Loneliness?

[MightyPen 67414]

Thanks again all!

 

I guess another obstacle is that I've heard/read that seeking the services of an SP wreaks of desperation (no offense to any SPs of course)....

 

That's not an uncommon view ("I'd never PAY for it!") but it's based in a ridiculous, shallow, and outdated view of human relations. You don't have to answer to such narrow-minded people, when you've already made your mind up for yourself.

 

From what you've described, you have some concerns about your interactions with women and you'd like to learn. You've made a perfectly reasonable decision to do something about that, in a way you can control. That's not desperate -- it's insightful, positive, and action-oriented. Carry on forward!

 

I think you've probably had a chance by now to look around this site and see that people here are actually pretty cool and normal. Intelligent, thoughtful, and caring. Compare that evidence of your own eyes with the cliché judgments of others regarding sex workers and their clients. You have better information that them. So make a decision for yourself, know why you're taking the action you are, and proceed... and damn the nay-sayers.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

There is NO desperation in self care. If you were ill, you'd see a doctor. If you hurt yourself a physiotherapist or chiropractor, if you had things in your head you couldn't sort out alone, a psychologist or psychiatrist. these are all forms of self care. Sex and intimacy and the need for it as well as the desire to be better, is all self care. I find it interesting science and society can admit that sex and intimacy are important to our well being but then put moral limits on obtaining it.

 

There are many clients who choose this route because it fits better within their own lives and restrictions. Some don't want the entanglements of a relationship or because of their job or career focus, don't have the time and believe it's unfair to date. They still want sex and intimacy just in a different way. There is nothing desperate about logical, well thought out choices.

 

Plus...what MightyPen said because he's right some sexy smart.

[gimlee25 366]

I'm fairly new here, and rarely post but I have been following this thread. I am not sure I agree with the consensus advice that's being given here.

 

I will comment on two topics. The original question as to whether this is a good method to cope with loneliness, and the concept that this is a good training ground to learn to be with women.

 

In my opinion I think the answer to both is no.

 

If you are a person who feels very alone, and most of us have been there, seeing a lady under these false circumstances will likely make you feel worse in the end.

 

There are two outcomes when you are going for that reason. You will either have a visit that doesn't meet your hopes and you will be left feeling more empty than before, or if you do fall into the fantasy you will find it difficult to cope without it and go through something similar to withdrawal.

 

I really question the concept that this is a good training ground to learn to be with women. Learning is about trial and error, falling down and getting back up. Does a kid who can't sing improve by their mother telling them they are a star? It's the same concept, there is no learning to seduce a woman when her job is to tell you that you are sexy, and funny and the most charming man on the planet. It just feeds an illusion that will make you disappointed in the end.

 

I have been down both roads, and believe that the best way to take advantage of this hobby is to enjoy the physical aspects of it as an escape, but avoid it if you emotionally need it. This is a business where a lady can offer you the opportunity to explore your sexuality, but its not a safe place to feed your emotional health.

 

You will feel the high of the drug when you are with the lady, but the low afterwards can be difficult.

 

This is just my opinion, the other side of the coin. No offense to the other contributors, but it read to me like a lady trying to seduce you to visit, and a guy trying to sell you on how awesome this drug is for him.

 

If you are questioning it, and the people who know you question it for you, then maybe this isn't for you. Think hard and make sure you are prepared for all of the things it might bring up in you.

 

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

DeepStrut

[Ice4fun 78396]

I'm ok with being considered desperate by people I don't know and don't care about what they think. If desperate mean I get to spend time with beautiful sexy ladies who are committed to making me welcome wanted and cared about.... i am happy to be desperate.

 

Just my opinion

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Get a dog. Male.

Take it from a guy who'se been through all the gorgeous wife shit.

Get a dog. Male.

[carlosage 1004]

Thanks all!

 

I have a couple of ladies in mind that I am considering...One was recently suspended from cerb and the other was also suspended in the last year or 2...for whatever reasons...

 

I really appreciate the encouragement!

[Ice4fun 78396]

I'm fairly new here, and rarely post but I have been following this thread. I am not sure I agree with the consensus advice that's being given here.

 

I will comment on two topics. The original question as to whether this is a good method to cope with loneliness, and the concept that this is a good training ground to learn to be with women.

 

In my opinion I think the answer to both is no.

 

If you are a person who feels very alone, and most of us have been there, seeing a lady under these false circumstances will likely make you feel worse in the end.

 

There are two outcomes when you are going for that reason. You will either have a visit that doesn't meet your hopes and you will be left feeling more empty than before, or if you do fall into the fantasy you will find it difficult to cope without it and go through something similar to withdrawal.

 

I really question the concept that this is a good training ground to learn to be with women. Learning is about trial and error, falling down and getting back up. Does a kid who can't sing improve by their mother telling them they are a star? It's the same concept, there is no learning to seduce a woman when her job is to tell you that you are sexy, and funny and the most charming man on the planet. It just feeds an illusion that will make you disappointed in the end.

 

I have been down both roads, and believe that the best way to take advantage of this hobby is to enjoy the physical aspects of it as an escape, but avoid it if you emotionally need it. This is a business where a lady can offer you the opportunity to explore your sexuality, but its not a safe place to feed your emotional health.

 

You will feel the high of the drug when you are with the lady, but the low afterwards can be difficult.

 

This is just my opinion, the other side of the coin. No offense to the other contributors, but it read to me like a lady trying to seduce you to visit, and a guy trying to sell you on how awesome this drug is for him.

 

If you are questioning it, and the people who know you question it for you, then maybe this isn't for you. Think hard and make sure you are prepared for all of the things it might bring up in you.

 

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

DeepStrut

 

I agree that seeing an SP us not the perfect answer to loneliness and that a good SP will create a wonderful fantasy for her client. However while that may be true... if the person understands this is a business arrangement and accepts that there is no reason to think that the companionship if the meeting us not real in that context.... if a person is lonely and craves interaction in a personal intimate way with another person an SP can be a very good outlet. No... not a replacement for ongoing relationships in their lives but a short period of connection with someone else.

 

As for teaching.... all I can say us that I have learned a great deal about pleasing a woman from my interactions with SP'S.... to suggest it is all ohhs and ahhhh a regardless what might be happening is a gross error... a good session with an SP us about mutual pleasure which involves communication.

 

Just my opinion.

[Ice4fun 78396]

Thanks all!

 

I have a couple of ladies in mind that I am considering...One was recently suspended from cerb and the other was also suspended in the last year or 2...for whatever reasons...

 

I really appreciate the encouragement!

 

While I am happy to see you have made some decisions I not sure what the ladies CERB status has to do with it.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Thank you deepstrut for a different perspective.

 

You are correct that sometimes when people look in the wrong places to cure loneliness that they can come out feeling more lonely and empty than before they started and that some people blur the lines between reality and fantasy. This can happen not only with an SP but with anyone. At least with an SP there won't be extended drama should either happen. In these situations, it is on the person looking at the situation to know themselves and to determine what it is they need and want and if this might be an option to gain it or a potential risk.

 

Some learning is about trial and error and some is about putting yourself in a safe supportive environment to gain knowledge. You don't learn how to do a job by trial and error, you learn in a classroom, through mentoring or job shadowing. You then take that knowledge into situations where you apply it and learn through action to improve it. Relationships are not completely trial and error. We talk to people who have been through it, we ask advice, we read articles and then we apply those in a learn to improve capacity.

 

In your example of a kid who can't sing. Having the support of their mother believing in them is a huge thing but not the only thing. If the mother encourages practice and lessons they are gaining the knowledge and skill before stepping into other situations that require them to apply it.

 

SP's are not here to rubber stamp especially if someone is looking to gain experience. They share their knowledge, provide direction and make suggestions in a safe supportive environment.

 

There are many SP's and clients who have developed friendships and provide emotional support within the boundaries they set up. This says that for some people, this can be a good emotionally supportive outlet. Like everything, it's not for everyone and as you and others have said, take a hard look at what you want/need, risks, pros and cons and determine if it is the best course of action.

 

For the record, when I comment in these threads, I am not trying to seduce anyone to visit me. I believe there is a world of potential and possibility out there that we should be open to. That we should see our sexual and intimate needs as self care and as important as other things and that we need to look within to determine what works and doesn't work for us and to ignore those who may or may not agree with us. The world is full of differing perspectives, thoughts, biases, morals, labels, triggers etc. We are responsible for ourselves and should feel no guilt in taking care of ourselves if no others are harmed.

 

Different perspectives are valuable as they give us ideas and thoughts and hopefully give us more options than we had before.

[MightyPen 67414]

Thanks Deepstrut for sharing your countering view. All (respectful) perspectives are useful here.

 

There are two outcomes when you are going for that reason. You will either have a visit that doesn't meet your hopes and you will be left feeling more empty than before, or if you do fall into the fantasy you will find it difficult to cope without it and go through something similar to withdrawal.

While those are certainly two possible outcomes, they're far from the only ones. Another is that you walk away smiling and happy, recognize that intimacy is not something to fear but to be enjoyed, and having gained confidence and familiarity with the way intimacy unfolds, more ready to seek it in other relationships. If you keep your head straight about the boundaries of the client-SP relationship, you can still benefit from the exposure to intimacy and the legitimate caring that a good SP will provide.

 

A comparison: if you go to see a psychotherapist to talk about deeply personal issues, she's not really your friend; but that doesn't mean the discussion can't be honest and lead somewhere valuable, or that the experience won't be useful to you in making changes in your "real" life.

 

I really question the concept that this is a good training ground to learn to be with women. Learning is about trial and error, falling down and getting back up. Does a kid who can't sing improve by their mother telling them they are a star? It's the same concept, there is no learning to seduce a woman when her job is to tell you that you are sexy, and funny and the most charming man on the planet. It just feeds an illusion that will make you disappointed in the end.

 

If your experience with women is limited, and you're self-conscious about that, then gaining some experience to lower the intimidation factor can be quite useful. It's true I wouldn't go to an SP in order to learn how to "seduce" a woman (although the general confidence I might gain afterward might help in that regard). But in terms of learning what it's like to be intimate, to laugh and relax and enjoy someone's close company... that experience can make intimacy more welcome and less intimidating.

 

Incidentally, I've never had an experience as artificial as an SP telling me I was the sexiest guy in the world. Maybe that does happen sometimes, but in my experience it's much more a case of SPs being willing to see the good and attractive parts in a client, and overlook his shortcomings. The circumstances of the encounter are artificial (I've paid to be there and there's a sharp boundary on our time), but beyond that I've mostly found the interactions quite genuine.

 

Think hard and make sure you are prepared for all of the things it might bring up in you.

Excellent advice; I couldn't agree more.

[WhiteKnight 1413]

In my (humble and limited) experience, oftentimes those who use the word desperate regarding someone trying to improve oneself may have themselves some repressed issues they should work on. Let someone wiser than me respond to them:

 

"Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

Godspeed.

[fortunateone 156618]

You can talk to sps in ways that you can't talk to people you know, friends, families, acquaintences, coworkers, or people you meet when picking up groceries or coffee. It has the benefits of non judgmental time with someone who isn't going to see you day by day going about your life, and you are also reassured that what you say to them is confidential.

 

As therapy it is costly, but it also includes intimacy which is also beneficial. You wouldn't be getting touched with regular therapy, and touch is also very healing. Some clients only come for conversation and touching, and no release not even nudity.

[gimlee25 366]

Its interesting to see how everyone is approaching this from their own perspective with very little being asked of the OP in terms of his motivation. The question was is this a good way to cope with loneliness. We have gone down the road of is this a good place to learn to be with women, is it a negative act in society, and are the relationships real.

 

Ill address each with my own opinion, fully expecting that each comment will hit a nerve.

 

Are the relationships real and mutually fulfilling. Yes they are fulfilling in that the guy gets a service and the lady gets paid. Making the assumption that the lady is doing this for her own physical pleasure is a significant leap. I have known a few SP's as friends over the years, and I can tell you for 99% of the guys they see its about what they are willing to do, not what they are wanting to do. Do I think its all oooh's and aaaah's? absolutely I do.... What is the criteria we are using to think that its a real connection? Has she tossed the financial arrangement out the window and started seeing you for free? I think in an industry based on providing a fantasy for money its safer to assume that the connection is that, just fantasy. In most cases from the the lady is just hoping to not have a negative disrespectful experience. She certainly isn't excited. There are those rare exceptions but we should advise based on the likely outcome not the rare chance.

 

I stand by my original statements. If you are deeply lonely, the likelihood of you finding anything other than a band-aid is slim. Very few of the ladies see themselves as mental health coaches, and none should make the dangerous proclamation that they provide that service. They provide a level of physical intimacy as a business, and in return they are well compensated.

 

Without knowing the OP all I can say is that you need to seek the source of your loneliness. If you feel generally okay with yourself and are lacking the time or social circle to engage in a relationship that fills your intimate needs, then go have some fun. If you find yourself feeling alone and generally unhappy, you need to find out what causes that before you slap a band-aid on it, as it can be a very addictive hobby.

 

As for choosing a provider, if you want the outcome that is being suggested by the other contributors, you should seek a more mature provider, and someone who is very active on CERB in her communication not just one line ads. If ladies are banned from CERB as you mentioned there is likely a reason that will be detrimental to your experience. If you are looking for a connection don't seek the hottest 20 year old SP, seek someone who offers more than just the longest menu.

 

Again, don't just leap in assuming you won't hit bottom.

[MightyPen 67414]

Its interesting to see how everyone is approaching this from their own perspective with very little being asked of the OP in terms of his motivation. The question was is this a good way to cope with loneliness. We have gone down the road of is this a good place to learn to be with women, is it a negative act in society, and are the relationships real.

On the contrary, I think if you read through the thread you'll see that those topics were raised in response to the OP's subsequent points and questions as the thread progressed.

 

Clearly we're having different experiences with SPs, and approaching the OP's queries from different perspectives, but that's cool. He, and others reading the thread, will draw their own conclusions.

[TheRiddlerMan 872]

The best SP/MA encounters I've had have always been with women who I've clicked with. It's still about the sexual release, but that's so much better with someone I can talk to.

 

I would caution the original poster though to remember that it is a service industry. I've talked to several providers who've been hounded by men who lost sight of the difference, guys who forgot that the "girlfriend experience" was on an hourly rate. It's great if an encounter can reduce your loneliness, but it's important to always keep that fact in mind.

[alexgrenyait 2186]

Hmmmm

This is a very interesting topic.I should be out riding but its raining so I am here and came across this thread.

I can only speak for myself but I have made some really great friends in this profession.For myself I find it easier then dating so I do this by choice not be cause I have to.I do think it helps with loneliness if even for a brief couple of hours...everyone needs a human connection and to be touched and feel wanted and cared for.

Different things happen in life that cause us to handle things differently or perhaps be more guarded.This is a good way to be held,have a human connection but yet still not have to completely open up until we are ready for that.

Alexoxoxoo

[carlosage 1004]

I appreciate everyone's honest feedback.

 

While I'd love a solid relationship, I have to overcome some hurdles and get my MOJO in line.

 

I'm thinking that a no muss no fuss kinda deal may be what the doctor ordered. I'm very much aware that it is a business transaction and nothing more. As opposed to jumping into anything I am giving it a lot of thought.

 

Since I've never pursued anything with an SP before I hesitate fearing a lack on confidentiality...Maybe I'm being paranoid LOL.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

A reputable provider has built a reputation based on discretion. In this business, lack of discretion will sink you. Do your research, look for someone who has been in the business for awhile, has a website and ads. Check reco's and posts and look at the relationship they have with others. This will tell you a lot about their business practices including discretion and confidentiality.

[natalie26 160]

I agree completely.

I have met some very wonderful people as an SP and I love to help make my clients feel good. But when it starts to seems like they are relying on you solely for their happiness it begins to become stressful and can be a very harmful situation for the client and SP alike. Seeing an SP is a great way to help feel good in a number of situations but relying on anyone or anything but yourself for your happiness is not going to lead good places.

 

If it's temporary loneliness, as in-between relations, sure.

 

If it's because you've always been alone, it won't help the lonely part. Mostly because, unless you're very rich, you won't be able to see an SP as often as you'd want someone.

 

There's a lot of very good reasons to see an SP ( for your first time, to get better at sex, to get confortable with yourself, to try new things, cause you're horny, etc) But loneliness isn't a very good one from experience.

[alexgrenyait 2186]

I agree I love it when a client makes me feel special and important and I try to make them feel that way also,,,but speaking from experience I have a lot I am 45 yrs old have had different businesses and have raised three children two of them have are on the road to being quite successful....how can I say it ......when I spend time with a gentleman as "alex" I am for the most part myself and real this is the place where I can be who I am as most if not all of my friends do not know that I do this......it stresses me greatly if the line is crossed,,but guess what in my real life I am the exact same way!!!so for me this is a perfect fit as its all I can give anyone...if I date someone out of this profession if they want to much I also stress greatly so for me this is who I am so I am greatful that I have the opportunity to enjoy this part of my life

alexoxox

[Ice4fun 78396]

I think we need to be very careful in our characterization of lonely clients who rely on an SP as their only source of happiness.... like everyone who visits an SP lonely men are complex and multifaceted...not just one dimensional... what the SP may see and experience may not be the full dynamics if that person. they may have broader personal and professional lives that are very fulfilling but are lonely for personal intimate company. This need can be because they are in a marriage that lacks intimate companionship... note I dud not not say lacks love or perhaps they are so busy in other aspects of their life they neglect the personal.

 

Yes if course the SP is meeting the need for the lonely guy... but that us the same as for every guy. the issue should not be about it being bad for the lonely guy to rely on a SP.... give me a break. The only issue i see is if the client can't understand that the relationship with the SP is a business relationship and exists only for that reason. If the lonely guy or any guy gets that... then there should not be a problem.

 

I have met ladies in thus business who I can honestly say I care about a great deal and consider to be friends...yep genuine feeling of caring for these women.... but you know I have met women in other parts of my life for example at the office who over time I gave also come to be friends and care for.... amazingly I am able to recognize that you can care for people even in a way love them as a friend but not expect them to leave their families, husband's and Significant Others to be with me. It just mean I gave a connection with someone I also have a business arrangement with.

 

I am married I have wife and family I love... not looking to replace them.... but to be frank where I am in my life means that even though I have a great career..great family I am often lonely and fine comfort with some amazing women who I have met as SP.

 

Let's not over analyze this....its ok to be lonely.

 

Just my opinion.

[natalie26 160]

I agree and I have some great connections with clients that I feel very lucky to have. I was more talking about the very extreme side of things. When someone doesn't understand the boundaries of the relationship or that I lead a very busy life, sometimes I won't have the time for them that they would like due to the demands of school and work. I love to make people happy but sometime I only have so much time to offer. Everyone gets lonely sometes and that's completely normal.

[carlosage 1004]

Hello everyone,

 

I know it's been a while since I've appeared.

 

I'm still struggling with a decision, just in case anyone was wondering...

[waterat 20911]

Loneliness and being alone are often two entirely different things! Good to keep this in mind.

[carlosage 1004]

Although I have never been with an SP, I totally understand that it's business deal/appointment. Thanks for the reminder...

 

I'm still undecided for a couple of other reasons...