How has being an SP impacted your social life?

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I started this thread because of a reply I made on another thread that got me thinking about how my life as an SP has changed the way I socialize.

For me in a small city, I find that I have to be very careful of who I let in on my secret. As an example: If I meet you, and you become an acquaintance frequenting the same neighborhood pub. As time goes on, we would get to know each other a bit more. Eventually the question is asked"what do you do?" Well, I will use my cover story. Not that I am ashamed but, I feel if they knew, then my personal safety my be at jeopardy, reputation can be damaged, and God forbid if I offend anyone! They will use that info for extortion. It has happened once before. Someone found out what I did, they had a "hate on" for me. They had the same landlord, and managed to get me kicked out of my apartment!

But there does come a point, that I do have to be honest about my work. Say I get to know these people at my local pub. And now, they want to hang out with me. Say either come to my place for eats and drinks. The phone starts to ring, so I try to make excuses of why I run out of the room every time. Or, why I have to ask them all to leave suddenly. Eventually I will run out of excuses. I will have to risk it and tell them. Then the ball is their court to decide to continue the acquaintance/ friendship. But now they know, those who do not approve go back to my pub and spills the beans! OH OH, now all eyes are on me as I enter! So now those people know what I do and where I live!!

So now, If you are a mere acquaintance. And you know what I do....I will not let you know where I live! Or if you know where I live....you will not know what I do!

Dating......well don't need to. But there is always someone in the background asking me out. "would you like to go dancing Friday night? or Want to hangout? I want to say sure, but that means I need them to know that if I am hanging out with you, and my phone rings, you may have to leave. This can get very messy!

Then there are the girlfriends of my male friends who think I am going to put the moves on there man cause I am a w***e! For me I would never never never do that! Business is business, I don't bring it to the bar! So then I am in mess of...The girls want to kill me, the guy's want to f*** me!

So for these reasons, I need to protect myself. I tend to only have 1 GF who knows, and a guy friend( usually someone who is hoping to land me as GF) and that is it!

It can get lonely and difficult to maintain meaningful friendships. I am so thankful that here on CERB I do not have to worry about all of that. I have made meaningful friendships without risking it all!

It is also hard on those that travel a lot. Being on the road must be difficult! If there any SP's that come here to my town, and feel bored or lonely. Don't hesitate to PM me. We can have supper, have a drink and gossip!

I would like to hear how our profession has changed your social life? If at all? How do you handle awkward moments when with your friends?

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

Awseome thread Sophia, I am on my way out the door but I will love to comment on this later. Great idea!!

[Guest S**a*Q]

Being an SP hasn't really been a bane to my social life when it comes to friends, I tell the close ones what I do, cause I do answer the phone sometimes around certain people. The other acquaintances that I have don't really need to know.

 

This job allows me to have more of a social life, as it allows for more time to myself, the hours being set by me and not some corporate office somewhere.

 

However, on the flip side of that. Being an SP has affected my dating life.

Being honest, I find it very hard to not tell a boy that I'm dating what I do.

When I do, it seems to go one way... They leave. :(

 

Someday, I will be able to find balance in the love life world with my job.

For now, this makes me happier than any boy ever could.

So I'm going to stick with what I know is good for me. :D

 

Someday my prince will come. *(Cum?) HA!

Because Superheros need love too!

[rickkm 328]

awesome thread Sophia.... you will no doubt get a lot of feedback and good for you and all other SP's who will benefit from it. The acquaintances/friends who betray your trust in them, well, they were never your friends to begin with; friends don't do that to friends!!

[WildTiger 1296]

:bigclap:Well said Sophie, obviously the personal lives of an SP are very complicated and I must say that I have often wondered how you ladies balance your personal and professional lives. The ladies I have met through CERB have all been fantastic and true LADIES. You all deserve the respect and courtesy given to anyone else practicing any other profession.

 

Good luck finding true friends that are trustworthy and like you for the warm, caring person you are and respect your choices in life. We all need good friends to share life's good and bad times. Here's hoping that your life is filled with more good than bad.

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

I have trouble with the word "friends". Even before I did this I had issues with friendships, people who wanted something from me, or those who wanted to control me. This has not changed since becoming an SP. My immediate family knows what I do, and I have one "friend" who I have been friends with since highschool who knows what I do. The rest that I have told either wanted to black male me or treat me like crap. They felt I was gross and dirty for being an SP. Being in a small town most people around here have small minds and can not open their eyes to a different world. Every time someone discusses and SP or H**ker, they must be a drug attic or a dirty wh**e.

 

Because I have another job that I do from home it makes it easy to cover up what I do for a living. My real friends are on Cerb. They like me for who I am. Most I have never met before and maybe never will but we respect each other regardless of what others think. I love my jobs and I love my life. I get to pick my own hours, work when I want to, be able to do all the things I have wanted.

[Jabba 18389]

Wow Sophia - I had no idea of the complications.

 

Yes, I've read about "what-if" situations, like what happens if you run into a client with his SO, etc...but I never considered the larger social impacts. I just assumed everyone kept this biz undercover. I know (before you say it), I'm not very smart.

 

You mentioned that you are in a small city (where everyone knows everyone?)...is this the same issue for SPs who are in larger communities?

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

For Shortcake. I know what you are sayin' Hun! I also do not use the word friend easily! And yes, I too found my true friends are here on cerb as well, I often say to myself" why does it matter to them how I pay my rent?!" LOL..

[marshman 1414]

I have to echo Wild Tiger's post - I truly admire how you wonderful women balance all that you do and stay sane. My (admittedly novice) experience has me in awe of how you can be so into each adventure and still have time for family and others. Best wishes Sophia !

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

Exactly why should it matter how I pay my bills, as long as I do pay my bills. What confuses me is society is ok with porn, and strippers, but as soon as they hear SP they think of a street walker! I am not a street walker nor will I ever be. I am discrete and keep it to myself. I am an upstanding citizen, I do lots of charity work in my community. I wish people would judge me based on me, and not what I do for a living. I do not look down on the garbage man because he collects garbage for a living so why is what I do any less?

 

I love this community, everyone is so friendly and tries to respect one another, and mod keeps us all safe!

 

For Shortcake. I know what you are sayin' Hun! I also do not use the word friend easily! And yes, I too found my true friends are here on cerb as well, I often say to myself" why does it matter to them how I pay my rent?!" LOL..

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Three people know that I'm a paid companion. All of them are very close friends. None of them lives in B.C. My friends in Vancouver don't know anything about what really pays the rent and I intend to keep it that way.

 

I have two sons. The entire time I've worked as a companion, first one was, and now the other is, a teenager. I think that teens have enough to do when it comes to figuring out sex and relationships that they shouldn't have to deal with their parents' sex lives. My younger son is very open with me about what goes on in his life, his interest in girls, what he's doing in the hope that this one might pay attention to him, or that one might think of him as potential boyfriend material. He also says, very clearly, that as far as he's concerned, I'm not a woman; I was never a girl; I don't have sex, never have had sex and have no interest in or plans for having sex in the future. I'm his Mom. Period.

 

That works for me, particularly since he came up with it on his own.

 

I date, a bit, now and then--nice men who are usually between relationships. I tell them a lot of true things about myself: I make a great transitional girlfriend, but my primary focus is my children and after that, my painting or my writing. I'm not easy to be with. I need a lot of solitude. I'm moody, sometimes. I'm frequently preoccupied with things I can't express in words. I'm a great listener when I'm ready to listen; the rest of the time, not so much. I don't think I want to be a wife, or facsimile, anytime soon.

 

This works, too. I just tell the truth but I leave out the part about being other men's paid companion. I'm not ashamed of what I do but, in addition to wanting to keep this out of my sons' lives, I do notice that most men don't share very well.

 

I have a lot of friends, I do volunteer work in the community and I'm on the board of a charitable organization. I have no trouble filling up my time in meaningful ways.

 

Sometimes I chafe a bit about compartmentalizing my life, but I continue to feel that it's the right thing for me. If I were to "out" myself to other people, not only would I have to spend a lot of time dealing with their uninformed thoughts, prejudices and feelings, but I would also have to be concerned about what they might do with the information. That's not something I want to deal with.

 

This reminds me of a great blog post I read a couple of years ago, Born Whore's It's You I'm Afraid Of.

[fortunateone 156618]

I don't think that people you hang out with casually at a bar are necessarily friends. I also don't think that you necessarily should feel compelled to invite everyone over to your place to hang out either lol. I don't see anything wrong with you going to the pub, hangout and socialize just like any other working stiff, and go home on your own. Maybe you get invited to someone else's place, but I don't think you should overly worry about having people at your place if the phone rings.

 

Just don't invite them!!

 

And if you are out and want to be out for a rest from work, don't answer your phone when you are around people! Just leave a message on there that asks someone to call you back tomorrow, and give yourself a night off. If however you are trying to work and go out and socialize and do it all at once, then you will have to leave the (noisy) room to answer the phone. If you then come back to the bar and say you have to leave, I doubt if anyone is going to think twice about it since they know you just had a phone call.

 

I don't see any good reason to tell anyone at this level of "friendship" anything about yourself. But also, it is always a danger of running into a client now and then, wherever you might end up. The trouble if you encounter them in a bar, where you might seem to be into having fun and hanging out, is they will want to go beyond client/sp status and be your BFF. And that could lead to trouble if you don't handle it right, and they get a little drunk into them then decide to tell everyone. Always best to hang out at a place you are unlikely to run into someone you know from "work" lol. I've run into someone I know at a flea market that is literally a 40 minute drive from my place, which is located about 8 blocks from that client's home. I have never run into him here, but managed to run into him there. What's the odds of that?

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Social Life? Still WINNING!!!

[S**********o 258]

I can't imagine the difficulties an SP must have maintaining all the various relationships that a person can have in life. I do think it takes a certain type of person to do that work. Not everyone can find that balance and I also believe that is why so many ladies come and go. Especially in smaller cities like mine.

 

For those who find a balance there should never be shame in what you do. There is more than one road to happiness. So don't feel alone because you are not and this site is proof of that.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

WoW! Thank you for such a great responds. What an affirmation of the great friends that can be found here!

[Mikeyboy 27113]

Thank you to the ladies for sharing. This thread is very enlightening. I can only imagine the impact this chosen profession has on the personal lives of these wonderful ladies. As a hobbyist, I look at the occasional excursion as a little vacation from my day to day life. I have only confided in one friend about my hobby as I know that most would not get it or understand. I can however, keep it quite separate from the rest of my life as it is only a small part of me.

 

I have found this site to be very therapeutic for me though, as it reminds me that I am not the deviant you see depicted in the media or on TV dramas. I hope that this community offers some of the same benefits for the many ladies who make this such a wonderful place.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

It is hard. Really hard. I found it honestly to be the hardest aspect of being an SP.

I don't have that many people that I can call friends, I have a lot of people with whom I hang out with, but not many peoples that I feel comfortable sharing everything. And actually none of my friends nor family know what I do,except for one partner that saw my website.

 

I think the worst of it is lying all the time. I always get ask what I do for a living, I do have another side job but I wouldn't be remotely close to have what I have if I wasn't an SP.

 

Relationships/dating is really really hard for me. I am not someone that lied easily but I hate not telling the true to the person that I am currently seeing. He is a really sweet person, open-minded, but this would probably be a bit too much for him to handle.

[Guest S**a*Q]

I totally get how you feel :D

We'll talk!!! YAY!

 

It is hard. Really hard. I found it honestly to be the hardest aspect of being an SP.

I don't have that many people that I can call friends, I have a lot of people with whom I hang out with, but not many peoples that I feel comfortable sharing everything. And actually none of my friends nor family know what I do,except for one partner that saw my website.

 

I think the worst of it is lying all the time. I always get ask what I do for a living, I do have another side job but I wouldn't be remotely close to have what I have if I wasn't an SP.

 

Relationships/dating is really really hard for me. I am not someone that lied easily but I hate not telling the true to the person that I am currently seeing. He is a really sweet person, open-minded, but this would probably be a bit too much for him to handle.

[Guest tr*****e]

We interrupt your regularly scheduled thread reading to bring you this post:

 

Exactly why should it matter how I pay my bills, as long as I do pay my bills... I do not look down on the garbage man because he collects garbage for a living...

 

Garbage men(Waste Disposal Technicians XD) make a lot of money! I wish I had that job. (No, really)

 

We now continue your regularly scheduled thread reading:

[roamingguy 300292]

One thing that amazed me (not any more) when I first joined CERB is the mutual respect that the ladies and guys have for one another...definitely not the stereotype that mainstream society would have us believe.

Just thrown in to add to the discussion

RG

[bucky501 923]

I have often seen how tough it can be for the SP.

 

In most respects it is `easy` for us guys. For me, being single, I don`t have to `steal away` time;I just go with the flow, if you will. I fell for an SP one time--wonderful lady--would have been a terrific peron to be with in all those non-sexual ways. But it would have been terribly complicated for her.

 

I understand all that today;--but did not back then; many of these posts drive that point home on just how tough it can be for these fine ladies.

 

My hat is off to you women;each and everyone of you that I have met are derserving of that special someone in your life; now or when you are ready.

[Gentleman11 10508]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts here. This is deeply personal territory, especially for the SP's (my view) and I'm learning and growing as a person with each and every one of your responses.

 

Its also nice learning to know that hobbyists are not just "johns", but real folks who have feelings, care and are honest and respected by the SP's. Thank you one and all and am looking forward to reading further posts on this thread - thank you again one and all!

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Foe Gentelman11, I was just thinking the same thought about the stereotypical "john"....It was brought to my attention from what Mikeyboy said, about being the "sexual deviant" that society portrays you to be! Thank to both of you for inspiring me to think that way!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

There is one analogy that I often use for being in the adult industry. Being an SP is like being in the Mafia. Once you are initiated in you can never go back. Yes, you can always leave but it will always be a part of you.

 

Please don't take offense to this as I am not necessarily trying to put a negative spin on the industry here or comparing it directly to organized crime only how it has its parallels or similarities where and how we present ourselves to the regular world and mainly because of the secrets we often have to keep.

 

To the outside world the adult industry is mainly considered underground as is the Mafia. Both are considered seedy, dangerous, illegal to society. Everything is done secretly, quietly and when you do hear about the mafia or prostitution, it is sensationalized to appeal to the public. Many women are often constantly denying what they are doing or living a double life for fear of the stigma that will be attached to them, fear of being arrested where prostitution is illegal, etc. Seperates lives, seperate friends, many have cover jobs, etc. Being in this business does not come without its consequences and sacrifices that SPs often have to endure and it does affect your day-to-day life or where relationships are concerned which is why I use the analogy above.

 

On a positive note, it does have it's advantages (aside from the lucrative aspect) which is what keeps me here. I have also met a lot of great people contrary to how the media portrays customers of escorts and vice versa.

[hockey 683]

Great post Sophia. It is enlightening to see that both from the escort and client point of view, we have this "secret" part of our life that we share with a select few real friends within our circle of acquaintances. As an SP, the establsihment of long term intimate relationships must be most difficult. It would take a special person to understand and accept the complications of their partner being an SP.

 

All of us have those friends that we hang out with, but usually only a few that we call as real freinds who do not judge and realize that what one does to pay the rent, does not make one more or less of a person than anybody with a "real" job. Those few people who do not judge are the ones that we can call true friends.