The Curse

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Gentlemen,

 

Do you find that this hobby has affected your ability to engage in a monogamous long term relationship? Are we cursed? Were you exposed to hardcore porn at a relatively young age? What fuels this curse?

[antlerman 17064]

First I saw the title of this thread was " oh a thread about my ex"

But it is about something we all ask ourselves at one time or another.

First I do not like the term monogamous....very few creatures on earth are truly monogamous.......and man is one of them.

So that being said I have found the hobby has given me the ability to be more secure in my sexuality and more sure in my prowess and performance with my partner.

 

As for being exposed to porn....nope...came from a fairly open family and sex was not hidden....is is accepted as normal between consenting adults. And who did not steal their dad's playboys every chance you got.....hahahaaha

 

As for fuel for the curse....no curse in my life......ther fore I see no problem

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[castle 38816]

For myself I'm gonna say no. Despite how I first got into this hobby, I've since not had any trouble staying faithful when I'm in a relationship. But when I'm single (as I am now) then look out! Simply can't get enough of these wonderful ladies right now! :D

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[cometman 35115]

This hobby is the only reason I'm still IN a relationship.....don't ask. LOL Obviously not monogamous at this time, but love monogamy with the right person- who I may find some day.

[roamingguy 300292]

I'm in this lifestyle because I've given up on dating/relationships.

When I was in conventional dating/relationships with women, I was monogomous. And I couldn't be involved in a relationship unless monogomous. But since involved with this lifestyle, well I'm just enjoying myself too much with the ladies I've met, will meet and meet again.

And I don't think I could give up this lifestyle now, which I'd have to do, to get involved in a relationship

So the curse, and IMHO a blessed curse, this lifestyle makes me want to not get back in the dating/relationship game again. I'm enjoying this too much

RG

[Lowdark 5613]

The ladies I have had the privilege of meeting have often treated me far better than women I have met in conventional dating situations. I have had the pleasure of debating my favorite topics with women who know more about such issues than I do and have made a very valued, honoured friendship. If I was in a relationship, I would be monogamous, but I joined CERB becuase relationships were proving to be exceptionally difficult and the warmth and companionship I have often found as a result of CERB is anything but a curse.

[etasman2000 15994]

Do you find that this hobby has affected your ability to engage in a monogamous long term relationship?

 

Yes, totally. It taught me that there are other forms of relationships out there like polyamory.

[Jabba 18389]

Nice thread because it reminded me of my original reasons for doing this. Speaking only for myself, this hobby has probably allowed my relationship to survive as long as it has.

 

I didn't want to die a bitter old man who only wished he had experienced the variety and excitement of the worldly world. I have built some very fond memories and have met some wonderful folks along the way. Part of the joy in this hobby are new discoveries, the thrill of the hunt and anticipation of meeting.

 

The upside is that when I get old and frail and start to relive my experiences out loud, my SO will just think of my ramblings as that of demented old coot. But behind my drooling, lop-sided grin, only I will know the truth! Who knows, I may just meet some of you guys in "the home".:icon_lol:

[Reuben Sandwich 13841]

Just take out the S and that is it for me. I agree with Jabba on this one. Here I am able to satisfy my own desire without destroying what else we have built up over the years and will still share in the future.

 

I feel fortunate to have met some great ladies through Cerb in this last year. I'm not sure how long my therapy here will continue but with the discretion and satisfaction practiced, I will need some more prescription re-fills.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Do you find that this hobby has affected your ability to engage in a monogamous long term relationship? Are we cursed? Were you exposed to hardcore porn at a relatively young age? What fuels this curse?

 

I don't think so... but since I started down this road, I haven't tried monogamy so I can't really give you a definitive answer even for myself.

 

I'm afraid I completely fail to see what this has to do with whether anyone was "exposed hardcore porn at a relatively young age", though. Do you think there may be a correlation between this and either participation in this hobby or monogamy in general?

[Boomer 33202]

Yes I am cursed. Each encounter is so fleeting and lacks the real intimacy of a marriage.

 

As a widower this hobby is a necessity for me, and it does seem to tip the balance in favor of not persuing another long term relationship. I am lonely! I'm not sure that it's healthy not to try finding a new relationship, but it's so difficult to replace a partner of many years.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I'm afraid I completely fail to see what this has to do with whether anyone was "exposed hardcore porn at a relatively young age", though. Do you think there may be a correlation between this and either participation in this hobby or monogamy in general?

 

 

At a relatively young age, I discovered porn. Hard porn. Long before I had intimate relations with another human being, I had fantasized about and masturbated to the images of every legal (hetero)sexual act imaginable. Every new page, every new magazine, every new video, was a brand new adventure,

a brand new hard-on, a brand new orgasm. Why would one masturbate to the same image twice when endless new ones were readily available?

 

And so it became with sex. Why stop at one when so many are available?

So much new intensity, so many new orgasms. Then the time can to procreate and nurture. But even with a partner worthy of a fashion magazine, it became endless sameness, and eventually the sameness ended.

Love was, and is, there. But love is not enough, not for the orgasmically spoiled.

 

I believe my next relationship will be within the context of the swinging lifestyle. It's seems to me the only way.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Could someone please define monogamy, because now I wonder if I'm monogamous or not..

I do not partake in any outside relations so therefore I am monogamous?

Is what I do for money/fun cheating? What about if I enjoy it? Since my better half isn't around when I find myself mostly naked, wet and oiled up pressed gentle or firmly against another mans body with a smile on my face and loving it, come home very happy knowing I still got it..Am I being faithful and monogamous or cheating because I allow myself to enjoy it, take pleasure from it and see myself differently at the end of the day, a way that would be less likely to achieve so often with my partner?

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Yes I am cursed. Each encounter is so fleeting and lacks the real intimacy of a marriage.

 

As a widower this hobby is a necessity for me, and it does seem to tip the balance in favor of not persuing another long term relationship. I am lonely! I'm not sure that it's healthy not to try finding a new relationship, but it's so difficult to replace a partner of many years.

 

 

I'm sorry for the reason you're in this hobby. :-(

 

There are times when encounters do not live up to expectations, and I sit slouched in a strange, unclean hotel chair, wineglass in hand, wondering.

Why did I do this? What did I achieve? Why am I alone in this room? Those are not happy moments.

 

But then, on the other hand, when things go right, I lie in bed naked, quite satisfied and happy with myself, anticipating the next round of realm-shattering lovemaking, and life is good.

 

Win some, lose some.

 

I do not think you should be seeking to replace your previous partner; that can never happen. 'Replace' is not a good word. Rather, you should see it as adding a new chapter to your book of life. One must continually write new chapters before the ink runs out.

[castle 38816]

Could someone please define monogamy, because now I wonder if I'm monogamous or not..

I do not partake in any outside relations so therefore I am monogamous?

Is what I do for money/fun cheating? What about if I enjoy it? Since my better half isn't around when I find myself mostly naked, wet and oiled up pressed gentle or firmly against another mans body with a smile on my face and loving it, come home very happy knowing I still got it..Am I being faithful and monogamous or cheating because I allow myself to enjoy it, take pleasure from it and see myself differently at the end of the day, a way that would be less likely to achieve so often with my partner?

 

I find there's a difference between not being monogamous and cheating. The word "cheating" in itself implies deception. From what I've gathered from your previous posts your hubby knows what you do and is ok with it. And I assume he knows you enjoy it, only because I would hope he wouldn't be ok with you doing something you don't enjoy. So no, I wouldn't call it cheating. But at the same time I don't think I'd call it entirely monogamous either. If you're fooling around with other people, with or without the other person's knowledge and consent, for money or for free, then you're not being monogamous. Even if the "fooling around" is not full on sex, you're still being intimate with other people. So no, I wouldn't call it monogamous, but neither am I calling it wrong either......that's just my opinion of what monogamy is. I honestly don't think there's any right or wrong answer to "What is monogamy?" It all depends on a particular person's or couple's views and opinions.

[roamingguy 300292]

Could someone please define monogamy, because now I wonder if I'm monogamous or not..

I do not partake in any outside relations so therefore I am monogamous?

Is what I do for money/fun cheating? What about if I enjoy it? Since my better half isn't around when I find myself mostly naked, wet and oiled up pressed gentle or firmly against another mans body with a smile on my face and loving it, come home very happy knowing I still got it..Am I being faithful and monogamous or cheating because I allow myself to enjoy it, take pleasure from it and see myself differently at the end of the day, a way that would be less likely to achieve so often with my partner?

 

For me, and I'm speaking only for me, monogamous means you have one partner, and your partner has only one partner (you) for all aspects of an intimate relationship. Now if your partner knows and accepts you have multiple sexual partners and accepts that, it isn't IMHO, and I'm speaking for myself, only myself, a monogamous relationship...it isn't cheating, but it isn't monogamous.

What is right and wrong, that is personal between partners. What is right for one couple may be entirely wrong for another

Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship where one of us, or both of us saw other people intimately. But ironically, one thing about this lifestyle, which has replaced my dating life, is monogamy is definitely not encouraged, and for lack of a better word, the poly-amorous aspect of it is one of the benefits. Even the ladies understand that we will see other ladies, just as we understand the ladies see other men

Well, thats a long winded rambling from a guy who's relationship history has resulted in him being single

RG

[VexingVixen 2519]

I'm not sure that it's healthy not to try finding a new relationship, but it's so difficult to replace a partner of many years.

 

I wouldn't say it's unhealthy, unless you really wish it was something you had in your life, and it makes you recurrently sad.

 

Instead of seeking a "replacement" and thinking of it that way, seek instead a companion that you can stand for another 15 years ;)

 

I know lots of lovely widowed women that are lonely and don't often benefit from the range of sex workers that men experience, and are thus still thinking about courting and remarriage..

 

(My ever humble 0.02)

[JuliasUndies 7288]

I was thinking the same thing, yup what you said. I do love what I do and "he knows" and loves it!

 

I find there's a difference between not being monogamous and cheating. The word "cheating" in itself implies deception. From what I've gathered from your previous posts your hubby knows what you do and is ok with it. And I assume he knows you enjoy it, only because I would hope he wouldn't be ok with you doing something you don't enjoy. So no, I wouldn't call it cheating. But at the same time I don't think I'd call it entirely monogamous either. If you're fooling around with other people, with or without the other person's knowledge and consent, for money or for free, then you're not being monogamous. Even if the "fooling around" is not full on sex, you're still being intimate with other people. So no, I wouldn't call it monogamous, but neither am I calling it wrong either......that's just my opinion of what monogamy is. I honestly don't think there's any right or wrong answer to "What is monogamy?" It all depends on a particular person's or couple's views and opinions.

 

Additional Comments:

I was thinking the same thing, yup what you said. I do love what I do and "he knows" and loves it!

 

I find there's a difference between not being monogamous and cheating. The word "cheating" in itself implies deception. From what I've gathered from your previous posts your hubby knows what you do and is ok with it. And I assume he knows you enjoy it, only because I would hope he wouldn't be ok with you doing something you don't enjoy. So no, I wouldn't call it cheating. But at the same time I don't think I'd call it entirely monogamous either. If you're fooling around with other people, with or without the other person's knowledge and consent, for money or for free, then you're not being monogamous. Even if the "fooling around" is not full on sex, you're still being intimate with other people. So no, I wouldn't call it monogamous, but neither am I calling it wrong either......that's just my opinion of what monogamy is. I honestly don't think there's any right or wrong answer to "What is monogamy?" It all depends on a particular person's or couple's views and opinions.

[loopie 15358]

This hobby has not got in the way of my dating. All this hobby has done is provide a nice comforting experience for me when I am not in a serious relationship.

[scribbles 6031]

I feel uncomfortable using a term like "curse". It's a more complex issue than that.

 

I have always been monogamous. I, too, was exposed to hardcore porn at a relatively early age. I have only been "hobbying," a term I truly dislike, since the beginning of this year. I was married to a woman who became a stripper, and she had girlfriends at one point before our divorce. So, I've been around the block more than the average 35 year old, I think, but maybe I'm deluded.

 

The most difficult thing to accept after having been around professionally sexual women is that not all women are like that. You become accustomed to being with women who are exceptionally in tune with and accepting of their sexuality. That's difficult, but not impossible, to find outside of the industry. And, as a guy who enjoys sex on so many levels beyond the physical, it's important that I would be with someone who can own their sexuality. That's a challenge, but I've also been fortunate enough to have met women that are like that. I've also been unfortunate enough to lose them, which is why I am currently single.

 

As a single guy, "hobbying" is also easy. I'm a decent looking, intelligent and funny guy with a great career, but I'm also shy and unsure of myself, so I don't meet women easily. I don't have the nerve to approach an attractive woman. This has resulted in me being single for longer than I care to admit. Seeing an SP, though, is simple. There is no need to be worried about rejection. As unpleasant as it is to use the term, it's a "sure thing".

 

If there is a curse here, it's that I would give up hobbying and commit to a woman if the right one came along, but find that my admiration of strong women in touch with their sexuality lines me up for interest in SPs more than it does most "civilians". It's a curse, because I know it's unattainable. I have met some incredible women this year, and would be proud to consider them more than just a paid companion, but I suppose that's not the way this game is played. So, I'm stuck between something I shouldn't wish to have, and something that isn't necessarily the right fit and that I don't have the nerve to chase anyways. There's your curse, I suppose.

 

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[oldblueeyez 15475]

There's a rush with hobbying, a rush that comes with the knock of the door;

anticipation which wells up in one's chest. When that door opens and you're overwhelmed by the beauty presented to you, well, how can you resist it, time after time after time?

Or watching the girls at Angies, getting all hot and bothered, and taking a dancer back to the hotel, time and time again.

It's an extension of the early teen experience of jerking off to new porn after new porn after new porn.

It's an addiction to new flesh, new scents, new tastes, new moans, new kisses, new juices.

 

Now why am I thinking of

?

 

Anyway, I fear I'll end up an old man in Angeles City or Pattaya. Anyone wanna join me?

 

Any Freudian scholars here? Oh God couch me!

 

Wine and women are my addictions. Why will one wine do when one woman won't?

I hope both addictions kill me at precisely the same time!

I believe that when when one dies, heaven is what you wish it is at the time of death, and I shall wish heaven to be Gentlemen's.

[Rounding Third 9567]

This is a good thread but tough to answer. Perhaps more for some than others. I believe I have always had a high libido, as I have been interested in porn and fascinated with sex as long as I can remember. Hobbying provides something to me that is very satisfying. Is it a curse? Well, the jury is out as I do not know how I will feel about it years from now, when I will be reminising in the home with some of you guys (lol) (see Jabba's post to this thread):

 

Here are a couple of points from my perspective:

 

- I meet women in the workplace with whom I develope a good rapport and have strong professional relationships. That is good. I never have inappropriate sexual thoughts about them. I beleive I do not have any such urges because I meet great ladies through hobbying that provide so much satisfying uninhibited fun.

 

- I feel very fortunate to meet ladies through CERB. If I was not a CERBIE I do not know what would become of me. In view of my nature, I fear I would revert to agencies, and in my town that would not be good. Agencies here are only a small cut above the street scene. Therefore, the travelling ladies I meet through CERB may very well be saving me from something terrible.

 

- As mentioned by others in this thread, the women I meet through hobbying offer an experience other women cannot provide. I could go on and on, but in short it is a unique and satisfying experience.

[GrenadeMan 280]

For me, yes hobbying gets in the way of my monogamous relationship.

 

For me, itt all comes down to the frequency of hobbying. I find that if I have an encounter not more than once in two weeks I am still able to give my best to my relationship with my significant other. But if I the encounters are more frequent that I find that I neglect my relationship, just by nature of thinking of other things, and not being in the "here and now" with my significant other.

[drlove 37202]

There's a rush with hobbying, a rush that comes with the knock of the door;

anticipation which wells up in one's chest. When that door opens and you're overwhelmed by the beauty presented to you, well, how can you resist it, time after time after time?

 

That's exactly it... I live for the rush of adrenaline that precedes the main event. For me it's the entire experience... the booking of the hotel room, making the call, listening for the lady's footsteps as she approaches the door etc.. I love variety, as well. When in a relationship, my biggest fear is the possibility of getting bored with the woman I'm with. In that respect, I feel hobbying has spoiled me to a certain degree. The allure of meeting different, beautiful women on a regular basis can be very difficult to resist, especially for someone like myself who has a very busy work schedule. It makes having a relationship difficult, whereas hobbying is a constant "fantasy coming to life". For this reason, I think it would be very difficult to distance myself from it, or even think of leaving entirely.