Maybe I Spoke Too Soon...

[drlove 37202]

So, here's an update on my situation - not really what I was expecting, but the truth nonetheless. A couple of weeks ago, I met this incredible civilian woman and we hit it off immediately. Our first meeting for coffee turned into a five and a half hour date with me almost going home with her at the end of the night. We became a couple almost immediately and shared a fair amount of personal info with one another. I've been to her place, and she's been to mine even though we didn't go all the way yet. We kept in touch every day and were looking forward to seeing one another on Friday (e.g. yesterday).

 

So here's where things start going south... On Wednesday afternoon we were texting little love notes back and forth as usual, and everything was good. Since then, she hasn't returned my texts or phone calls, and she missed our date yesterday. It's like she's literally dropped off the face of the planet... bizarre. Some of my friends feel that I got played by someone who was just looking to get out on the town for free. While it's certainly possible, I have a hard time buying it. I consider myself a fairly good judge of character, and there was nothing odd or amiss about her that I could tell. She was just a very genuine, down to earth girl IMO. She works part time for the government and is going back to university as well. She even sent me her class schedule so we could find time to see one another in between!

 

If she was really intent on taking me for a ride so to speak, she could have accomplished the same thing without putting in anywhere near the effort that she did. The whole thing makes no sense... one minute I have this hot new girlfriend, and the next I'm left wondering wtf just happened and imagining all kinds of nightmare scenerios. Any thoughts on this?

 

Thanks...

[Brad 49548]

I've no advice that isn't a cliche, but just want to acknowledge that's rough.

 

It's one thing for a promising relationship to (possibly) end, but to not know why or what's going on is a hard thing to swallow and makes it so much harder to know what to feel or, if it's come to it, move past.

 

I hope you get your answers, and that maybe they turn out to be happy ones and it still works out.

 

If not, then I hope you manage to put it behind you and find better luck elsewhere.

[roamingguy 300291]

Maybe something came up and she couldn't make the date. Give her a call next week and find out if she's OK and if she wants to go out. Maybe between now and then she'll call you

Being taken for a ride. You've had a few dates. Dates don't necessarily imply long term commitment. Unless you loaned her a large sum of money or something like that even if she no longer wants to see you, that can hardly be construed as being taken for a ride...the early stages of dating don't come with commitments of being together for life. And if she doesn't want to continue dating, then she really wasn't the right one, and better to find that out now instead of a few years into a serious relationship

A rambling

 

RG

[drlove 37202]

Maybe something came up and she couldn't make the date. Give her a call next week and find out if she's OK and if she wants to go out. Maybe between now and then she'll call you

Being taken for a ride. You've had a few dates. Dates don't necessarily imply long term commitment. Unless you loaned her a large sum of money or something like that even if she no longer wants to see you, that can hardly be construed as being taken for a ride...the early stages of dating don't come with commitments of being together for life. And if she doesn't want to continue dating, then she really wasn't the right one, and better to find that out now instead of a few years into a serious relationship

A rambling

 

RG

 

Agreed that a few dates don't spell a long term commitment. However, she did agree to be my girlfriend, and while everything is iffy at the start, over 48 hours with no contact is a bit much. At the very least I feel I'm owed an explanation. That said, barring a tragic accident (which seems unlikely btw) there is no reason in the world why she couldn't at least have had the courtesy to return my text/calls. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night. It's more the principle of it which irks me, and the fact that it could be something more sinister...

[Cato 160314]

From what you say, it sounds to me like maybe things were a bit too rushed. She may have had second thoughts. Doesn't mean it's over, she may just need some time to reconsider.

[roamingguy 300291]

Agreed that a few dates don't spell a long term commitment. However, she did agree to be my girlfriend, and while everything is iffy at the start, over 48 hours with no contact is a bit much. At the very least I feel I'm owed an explanation. That said, barring a tragic accident (which seems unlikely btw) there is no reason in the world why she couldn't at least have had the courtesy to return my text/calls. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night. It's more the principle of it which irks me, and the fact that it could be something more sinister...

 

First there may be a reasonable explanation, and she hasn't been able to get in touch yet. A broken or lost cell phone which hasn't been replaced yet may be a reason, and she has your contact info in there. Maybe she did think things were going too fast as Cato suggests. As for phone call frequency people are different. One girl I dated wanted calls every day, another just once a week. Maybe she thought the frequency was too much

especially after being single and unattached (I'm assuming you met a single unattached women)

Give her a week, let her get a hold of you. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, if she does, the reason she stood you up may be perfectly innocent.

 

RG

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

My take on this as well. There could have been an urgent family matter or illness that surfaced. Many possibilities so simply give it some time and leave it to her to get in touch with you. If it works out okay fine if not that's okay too. I have recently met someone I would like to get to know better and there's some chemistry happening but I am not going to rush her into anything. Now that she works at a fitness establishment I frequent almost daily I will let things develop as they may. Hopefully, in your case this is merely a minor glitch and things will smooth out. All the best!

 

 

First there may be a reasonable explanation, and she hasn't been able to get in touch yet. A broken or lost cell phone which hasn't been replaced yet may be a reason, and she has your contact info in there. Maybe she did think things were going too fast as Cato suggests. As for phone call frequency people are different. One girl I dated wanted calls every day, another just once a week. Maybe she thought the frequency was too much

especially after being single and unattached (I'm assuming you met a single unattached women)

Give her a week, let her get a hold of you. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, if she does, the reason she stood you up may be perfectly innocent.

 

RG

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

We have all been in this situation at one time or another. Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed on how fast the relationship was going.Maybe I am showing my laid back personality here in regards to relationships; slow and easy always works best.

[Jabba 18389]

I would give her some space. See where things go...

[Mikeyboy 27113]

If I may, and I'm sorry if I am overstepping my bounds with this....

 

Some girls get spooked if you push too hard, too fast. I'm not saying that this is the case here necessarily, but from what you have described, you may be pushing her to be "the one" before the relationship even got off the ground. It may be that you have come off as too eager, which sets off alarm bell for most.

 

My best advice would be to give her a few days before trying to contact her again. Hopefully she will contact you in the mean time, but if not, be patient. When you do contact her, be casual, and don't be upset about her missing the date. She simply does not yet owe you explanations. The relationship is too new.

 

If you do reconnect, don't try to be in constant contact with her all day every day. Give her some space and don't always sound like you are planning your futures together. Enjoy spending time with her now, and let the future fall where it will. Don't always be available either. Let her know you have friends and a balanced life outside the relationship.

 

I'm sorry if I have misread the situation, but I am only going by what you have said.

 

Good luck my friend.

Mikey

[NotchJohnson 214069]

Keep thinking positive, I'm sure things will turn out alright for you. Like others said keep busy leave her some space and if its meant to be it will work out.

[MightyPen 67414]

I think the key here is that you have NO INFORMATION except that she's been out of contact. It's natural, in trying to make sense of things, to fill that void with assumptions and fears. But there are lots of different ways this circumstance could come about. Just a few:

 

• It's possible there's been a tragic accident, so leave room for that possibility... but yeah that's not that most likely case.
   
   
  
• It could be a wide range of other things, including that she simply needs some space or is reconsidering stuff. In this case your behaviour in this interval is important. Don't inundate her with messages, just make sure she's aware that you're there when she's ready and leave her alone.
   
   
  
• It's also true she may have already made a decision and things are over, and who knows she may have made the decision a while ago...
   
   
  
• ... or even from the start.
  

You may never know the answer. But don't get preoccupied with that last possibility, when there are still the others above that fit the available information.

 

My only advice, knowing only what you've said here, is: send her one calm message that just says you care for her and are there if she's ready to talk again, and then leave her alone. The next step is up to her and there's nothing you can, or should, do to try to influence that.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

First of all, I sympathize. Many of us have been there. Lots of good advice has already been given.

 

Before jumping to a wrong conclusion just call her and leave a message asking her what happened. Tell her you're disappointed we never got together last night but at this point you're more concerned about her. Casually ask her to give you a heads up that she's OK, that's all. After that you can simply ask her if she wants to get together to talk about things.

 

If you're wondering yourself if things were rushed just mention to her that maybe we should slow it down. Letting her know you're cool with however this plays out will go along way to reassuring her about you. In the end, if you two aren't meant to be together it's always better to just wish her well and leave any accusations unsaid. That way the focus stays on you where it belongs. No blame, just a difficult learning experience. Sometimes those are the best kind. At least that's how I would deal with it.

 

Good luck! I hope it works out for you.

[fortunateone 156618]

To me, you are over reacting and coming up with far fetched scenarios, but i am basing that on what you posted.

 

You are in the middle of a conversation and it stops suddenly, not with you saying something off base and her saying, ok, bye, just mid way? Or you were having a conversation that came to its natural end and you end the conversation with a 'see you later'.

 

One thing is not like the other. The first example tells me that her phone died, she might not have another one yet, and/or she might not have your number anywhere else to call you from a different line.

 

Neither scenario or even your description of the relationship lead me to believe she dropped you like a hot potato. I don't want to ask how old you are, because it makes no sense that anyone over 18 would think that paying for a couple of meals is anything like taking you for a ride.

 

if you go overboard, if you leave a bunch of messages or texts or anything that she gets later, you will regret it, believe me. Scale it back show some concern, what if she was in an accident, texting while driving, got mugged, fell down some stairs, or just can't pay her phone bill because she got set up in a bad plan and you and she have been cooing at each other with lengthy phone calls and texts she can't afford, and it may take days before she can make a payment to get her phone reconnected.

 

When leaving a message, keep it brief and keep it simple. Don't leave a message asking if she thinks she wants to go slow, or stop seeing each other, or anything even remotely similar to that, or anything even remotely not just a concern that she is OK.

 

;)

[drlove 37202]

To me, you are over reacting and coming up with far fetched scenarios, but i am basing that on what you posted.

 

You are in the middle of a conversation and it stops suddenly, not with you saying something off base and her saying, ok, bye, just mid way? Or you were having a conversation that came to its natural end and you end the conversation with a 'see you later'.

 

One thing is not like the other. The first example tells me that her phone died, she might not have another one yet, and/or she might not have your number anywhere else to call you from a different line.

 

Neither scenario or even your description of the relationship lead me to believe she dropped you like a hot potato. I don't want to ask how old you are, because it makes no sense that anyone over 18 would think that paying for a couple of meals is anything like taking you for a ride.

 

if you go overboard, if you leave a bunch of messages or texts or anything that she gets later, you will regret it, believe me. Scale it back show some concern, what if she was in an accident, texting while driving, got mugged, fell down some stairs, or just can't pay her phone bill because she got set up in a bad plan and you and she have been cooing at each other with lengthy phone calls and texts she can't afford, and it may take days before she can make a payment to get her phone reconnected.

 

When leaving a message, keep it brief and keep it simple. Don't leave a message asking if she thinks she wants to go slow, or stop seeing each other, or anything even remotely similar to that, or anything even remotely not just a concern that she is OK.

 

;)

 

Well, it wasn't quite like that.... The last contact we had was on Wednesday afternoon, and things were great. The thing I liked about our conversations was that we purposely kept them short and sweet, so that it wouldn't be constant texting or whatever. So, Thursday I didn't hear from her during the day, so I waited until the evening to contact her, just to see how her day was and to get an update on our plans for Friday - never heard back.

 

Friday we were supposed to go out on a date in the evening after she finished work. I sent her a text around 1:00 in the afternoon to see if we were still on, and didn't get a reply. Now to be fair, she was at work so I wouldn't have expected a text back right away or anything. However, if there was a problem with her phone she still had access to e-mail to give me a heads up if necessary.

 

I knew she got off at 4:30, and we were planning on seeing a movie around 6:45. So I waited until about 5:10 and sent another text, but no reply or e-mail. I live just outside the city, so I need a bit of a commute time, and I was getting a little worried since she had said previously she would be in touch on Thursday to firm up plans, which never happened. Now it was almost time for our date and still nothing... Now, maybe I'm completely wrong here, but I still feel she should have made some effort to contact me, as I feel it is common courtesy - especially since I had changed my schedule around a bit to accommodate our plans later on in the evening. Just my opinion...

[fortunateone 156618]

if you have her work information, then contact her at work directly, voice to voice communication, not text or email.

 

That shows that you are concerned about not reaching her, and that you are taking that extra step to reach her another way. You might be suprised to hear her thank you for contacting her because.........(her describing to you what happened to her phone/internet/relevant details).

 

You have not crossed into stalker zone, so don't get too worried about how she might see this, or if you are crossing any lines by contacting her more than once a day after making plans she failed to show up for. this would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do, i think, you could call shortly before her work shift start time, and shortly after it ends to try to reach her.

 

and don't try to talk yourself into something by saying 'she should have'. we suggested something happening to her phone, could mean her contacts and phone #s are not available. I'd say try to reach her via her work, if she didn't show up for work for example, that is another clue.

[drlove 37202]

if you have her work information, then contact her at work directly, voice to voice communication, not text or email.

 

That shows that you are concerned about not reaching her, and that you are taking that extra step to reach her another way. You might be suprised to hear her thank you for contacting her because.........(her describing to you what happened to her phone/internet/relevant details).

 

Unfortunately, I do not have her work contact info. Her cell number is the only one I have.

[fortunateone 156618]

Unfortunately, I do not have her work contact info. Her cell number is the only one I have.

 

i see, but you know where she works? or just that she works somewhere in a certain area, and her schedule. that makes it harder for sure.

[drlove 37202]

i see, but you know where she works? or just that she works somewhere in a certain area, and her schedule. that makes it harder for sure.

 

 

Yes I know in which building she works. This past Tuesday, we had started making plans for Friday, so I asked her if she wanted me to meet her outside the building. She said no, and that she wanted to go home first etc, and freshen up and then meet downtown later. That's when she said she would let me know by Thursday, which of course did not happen.

[cinelli 22184]

she said she would let me know by Thursday

 

That does not sound like an iron clad commitment, does it? If she wanted to go out she would have let you know.

She may have changed her mind or something else came up. Your plans were not as big a deal to her as they were to you.

She did NOT contact you and say she doesn't want to be friends. All she did was not go out that night. Don't quiz her about it or you will put her on the defensive. Nobody likes having to justify what they do in their own time.

[Highsexdrivebabe 11800]

If U know for which department she works for and have her full name look up on GEDS, the government directory and U should find her number if she has been listed which is not always the case. If at DND forget NO one whatsoever working at DND is listed on GEDS.

 

Good luck babe and cheer up still a little!

 

Barbara

xxxooo

 

QUOTE=drlove;628181]Yes I know in which building she works. This past Tuesday, we had started making plans for Friday, so I asked her if she wanted me to meet her outside the building. She said no, and that she wanted to go home first etc, and freshen up and then meet downtown later. That's when she said she would let me know by Thursday, which of course did not happen.

[Oil Guy1 230]

Some good advice above to your situation. I've been online dating on & off for a few years (not sure if that's how you met the girl). It can be a strange experience; I've dated women and thought things were going nicely - then they just stop responding to texts.

I always assume they've met someone they like better; which is why i never stop my online communications with other women until things get serious (sex :) with one of them.

Good luck - hope you hear from her ; you at least deserve an explanatory text.

[drlove 37202]

Some good advice above to your situation. I've been online dating on & off for a few years (not sure if that's how you met the girl). It can be a strange experience; I've dated women and thought things were going nicely - then they just stop responding to texts.

I always assume they've met someone they like better;... you at least deserve an explanatory text.

 

That was what I thought as well... the thing is, I've been in a few pretty messed up relationships. Then, when something happens that reminds you of the past, you may begin to think that you're still living in it. In any case, I decided to back peddle a bit and incorporate the good advice given here into my approach (thank-you all for contributing!) I sent her a text saying that I was hurt by the fact that I hadn't heard from her, but also that in the heat of the moment, I'd said some things on voice mail which I shouldn't have. Anyway, I still hadn't heard from her by late last night, so I decided to send one final text. To my surprise, she called me crying, saying that she had been completely stressed out about college starting up again, lack of sleep, the mess in her apartment, weight issues etc.. Personally I think she's gorgeous - perfectly proportioned IMHO, but I have a hard time convincing her of that for some reason.

 

In any case, we've resolved everything and are still together. :) I just wish she would have talked to me about what was bothering her instead of disappearing. I feel positive communication is key in any relationship as it will help to avoid any misunderstandings, such as what happened in this situation.

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

My take on this as well. There could have been an urgent family matter or illness that surfaced. Many possibilities so simply give it some time and leave it to her to get in touch with you. If it works out okay fine if not that's okay too. I have recently met someone I would like to get to know better and there's some chemistry happening but I am not going to rush her into anything. Now that she works at a fitness establishment I frequent almost daily I will let things develop as they may. Hopefully, in your case this is merely a minor glitch and things will smooth out. All the best!

 

As a side note to my post above I found out the lady I was interested in getting to know better isn't unattached so moving on... She is just a very friendly person and it's easy to like her.

 

Additional Comments:

Hope all goes well DrLove and all the best to you both. I am envious as being an unattached widower is very lonely at times and when it hits me the most is when I am out for dinner alone and everyone is all coupled up. I am adjusting to my situation slowly. Maybe some day I will be equally as fortunate.

[drlove 37202]

Hope all goes well DrLove and all the best to you both...very lonely at times and when it hits me the most is when I am out for dinner alone and everyone is all coupled up. I am adjusting to my situation slowly. Maybe some day I will be equally as fortunate.

 

Believe me, I've been there. I know that feeling all too well. The most important thing to remember is to never lose hope. I never thought this would happen, and yet here I am. So, there's always a chance... you can always win. Keep the faith... it'll happen for you, too - probably when you least expect it!