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Jug... this is chilling. You think it's not likely to happen, but if you knew the companion outside of hobbying and were attracted to her, having discovered that she's one of us, you'd set up a meeting without telling her and hope for the best? If that's what you're saying.... well, if it happened to me, I'd feel that my consent had been violated. Even if I was attracted to you in real life, being set up like this would be devastating. It would feel like a major breach of the boundaries I maintain between my ordinary life and my working life and I would feel very unsafe for a long, long time, anxious about what you might do or what you might say to others. I would feel extremely threatened. As for the companion being someone you hate and your statement that you'd meet her to be sure you had her identity correct before you "make her life hell," frankly, that just stops me cold, even as I sit here, writing this post. In thread after thread on this board, I read men's claims that they have well-founded concerns about fallout from meeting us. I don't recall any companion here relishing even a slim chance that she might be an unpleasant, disturbing surprise for a client, or a hope that she might be able to make a potential or former client's life hell because of something that's gone wrong in a meeting. Over and over again, other companions and I try to urge gentlemen here to relax, to be careful, but not paranoid, to trust us a little bit because we want a lot of the same things that you want. We try to point out that we have more to fear than you do. My impression is that most men here understand this, and that most believe that they're not going to hurt us because they don't think they're violent. Physical violence is only one kind of abuse and, horrible as it is, it's not as bad as emotional and psychological abuse.

Everything about this post makes me feel, as a woman, that we are just objects to you. If it was someone you knew, and you 'want to bend over', you wouldn't give her the respect of letting her know you'd found out her secret, you'd just go to the door and 'hope for the best'. Wow. And if it was someone you hate, her being an escort would give you grounds to 'make her life a living hell'?? Seriously? Is you found out a woman you know was an escort and you didnt' like her, her being an escort would be grounds for you to treat her like crap - or worse? I am very sad for you, that thoughts like that are what came into your mind about this question. And even more so, I'm sad, and scared, for the women in your life who may do things you don't approve of. If being an escort is a valid reason to make someone's life hell for you, what in the world are you doing on this board? This is a place of respect, admiration, and devotion for the people who make the choice to become a sex-worker. NOT for people who think our vocation is something they should be shamed or taunted for in real life.

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Did you really feel these points of view had to be stated? Just the idea of finding some enjoyment in making another persons life a living hell is cause for concern and some serious reflection on your outlook. These are real people here.

I hope this never happens

I was surprised recently when a potential client wrote that he didn't want to ask his regular paid companion to write him a reference. He said he didn't want her thinking that he was seeing other escorts. The girl in question I know to be very reference-friendly, but he said he didn't want any drama. I am horrified. If I knew my clients were telling other escorts that I would cause drama and be hurt and upset that he was seeing other girls, I would be furious. That is NOT an image I want projected to the CERB community, particularly as it does NOT represent me fairly. That kind of image does an escort a huge disservice, and hurts her business and reputation. It also creates conflict amongst the girls. If other escorts thought I was a jealous drama queen, I would be mortified. By claiming to protect her 'feelings', this client is being extremely condescending and insulting. These kinds of assumptions about possessiveness and territory are damaging to the SP, and reinforce the stereotype that escorts are emotionally unstable. If you like us (and we're glad that you do!) please HELP us create a great reputation. There is nothing worse than having bad word of mouth, especially initiated by clients who are our fans. The idea that we are romantically or emotionally attached to our clients is generally false. The idea that we don't want clients seeing other girls is false (and kind of funny). We work so hard to make CERB and the escorting community a positive, honest environment. I would hate to think that these assumptions are reversing our progress. Your SP doesn't mind that you see other girls. What she does mind is the damage to her reputation inflicted by this kind of client.

Still shaking my head in disbelief at your comments, calling them disturbing is an understatement to say the least You would surprise a lady you know/knew (outside of hobbying) to have an encounter with her...if you didn't know it before, you should know that all encounters are to be consensual. You are taking away the lady's consent when you book an appointment with someone you know, while she doesn't realize that she knows you from outside escorting...it is a violation pure and simple But most shocking is making a ladies life hell. I have had ex-g/f's and bad breakups, but I sure wouldn't make their life hell. Grow up and move on And to say you'd make their life hell is offensive to every lady. The implication you are making is being a SP/MA is wrong, and to be ashamed of. And it is only by the grace of god that the ladies you have seen don't have a past with you outside of hobbying, because if they did, you'd likely make their life hell It also is offensive to most of the hobbiests, who treat the ladies with the utmost respect. A lot of ladies require references/verification. It's not because of the majority of guys are respectful, it's because of the minority who have underlying disturbed, hateful attitudes (and maybe actions) towards the ladies. Still in shock and disbelief RG

I cannot really believe what I have just read here. I am certain that the vast majority of men and women on this board find the comment distasteful, disturbing and dangerous. I believe that most of us treat people as people first regardless of their sex, and that our personal interactions should demonstrate the respect that we have for each other, as everyone deserves. My experience here has demonstrated that the women are individuals with feelings, families, friends, just the same as anyone else. They have been caring, sincere, and honest. Their career choice requires that they use precaution in their meetings and this unfortunately is a reminder to them of that. Equally unfortunate is the fact that when a man expresses thoughts such as these it can reflect to some degree on the community of men as a whole, even at a subconcious level. For me it is disturbing and embarrassing to have felt a need to respond to a comment such as this. MY SP's are people first. Do onto others as you would have them do unto you.

Ok, so this is going to make me sound like a huge downer and/or bitch, but all of the personal stories as of late are totally out of place on this board. Right now, we have threads about one member having cancer, another about a member's addiction recovery, and of course, all of the threads about bareback anything/sex education (no, they are not personal stories, but I'll get to why this bothers me in a second). So, why am I bothered by such threads? NO ONE COMES HERE TO READ ABOUT YOUR LIFE. This is not a self-help forum. Yes, I am sad to hear that you're doing poorly, yes I hope you recover/get better/learn to become less socially inept/insert positive comment here about whatever your issue is. But let's get real, this is an ESCORT RECOMMENDATION BOARD. People come here to look at pretty ladies, read reviews, exchange information etc. There are places for your personal stories (Chicken Soup for the Cerbite's Soul) etc. The threads about sexual health piss me off because they just create moral panics about sex workers spreading STI's, AND because while there is no specific forum regarding health concerns or info for the general members (there is one for the SP's), there is an entire section titled "NEW TO THIS? THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW" and frankly, info about STI's and shit should go in there. And just stop posting about bareback services. We all know some SP's do it, and some provide certain bb services such as BBBJ, and that's their preference. Resurrecting these debates on CERB really does just create more panic and more stigma. Let's try to remember what the point of this board is before you post your personal shit. While many will post "oh, that's terrible, my thoughts are with you," most of them don't care, don't mean it, and wish they were watching porn. If you have become close with certain members and wish to inform them about something in your life that you think they might want or need to know, send them a PM! Don't post a huge thread in the general forums about it. OR put the post in a more appropriate location such as the Chicken Soup for the Cerbites Soul, etc. There are some things that are best kept to yourself! If I were a dude looking for an escort, I certainly wouldn't want to come to CERB to read about cancer, people dying, drug addictions, and how dangerous bareback services are. Also, I am not trying to offend those people who posted their personal stories; I'm not heartless. I agree that people should get to know each other, but seriously, could we keep it lighter? Lately CERB has been all gloom and doom.

Hi Buffy, I think Boomer's and Megan's point is that if you put a link to CERB.ca on your website then you will be able to provide a link to your site on here.

If you don't give, you won't get. To have a true friend, you have to be one the first place. There is always a risk, you have to be the one to decide if it is worth the risk. But remember, it is not a one way street. The reward is there if it works out. SNS724

jughead has apologized and that is all we can ask. Let's chalk this up to a learning experience, reminder for all of us and move on. I have had several situations where I knew my client once I opened the door. Fortunately they had as many reasons to be discreet as I do so it worked. None of them sought me out knowing who I was, it was inevitable in the area I was working. It made for interesting meetings! cat

This type of behavior is downright shameful!

I think no i'm sure you won't be seeing anyone who read what you wrote.

In my opinion, it is a business friendship. However, the individual interaction between the hobbyist and the escort may transcend the surface of this arrangement depending upon the individual dynamics that exist between the two parties involved. For myself, first and foremost I treat someone as I would like to be treated. Regardless of occupation or job title, I always see the person first. In the case of an escort, lets remind ourselves that she is someone's daughter, perhaps someone's sister, or perhaps she is also a mother. That said, I prepare for an appointment in much the same way as I would for a civilian date. I'm always clean, prompt, courteous and respectful. I feel these qualities will only serve to enhance one's experience. I have in the past given tokens of appreciation to my regular ladies by way of a thoughtful gift e.g. (perhaps her favorite perfume etc.) I have been handsomely rewarded in kind. I've had ladies return the favor in numerous ways, including spending their own time with me. I remember one lady took me out for lunch before our appointment. She didn't have to, but she wanted to since we had developed a friendship of sorts. Another lady spent an extra three hours with me at no charge... I take that as a huge compliment. The have been other instances as well, but it goes to show that we are all human, we all have emotions and feelings, and more importantly we are all capable of connecting with another and sharing a part of ourselves. This is what makes the hobby so wonderful and in my view, so special.

Yes, and I didn't miss the point. My point, if I read his post right, he mistrusts his friends because one friend betrayed him. My point is that your friends can support you in bad times. The one (now ex) friend, who betrayed him is leading him to mistrust his other friends, friends who if he trusted could be there for support. And in no way am I knocking therapy, actually in this case it's probably the best. RG

Excuse You! I and everyone else are only trying to help. As far as I'm concerned there's no need to make oneself look "Bigger than they are" It seems to me the only person looking to up his rep is You. Too bad it wasn't in your favor. Try to be polite. Not everything is a contest. And this is a Nice Board. Go somewhere else if you prefer to be negative towards others. This was my fault Mia Bella. You made a fun / funny comment in my opinion and I felt the follow up comment made fun of you un-necessarily. I should have kept my opinion to myself. Everyone knows you are not looking to increase your thread count FYI, nor could I care less about it either. You are very respected on this board for your input and your fun personality. Keep being you !!

This is a thread which can raise many issues. Two that come to mind are the guys attitudes about the sex industry, first that in some ways they are participating in some shady and illegal enterprise, and the second relates to the failure to take ownership for their personal decision to participate with the ladies. Sure there are unscrupulous women who practice the bait and switch and those that have habits and are on the streets. But if you take care there are many wonderful women who are very professional and value this industry as their livelihood. They are careful to maintain there health and are careful to operate in a fairly lawful manner. Most value their privacy, and are not interested in keeping in touch outside the dates they have with you. I try to show them the utmost respect and let them know if they are free to call and leave a message. On the second point, if you are going to cheat then by all means have an anonymous email account and a throw away phone to protect your identity. But, if you are caught man up and accept the consequences. You should have already considered what the negative consequences are for you. I am rather fortunate that I don't have a significant other that I have to hide my activities from, but if I did I would definitely have to reconsider stepping out. At the outset I will say that I do have two phones, one of which is a pay as you go which I have had for many years. I have met many nice ladies in this industry who I'm quite comfortable with giving them my identity. The reason for the second is simply for maintaining my privacy in quite a number of areas. I don't want the telemarketer calling, a clingy client who I have helped as a volunteer, so I use the disposable for many things as well as this activity. It's a number that I can switch off when I want, or abandon if it becomes a problem. The other I expect to have forever and is only given to family, close friends and trusted people and organizations.

I agree with Megan, especially if you are planning on visiting a well reviewed lady. What would we gain from any kind of malicious use of your number? If you have so little trust in us, why in the world should we trust you? It boggles the mind to think that there is this view that SP's are all nefarious by nature. To paint us all with the same brush would then make me believe that all hobbyiest are all ugly sex starved freaks!

I've been surprised opening the door, to find someone I knew on the other side. But he knew very well that it was me who would be opening. In that particular circumstance it worked out, however, every time this topic comes up I want to remind gentlemen - if you want to see a lady that you know in your personal life, ASK her first before booking with her. It's a decision you both need to make, you deciding to just show up and surprise her is not nice and may not end up how you hope. However, if you ask her first, you may be pleasantly surprised that she says yes and likes the idea of having a personal history herself.

I've been basically a lurker since coming to Ottawa on business pretty regularly since last Fall. I very much enjoy the openness of the escort scene up here and I have had some very good experiences with Ottawa's ladies. CERB is a great board, BTW! Now, back on topic.... I've done FS in a couple of strip clubs in the U.S. -- Will keep them anonymous for now, but will entertain PMs. The clubs are well-known on U.S.-centric boards if one knows where to look. They are set up for this purpose with "VIP Areas" where there is enough privacy to get the job done. The roll or paper towels in each booth is also another indicator! I basically did it for the experience. Generally, you've been watching her dance and perhaps sitting with her for a while. She will usually suggest going to the VIP area. Or, you simply whisper to her, "Are you a VIP kinda' girl??" Given the nature of these clubs, she knows exactly what you mean. It also gives her the option to say "no," which is good, because not every girl in these clubs provides such services. If she says, "yes," it's off to the booths. They are generally in a curtained-off area and each booth itself is floor-to-ceiling and closed off by its own curtain. She usually checks in with the Moat Dragon who logs her in. I suspect he comes running if girl and date don't reappear within a given time period. There are usually some hand-signal negotiations that go on. She will wait for the start of a song and off you go for anywhere from 3-5 songs (usually *10-15 minutes). It's about as close as "wham-bam-thank-you, ma'am" as one can get. With the music and stobes going on, the energy is intense and high. In short, it can be an absolutely surreal experience. Is it GFE? Hardly, but, that's not the intent. She's a little sweaty from dancing and you're not fresh right out of the shower. Does it cost more that a GFE escort? Yes, or it costs about the same. But, that's not why you're doing it -- at least not me. It's definitely not legal, but, in these clubs, it's tolerated by both management and the local cops. There is some risk involved, but, if you watch things closely on the boards, you can tell when to stay away for some reason. It's just like one of those fantasies where you hit it off with a really sexy girls, take her back to your place, and are just animals for the rest of the night. I hope this puts the whole idea into some sort of context from someone who has done it -- not very often, but enough to have satisfied my curiosity.

This is a sensitive topic for anglophones as well as francophones. What unites Cerbites is the conviction that a pussy is beautiful no matter what language its owner speaks.

This is my job. I have no particular attachment to any of my clients. The other escorts aren't competition; they're colleagues. References are a way for us to be safe. Really, our biggest competition are all the women giving it away for free ;)

When I was a dancer, there was a lot of competition and people thought they "owned" customers. Once, a gentleman asked me for a lapdance, and I obligued. We stayed for 5 songs in the champagne room. Then when I was in the dressing room, his regular dancer asked me: "Did you know he's my customer? I need my money! How much did he spend on you? He better have enough left for me!" I was also horrified. I find the attitude that we "own" customers and their wallet highly offensive! I've also had several gents decline to give a reference because they don't want their regular lady to know he's seeing a new lady. I've also had a handful of gents tell me: "Please don't tell *** I saw you because I don't want her to get upset." It is completely unreasonable for a lady to expect sexual and "financial" monogamy. My question to the gents is: "If your regular lady is so controlling that you can't see other women, why do you see her??"

Wow. Brutal thread. Not something I expected to see here. I think if we did a thread count, the personal stuff would be a teeny tiny minority of the things discussed here. There's still plenty of money-for-sex talk for those who want it. But if that was ALL that I found here, I wouldn't stick around very long - I guess I'd just pay brief visits whenever my blood was up. I don't come here primarily to read about other members' personal lives, but I'm happy when I see that some people are comfortable enough to post something about themselves they're feeling strongly about at the moment. The place *is* a community. There's lots of room for everyone, and people who don't appreciate talk outside certain narrow boundaries are free to skip the threads they don't like. And to me, the modest number of personal discussions here serve a valuable function: they humanize both clients and SPs, proving you can sell sex and pay for sex yet still be a thinking, feeling, sometimes intelligent person with a wealth of other interests. And as fellow human beings, some other clients and SPs might actually be interested in hearing what you have to say, and helping out a bit, even if it's not about our dicks and "titties". In that respect, part of those threads' value is *precisely* that they're on an escort recommendation board. I wouldn't want those discussions to dominate the board, but in their current proportion I find them not just tolerable, they actually make the place more human.

Berlin I respect your point of view but was it necessary to be so harsh? I know some here don't care for the community feeling and just visit the site for specific purposes and that is fine. Nobody is obligated to read these personal threads and nobody is forbidden from posting more sexual oriented threads. So in my opinion those who are not interested in reading personal stuff can move on to the next thread after reading the title or the first couple of lines. Those who are only here to contact ladies have the option to click on the announcement section and skip the rest, that's why the site is divided by sections, to make this easier. I have read posts from most active members (ladies & gents) that involve personal issues or experiences so I'm surprised to see a complaint from ladies about this. We don't have a particular group for let's say jokes and nobody has complaint for seeing them in the main index. I don't really care a lot about them (no offense to the posters) but I just skip them same way any thread can be skipped by those not interested. I agree with Secret Admirer we should be more supportive to each other as one day it may be you who will need from the rest (I'm not saying you in particular.) I mean one can be on the other side any minute and yes some ladies have SP access but not all and the guys don't have a private area and yes there's the groups but again the general section is to bring up any kind of topics. As far as I know there's no rule that says otherwise.

I don't get the need for any sort of registration for anyone who provides sexual services. Only rules and zoning for businesses of importance size need these If someone can work from home as a researcher, a painter, an accounter, why not a independent provider? If one opens a big place, the owner registers his buisiness, not his employees. Why would he? Do bars register their waitresses, likewise for the resto? Hell no! Why us then? Great idea, let's abolish the gun registry and create a sex worker one instead! If we don't register, harper can throw us in one of his new jails. Why should i do time in jail if I don't register? Are the construction workers sent to jail when they work without permits? Hell no! Are they valuable reasons for a permit to work in the construction business? yes! Is there one for escorting? I can't find one! We don't need to change the laws, we need to abolish them. Just like New Zealand.