Questions/subjects to avoid initiating with an SP

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Don't ask or tell me on phone or by text that I should have my own incall place when I say I'm not available or my friend is on an appt and because I'm not readily available at a moment's notice. I work with another SP for various reasons and that is my decision, not anyone else's. Someone told me this and I told them to mind their own business and to take a hike. No one would want to be around me after that conversation.lol. I have ALOT of patience but once I lose my cool, that's it.

[Phaedrus 209521]

This is my most hated. I am not a high volume provider, but the number of clients I may have seen before you, or after you, is my business, and ONLY my business. I had a potential client recently ask when I started the next day and then say 'Will I be your first? If not I can pick another day'. When I said I would always tell him when I was available, but never if I'd seen another client before him, he didn't respond. It blows my mind that someone wanted to see me but ONLY if he was the first person I'd seen that day... I mean, he did know I am a sex worker right???? Yeeeeeeesh.

 

Because, of course, everyone knows that SPs only ever become more hygienic overnight, when they're visited by the SP-cleaning-fairy (who is the tooth-fairy's cousin, btw) and given a thorough overhaul and tune-up while they sleep. It's nothing to do with soap and mouthwash and mundane stuff like that. Oh no.

[Nathalie L 112512]

In all likelihood, what I'm about to mention as a subject to avoid has already been addressed. However, reminders always serve a purpose, and some things bare repeating.

 

I think it's incredibly important to avoid talking negatively about other providers when you're with someone. Although I'm fine with a patron speaking positively about other providers, I don't want details about your experience. It's none of my business. I recognize comparisons happen at times, but they shouldn't be vocalized during an encounter and I don't find it flattering to be compared to other ladies in the business. I much rather be judged by my own merits.

 

I know it happens, and when you click with someone it's normal to want to share your experiences with them, but please keep in mind that this is an incredibly small industry. In all likelihood, you're talking about one of my friends. How awkward!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

In all likelihood, what I'm about to mention as a subject to avoid has already been addressed. However, reminders always serve a purpose, and some things bare repeating.

 

I think it's incredibly important to avoid talking negatively about other providers when you're with someone. Although I'm fine with a patron speaking positively about other providers, I don't want details about your experience. It's none of my business. I recognize comparisons happen at times, but they shouldn't be vocalized during an encounter and I don't find it flattering to be compared to other ladies in the business. I much rather be judged by my own merits.

 

I know it happens, and when you click with someone it's normal to want to share your experiences with them, but please keep in mind that this is an incredibly small industry. In all likelihood, you're talking about one of my friends. How awkward!

 

I agree! And this also includes clients speaking negatively about their wives or ex-wives and how they are such a bitch. It's really none of my business and it just makes the client look bad and how much lack of respect they have for women. Just sayin...

[Athos 108589]

Talking about other SPs, your girlfirend or SO ... would be totally tasteless and tacky.

 

My goodness, if you want a GFE, then act like you're providing a BFE. After all, if you go on a date and talk about everything your ex did (or last night's date), you are likely not going on a second date, and you're definitely not getting lucky!

[LeeRichards 177238]

I have done some reading on this thread and various threads today....Wowzers.....Kudo's to you ladies for dealing with all the BS, arrogance, ignorance and lack of sensibility that you do have to put up with from time to time !!! You all rock !

 

An expression that is not good for business.....but wouldn't we all like to say it on many occasions ?

 

[Genevieve Marceau 68000]

"Would you be exclusive to me in exchange ____$ monthly allowance"

 

I got this one a few times and my answer has always been the same: A cage, even made of gold, still remains a cage!

[BownChickaBown 4829]

Personally, I do not find it a problem to ask a SP if they have a BF, as it's as much my safety as is theirs. Not all guys are as nice and non-jealous as I am ;)

 

In my general experience, SPs with a BF are more 'mechanical' at their work compared to SPs without a BF. They seem more distracted (getting more frequent calls n txt too). Not to say this is a hard and steadfast rule in the SP world, but it does present it's own issues. Such as a SP not telling me until I arrived her incall locale was with her BF as he was in the next room with his friends. Uber lame.

 

Let alone, the whole BF talk is a turn-off.

"My BF doesn't know I do this and he would be so pissed if he found out." <<-- Yeah, makes a client feel real safe doesn't it?

 

Or how about buying flowers for a SP to have them throw them out and say: My BF wouldn't like them. If beknowst before (with the SP stating so), this could have been avoided (wasting flowers like that).

 

In other words, and again, in my experience, I find one gets the most mileage out of non-BF SPs.

 

Sometimes guys ask certain questions because as part of the industry everyone is part of here - not everyone is 'professional' - and as such questions can be a way to avoid past failures. ...but I do understand, this is probably less frequent than simpleton guys acting like horny idiots asking stupid question.

 

To turn the tables for a second though: Do Ladies & Gents find it fair for a SP to ask: Would you date me? ...after she says I love you?

 

IMHO - Questions, good and bad, go both ways.

 

This is not special to this business - but all businesses get 'stupid' questions. Like anyone's decision in life, one does not have to answer the questions, and does not have to repeat business either.

[roamingguy 300291]

 

To turn the tables for a second though: Do Ladies & Gents find it fair for a SP to ask: Would you date me? ...after she says I love you?

 

 

Well my thoughts. Not that I am looking for a escort to date (well except within the confines of this lifestyle) or for that matter am I looking to start dating again. And I can't envision falling in love with an escort, or for that matter, any lady. Given the unique dynamics of this lifestyle, in my opinion, only the lady can broach the subject. If a gentleman brings up the subject, it can be confused with asking a SP out for another encounter, or just looking to see her for free. If a lady brings it up, she can make it clear she is looking at you, the gentleman, as not a client, but potential boyfriend.

So to answer your question in short, absolutely if a SP says she loves you, would you date me, it is fair. And completely unfair and ungentlemanly for a guy to ask a SP the same thing...this is a very unique lifestyle with special dynamics

But if a lady does ask the question, she should, as anyone does, be prepared that he may not feel the same way, and not be interested in dating, or a relationship. He may want a uncomplicated no strings attached lifestyle

As I see it

RG

[MsManda 25662]

Great thread with many awesome points brought up! After seeing this, i no longer feel like i was oversensitive for reading so much into certain questions and comments some potential clients made that raise red flags!

[Frank7 3939]

(oups, too big answer for comments)

Answer to BownChickaBown:

Yeah, an SP can ask me pretty much anything. If she does stumble upon something i do not wish to talk, i'll be honnest (but polite) about it.

 

Would you date me? That's a fantasy that probably won't ever happen. =p

[Goombata72 1556]

Cat I believe you forgot the most important (question not to ask a sp)

Can I have a discount?

 

I do have to admit that I have asked a couple of those question myself. Thankfully the lady was very polite. I think she just felt sorry for me because I was such a newbie.

[Guest t****ster***ke]

i am surprised no one has ever asked if it's okay to wipe their d--ck off with the curtains afterwards! --laughs--

[VedaSloan 119179]

Personally, I do not find it a problem to ask a SP if they have a BF, as it's as much my safety as is theirs. Not all guys are as nice and non-jealous as I am ;)

 

In my general experience, SPs with a BF are more 'mechanical' at their work compared to SPs without a BF. They seem more distracted (getting more frequent calls n txt too). Not to say this is a hard and steadfast rule in the SP world, but it does present it's own issues. Such as a SP not telling me until I arrived her incall locale was with her BF as he was in the next room with his friends. Uber lame.

 

Let alone, the whole BF talk is a turn-off.

"My BF doesn't know I do this and he would be so pissed if he found out." <<-- Yeah, makes a client feel real safe doesn't it?

 

Or how about buying flowers for a SP to have them throw them out and say: My BF wouldn't like them. If beknowst before (with the SP stating so), this could have been avoided (wasting flowers like that).

 

In other words, and again, in my experience, I find one gets the most mileage out of non-BF SPs.

 

Sometimes guys ask certain questions because as part of the industry everyone is part of here - not everyone is 'professional' - and as such questions can be a way to avoid past failures. ...but I do understand, this is probably less frequent than simpleton guys acting like horny idiots asking stupid question.

 

To turn the tables for a second though: Do Ladies & Gents find it fair for a SP to ask: Would you date me? ...after she says I love you?

 

IMHO - Questions, good and bad, go both ways.

 

This is not special to this business - but all businesses get 'stupid' questions. Like anyone's decision in life, one does not have to answer the questions, and does not have to repeat business either.

 

From my point of view this just sounds unprofessional, regardless of her relationship status.

[mister_crufty 4891]

I should probably live in this thread... :-D

 

Learning so much though.

 

Here's a question I like to ask SPs...perhaps you guys can tell me if it's appropriate or not.

 

"Which would you rather fight?

 

1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?"

 

:-D

 

(shamelessly stolen from reddit.com)

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

MC... we take these threads seriously. Boundaries are very important.

[mister_crufty 4891]

My apologies. I often try to insert levity to lighten things up. Won't happen again. Clearly there is a time and place.

 

MC... we take these threads seriously. Boundaries are very important.

 

Additional Comments:

Actually, I feel like I should explain myself a bit more because the question wasn't ENTIRELY unserious.

 

I got a bad reputation early on for asking bad questions on the Ottawa boards. I'm a bumbling, over-curious, too friendly and somewhat insensitive guy. I was referred to this thread which was very helpful to understand WHY some of my questions were so stupid.

 

I'm really trying to do better. Hence my comment, "I should live in this thread".

 

The silly question I posed is actually a running gag on reddit and is meant to be an ice-breaker. A way to get someone to talk about something funny and meaningless. I sometimes find the first moments with a new SP a bit awkward so I thought if I had some silly conversation topics it might loosen up the mood a bit.

 

I'm sorry if anyone took it for me mocking this thread. If anything, I dearly wish I had discovered this thread early enough to avoid some stupid mistakes.

 

---edit---

 

Here are some examples:

 

President Obama:

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/01/president-obama-would-choose-to-fight-the-horse-sized-duck/267071/

 

Justin Trudeau:

 

Redditors:

 

I guess out of context the question does seem a bit ridiculous. Sorry again if I offended anyone.

[Harrywatch 200]

Doesn't matter how many questions you ask for and how polite you are, they won't tell you their real name anyway.

 

The business and relation are two different things.

[drlove 37202]

MC, the best way to gauge yourself is to remember that a client/sp relationship is a symbiotic one based on mutual respect. That said, each party has an underlying responsibility to the other not to offend, or put them into an uncomfortable/compromising position. Therefore, heed Samantha's advice and be cognizant of unspoken boundaries endemic to the situation at hand and you'll do fine.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Thank you DrLove. I'm actually doing much better and haven't annoyed anyone too much in quite a while. Sucks being a socially awkward penguin.

 

I'm always so nervous when I meet someone new and I tend to babble when I'm nervous. I thought it might be nice to have some 'canned' conversation starters to fall back on if I feel like I'm too nervous.

 

Either way, I'm hijacking this thread...it's not about what TO say, it's about what NOT to say. And hey, I just learned a new one! Offtopic jokes in a serious thread! Sorry all.

 

MC, the best way to gauge yourself is to remember that a client/sp relationship is a symbiotic one based on mutual respect. That said, each party has an underlying responsibility to the other not to offend, or put them into an uncomfortable/compromising position. Therefore, heed Samantha's advice and be cognizant of unspoken boundaries endemic to the situation at hand and you'll do fine.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Thank you DrLove. I'm actually doing much better and haven't annoyed anyone too much in quite a while. Sucks being a socially awkward penguin.

 

I'm always so nervous when I meet someone new and I tend to babble when I'm nervous. I thought it might be nice to have some 'canned' conversation starters to fall back on if I feel like I'm too nervous.

 

Either way, I'm hijacking this thread...it's not about what TO say, it's about what NOT to say. And hey, I just learned a new one! Offtopic jokes in a serious thread! Sorry all.

 

The biggest things are crossing someone's boundaries and I don't mean in a sexual kind of way. I think you have to let things fall naturally into place or you're going to seem like an eagar beaver which can be annoying or someone with an agenda which gets the spidey senses going with the ladies.

 

To be honest and just a little constructive criticism here ( not a personal attack) is that you've mentioned things in passing about the ladies in your posts like when such and such a lady told you something. She said that in private and I'm a firm believer that it should never be relayed to anyone else let alone on an internet forum.

 

If you want to piss off an SP and never see her again, this is one of the biggest things you can do. Once you write a recco of that lady and the nice things that transpired, whatever private convos or services that happened that day, should never be spoken of again. The only exception is when someone is asking for a good SP to spend time with. If you speak too fondly about a lady over and over, many may think you are a 'shiller' for her and then others members may begin to question this.

 

Whatever conversations I have with clients in private have never been posted in a thread which I very much appreciate. If a woman is comfortable with you and trusts you, she will open up to you. If she finds all her dets splashed across threads on Cerb, I know if it were me, I'd never be seeing that person again!

 

Personal boundaries and another person's privacy are of the utmost importance in this business and without that you don't have any credibility or trust. No one is out to get anyone here and while we realize you have come into a hobby that you enjoy and are excited to share things but please don't share with us that a lady feel comfortable to tell you her real name. This is not necessary and can be harmful to her and her business.

 

Being too inquisitive will make an SP feel uncomfortable and want to head for the hills. Don't ask too many questions and should you two begin to develop a "business relationship" and the operative word here is "business", then over time she will share things but please whatever you do, don't ask things like it's the Spanish Inquisition. It's the number one pet peeve of providers and while you seem like an open person, please understand that the person you are spending time with may not be. A little goes a long way in this business.

[Phaedrus 209521]

If she finds all her dets splashed across threads on Cerb, I know if it were me, I'd never be seeing that person again!

 

And not just her. If personal stuff gets out in public, other SPs will notice, and although they might not say anything at the time, they'll definitely bear it in mind should you contact them in future.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Thank you for that. I didn't believe I was sharing anything about providers that would have been considered private or confidential...I thought all of my reviews were strictly about my experience with them and nothing more.

 

I could be wrong though and I'll certainly try to be more careful. I feel that I've been extremely open about myself but I was pretty sure I didn't overshare anything about providers.

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong. If there are any specific examples, I'd be happy to edit or delete the posts. In any event, I don't want to be seen as a chatty cathy so I'll be extra diligent going forward.

 

Truth is, I'm through my OCD phase of interest in this hobby. You really won't be hearing from me much from now on. At this point I'm only responding to posts directed specifically at me or one of my threads so soon there will be very little to talk about. I do appreciate everyone's patience with me though. I know I've been very disruptive.

 

And not just her. If personal stuff gets out in public, other SPs will notice, and although they might not say anything at the time, they'll definitely bear it in mind should you contact them in future.

[cat 262460]

In any event, I don't want to be seen as a chatty cathy...

 

Too late! :)

 

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.

 

cat

[xxxAxxx 21016]

I received a wall post today, from a new member who joined today, simply asking for my address.

That's a bit forward, isn't it?

Though that is a necessary question at some point before we can meet for an incall, just thought it would be good to bring up that some questions may be necessary to pose, but timing can totally make things akward. Some questions may be better left unsaid, true. But we also need to be sure that some questions just need to be kept for a certain time...as in later.