirely private matter for me. Some day I might tell someone, but not likely.

[spud271 47779]

This is entirely a private matter in my case. It would be a completely unwise decision for me to disclose this to anyone. The good news is I have a couple of friends I have met on here that I talk to outside of the board about the hobby to, so at least they understand. :D

[NotchJohnson 214123]

You would find a brief case full of money with no name on it and no info of its owner, you would keep it to yourself and not share with anyone. Well CERB is my brief case and all the SP's and MA and fellow cerbies are the money and nobody will ever find out about it. Case closed. ( too bad I don't have all that money to enjoy myself everyday. heheheh )

[A***** A***** 510]

 

Speaking of the money analogy, I would end up giving it to my family and friends, but that is another thread in its self, and yes in the first bit of time, I would just love to roll around in it :lol:

[rileydaniels 1901]

For me everyone knows for some it was a shock, but they forget that I have been doing internet porn since 2003. Now I am so comfortable with it I pretty much tell anyone who ask me what I do for a living. the hardest part is to avoid beng asked questions about it and to educate them that this is a job not some big movie.

 

Plus also some friends who I am wtih and they have friends who don't know me or even know what I do I am ready to tell them right away to get it out of the way.

[72Nova 116]

Who knows about what I do? Not a soul. It's a bit of a shame, really, because I find so many facets of this hobby/industry/life interesting, it would be great to have someone with whom I could discuss it. Cerb works as well as an online forum can, of course, but it's not quite the same as a conversation. Human behaviour, sexuality, psychology, business & marketing, all great things to jaw about over a beer or two.

[capitalman 3861]

I've made an effort to meet and befriend some other cerb members so I don't feel lonely in my hobby, but it's just a casual thing and we're all to macho to get too detailed.

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I know that when I first started, nobody knew. But I started to feel really isolated and alone, so I tried to reach out to a fellow Winnipeg SP and wrote her an email, explaining that I wasn't interested in her sexually, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and I wanted the opportunity to meet with her and talk shop. That was a year ago, and I'm still waiting for her reply! Just kidding. I've moved on, but it's amazes me how unfriendly some of my fellow SPs are. I mean all I asked this chick was to go for coffee. It's ok though, because an extremely popular retired SP was more than willing to meet with me, and I'm so glad I did. We all need a little reassurance that we're okay, and not bad people.

[Jabba 18389]

I know that when I first started, nobody knew. But I started to feel really isolated and alone, so I tried to reach out to a fellow Winnipeg SP and wrote her an email, explaining that I wasn't interested in her sexually, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and I wanted the opportunity to meet with her and talk shop. That was a year ago, and I'm still waiting for her reply! Just kidding. I've moved on, but it's amazes me how unfriendly some of my fellow SPs are. I mean all I asked this chick was to go for coffee. It's ok though, because an extremely popular retired SP was more than willing to meet with me, and I'm so glad I did. We all need a little reassurance that we're okay, and not bad people.

 

Bad people?? Of course you're not bad.

The industry has got to be the most emotionally charged (or draining as the case may be). It is hugely contradictory and everyone has their own flavour of opinion. I don't think you should pay attention to any of the negative judgments out there - just keep safe and continue to have respect for yourself.

 

How many SPs are there in the world do you think? Count yourself as a sorority member in a growth industry. I'm sure you have met the most amazing people - made friends too along the way?

 

Re No response from the other SP...she may simply have thought of you as competition. May appear unsociable, but I'm sure it's nothing personal.

[747LeftSeat 699]

I know that when I first started, nobody knew. But I started to feel really isolated and alone, so I tried to reach out to a fellow Winnipeg SP and wrote her an email, explaining that I wasn't interested in her sexually, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and I wanted the opportunity to meet with her and talk shop. That was a year ago, and I'm still waiting for her reply! Just kidding. I've moved on, but it's amazes me how unfriendly some of my fellow SPs are. I mean all I asked this chick was to go for coffee. It's ok though, because an extremely popular retired SP was more than willing to meet with me, and I'm so glad I did. We all need a little reassurance that we're okay, and not bad people.

 

Bad people? Not at all, IMO.

 

While I my be new to the hobby I have read most of the posts here on CERB and I have to point out just how friendly and caring SPs are, if their posts are anything to go by.

[747LeftSeat 699]

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a friend to discuss my hobbying with. What am I thinking...the stakes are too high...trust no one ...no matter how close. I would always be worried that anyone I told would let my secret out.

 

Cheers

 

 

I agree with the "trust no one" sentiment. The ONLY way to ensure total secrecy is to tell no one your secret. I learned this the hard way years ago. :(

[capitalman 3861]

Ya but when someone has dirt on you and you have dirt on them, it makes for a great relationship!

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I know that when I first started, nobody knew. But I started to feel really isolated and alone, so I tried to reach out to a fellow Winnipeg SP and wrote her an email, explaining that I wasn't interested in her sexually, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and I wanted the opportunity to meet with her and talk shop. That was a year ago, and I'm still waiting for her reply! Just kidding. I've moved on, but it's amazes me how unfriendly some of my fellow SPs are. I mean all I asked this chick was to go for coffee. It's ok though, because an extremely popular retired SP was more than willing to meet with me, and I'm so glad I did. We all need a little reassurance that we're okay, and not bad people.

I know exactly how you felt. When I first became an indy, nobody knew and I do feel isolated and alone most of the time when I'm not entertaining. Only three people in my personal life (family members) and my previous employer knows now.

 

Lexy

[JoyfulC 132299]

Who knows? .. The Shadow knows.

 

;)

[Ashley Ann 75247]

Aside from my sibling ?NO ONE knows about what I do & that is the way I would like to keep it?.Best way to keep a secret is to NOT tell anyone!! I know my sister would NEVER sell me out!!

 

Before reading, please note this is regarding my OWN personal situation!! I come from a very loving & caring family, far from perfect, however they are ALWAYS there for me and my daughter?Therefore, if my mom or dad or any other family members were to find out it would be devastating?

 

Although I am a grown woman, my parents would not only be terribly hurt, but they would also be repulsed by my choices, and to me this is very understandable (my honest opinion). I personally feel that very few parents would want this lifestyle for their child, irregardless of how happy or content they were with their work. I realize this sounds very hypocritical, however this is something I NEVER, EVER would want my daughter to be a part of!!! I want her to value herself more than I do (How?s that for honesty??)

 

To be completely honest, I have days when I feel sooooo liberated. Why? Because I do not have a boyfriend, no fuck buddies & I don?t date either-so basically the men I see are not only used for financial gain, but for my personal fulfillment too! Personal fulfillment is very important..It is a very nice feeling to enjoy & be paid for it too!!!

 

Then, I have my days when I feel totally shamed for choosing to do this. Why? Because I am someone?s mother. Unfortunately, society as a whole, is not as open or as friendly as the members of this site, therefore, the thought of someone ever passing judgment on my child because of the lifestyle her mother has chosen to participate in ( should she or others find out) , worries me quite a bit . I try to be as discreet as possible & hope to get the same from the clients I meet with!!!

[lena 101]

Erin, I am so glad to hear about how comfortable you are with what you do. I am in a similar situation as a student, and still not totally clear on how to handle it.

 

A question, though: for those SPs (and of course hobbyists as well) who are just starting out, how did you ensure your safety, especially when going on outcalls, if no one knew where you would be and with whom in order to contact you? That's one of my main concerns about being an indie...no one knows, so I can't exactly call a friend to let her know that, for example, she can start panicking if she doesn't hear from me in x amount of time. It is, as I see it, one of the clear advantages of being with an agency, and I don't know how to make up for that without being affiliated as such.

[etasman2000 15994]

1. Asking for a SP reference to vouch for the gentleman goes a long way to ensure your safety. Or use one of the many Adult Verification systems.

 

2. Make a 'safety' call when you first arrive even if it only goes to a voice mail you setup for this purpose.

 

A question, though: for those SPs (and of course hobbyists as well) who are just starting out, how did you ensure your safety, especially when going on outcalls, if no one knew where you would be and with whom in order to contact you?

[spud271 47779]

1. Asking for a SP reference to vouch for the gentleman goes a long way to ensure your safety. Or use one of the many Adult Verification systems.

 

2. Make a 'safety' call when you first arrive even if it only goes to a voice mail you setup for this purpose.

 

I agree with etasman, doing reference checks with other SP's will help prevent this from happening. Safety calls also help a great deal. If you are doing outcalls, get a driver you can trust and will have your back. A good driver should never be intrusive, but there for you when you need them.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Erin, I am so glad to hear about how comfortable you are with what you do. I am in a similar situation as a student, and still not totally clear on how to handle it.

 

A question, though: for those SPs (and of course hobbyists as well) who are just starting out, how did you ensure your safety, especially when going on outcalls, if no one knew where you would be and with whom in order to contact you? That's one of my main concerns about being an indie...no one knows, so I can't exactly call a friend to let her know that, for example, she can start panicking if she doesn't hear from me in x amount of time. It is, as I see it, one of the clear advantages of being with an agency, and I don't know how to make up for that without being affiliated as such.

 

Telling someone you know...perhaps you may in time affiliate yourself with someone on CERB. Once you find that someone, be it a hobbiest or an SP, they could be your go to person when you are feeling uncomfortable with a situation. Not sure how this could work; just a thought!

[TracieGold 282]

For the gentlemen (even if they are single) the disclosure of their hobby may have terrible consequences.

For us SP's, it depends on our upbringing, religion issues and if we have another occupation that may be affected by getting out of the closet, children, best friends, etc....nobody wants to be isolated as a "pest" and certainly we are not a pest...

I have profound admiration for Erin and Riley for their courage!!!

I must confess I also am very comfortable knowing the gentlemen I have met and repeated with, because they take a big risk at meeting a "stranger" for the first time, almost as risky as the one we run with. And this takes me to the conclusion that there is a Great, huge need for sex out there in our world.

May be in 300 years, perhaps more, sex and freedom of sexuality are going to be taught in elementary school and, maturity, as well as responsibility for the actions one embarks on, will run parallel.

Most of the stigma attached to sex comes from Religious groups and extreme conservatives based on fear of loosing God and loosing the other "provider" in the family, as well as realize that one was not good enough to keep the partner (self esteem issue to dear to the heart!!). If one looks around, more and more families are led by single people (men or women) and their sexuality is paramount; they have sex and no regrets.

Marriages that lasted long enough to have developed in a magnificent relationship (as our Dear Spike's) can comprehend the need of the other one and the issue does not become a "jealous-freaking-vicious-screaming-at-each-other" argument in were everybody get to know the bad apple the other one became....

I have asked some of my regulars if they knew if their SOs were seeing male SPs....few said they did not think so because their ladies did not have libido left...a few got surprised by the question and I told them more or less in te same tone that if tey loved, really loved those SOs, they wanted them to be happy and satisfied....didn't they.....?

No, they did not find it stimulating as a conversation topic....why?

There are many out there who still think sex is dirty and free for the guys, but we girls, if we embark on a trip to tat free-sex destination, we are bad, bad and worst....

How many SP's are in the world?.....many, many, many ....How many gentlemen meet them (us)....many, many, many more!!!!

 

I am glad we are in a "special" forum here.....and in our next lives we will be born free of stigmas and criticism....we will be all loving each other wit no strings attached or possessions and children to be cut in half!!!!!

 

Hugs to all, because you, as well as me, are important and unique!

Tracie G.:bddog::bddog::bddog::bddog:

[VedaSloan 119179]

Erin, I am so glad to hear about how comfortable you are with what you do. I am in a similar situation as a student, and still not totally clear on how to handle it.

 

A question, though: for those SPs (and of course hobbyists as well) who are just starting out, how did you ensure your safety, especially when going on outcalls, if no one knew where you would be and with whom in order to contact you? That's one of my main concerns about being an indie...no one knows, so I can't exactly call a friend to let her know that, for example, she can start panicking if she doesn't hear from me in x amount of time. It is, as I see it, one of the clear advantages of being with an agency, and I don't know how to make up for that without being affiliated as such.

 

You can always call me! But ET made an excellent suggestion: even just a phone call to a machine works wonders.

[Victoria Banks 21899]

Almost noone..

 

I like it like that.. !

[clancy 142]

I don`t know why but I am the one everyone I know tells all of their secrets to, family,friends,co-workers,bosses,customers,neighbors. I can talk to somebody for 5 mins and they are comfortable telling me things they have never told anybody their whole lives. Had a husband and wife both(individually) confide in me that they had cheated on the other. I consider them both friends and would not ever consider divulging this info to anyone, knowing them both well and how bad their marriage was it was kind of difficult to act surprised on both counts. My parents split when I was ten and both would tell me things the other still doesn`t know, even now they and the rest of my family tell me all kinds of things, sometimes I have to look them in the eye and ask "WTF?".

I have never outed anybody and would not because that is the same consideration I would expect if I thought I knew somebody trustworthy enough. I do not judge but I will express concern with friends,bosses etc... that tell me about their drug use,alcohol abuse and other actions that not only affect them but the ones that love them also.

I don`t mind keeping everyone`s little secrets locked up safe but I do think it`s affected me in the sense that I divulge almost nothing about myself to anyone. Most people can`t keep a thing to themselves. I have on occasion tested a few close friends with made up stuff and lo and behold it always came back. Priceless=the look in their eyes when they realise how much I know about them and they`ve just been caught betraying a trust, granted a fake one, but just the same.

I trust no one but it would be nice to.

Sorry for rambling on...