Married people who hobby...

[kano2112 28]

Hey all,

 

I'm new here and I am relatively new to the hobby (only partake a couple times a year for like the last 2 years).  I saw a couple year old post here and I wanted to ask the men here if many of you are married?  I've been nearly married for like 20 years but even though our relationship is strong in most aspects, our sex life is non-existent.   

 

Based on the post from a few years ago I know I am not the only one, but I am curious how others in my situation "handle" their situation.

 

~D~

[gogofmagog 655]

I "handle" it by seeing escorts.

[Ice4fun 78407]

I am not really sure I understand the OP's question? If you are asking how do married people manage being involved in the lifestyle?  We are careful and plan ahead.  If the question is what do people do in situations where their life partner or wife is not that sexual or not meeting our needs... I guess I would agree with gogofmagog we see wonderful Lyla ladies.  In fact even when our home sex lives are great ... we see wonderful Lyla ladies.

Just my Opinion 

 

[NotchJohnson 214123]

Not sure I understand the OP's question as well but yes I'm married and my wife is a sex object, meaning if I want sex she objects.  So to remedy that I find myself meeting fine Lyla ladies.

[kano2112 28]

On 1/30/2019 at 9:32 AM, Ice4fun said:

I am not really sure I understand the OP's question? If you are asking how do married people manage being involved in the lifestyle?  We are careful and plan ahead.  If the question is what do people do in situations where their life partner or wife is not that sexual or not meeting our needs... I guess I would agree with gogofmagog we see wonderful Lyla ladies.  In fact even when our home sex lives are great ... we see wonderful Lyla ladies.

Just my Opinion 

 

You basically hit the nail on the head Ice what I was asking, I have been extremely careful, and discrete, my #1 challenge has been contact with the ladies I would like to see.   I prefer email but I understand that the ladies needing to confirm details via phone or text, so until I figure out a burner phone (I have been reading up on that) I know my options are limited.

 

On 1/30/2019 at 3:17 PM, NotchJohnson said:

Not sure I understand the OP's question as well but yes I'm married and my wife is a sex object, meaning if I want sex she objects.  So to remedy that I find myself meeting fine Lyla ladies.

 

You catch the drift.  And I like your assessment of your situation.   My wife has openly stated "I am a prude and proud of it!"

 

[Ice4fun 78407]

On 2/2/2019 at 2:17 PM, kano2112 said:

You basically hit the nail on the head Ice what I was asking, I have been extremely careful, and discrete, my #1 challenge has been contact with the ladies I would like to see.   I prefer email but I understand that the ladies needing to confirm details via phone or text, so until I figure out a burner phone (I have been reading up on that) I know my options are limited.

 

I am not a big fan of the burner phone because it can be seen by my wife and would be hard to explain a 2nd phone.

I use my regular cell and have installed apps that move calls and texts that come in from the phone and text log and stores them in a secure folder on my phone that requires password to access.

Many ladies indicate that they will not accept texts from a testing app but I have not had any problems .. Of course I use my regular mobile if the lady wishes verbal confirmation.

Just my Opinion 

[katie 1337]

On February 2, 2019 at 1:47 PM, kano2112 said:

You basically hit the nail on the head Ice what I was asking, I have been extremely careful, and discrete, my #1 challenge has been contact with the ladies I would like to see.   I prefer email but I understand that the ladies needing to confirm details via phone or text, so until I figure out a burner phone (I have been reading up on that) I know my options are limited.

 

Yes, some Ladies, require a Text or Call to Confirm the meeting but... 

Just a thought, never hurts to try.. 

If the Lady is on Lyla, you could always, explain your situation and Let her know that your also a Lyla Member,with your Profile Name. She can still do some of her Homework, if needed.. 

Its just a thought and never hurts to try.... Enjoy kano2112 .. ;)

   Katie xoxo's 😘

[Ice4fun 78407]

32 minutes ago, katie said:

Yes, some Ladies, require a Text or Call to Confirm the meeting but... 

Just a thought, never hurts to try.. 

If the Lady is on Lyla, you could always, explain your situation and Let her know that your also a Lyla Member,with your Profile Name. She can still do some of her Homework, if needed.. 

Its just a thought and never hurts to try.... Enjoy kano2112 .. 😉

   Katie xoxo's 😘

I will offer the fact that having an active profile here on Lyla can be very effective in helping with the screening process.

[kano2112 28]

21 hours ago, Ice4fun said:

I am not a big fan of the burner phone because it can be seen by my wife and would be hard to explain a 2nd phone.

I use my regular cell and have installed apps that move calls and texts that come in from the phone and text log and stores them in a secure folder on my phone that requires password to access.

Many ladies indicate that they will not accept texts from a testing app but I have not had any problems .. Of course I use my regular mobile if the lady wishes verbal confirmation.

Just my Opinion 

I am with you there Ice, although I know of a perfect place to conceal it that the wife has zero access to.   Dealing with apps and crap like that would be more risky cause she likes to play around with my phone...  😛 

 

10 hours ago, katie said:

Yes, some Ladies, require a Text or Call to Confirm the meeting but... 

Just a thought, never hurts to try.. 

If the Lady is on Lyla, you could always, explain your situation and Let her know that your also a Lyla Member,with your Profile Name. She can still do some of her Homework, if needed.. 

Its just a thought and never hurts to try.... Enjoy kano2112 .. 😉

   Katie xoxo's 😘

 

Noted!!!     Are you free???   (j/k for now!) 😛 😛 😛 

 

10 hours ago, Ice4fun said:

I will offer the fact that having an active profile here on Lyla can be very effective in helping with the screening process.

 

Again noted!  (In fact I just filled out bits of my bio as well!)   Thanks!

[katie 1337]

26 minutes ago, kano2112 said:

 

Noted!!!     Are you free???   (j/k for now!) 😛 😛 😛 

Hehe, anytime, as long as your a "Gentleman".. Your all good. 😉

Kano2112, You'll be just fine. Get through a few Bumps, then you'll be Sailing... 

  Enjoy .. 😘

[LuckyLuc 102]

On 2/3/2019 at 9:49 PM, Ice4fun said:

I am not a big fan of the burner phone because it can be seen by my wife and would be hard to explain a 2nd phone.

I use my regular cell and have installed apps that move calls and texts that come in from the phone and text log and stores them in a secure folder on my phone that requires password to access.

Many ladies indicate that they will not accept texts from a testing app but I have not had any problems .. Of course I use my regular mobile if the lady wishes verbal confirmation.

Just my Opinion 

I am just wondering what app/s you use. 

I have been hobbying for a few years. I have tried to keep some favourite contacts, however end up deleting. 

Better to meet a new wonderful lady of lyla, than have my partner accidentally find lady lyla on my phone. 

I have some pseudonyms in contacts, but sometimes difficult to remember and would be good to keep txts as reference. 

 

Thank you

[NotchJohnson 214123]

7 hours ago, LuckyLuc said:

I am just wondering what app/s you use. 

I have been hobbying for a few years. I have tried to keep some favourite contacts, however end up deleting. 

Better to meet a new wonderful lady of lyla, than have my partner accidentally find lady lyla on my phone. 

I have some pseudonyms in contacts, but sometimes difficult to remember and would be good to keep txts as reference. 

 

Thank you

I have many lyla ladies number on my phone but not always with their female name associated to it.  Let me give you an example, let's say I want to keep Meg O'Ryan's number on my phone I will put it under Ryan, here is another one, Emma Alexandra is under Alex, Jessy Celeste is under Jesse, Luxe Mulvari(who as now moved) was under Luke etc.  Do you get the picture?  The main reason that I have this and remember is because these are all ladies that I had a great memorable time with or are on my radar to see.

[rob_otteast 142]

I don't mean to derail this thread but I have often wondered how odd it is for so many wives (or maybe husbands too for that matter) to take the attitude that sex is not important, but then object strenuously if their spouses sought solace elsewhere. I mean, if it is really NOT important to them, why would they object? If someone's wife is not interested in football, they simply don't watch football, they don't try to prevent their husband from watching a game, do they? I realize that sex is more intimate than sports, but still. 

I know that this is unanswerable. I have just seen this so often among the guys I know, it makes me wonder what is going on, is there some wider problem. Sex is fun, it's intimate, there's no downside, what's the problem?

And it's not the case that the guys I know are repulsive slobs either. If that were the case, I'd understand.

My first wife would not participate in oral sex. I don't mean she wouldn't give me blow jobs, that's depressingly common enough, what I mean is that she would not let me go down on her, even though the 2 times she allowed this, she loved it. I cannot understand prudery.

[LuckyLuc 102]

8 hours ago, NotchJohnson said:

I have many lyla ladies number on my phone but not always with their female name associated to it.  Let me give you an example, let's say I want to keep Meg O'Ryan's number on my phone I will put it under Ryan, here is another one, Emma Alexandra is under Alex, Jessy Celeste is under Jesse, Luxe Mulvari(who as now moved) was under Luke etc.  Do you get the picture?  The main reason that I have this and remember is because these are all ladies that I had a great memorable time with or are on my radar to see.

Yes, this make sense.  To differ from other folks in my contacts, I usually also add a last name with the same starting letter.  Jessy Jacobs.  It has worked.  I wondered about the apps, as they might allow to keep text conversations, addresses etc.. for repeat visits.  Would not want to have some of those meeting confirmations in the light!

[NotchJohnson 214123]

1 hour ago, LuckyLuc said:

Yes, this make sense.  To differ from other folks in my contacts, I usually also add a last name with the same starting letter.  Jessy Jacobs.  It has worked.  I wondered about the apps, as they might allow to keep text conversations, addresses etc.. for repeat visits.  Would not want to have some of those meeting confirmations in the light!

There is one thing that you need to remember is to delete any text between both of you because if she happens to read some it would sound worst then what she thinks.  Example:"I can't wait to go down on you and give you the best time of your life"  Your wife would think that it's another dude your talking to.

Some of my go to girls know what I do for living so if we communicate she will start by saying "Are you ready for the meeting on that day?"  or "will the material be delivered on Saturday?"  These are codes that we have in case my wife grabs the phone and reads it.  Don't laugh it has happened before, I was driving and my wife grabbed my cell phone and I simply told her to write "Not ready for the meeting"  So she knows that if I respond something positive that its me and negative is someone else.  Actually my wife once answered my text by saying, "Notch(but my real name) is unavailable to answer the text, I will tell him to text you whenever he can."

As long as the lady can play the game it can make it exciting !

[LuckyLuc 102]

On 4/4/2019 at 4:32 PM, NotchJohnson said:

There is one thing that you need to remember is to delete any text between both of you because if she happens to read some it would sound worst then what she thinks.  Example:"I can't wait to go down on you and give you the best time of your life"  Your wife would think that it's another dude your talking to.

Some of my go to girls know what I do for living so if we communicate she will start by saying "Are you ready for the meeting on that day?"  or "will the material be delivered on Saturday?"  These are codes that we have in case my wife grabs the phone and reads it.  Don't laugh it has happened before, I was driving and my wife grabbed my cell phone and I simply told her to write "Not ready for the meeting"  So she knows that if I respond something positive that its me and negative is someone else.  Actually my wife once answered my text by saying, "Notch(but my real name) is unavailable to answer the text, I will tell him to text you whenever he can."

As long as the lady can play the game it can make it exciting !

Yes, however not a fun game if things go south. One might then need to get more then a temporary companion!

[Guest]

20+ years married, little to no sex life, not as hard as one thinks to find time for hobbies, without many questions.

Just don't allow it to be shoved in her face.  Even if she suspects something, she won't pursue more details if you don't make her feel like she needs to.

So, cover your bases, keep it discreet, and come home refreshed to treat her as best as you can (made easier by a hint of guilt)

 

Spend at least as much time and money you do hobbying on something intimate with your spouse.  Create a fun for her activity without the expectation of sex, nor the requirement for physical intamacy - but do make it intimate!

 

for me its 10 to 1.

And that 10 is/and for, my spouse

[TorontoMelanieJolliet 4458]

On 4/4/2019 at 8:57 AM, rob_otteast said:

I don't mean to derail this thread but I have often wondered how odd it is for so many wives (or maybe husbands too for that matter) to take the attitude that sex is not important, but then object strenuously if their spouses sought solace elsewhere. I mean, if it is really NOT important to them, why would they object? If someone's wife is not interested in football, they simply don't watch football, they don't try to prevent their husband from watching a game, do they? I realize that sex is more intimate than sports, but still. 

 

Could it be they are afraid that another woman will give you what you want to the point of leaving her? Then she risks losing everything...the house, the picket fence and a future full of vacations. Or, the simple fact that someone could be better at it than she is...and she will never know whether that is true...so it's a bit of insecurity?

I like the way you asked that. I never thought about it that way before. 😉

[rob_otteast 142]

17 hours ago, TorontoMelanieJolliet said:

Could it be they are afraid that another woman will give you what you want to the point of leaving her? Then she risks losing everything...the house, the picket fence and a future full of vacations. Or, the simple fact that someone could be better at it than she is...and she will never know whether that is true...so it's a bit of insecurity?

No doubt there is some truth in that. It cuts both ways though. Years of being turned down for sex by a wife who supposedly loves him doesn't do much for a guy's ego. Makes him gun shy. Once you're turned down often enough, you simply stop trying, how much disappointment can one person stand.

One fellow I knew, who unfortunately passed away too early in life, was married to someone who said she was asexual. He would tell me that in bed she would say things like, "Can you hurry up and get this over with" or "I don't know why you bother caressing my breasts, I feel nothing there." Not a fun evening. In his case, he managed to find a girlfriend or two who worshipped him, with whom he had terrific sex. But you can see how someone who wasn't as talkative as him, a little more shy, not good at small talk say, who had very little chance of meeting someone socially, would end having a miserable life, sex-wise anyway. I was among that number, and fun meetings with really pleasant sex workers did wonders for my morale back in the day. At one point in my life, the nicest people I met were sex workers.

For that and other reasons, I have never been able to understand the desire to make sex work illegal. How is it any of the government's business who we have sex with or why? It's utterly insane. 

[zoneman 357]

11 hours ago, clearbluesky15 said:

Great quotable... 🙂 Agreed, and in some ways, it's easier to have real conversations with people that don't have a formal "role" in your life (family, colleague, etc.)

You are correct on that, in fact I recently shared something with an SP that even my best friend doesn’t know. Crazy!! 

[BenDover78 109]

A lot of what is said in this thread is very true and speaks to me. I have not had much success getting my spouse to appreciate our sex life. She has no interest and does not find it important. I want to be loyal and faithful to her but still have needs that are unfulfilled and often find myself looking. I have not had the courage to act on my desires yet more out of fear that once I start I may not want to stop. I had one session years ago with a Massage SP that I could have easily gotten carried away with but kept it to a minimal level of touching and play. If I do choose to go further I need to know I can trust the SP I am with. Unfortunately it takes a lot of time and careful research to find one that meets all my needs.

[smeagol 103]

Find myself relating to much of what was said here. Love my wife but our sex life is almost nonexistent at the moment although I try she is not interested.   Find myself here researching options and looking but have not gotten the courage, still want to faithful to my wife, to do much more.   

[NotchJohnson 214123]

How can things change so quickly.  My wife had a lump removed and it was sent to be tested, we did not think much of it but when the results came back they said it was malignant so they took more test and we are waiting for the results of that.  She did a complete turn and now she is looking for sex at anytime of day and in ways we have never done it before.  She says she wants to catch up for lost time.  Don't get me wrong I really enjoy that part of my life because this is how it used to be a long time ago, but I have a feeling it won't last.  I wish she would invite a girl friend over now(she never wanted to try that).

[Rambler1980 1359]

1 hour ago, NotchJohnson said:

How can things change so quickly.  My wife had a lump removed and it was sent to be tested, we did not think much of it but when the results came back they said it was malignant so they took more test and we are waiting for the results of that.  She did a complete turn and now she is looking for sex at anytime of day and in ways we have never done it before.  She says she wants to catch up for lost time.  Don't get me wrong I really enjoy that part of my life because this is how it used to be a long time ago, but I have a feeling it won't last.  I wish she would invite a girl friend over now(she never wanted to try that).

 

I say, enjoy it while you can and let her know how much YOU enjoy your sex life returning, even drop a few hints about how sex starved you were feeling prior to her renewed interest. 

 

As to getting her to bring a friend, that's a tough one. I've got a female friend who's into threesomes with males or females and her and I have tried to line up one of her female friends to join us but without success. I think we'd have better luck doing a four-some with another couple but haven't tackled that yet. 

 

 

[nylonluvr0901 1000]

On 4/17/2019 at 1:11 PM, rob_otteast said:

No doubt there is some truth in that. It cuts both ways though. Years of being turned down for sex by a wife who supposedly loves him doesn't do much for a guy's ego. Makes him gun shy. Once you're turned down often enough, you simply stop trying, how much disappointment can one person stand.

 

Wow, exactly how I feel now!  At least I am not alone on an island on this issue.