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I feel the need to start this thread, due to the lack of respect and attention to following simple instructions lately. Ive worded this in reference to no one, just a generalization to a few things. You contact me, we go through screening and agree on the date and time. You are told you will be contacted a few days prior with details to confirm. 3 days prior you are emailed with detailed instructions with a number and a date and time frame to call and confirm on. Scenarios as follows: Scenario A) You don't call within time frame - Encounter is cancelled and time is available Scenario B) You email letting me know you cant call within that time and we agree on another time in which you don't call - Same result as above - encounter cancelled. Scenario C) You call and confirm and encounter goes ahead as planned Scenario D) You email the morning of to ask if we are still on, yet I never heard from you - What do you think the answer to this question is? Scenario E) You leave a voice mail with we emailed and Im calling no name, number or anything else in the message - Chances are the encounter will be cancelled as its very rude to call a number back and say Who's this? And Ive asked you to call me, for discretion I would rather not return the call unless I have been given the ok to do so. We have a system in place that works for our own personal business, if you dont wish to follow instructions, dont waste our time. I value your time and respect your wishes on privacy, discretion and everything else. If you value mine, why does one feel its okay to not follow the simple instructions that I have given. I can be flexible with my confirmation policy when you let me know in advance. I ask you to call as that is how I confirm my dates, I wont email or text you any details so you have to call (my confirmation email is very clear on this), at this point if you don't like this policy it is your time to say that you are declining our date, I wont get mad as I would prefer your honesty over wasting my time and that of someone else who would have enjoyed the visit, but due to the games someone else has played they were unable to visit. When I ask you to call when your parking - I MEAN it, dont call from the lobby if I have asked you not too(considering discretion is SO important, why does the fact that your calling from in front of the hotel staff and repeating the suite number aloud not strike you as indiscreet?) Just because im not a revolving door, does not mean I want attention drawn to myself at any time. I enjoy the places I stay and wish to keep it that way. I also enjoy the company that I keep and NEVER want to jeopardize anyones privacy ever. You provide me your number and ask me not to call, I follow your instructions so how hard is it to show the same respect to mine. For an industry where discretion is key, I am just astounded as to why it is expected from me, but not returned by you.

Days have past, I can not seem to forget my past. I think my love will forever last. The way you touched me. You set my spirit free. I can't seem to forget, the way you pulled me close when I was on my knees. Begging for you to give it to me deeper, please. Talking dirty in my ear. Do as you wish to me, as I have no fear. I love it when you say, " Take all of it dear". Your body against mine. I love it more each and every time. I love it when you tell me, " God damn girl you are fine". I miss your taste. You know me, I never waste. I love it when you shoot it all over my face. Take control of me. Or let me set your body free. I will open your eyes and it will be as if it was the first time you have ever seen. I have naughty thoughts. I mean lots. I don't even ever expect you to tie the knot. I just want to please you. I want to tease you you. I also know, these are things you already know. I am twisted and naughty. I have a tight body. I want you now. We will make this happen some how. My dreams tonight, will be very fowl. As I said, " I want you now". Missing you Carley xox

I feel so much compassion for those who have shared their stories in this thread. So many of these trials are difficult for me to imagine. But what I do understand is that we all struggle. Everyone knows pain. Everyone could tell a sad story. I think the act of sharing these is very powerful. My pain has been largely internally generated. One of the hardest but best things I ever did for myself was to admit that I was struggling with mental illness. You could call my particular demons depression and anxiety. I had to, and continue to have to reassure myself that this doesn't mean I'm weak or pathetic, and to fight the messages my brain is sending me- self destructive thoughts I no longer believe, but that I generate anyway. Fighting mental illness- like most other illnesses- is incredibly exhausting. It can feel like your brain is against you, when logic tells you one thing but your emotions are louder. It's hard but necessary work. Even now I hesitate to post this, but I'm telling myself that my story is important too. Partly it's the fear of stigma around mental illness. Many people do take it as a sign that you are broken or damaged somehow. But the silence and shame around this issue is part of what makes it so much harder for people experiencing mental illness to seek help. 1 in 5 Canadians will experience mental illness in their lifetime. That's not small potatoes. It's important for me understand that even though I sometimes go through bouts of feeling like hell, I'm still a complete person. Someone worth knowing, with fabulous insights and exuberance and love to share. This particular kind of trial doesn't define me. I am much more than my pain. I wanted to share this for the others on this board who have similar experiences. Because sometimes it's incredibly hard to move forward and face your pain when shame and fear of appearing weak confounds your already confounded brain. But mental illness doesn't make you weak, and the process of healing can make you understand how incredibly strong you really are. This thread humbles me. It reminds me of exactly how much moxie us humans can conjure when we need to. Much love and thanks to everyone who has shared- and to those who have not, as well.

I was going to try to stay away from this thread but over the last 24 hours I seem to keep coming back to it, reading what others have said and empathizing with those who have shared their stories. What has ultimately brought me back here is the wisdom of Spud when he added his thought that writing and sharing is therapeutic, and truer words may never have been spoken. Since joining CERB I have made references to my personal story, but never did speak about the one thing that was perhaps the most difficult for me to 'do'. My wife, purely by chance discovered that she had a massive brain aneurysm. The doctors were amazed that it had not burst previously and she and I considered ourselves very lucky that it had been discovered, because there is in fact a 'fix' for it. The fix is a relatively new procedure, and we knowingly went into it being aware of the risks which were quite high with death and a debilitating stroke being the primary ones. It involved placing platinum wire coils the width of a human hair into the aneurysm in order to fill it and strengthen the walls of the blood vessel, and this is all done remotely without invasive surgery by feeding the wire through the blood vessels from the groin and all the way up into the brain. We even joked about the end result - that she and I would be the bionic superhero duo, her with her platinum brain and me with my extra little bit of titanium that lets me walk. The surgery did not go well. The three hour surgery stretched into seven hours before the surgeons came out to see me. I knew long before then that we were in trouble. The artery had ruptured above the aneurysm, in effect causing a massive stroke. By the end of an additional five hours in surgery three neurosurgeons were working on her. In that interim period occurred the first of several things that I had to do that were the most difficult things I have ever had to do. That was to call two of my daughters who were in Ontario and BC respectively, to explain what was happening, and saying yes, you better come home, now. Technically she survived the surgery and the surgeon tried to be positive with me that there was still a chance that with time and rehabilitation the woman that I knew might survive, but that she would be a very different woman from the one that went into surgery. This brought a situation whereby for the second time in hours I had to do what was one of the most difficult things that I ever had to do. That was to respect her wishes and tell the surgeons that her wish and mine would be to not prolong her life if it was being maintained solely by use of extreme measures. I still do not know if the staff protected my mental health by telling me that as the next hours progressed she deteriorated more to the point that they declared her brain dead or did they respect our wishes and allow it to happen? The saving grace to this story, which I have written about previously, is that five people received organ donations and we have been in contact with several of them and they are doing well. Two other people who had been blind can now see. Life can change in the blink of an eye and what may be my biggest and the hardest thing to ever do in my life is yet unaccomplished - to be able to accept, and live a useful life from here on out. That is a work in progress.

Recently, I've been put in a very uncomfortable situation due to someone not following instructions. I had asked a gentleman to send me a quick text message to confirm his number because I knew I was going to be busy dealing with personal things that day and would be in the presence of family members. Well, instead of doing that, he decided to call me a few times. Obviously, I didn't answer his calls. Later that day, I checked my emails and he apologised for calling me but said that he didn't like to send or receive text messages and much preferred to hear my voice instead. Let's just say I wasn't my happy self when I read that. I kindly told him and explained that discretion was of the utmost importance for everyone when involved in this lifestyle only to get told that "we all play a dangerous game when we decide to play"... It's only 'dangerous' and risky if the need for discretion is not understood and the guidelines/instructions are not respected by everyone involved.

Good thread Emily. Thanks for starting it! I think I'm pretty easy to get along with as long as I'm comfortable and feel safe. I have clear standards and requirements that I believe are more than reasonable. I have many clients who have never objected to my screening methods and I'm as busy as I want to be. To me, this means that the things I ask for fit within reasonable parameters. Some men are very reluctant to divulge information that may make them traceable in some way. They're entitled to their views. I don't think that anyone should do things they're not comfortable doing, whether they're a paid companion or a client. I reckon that if my screening requirements are too difficult for someone, he'll find another companion who may be more comfortable with him. What I know for sure is that no one is entitled to see me unless I choose to have the meeting. I turn down almost 75% of those who contact me whether because they want things I don't provide, seem to be time-wasters rather than serious clients, refuse to follow my screening or are disrespectful in some way. Some of the disrespectful ones object to being screened and, rather than saying so politely, insult me by pointing out that I'm just a whore, that I must be planning to set them up somehow or that I'm desperate. These guys are no loss to me! The ones who want to argue about or ignore following basic instructions, whether about screening or directions to my place, too often will inappropriately attempt to control other aspects of our encounter if we meet. I'm not interested in having power struggles with clients.

I have seen from time to time a few ladies offer this particular service. However it is among the rarest services offered. I have seen some offer it only if the client signs a release stating that the video shall remain private. Which, when you think about it, is reasonable. Given that 20 years ago the worse one could do is show it to his buddies and where today all it takes is a few minutes and it's on the internet for the world to see I don't blame ladies for being hesitant to offer this. However the great thing about cerb is that you should always feel comfortable in at least asking. I'm sure, if approached properly, a lady would at worst politely decline your request, if she does I'd recommend to move on and not press the matter. Discretion is a large part of this hobby, so be ready to look around for a while.

Having a miscarriage a couple years ago. I was pregnant up to 7 months, baby was healthy but a little bit small, the doctors weren't too concern...what they didn't see thought is that I was carrying not one, but two baby. The other fetus didn't developed but stayed in the same placenta as my baby which was nefast...The pain of the miscarriage was horrible...but the mental pain of loosing a little alive human was heart crushing...but learning that I had twins to start was soul crushing...but the hardest is that since it was an extremel brutal experience for my body...the chance that I can carry kids now are extremely low...this was soul breaking at the time. Seeing my grandmother slowly die. She was diagnosed with bladder cancer and about 6 months later it started to become an invasive cancer...so she was put in a "last resort house" I don't know how to say it in English...a place for terminal patients.She was there for 27 days. At first I didn't go see her for the first 10 days as I was out of the country...and she was barely ever awake...dying slowly each day...not talking, barely moving...when I said hi gramda, it's Malika...she hug me for 5 minute straight...she didn't do that to anyone (also at this time of my life it was REALLY hectic and she was aware of it)... Also she never had any alone moments, not even for 2 minutes with the nurses, my family sleeping over...if someone needed to go to the bathroom they would call a nurse to watch her over...at some point I stayed overnight...and one night it was almost midnight, I was going to bed...I told her..."grandma...I am going to the bathroom...if you want to leave alone...you can go. I love you"...I didn't call a nurse...so theorically she was alone for the first time in 27 days...and she left. She left herself die during the 2 minutes where she was alone.

I recently had to do the most difficult thing of my entire life and was curious to know what is the most difficult thing others have had to do? My son as many know, has followed in my footsteps and joined the Royal Navy. In the fall he was informed that sometime in the New Year, he would be shipping off to the Persian Gulf. As someone who has served in war zones more times than I can count, being based on a modern warship is generally a pretty safe place to be. Yes accidents can happen, but it is certainly much better than being on the ground. Despite this, the whole scenario has been weighing heavily on my mind for some time. There is no reason for me to feel this way, the ship's Captain is a very good friend of mine and one of the best in the Royal Navy, but I find myself very stressed out! About two weeks ago, the day came for him to ship out. I quietly flew home to see him off. It was a very odd situation for me. Usually when I see troops off, it's really no big deal. I know the risks, but I also know the odds of something happening. Yet, the day came and I must admit that I chained smoked like a fiend!!!! My son's mother and I had a long conversation the night before about it. She was clearly looking to me for strength given the circumstances. Outwardly I was strong for her, yet inside I just felt like crawling in a hole. As they were boarding the ship, I was allowed on board to say goodbye in private with my son. Rank does have it's privilege at times. Once on board, I pulled my son aside to give him some words of wisdom. He quietly thanked me for my advice, and then that moment came to finally say goodbye for the next 6 months. We kind of looked at each other awkwardly for a couple of seconds...then a huge hug! I made sure to tell him to take care, and remember...his father loves him and always will. I noticed some of the other junior officers were watching, I told my son if they give him hard time about it let them know senior officers do have a heart, and care more about others than they use to. If they keep bugging him, I told him to use my line..."eat shit and die!"....HAHAHAHA!!!! Always have to laugh. I now find myself constantly checking my e-mail for an update from him, wondering how he is doing. I've been on edge ever since that day and probably will be for the next 6 months, but being British means you will most likely see war more than once in your lifetime and everyone from there knows that. It defines who we are. I want to know what is the most difficult thing you've ever had to do? I know to this point in my almost 41 years on this earth, this was the most difficult for me.

Well I grew up in the country so no street name.. 2 childhood dog's so simply go with: Killer Road or Butch Road

Taken a pic of my toys. and kinky/sexual books. I think I know where my money goes...along with the panties, shoes and stalking... Now...to post or not to post the pic:P

I just posted something in a reco for a first time visitor to Ottawa. This has been an issue as long as I have lived here and has cost us the company of many outstanding women. Here is the post: "Ok, I've gotten several PMs telling me how wonderful XXXX is and thanking me for the reco. Wondering why they aren't adding to this? I'm asking for purely selfish reasons, I want to be sure she is here so I can see her again! Here's what one PM said about her: "Thanks for your XXXX review. I met her tonight and she was a gem. Like, you she managed to slip on a hat without my realizing. I was totally stunned when I found that it was already on. She's remarkable!" This applies to anyone, not just Yoko. If you like a girl be sure to tell everyone. Some of them will leave town early if they are not busy, others will not return. It's crazy not to share info about a good provider, even if it makes her harder to see. At least she will be here to see eventually!" Come on guys, this helps everyone. It's a no brainer! Please????

My 15 year old cat Alex passed away early this morning after dying in his sleep. He seemed fine yesterday morning eating with his brother who is from the same litter. I questioned whether or not to put him down yesterday and by having these concerns, I think subconsiously I knew he was ready to die. He was a kind and gentle cat and in some ways he had similar characterisitcs to his owner. Always there when you needed him but never put up with any crap like when he became confrontational with a Siberian Husky when walking by my property. He always used to run out of the house and climb the tree and once saw this dog sniffing around leisurely walking on the edge of my lawn. He chased him right down the street as the poor owner who was pregnant was trying to regain control of her dog while my cat was fighting him. He was the alpha male of my household and he was stubborn. As a young cat, he was hit by car and survived with a crushed lung and broken leg. As a result he walked with a limp and had arthritis which is what ultimately slowed him down for good as he progressed in age. When they say cats have nine lives, he would be that cat. He once rode to work under the hood of my neighbor's car unscathed when he could have been severely injured or killed. He took a turn for the worst last night in the early evening and looked like he had given up. He was basically limp with a blank stare and had shallow breathing. As I held him in my arms sobbing uncontrollably, I knew his time was up. I took him to my bed, wrapped in a blanket and he slept there beside me. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone. He led a good life and had been with me since I lived at home as a teenager. He came from a litter of 4 by the family cat. He had been with me when I had my first apartment, when I went to school, got married and had my first baby, my first home and when I moved to my second home. He was there through some rough moments in my life and always offered unconditional love. And he loved my hair as he would always sit beside me on the arm of my sofa when I'd get home and snuggle into me. He was always there. As I sit here writing this, although I cannot help but be sad, I also have to think that he did have a good life and that this should be celebrated. He was a special cat as all of our pets are to us and he will forever be remembered. He was a part of my family and won't apologize to those who just think he was a cat or some animal who is now dead and to just get over it. I'm glad he passed the way he did at home in familiar surroundings and with those who cared about him. R.I.P. Alex. You will be missed.

I have been a big fan of Ashlynn since I first met her at CMJ more than a year ago (http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=39119). I followed her later on at ALO, and now she is at Paradise Spa. I was happy to renew acquaintance with her during this past week. Those who know me on CERB know that I am a big fan of itty bitty's (social group:http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/group.php?groupid=51). Ashlynn is the perfect itty bitty (here's her album:http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/album.php?albumid=4367). Moreover, she is always in a good mood whenever we meet. She provides a nice massage and she seems genuily to enjoy the last stage of the session as much as I do. Given her sunny disposition and her talent in making junior happy, I can recommend to all that they make the trek to Paradise Spa and spend some quality time with this darling. I can't wait to go back, toine

Having you back is a highlight Carley RG

Feeling the love from all of you is by far the highlight of my day.

You are missed lots lovely Carley... Cant wait till your back....

errr ummmm the monster under my bed was Maurice as well.......ummmm Dad ?!? seriously he was.

Rocket science ???? Nope. Basic instructions 101 Great thread and awesome comments. Two things that really bother me in this world is... a:) inability to willingly follow very basic rules and b:) extreme arrogance. And I think both come in to play many times here. A couple I will comment on Quoting Em: "When I ask you to call when your parking - I MEAN it, dont call from the lobby if I have asked you not too(considering discretion is SO important, why does the fact that your calling from in front of the hotel staff and repeating the suite number aloud not strike you as indiscreet?) Just because im not a revolving door, does not mean I want attention drawn to myself at any time. I enjoy the places I stay and wish to keep it that way. I also enjoy the company that I keep and NEVER want to jeopardize anyones privacy ever." To me this is a huge discretion issue, a danger issue and total common sense...it can seriously jeopardize the safety as well as personal wellbeing of Emily ....as well as the gentlemen that may visit with her in the future at this hotel. I may not be the sharpest tack in the box perhaps...but that is a pretty simple instruction to follow I am thinking and a very very important one :icon_rolleyes: Quoting Samantha: "Some of the disrespectful ones object to being screened and, rather than saying so politely, insult me by pointing out that I'm just a whore, that I must be planning to set them up somehow or that I'm desperate. These guys are no loss to me!" This I love Samantha !!! The fella can go :aol_poundit: "insult me by pointing out that I'm just a whore" Ahhhhhh yes....the guy that thinks because he has his wallet out and is paying then he is better than you.... that attitude spells SCUM....and once again he can go :aol_poundit: or get one of these perhaps:aol_fakepussy:

I'm not sure if there was ever a patron god of fortifications... but if not, there is now. Congratulations, my friend!

My heart goes out to you.......but to pass in his sleep with you is the best way to go.....comfortable and loved to the last..... Posted via Mobile Device

Fireball Angie would be my choice if I could change my name for a day :) he he

Common sense really. If I don't like someone's booking rules or conditions rather than ignoring, debating or trying to change their rules....I just move along. None of this is life or death to me. Peace MG

I receive at least one email a day explaining why they can't follow my rules and would I see them anyway. I find this very frustrating,as all my expectations are clearly posted on my web page ,along with "no exceptions are made" ,clearly stated.As said ,we all have our different procedures to follow,when booking an appointment.They differ just as our ways of play differ.We post these because it is what makes us feel secure,protected and comfortable when excepting a booking.I have heard time and time again gentlemen saying they have been "blackmailed",or heard stories of someone using personal information in a fallicious way so they don't want to give any out.I wish some men would realize that when they deal with a "professional" sp this should never happen and discretion is a two way street,we provide it but also expect it.To be blunt, if you want to know where I am ,I should be able to know who you are!!

I think the mind is busier at night than during the day. Especially sorting itself out in preparation for the garbage I will be feeding it when I am awake. While I personally can't say I had dreams that turn out true to life, my late mother had a dream which I still recall to this day. While she was suffering from pancreatic cancer, she told me in the early stages of her cancer, she had a dream that ended with three men standing at the foot of her bed just before she died and went to heaven. On her last day alive while she was in laying in her bed, my brother-in-law, her Dr. and I were all standing at the foot of her bed. Later the next day she passed away in the emergency room. It wasn't until after her passing away that my sister and I recalled her telling us about her dream. Perhaps it was a divine message to her of how it would end and she would know then that heaven would soon be her paradise. It did comfort the two of us to some degree knowing she was in god's care.

re: cash for hotel rooms, you would be paying a full night charge plus extra, afaik, as they wouldn't take a partial payment as a deposit. I am not sure if 100 will cover what they would ask up front, but there is a very good chance that the majority of hotels will accept a cash payment for the room. It will help that you are really careful about your presentation at the front desk, and look like a student or here for a workshop or some such thing. Maybe tell them your place is being painted and you need to study and have a place to stay without paint fumes and painters in and out.

Congrats dear:D Can I spank you for that?:D

I have no reason to doubt you and perhaps neither should a lady, however think of it from her perspective. Once you've parted ways and you have that video, what would stop you from doing any number of terrible things with it, I won't go into detail, but they could include blackmail, trolling (release it while blurring your face, but not hers), etc... For some ladies this is not a factor. The people in their lives know about their income and are not bothered by it. For others, they desire to maintain their personal lives separate from their professional lives and to them this could be a problem if someone, somewhere out there had a video of them in a compromising position. Please don't take this at all as an attempt to discourage you. I commend you on being so open and asking honestly for the service. I just think that we should consider the SPs perspective as well, which in turn helps us formulate an approach that leaves everyone happy :).

My brother had this poster in colour back in the early 70's of Disny characters behaving out of Disny character. Not as easy to see in this two tone version but we have Pluto peeing on Mickey's picture, Goofy is doing Minnie at bottom left. Mid left the 7 Dwarves are taking turns with Snow White right beside Huey, Duey and Luey looking up Daisy Duck's skirt. Dumbo is taking a dump from the air. Mid right, Prince Charming has disocvered Sleeping Beauty's other charms while just above them the Big Bad Wolf seems to be threatening the Little Pigs. Bottom right Tinkerbell is dancing for Capt. Hook and the boys. I believe this poster was actually banned so I wish we still had it. I remember my Dad not being too pleased when he saw it hanging in our room. I think we had to move it to the basement.

Congratulations Castle on your ascent to Godhood Well deserved and well done RG

Congratulations to another new God! Well done, Castle!

An honour well deserved, sir!

More news on the relentless campaign by the entertainment industry to shut down the Internet if it does anything they don't like. Last year, Bill C-11 was introduced; this is a re-hash of Bill C-32 from the previous parliament, which never passed as it ran out of time before the last election. But the re-vamped version has just been made far more draconian as a result of pressure from the music industry. It's the usual story: they want to be able to take anyone offline purely on the basis of an accusation made by them, with no opportunity for the accused to defend themselves. They'd also like to be able to prevent many things that are legal and considered fair use now. If they get their way then you won't be able to jailbreak your iPhone and use it with another phone company that dips its hand in your pocket less often. You won't be allowed to rip a CD you bought so you can also listen to it on your iPod. Anything on your PVR will be deleted when they want it to be; if you hadn't quite gotten around to watching it yet, tough. That's not all, but it'll do for now. Of course, laws like this don't just screw things up for everyone; they also deter investment in countries that pass them. And in other shitty news, look what's just happened in Europe. The pigopolists have a huge built-in advantage there, as they can just have the unelected European Commission write the laws they'd like rather than having to go through elected legislatures that, being accountable to the electorate, might have to give any weight to what voters think... at least this one still has to go through the European Parliament, and their rapporteur to the Commission has just quit in disgust at the way this has been done.

Losing a baby and watching 2 family members die right in front of you and having to bury them.

I would probably take my real name, Hugh G. Rection. For a lady I have once seen Anne Onymous.

Thinking for the longest time that I was going to be 2 years sober this April.....but doing the calculations in my head I just realized that it's actually going to be 3 years!! I rock! :D

I guess my answer would be when my Mum changed from having general hallucinations which our family was told were related to poor eyesight and cognitive ability, to full out dementia and her requiring hospitalization. Now we went from dealing with a mother who was confused at times but could be reassured, to a woman who would try do physical harm to you if she could just reach you and when she couldn't, would threaten to kill you. What is fortunate when we had to deal with this situation is my Mum had the forsight to prepare for this type of circumstance in that she had designated powers of medical care and attorneys in our family so to mitigate the level of stress that would compound an already difficlut medical situation. We knew what her wishes were and we had the power to see to them. For a time that power meant to have to use restraints on our Mum so she would not hurt herself or others. This is something the hospital has to receive permissiion to do, from a legal gaurdian. That process to determine if she is fit to manage her won affairs is no fun either. In one sense you hope some mis-diagnosis has been made and she will pull through and return to her old self. On the other hand you're wondering, what if she fools the social worker into beliving she can take care of herself. How would we manage then? It was a long process to settle her medications and get her into a long term care of our choosing, but I was fortunate other members of my family live in Ottawa and we could spare each other off and not have to carry on without support. So what can be seen as a potentially stressful time can be also be looked upon in a positive way. I am closer to my siblings as we have worked through this. You learn what you can put up with in helping someone take care of their basic bodily needs, especially when you know she did it for you so many years ago. Also, you get to see how our society really has developed a decent care system to look after people who require continuous medical and mental support. We have lost many faamily members to cancer over the years, my own father now 30 rears ago. These were very sad times but I"m not sure the way I see them as being difficult times. This is part of life. I guess I sse the thread question being more about having to make your most difficult decision. So having to permit the use of restraints on our Mum as she pleads not to, was the hardest. Thanks fo rthe chance to mention this. I'll be off to see her soon with a new pack of Werthers

Wow, seeing all of these heart wrenching posts hits very close to home. I can't believe i'm about to dredge this up... Sorry folks, it's going to be a long post. When I was 19 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was frightening but not intensely so. She was always so upbeat and certain that it was just a "speed bump" she had to roll over, and that attitude kind of rubbed off on me I guess. I realize now that she kept quite a few hard truths about her battle from me, otherwise I never would have left the province at age 21 for almost a year. She was so damned proud to see me branching out into a new, and life changing experience and she wasn't going to burden me with her own struggle. Towards the end of my time away from home she called to tell me there was nothing else the doctors could do, and yet she insisted that I needed to stay and see my journey to a close. Good lord! even in her darkest hour, she was looking out for my sorry behind! I agreed and waited impatiently for the day I could finally get on a plane and see my family again. The day finally came and I boarded what was quite possibly the longest flight in recorded history, all the while consumed with the thought of embracing my parents at the Winnipeg terminal. Quite possibly the worst sight of my life was rushing off the plane to find my father, standing alone and looking uncomfortable. He told me: It's bad kid, let's get home". My heart died a little at that moment. My mother had collapsed the day before. In less than a year, she had gone from a healthy, upbeat woman with some "bothersome temporary illness" to a near skeleton who could no longer walk or even sit upright without assistance. As I was the youngest, and biggest member of the family it was only natural that I should be the one who assisted with getting mom around the house... I can't describe the feeling of having to carry the emaciated, chemotherapy battered shell of ones own mother from room to room in the home that she paid for and raised you in. My aunt and I were moving her into a more comfortable position in bed one night. She died in our arms. I will never wish that on any living soul. Fuck me. I need beer. Good night.

Agreeing to take my Mom off life support Claiming My Independence Saying good-bye to my Love fairly regularly

For me, it was a late night phone call from Ottawa last June telling me my sister was placed on life support due to cancer and would likely not last the night.We knew she had cancer ( ), but assumed she had a few months to go and we had the summer to visit together. I made it to Ottawa the next night, she was still alive, but never emerged from the coma. She heard me talk to her, reacted to me so much they had to increase the sedative, and I spent six days with her. The most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life was leave Ottawa to return home without seeing her wake up. They took her off life support Canada Day, she woke up long enough to squeeze hands and hear people, and passed four hours later. She and I had a very close bond and it changed my life when I said goodbye. Thanks for the thread....it's good therapy to talk about these things.

Well this is a tough one but there have been 3 major and life changing moments for me that I still loose my breath over when I think of them.The first was going to my nephews funeral,he was only 6 months old when he died,I'll never forget looking at him in his little coffin,he looked like a little doll.But the hardest thing was watching my brother cry and listening to my sister in law scream for her baby,that is something you just don't get over.The second was when I had to put my precious little dog to sleep,before her time,she had kidney disease and withered away in a matter of months.I never thought I would get through the following days ,weeks and months,but I then found out my fathers cancer was teriminal and had to be strong for him.You cannot measure one hardship against another,they are all traumatic and life changing and yet a part of life,and life goes on even if you don't want it to .The best we can do is to live better for the sake of our loved ones and learn from them and cherish their memories.

Sometimes the most difficult things we have to do are for the best. We don't want to do them but we know we have to. My example is calling the ambulance for my son who was experiencing psychosis...for years i had tried to get him help but finally the day came when i just had to call the ambulance knowing full well he would most likely have to stay in the hospital for a bit. He had refused to see docs here in Montreal. This was the only way i could get him help. Now he's home and back to himself..it's a wonderful thing. He's happy again and even thanked me. It was difficult to make the call because i wasn't sure if he would ever forgive me but now seeing him smile is the best thing ever.

Well a couple of things actually First, a few years ago my father, who lived in the Maritimes, had a stroke. Hospitalized both he and his wife tried to minimize things, and asked my brother and me not to come out. Well the not knowing made things tough for us. We finally decided, about a day later to drive out...we didn't know what to expect, but expected the worst...wasn't as bad as expected but not good. Second, my nephew, born premature, given six months to live. To hear a baby isn't even going to make it to one year old is heartbreaking. Fortunately, the doctors got it wrong, they made that call eight years ago, and this past Christmas got to buy Christmas presents for my nephew Third. Mom seems philosophical about this. But I had to go with her to a End of Life Seminar, discussing things like DNR's, power of attorney etc. Got a sister in law eyeing things when Mom dies :-( so I've got power of attorney...hate when people treat the death of someone as a chance to get property and money And last, when my cat died on my lap...had him for eleven years, went from Sunday, playing like a kitten, to first couple days just tired, then Thursday lying down in the bathroom, peeing, and lying in his own urine, and Friday night, died on my lap. It was like losing a member of the family RG

My mother laying in acoma was very very difficult for 8 weeks. I had to be strong when I was in the room with her. She was on breathing life support, and would notice that when I talked, or sang to her, her breathing would be from her and not the machine. It was amazing experience for the both of us, as she actually would respond to me and seems to recall me being there. She claims she can remember the songs I sang to her. it was so hard to see her so venerable and week. Laying there as her body was disappearing before my eyes. Luck she pulled through, and is stronger now. The other time was having to leave a dog behind at SPCA....It still hurts to this day when I think of her, watching me as I walked away. I will never forgive myself for having to do that!

saying goodbye to my father on his last moments on earth.......i still feel to this day telling him i loved him.......and that he meant the world to me......and thank you for being my father........well....it never.......really felt like it was enough........ i miss you Pop.......

I went for a jog today for the first time in ages and didn't severely injure myself. I'll put that in the positive column for now.

I took my son;s gf and her friend out to lunch today...they actually talk...wow!

Much like a "real" relation ship you can go looking or shopping for something like this off the shelf. Like a "real" relationship you find yourself in it before you even realize it. For this type of arrangement to work you need chemistry with the one another otherwise you might find yourself committed financially but disconnected emotionally. Don't rush into this type of arrangement do your research and find the right provider. Finlay if you are looking for cip, then my advise is to go get yourself a real girlfriend, I can't imagine any of the established and respected providers here that would consider such an option, at least not in public.

Respectfully, that's very unlikely to happen through the normal "commerce" of this board. If anything, its harder to establish that sort of relationship with SPs than just undertaking ordinary dating as, with dating, people are often looking to establish relationships, whereas SPs almost without exception are not. I suggest you set up some appointments with some of the ladies you think are interesting to you and definitely don't rush things. If what you are loking for is a long-term SP-client relationship, that certainly is a possibility, but as with any other relationship, there has to be a mutual desire to maintain it over a long period of time.