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Questions/subjects to avoid initiating with an SP

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Some questions/comments inappropriate to bring up to a client. Some exact quotes, some are words to the effect...

 

Will you become a regular (btw asked during the course of the encounter)

 

Oh glad I'm meeting you, don't have food in the kitchen, now I can go grocery shopping (yes true, happened to me, do I need to hear she is broke)

 

I'd like a recommendation. I don't seem to get too many (wonder why, and commented before the first hour of a encounter of two hours)

 

opening lines from a lady "gotta pay the bills hun, gotta pay the bills"

 

Just a couple warm fuzzies I've encountered. Fortunately most ladies I meet are just that, ladies. And those few bad ones make me appreciate the good and great ladies all that much more

 

RG

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When I was just an INDY, I did not get bothered by the question, " where are you from", BUT now.....

 

I have my ladies that I represent and have much more responsibility in protecting their personal information. I do not like this question" where is she from" because just like the hobbyist, they want to protect their identity and personal information.

 

I will not give where they were born and raised. More than likely you get the answer...You will have to ask her yourself...

 

ALSO!!! Do not ask a lady who is represented by agency " how much does the agency give you"

 

First of all...I do not GIVE them a certain amount....THEY PAY me a certain amount for my work involved....and to be ask such question is simply no ones business, only the lady and I. That is like asking your colleague in the office how much they make on their paycheck.

 

I work for them...not the other way around...

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I recently exchanged a series of unfortunate e-mails with a potential patron who had never seen a companion before. I eventually declined his request because there were too many red flags. Too many questions and subjects were discussed that honestly freaked me out to the point of not seeing him. One or two of these questions on their own wouldn't have been so bad, but the combination of them all was enough to make me cancel the appointment.

 

I'm also sorry if this turns out to be a little bit of a rant... >_<...

 

Please do not ask me the following...

 

Will there be 'thugs' waiting in the closet at your incall to mug me?

Unless you're a thug, then no, there will be no 'thugs' in my apartment. I understand hesitancy and fear if it's the first time you've sought the services of an SP/MA, but this question is very offensive.

 

Are you a cop?

No. Are you?

 

Are you D&D free?

Yes. However, there are no guarantees. I don't intend to show you a 'report card' of cleanliness upon your arrival at my incall. Protecting yourself from STIs has everything to do with engaging in safer sex practices and getting tested regularly. STI prevention has nothing to do with trust. I could tell you I was D&D free, and you could say the same, but ultimately we hardly know each other. That's why we have safer sex.

 

In terms of drug use, read recommendations, do your research, check out websites... use your judgment. I have no idea what to say as far as drugs are concerned. I think this question is shrouded with assumptions about who escorts are, and not based in reality. This question perpetrates the stigma that escorts are 'dirty', and into drugs.

 

Are you an easy drunk?

This is none of your business. We will not get drunk together. We are supposed to get together to have a good time, connect, and be intimate... Asking me whether I'm an easy drunk sets off a lot of red flags. Would you like me to be an easy drunk? If so, what does that insinuate about your intentions during the encounter?

 

Do you mind just waiting for me, and I'll call you when I'm done having drinks with my buddies?

Yes, I do mind. The fact that you'll be drinking with your buddies before our appointment is also a huge red flag for me. Especially when you're also asking me whether I like group and rough sex.

 

Nothing you're doing is illegal at the incall, right? But aren't you afraid the cops will bust you? Obviously the night we get together will be the night you get busted, ha. ha.

Our security isn't a laughing matter. I don't think there are any escorts or massage attendants that aren't afraid they will get targeted by an angry neighbour or landlord. Whenever I see a bylaw officer I think of the possible consequences of being targeted. There are multiple threads on CERB, and multiple resources online, that discuss the legality and risks involved in running an incall. Please do your research...

 

End rant. ;)

 

 

WHAT ! You mean when I come to Ottawa Nat....I can't go have some drinks with Old Dog first, give you a call and pop on over, beat up the thugs from the closet, and then get you drunk if you are easy and then have wild and crazy drunken sex ??? I can't do that ???

 

Sorry to make light of it sweetie but those questions are soooo stupid I couldn't help but laugh .... Another testament to the bs you ladies put up with.

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I recently exchanged a series of unfortunate e-mails with a potential patron who had never seen a companion before. I eventually declined his request because there were too many red flags. Too many questions and subjects were discussed that honestly freaked me out to the point of not seeing him. One or two of these questions on their own wouldn't have been so bad, but the combination of them all was enough to make me cancel the appointment.

 

I'm also sorry if this turns out to be a little bit of a rant... >_<...

 

Please do not ask me the following...

 

Will there be 'thugs' waiting in the closet at your incall to mug me?

Unless you're a thug, then no, there will be no 'thugs' in my apartment. I understand hesitancy and fear if it's the first time you've sought the services of an SP/MA, but this question is very offensive.

 

Are you a cop?

No. Are you?

 

Are you D&D free?

Yes. However, there are no guarantees. I don't intend to show you a 'report card' of cleanliness upon your arrival at my incall. Protecting yourself from STIs has everything to do with engaging in safer sex practices and getting tested regularly. STI prevention has nothing to do with trust. I could tell you I was D&D free, and you could say the same, but ultimately we hardly know each other. That's why we have safer sex.

 

In terms of drug use, read recommendations, do your research, check out websites... use your judgment. I have no idea what to say as far as drugs are concerned. I think this question is shrouded with assumptions about who escorts are, and not based in reality. This question perpetrates the stigma that escorts are 'dirty', and into drugs.

 

Are you an easy drunk?

This is none of your business. We will not get drunk together. We are supposed to get together to have a good time, connect, and be intimate... Asking me whether I'm an easy drunk sets off a lot of red flags. Would you like me to be an easy drunk? If so, what does that insinuate about your intentions during the encounter?

 

Do you mind just waiting for me, and I'll call you when I'm done having drinks with my buddies?

Yes, I do mind. The fact that you'll be drinking with your buddies before our appointment is also a huge red flag for me. Especially when you're also asking me whether I like group and rough sex.

 

Nothing you're doing is illegal at the incall, right? But aren't you afraid the cops will bust you? Obviously the night we get together will be the night you get busted, ha. ha.

Our security isn't a laughing matter. I don't think there are any escorts or massage attendants that aren't afraid they will get targeted by an angry neighbour or landlord. Whenever I see a bylaw officer I think of the possible consequences of being targeted. There are multiple threads on CERB, and multiple resources online, that discuss the legality and risks involved in running an incall. Please do your research...

 

End rant. ;)

 

Those questions, well it just amazes me that a man (note I didn't use the word gentleman, and I find it hard to really use the word man in this case too) would ask them. And he, after asking such stupid and ignorant questions probably is scratching his head wondering why didn't she want to see me

I say stupid questions, because what sort of answers would he expect after asking, will I be mugged, are you a cop and are you d&d free. Even, hypothetically speaking if there was a situation where a lady (not you Nathalie, I'm speaking hypothetically) did have thugs waiting, or she was a cop, or she wasn't d&d free, does the guy really think the lady would tell him. Even someone new to this lifestyle should know asking those type of questions would elicit only one answer, so why ask

Asking questions about drinking, what can I say. Seeing a lady is supposed to be the escape, the good time. Wanting to find out if she is an easy drunk, likely he wants to do things to her that cross appropriate boundary lines, and not have a mutually consensual and beneficial encounter. And wanting to drink before an encounter, why would someone want to go drinking with his buddies when he could be alone with a beautiful woman. And why should he expect her to wait, with such a insulting request.

If he has such concerns about the legalities, then maybe this isn't the lifestyle for him. Are there risks in this lifestyle. Most definitely. And just about everything in life presents a risk. But not nearly as risky as mainstream society would have everyone believe. That's because most involved in this lifestyle are discrete, and know the appropriate boundaries.

Your rant justified Nathalie

RG

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I am a fairly open person and don't mind questions of any sort, as I am also quite outspoken. So If I find the question to be to personal or intrusive I'll let the gentleman know. What I won't take part in is gossip, gossip of any kind, I hate it and there is never good intentions behind it, jmo. Our conversation should involve myself and my companion, anyone else is irrelevant.

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There's a completely false notion out there that the police have to tell the truth if asked point-blank whether they're police officers. It must come from television or something because it's absolutely not true.

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Are you D&D free?

Yes. However, there are no guarantees. I don't intend to show you a 'report card' of cleanliness upon your arrival at my incall. Protecting yourself from STIs has everything to do with engaging in safer sex practices and getting tested regularly. STI prevention has nothing to do with trust. I could tell you I was D&D free, and you could say the same, but ultimately we hardly know each other. That's why we have safer sex.

 

Off-topic, but that made me think of this...

 

clinically_studied_ingredient.png

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There's a completely false notion out there that the police have to tell the truth if asked point-blank whether they're police officers. It must come from television or something because it's absolutely not true.

 

Great scene in Breaking Bad where badger gets arrested, believing that the US constitution requires cops to answer honestly if they are asked whether they are a cop. Of course he's told this by the cop busting him.

 

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I am a fairly open person and don't mind questions of any sort, as I am also quite outspoken. So If I find the question to be to personal or intrusive I'll let the gentleman know. What I won't take part in is gossip, gossip of any kind, I hate it and there is never good intentions behind it, jmo. Our conversation should involve myself and my companion, anyone else is irrelevant.

 

I most definitely respect the fact that you don't mind questions of any sort Cristy, and if some you find personal and intrusive you will let the gentleman know so appropriate boundaries can be established. However in thread under new to this, certain questions have been deemed off limits/not to ask. And maybe a newbie could be forgiven a faux pas question, not knowing any better. But some of the questions in this case weren't just what one could be considered inappropriate and rude, some questions raised legitimate warning flags. Asking if she is an easy drunk, a lady has to be concerned for her safety...a question like that doesn't even cross a gentleman's mind to ask, and a guy asking it, what are his motives...get her drunk to do whatever he wants to her.

I only mention this because when someone asks a question it may cross the lines between appropriate to rudeness, but some other questions do raise warning flags and it's not that they are rude, it's because a lady has to be concerned for her safety

A quick rambling

RG

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"Can I check your incall to make sure there's no one else here?"

 

No, you can't. You'll just have to trust me on this one. I live and work out of the same space. Some spaces are off-limits to clients to protect my personal privacy.

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There's a completely false notion out there that the police have to tell the truth if asked point-blank whether they're police officers. It must come from television or something because it's absolutely not true.

 

I've often wondered about the origins of this myth myself, they don't have to tell the truth about anything but then I kind of equate it to the majority of Canadians that still think prostitution is illegal, we all know it is not and never has been in Canada except for laws that were designed to control the public nuisance factor associated mostly with street prostitution (which back in its high point never was a nuisance to me).

 

Of course I blame that one on too much american TV watching but still haven't quite figured out why people think the police have to tell the truth about anything as we often see them lying to a suspect or someone they are questioning on TV. Perhaps the perception is they are suppose to be the good guys and so much so that is extended to not lying? Which is silly but I'm trying to reconcile it.

 

The only time they are "required" to tell the truth is under oath in a Court room (or deposition) and I have often seen and heard with my own eyes and ears them lying there (while under oath) and also and proven it, thus winning the case or as I called it each time, "I smoked them" :) In fact that was one of my many secret Court room weapons back in the days when I was doing that - find a way to get a police officer to lie under oath about anything (even something insignificant) and then prove it, forget the other merits of the case, you just won. Several cases were won using this Jedi mind trick and not on the merits.

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Too many questions creates too much distance from a potential get together. Most information is always there at your finger tips, you just need to read and not ask too much.

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There's a completely false notion out there that the police have to tell the truth if asked point-blank whether they're police officers. It must come from television or something because it's absolutely not true.

 

My favourite ever illustration of this "cops must identify themselves" fallacy comes from the Breaking Bad episode "Better Call Saul":

 

 

Unfolds slowly and maybe best enjoyed if you're already invested in the show and characters. ("Poor Badger!"). Best parts are the solemn "it's in the Constitution!" and "no, no... ask it like, official".

 

As always, EVERYONE must watch Breaking Bad. All the way through. It's on the first half of the final season now.

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I most definitely respect the fact that you don't mind questions of any sort Cristy, and if some you find personal and intrusive you will let the gentleman know so appropriate boundaries can be established. However in thread under new to this, certain questions have been deemed off limits/not to ask. And maybe a newbie could be forgiven a faux pas question, not knowing any better. But some of the questions in this case weren't just what one could be considered inappropriate and rude, some questions raised legitimate warning flags. Asking if she is an easy drunk, a lady has to be concerned for her safety...a question like that doesn't even cross a gentleman's mind to ask, and a guy asking it, what are his motives...get her drunk to do whatever he wants to her.

I only mention this because when someone asks a question it may cross the lines between appropriate to rudeness, but some other questions do raise warning flags and it's not that they are rude, it's because a lady has to be concerned for her safety

A quick rambling

RG

RG, my post wasn't a criticism of anyone or how they should or shouldn't handle questions posed to them. I was simply stating my opinion about how I handle being asked questions. As I am also concerned with my safety and I am aware of what is appropriate and inappropriate, dangerous, rude, ect. Nor was I making light of this subject. All I can say is ask away if I find it offensive, intrusive, pushy or anything else, I'm a big girl, I'll handle it and will respond appropriately. After all when I'm having a private conversation with anyone I don't set any rules persay, nor do I follow any other than politeness. What someone else does, says, or requires, allows or disallows is not my business, however if I were to interact with them I would most certainly respect their boundries. I thank you for your response.

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RG, my post wasn't a criticism of anyone or how they should or shouldn't handle questions posed to them. I was simply stating my opinion about how I handle being asked questions. As I am also concerned with my safety and I am aware of what is appropriate and inappropriate, dangerous, rude, ect. Nor was I making light of this subject. All I can say is ask away if I find it offensive, intrusive, pushy or anything else, I'm a big girl, I'll handle it and will respond appropriately. After all when I'm having a private conversation with anyone I don't set any rules persay, nor do I follow any other than politeness. What someone else does, says, or requires, allows or disallows is not my business, however if I were to interact with them I would most certainly respect their boundries. I thank you for your response.

 

Cristy

First, I didn't mean to imply that your post was a criticism of anyone. If taken that way I do apologize

I also reiterate that I do respect that you don't mind questions of any sort, and if a question crossed a boundary, you would let the person know. And I know you would know when a question crosses the boundary from conversation and raises concerns for your safety.

But generally speaking most threads about subjects to avoid are focused more on conversations between a lady and gentleman. In this particular case, the question about being an easy drunk was before an encounter and does raise warning flags. It is beyond rude, it is about a lady's safety and security. That is the point I was trying to make, that some questions raise legitimate warning flags, that's all

Again, as I said, I do respect that you don't mind questions of any sort

A rambling

RG

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A new one for me today: "I'm looking for a dog just like yours. Who is your breeder?"

 

A dilemma! The breeder, of course, doesn't know who Samantha Evans is, but she does know my dog, to whom the dog belongs and where I live. If I'd seen this client three or four times, I might feel comfortable answering the question. But on a first meeting? No way. Maybe that's an over-reaction. Nothing else was at all off-putting about this gentleman. In fact, I enjoyed his company and I know the feeling is mutual.

 

But just because the encounter ended doesn't mean everything is over. Unfortunate repercussions, such as excessive expressions of affection, post-liaison regret or anxiety, occasionally arise in the first few days after a meeting, particularly when the encounter has gone very well. When he contacts me again and the message is straightforward and non-dramatic, I will know that things are the way I want them to be.

 

I've no reason to assume that the client was trying to get personal information from me. I'm just very cautious!

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Received today:

 

- Did you get vaccinated for hepatitis? HPV?

- Do you have a regular medical checkup to prevent STD's?

 

I almost feel like asking him what hepatitis and HPV are and tell him I don't remember the last time I went for tests...

 

I also didn't know medical check ups could prevent STDs! I guess we learn something new everyday (tongue in cheek) ;)

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A new one for me today: "I'm looking for a dog just like yours. Who is your breeder?" ...

I've no reason to assume that the client was trying to get personal information from me. I'm just very cautious!

 

Very well done Samantha, it would have been easy to slip up and just casually tell them the answer and then if the client was the sort to play detective or just spoke to the breeder genuinely interested in a dog like yours information could be disclosed you didn't want disclosed.

 

This is kind of a secondary seemingly innocent question that can accidentally be asked by a client without any intent to gather personal information. We need to be careful of asking those as too often they do get answered.

But the worse faux pas I remember once an SP tucked me in for the night, whips out her cell phone to phone a cab, gives them her real name and her apartment building she is going to and then it struck her, OMG I just did that in earshot of BackRubMan and then it struck her again, no worries. In a way it was a compliment as she said "I'm glad I screwed up like that in front of you who I do really trust" and trust me she could.

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I recently exchanged a series of unfortunate e-mails with a potential patron who had never seen a companion before. I eventually declined his request because there were too many red flags. Too many questions and subjects were discussed that honestly freaked me out to the point of not seeing him. One or two of these questions on their own wouldn't have been so bad, but the combination of them all was enough to make me cancel the appointment.

 

I'm also sorry if this turns out to be a little bit of a rant... >_<...

 

Please do not ask me the following...

 

Will there be 'thugs' waiting in the closet at your incall to mug me?

Unless you're a thug, then no, there will be no 'thugs' in my apartment. I understand hesitancy and fear if it's the first time you've sought the services of an SP/MA, but this question is very offensive.

 

Are you a cop?

No. Are you?

 

Are you D&D free?

Yes. However, there are no guarantees. I don't intend to show you a 'report card' of cleanliness upon your arrival at my incall. Protecting yourself from STIs has everything to do with engaging in safer sex practices and getting tested regularly. STI prevention has nothing to do with trust. I could tell you I was D&D free, and you could say the same, but ultimately we hardly know each other. That's why we have safer sex.

 

In terms of drug use, read recommendations, do your research, check out websites... use your judgment. I have no idea what to say as far as drugs are concerned. I think this question is shrouded with assumptions about who escorts are, and not based in reality. This question perpetrates the stigma that escorts are 'dirty', and into drugs.

 

Are you an easy drunk?

This is none of your business. We will not get drunk together. We are supposed to get together to have a good time, connect, and be intimate... Asking me whether I'm an easy drunk sets off a lot of red flags. Would you like me to be an easy drunk? If so, what does that insinuate about your intentions during the encounter?

 

Do you mind just waiting for me, and I'll call you when I'm done having drinks with my buddies?

Yes, I do mind. The fact that you'll be drinking with your buddies before our appointment is also a huge red flag for me. Especially when you're also asking me whether I like group and rough sex.

 

Nothing you're doing is illegal at the incall, right? But aren't you afraid the cops will bust you? Obviously the night we get together will be the night you get busted, ha. ha.

Our security isn't a laughing matter. I don't think there are any escorts or massage attendants that aren't afraid they will get targeted by an angry neighbour or landlord. Whenever I see a bylaw officer I think of the possible consequences of being targeted. There are multiple threads on CERB, and multiple resources online, that discuss the legality and risks involved in running an incall. Please do your research...

 

End rant. ;)

 

I haven't run into people like this very often.. maybe one or two but I hae told them that it wasn't going to work out and either hung up on them on the phone or asked them to leave my location if they even got to that point. If someone is going to ask if people are at my location then that makes me suspicious of that person and would never let anyone do a search at my location to see if someone else is there. If you don't want to get attacked by a bunch of thugs, the best search to do is here on Cerb!

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But with an SP I think there are some other questions or subjects that are best avoided, or at least, approached with caution.

As a new "hobbyist" this has been a very informative thread for me. I certainly don't want to commit a faux pas and make anyone uncomfortable. Being new obviously leads to a level of apprehension on how to conduct oneself properly. I just want to have a positive experience at a very personal human level with both parties comfortable with the other so they can focus on why they are together. I am also hoping to make a few new friends while keeping it on the same level on which it originated.

 

Fortunately an SP's web site and postings here are great sources of information. The important questions relevant to services provided, etiquette, protocol and honorarium expected should already have been answered.

 

It's a matter of doing your homework. This site is an excellent resource in helping us to get to know each other as people so that we all know what to expect and so that we may enjoy the "hobby" to its fullest.

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Certainly in most cases, Cat's guidelines are good to follow. But I was fortunate, yes very fortunate that a new lady I just met, well we both felt comfortable enough with one another to discuss subjects that by strict interpretation of rules about questions/subjects to avoid with client/sp, well we may have broached those rules. Hope that sounds right.

But if both the lady and gentleman, in the privacy of the room, in the course of getting to know one another, can get a vibe (best way to put it) that subjects generally reserved for second, third fourth etc dates can be discussed, then I think two consenting adults can be free to discuss whatever they are comfortable talking about. But conversation is a two way street, both parties have to be equally open with one another. And for me at least, that openness in conversation is as much if not more intimate than the sexual side of an encounter.

I only say this because in my encounter the other night, the subjects brought up may technically be considered as questions/subjects to avoid. But the lady is very much a professional, and me, very much a gentleman, and both of us as consenting adults, were free to discuss what we both felt comfortable talking about

This post may or may not help a newbie in this lifestyle. But if a client goes to see a lady for an encounter, and she brings up some things about herself, and asks questions to the gentleman, I don't want to see a guy thinking, "I actually don't mind talking about this, but this thread on CERB gave me guidelines on what is allowed and isn't allowed, and this is considered off limits"

My point in this post, if both the lady and gentleman are comfortable enought discussing subjects with one another which are normally considered off limits, then you two as consenting adults should feel free to discuss those subjects. But always, always, whatever is discussed between the two of you, stays behind closed doors. Subjects discussed are private and are to always stay that way

A morning rambling

RG

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Can I be your first appt of the day? Why? Is there a lineup outside? lol

 

This is my most hated. I am not a high volume provider, but the number of clients I may have seen before you, or after you, is my business, and ONLY my business. I had a potential client recently ask when I started the next day and then say 'Will I be your first? If not I can pick another day'. When I said I would always tell him when I was available, but never if I'd seen another client before him, he didn't respond. It blows my mind that someone wanted to see me but ONLY if he was the first person I'd seen that day... I mean, he did know I am a sex worker right???? Yeeeeeeesh.

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Cleo my guess is men who ask that kind of question are concerned about hygiene but the solution for that IMO is not being the first but as you suggested visiting a low volume lady (like you) and pay attention to reco comments about the lady's hygiene.

 

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