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Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

7. I am cleaning. Can we have BBFS sex? Dear M. Delirious, As a fertile woman, still in her sexual prime, I would be delighted to collect, ahead of time, 18 years of child support, and of course, a generous college and university trust fund for our child. Also, please consider the following as part of our contract: marriage, full salary from you when I am on maternity leave, upscale housing and 25 years of above average spousal support for a stay at home mom who enjoys the finer things in life, plus my regular hourly compensation for every time you would like to be intimate with me. If you would like to discuss our future, long-term arrangement, please contact my lawyer for an appointment. If the above is not a suitable option for you, perhaps the following will be: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom Still not interested? Learn about what your potential new friends can bring to your life! AIDS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV/AIDS STDs: http://www.cdc.gov/std/ And here is where you can play Russian Roulette: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=list+of+casinos+in+canada Most sincere and warmest regards, Gabriella xox ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The short answer to the question is... are you fxxxing crazy?!! ;) Happy hobbying!

12. I am Donald Trump's financial manager./I am Warren Buffet's accountant./I wrote the Income Tax Act./I am Sylvester Stallone's bodyguard. I know that I can help make the lady rich beyond her wildest dreams! (or) She'll never be safer, anywhere, anytime, than in my company. Can I offer to trade services? Don't even in your wildest dreams imagine this is appropriate. It isn't. Ever. If she wants your help, she'll ask for it without being prompted. Accept that it's very unlikely ever to happen. Why? you may ask. For the sake of discretion and confidentiality, assume that she's already closer than you will ever be to Donald Trump/Warren Buffet/the entire CRA/Sly Stallone and recognize that the private details of her life, her money and her security are strictly none of your business.

8. Safety first If you are a guy you KNOW that wearing a condom is akin to drinking beer with a straw. It's not as good as without but in the end, it's not that bad. Wearing a condom let's you go home to your significant other and not wear one. It's as simple as that. It also lets your wickedly awesome provider also go home to HER significant other (if applicable) and not have to demand that they wear one. It creates that safe barrier between both of you and the great unknown. The likelihood is that you are both very clean and very safe... but why take the risk??? If I can only make one super serious point in this entire thread, it's this. STDs are ugly. HIV is heinous. AIDS is deadly. Nuff said on dat. 9. Fragrance I know it's aesthetics, but we all like to smell good. Many of us have a particular scent that just works with our body chemistry. Not every commercially available scent is good. Ice Blue Aqua Velva is a manly scent that many of your grandfathers wore to cover the fact that their homes had no running water and that they could only bathe monthly. Aqua Velva, Brut and Hai Karate should not be worn by any man with a birth date after 1919. Bay Rum is used by pirates to kill scurvy and to keep other lonely, lusty pirates away. Anything that you purchased prior to the millennium should probably be used as drain cleaner. Febreeze is not an acceptable cologne. Scent should be used in a delicate fashion. You should be able to smell it only at very close range. Ohhhh... and your twig and berries do not require the assistance of any eau de cologne. No. They. Don't. Spray cologne on your arm. Now lick your arm. Lick it again. And again. And again. And again. Now give that arm a suck... oh yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about.... lick that arm until it gives you the goods... STOP. What does your mouth taste like? That's why you don't spray stuff on your tackle and bait. Ohhhhh... and here's a tip for both ladies and gents: If you are somebody that has sensitivities to fragrance PLEASE let it be known at time of booking. We all want to have a sexy time. Runny eyes, snotty noses and swollen tongues ... not so sexy. 10. First contact. Ohhhh the jitters. You have seen her. She is beautiful. She has two of those, and one of those and a great one of those... she has a beautiful mind, she expresses herself so well.... she's funny!!! She's profound. She's smart. She's perfect!!!!!!! I gotta write her. I have to PM her and ask if we can get together. I went to her website and checked the rates and the menu (like all SMART hobby guys do ;) ) ... and now I am ready to write her. I know what I want... I have the money put aside (thanks for reminding me of that Old Dog!!)... I am .... FUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKK.... what do I write??? Dear Alotta Fagina ... I have a 10 inch meat girder pulsing with lusty intent <THWACK> ... you're right maybe I was exaggerating, thanks for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 7 inch purple python of love poised and waiting for your girl cave <THWACK> ... okay... maybe that sounded a little stalker like, but I do get kudos for being more accurate. Thanks again for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 5.5 inch throbbing man stick just waiting for you to... <THWACK> ... okay... WTF??? Why do you keep hitting me???? Try "Hi Alotta, I saw your website and would be very interested in meeting you next Tuesday afternoon. Please let me know if that works with your schedule! Thanks, Happy Hobbyist." Simplicity works. You aren't writing a Penthouse letter... you are booking with a professional provider. She knows you are interested. She will see your penis. (There I said the penis word. Whooops said it again.) No need to go into goofy graphic detail... plus when you write that stuff, you get that creepy smile and that's frickin' scary ... stop it now. 11. Bacon Sandwiches. Providers - you know it. Bacon sandwiches save lives. It's not necessarily a deal breaker but I think it definitely would be a pot sweetener if you had bacon sandwiches as a mandatory refreshment at your incall. I like mine toasted with lettuce, tomato, mayo and a little salt and pepper. Cut into triangles, but you don't have to cut off the crusts. MegForFun cuts off the crusts for me but that is because she loves me. Bacon sandwiches will improve your business and will put you that much further ahead than providers who only provide ham sandwiches or cheese sandwiches and much further ahead than providers who don't make any sandwiches. Bacon sandwiches just make good business sense. wait there's more.... later ;)

Quite right!!!! No wiener pics!!!! Really guys, your little fella may be your pride and joy but frankly she has seen mine and it is so much better than yours, really. Plus it's a known fact that emailing a picture of your penis decreases your sperm count and by exposing it to the internet, you could get a virus. Not a Trojan virus because you didn't wear one when you snapped the pic... you should have worn a condom... and now you will have cooties. Penis cooties. The worst kind of cooties. Penis cooties eat your penis from the inside out. You'll be standing there with a happy Johnson and one day it will just collapse in on itself. Fall off on the floor. Your cat will drag it away and eat it. Then your cat will die. Your kids will hate you due to the fact that you killed the cat. Your wife will leave you for a non penis emailing man because you are now a eunuch. You will have a mangina. Your mangina won't be of much use either because the cooties will eat that too and not in the good way. You will lose your job and become a homeless, penisless, pennyless, rotten mangina cootie freak. You will probably end up being run over by a bus filled with men who have never emailed a picture of their penis to anyone. And you deserve it.

One minor exception to OD's post is timing, nothing wrong with 5 miniutes prior - must be the military in me many years ago.....

17. The chance encounter You sir, need new socks. Yes you do. The old socks in your drawer were purchased when Gilligan's Island was a new show on TV. Well, Mr. Frugal, you shall treat yourself to a shopping spree... indeed. Sox-a-palooza. You shall purchase 4 new pairs of socks. You might even get daring and buy a pair that is adorned with argyle... maybe even a stripe. You are a sock buying machine. Where to go. Aha! The mall. And that's where it happens. You see her. Alotta Fagina. The woman that rocked your socks off just last week. OHHHH MY GOD. That's Alotta Fagina. But wait. Alotta Fagina is not alone. Could that be... hmmmmm.... it looks like her... yes.... it has to be.... Mama Fagina, Alotta's mom. And that other woman... also seems to look like Alotta... Good Gods... it's Younger Fagina. You see three Faginas approaching you. What do you do???? The answer my friend is... nothing. In this hobby we have all seen Alotta Fagina. We know that sometimes Faginas need a break. You need to understand that the woman you see in that mall is NOT Ms Fagina now... and unless you know each other in some plausible other way (like being a neighbour, a high school friend, her dentist or first cousin <awkward!!!!>), you will not approach. You probably will give her a bit of a lecherous stare, because you still have testicles... but that is where it has to stop. You'd want her to leave you alone when you are with your non-hobby people; respect that she wants the same as you. Go to the food court, order a bacon sandwich and plan the rest of your sock adventure! 18. I am feeling a little under the weather, but I have a stiffy. Good for you! Now go to the interwebs. Get the provider's number. Call her. Tell her that you are a sick little monkey. Tell her that you can't make your appointment but would love to rebook. Send her an email money transfer with a cancellation fee. Go to the bathroom. Get the box of Kleenex, the bottle of Jergens lotion, and a Dristan. Go back to your computer. Find a website with naked people having sex. Apply Jergens. Wait... wait... wait... grab the kleenex. Now take the Dristan and go have a nap. If you are sick, don't book an appointment. If you have already booked an appointment, reschedule when you don't have the plague. Do not jeopardize the provider's health by showing up sick. When you have an appointment and you are sick, you make the provider sick. When you make the provider sick, she might not be showing symptoms and she might make me sick... and that would be bad for the world. You see I am a very important guy. How important??? You know that Tsunami in Japan a year or so ago??? That was me. Some Japanese guy sold me a faulty Sony TV. If you get me sick... I will make sure that you get penis cooties. You have been warned. 19. The Secret Weapon Gentlemen, we all have a secret weapon. If you are ever unsure about who is scamming, who is photo swapping, who is dangerous and who is to be absolutely avoided, there is only one person to turn to... CERB's own Cowboy Kenny. CK is a genius... and he works for all of us.... all of us except for the forces of evil. CK exposes those who would try to exploit our weakness for the female form and at the same time he protects the fantastic women that do a wickedly awesome job keeping us happy. CK is a superhero. Here's his site: http://www.cowboysdiary.info/wordpress/ ... more to come

13. Rescue Me. You are Prince Valiant. You are Captain Courageous. You are a schmuck. You see a provider and become a regular, and then it dawns on you. I LOVE her. I frickin' love her. I am going to rescue that wanton woman from this life of abject misery and make her an honest woman!!!! I will shower her with stuff I can't afford and leave my wife and kids for her... because I know she loves me. She just had great sex with me, didn't she? (it was great for me, and I am sure once she woke up, it was great for her too!) Schmuck. Schmuck!!! Double Schmuck. You let the "fantasy" take hold of your reality and forgot that what you just shared was something that you just paid for. Over there. On the table. In that unsealed envelope. Providers are verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry good at making you feel fantastic - that's what they do, that's the JOB. Whoops did I just say that? Why yes, yes I did. Forget what you see on TV. Forget what the moral majority says in the propaganda. Providers are real women who live in the real world and the job that they perform provides an income. Many providers could blow you away with their talents outside of CERB. They are interior designers, computer programmers, actors, writers, teachers, health care workers, office managers and artists doing this... so if you THINK you know better, think again. Enjoy the fantasy. If she wants you in her life in another capacity, that's her call... not yours. 14. Did I mention bacon sandwiches? Providers - I know I did mention it but I forgot to add that I like it on lightly toasted white bread. Easy on the butter. Remember that well constructed bacon sandwiches will make you rich. 15. The Menu. Now that we are fully aware that ALL providers wishing to be considered to be ELITE will have a supply of homemade delicious bacon sandwiches at hand, please be aware that there is another menu. You know what I am talking about. The menu is there for your edification and for your adherence. In other words, special orders may not be available, or if they are available, there may be an upcharge. If it's not available, it's just plain not available. Don't push for it, don't try to sneak it in there, don't go there. In short, don't be a dick. Now before you get all whiny like a little bitch that fell in the playground and skinned their knee, think. When you took the time to read the list of services available did it say that she had a penguin suit and was willing to feed you like a mama penguin feeds her chick? (really don't think about that, it's kinda gross.) Did it say that she would use a feather duster to clean your place WITHOUT using her hands??? No... it did not. (but if you find one like that, PM me, cuz that would be interesting to see.) In all cases, Your Mileage May Vary. Nobody (except for me because I am special) gets everything they want. Be happy that you get to spend time with someone that special... because she will rock your world with stuff that is on the menu! 16. Appreciate her. You have just spent time with the MOST incredible woman you have ever met. You are walking on a cloud. She just did things with you that you only dreamed about and you pinch yourself to see if this is all a dream. It's NOT a dream. It's REAL. Why not up the ante a bit? I mean she did make you a bacon sandwich for God's sake. She did things with you that you have wanted to do for eons. She smelled amazing. It is not inappropriate to buy her a little gift. Like a yacht. Or a Ferrari. Or a mansion with a suite that I could live in. Okay... forget the yacht. Why not a little something something for her? Check her website. Many will give you ideas of her tastes. Oh... and say thank you. Mean it. Respect her. If she approves of your review, post it. Let her know that she rocked your world. It's late now... I must sleep.... but we are not done... yet.

If I posted anything in this thread and once I got going ( not shooting down other ladies for responding, it's just the way I am once I start bitching. lol), it would be business suicide from there on out. Plus I had my little rant about this sort of thing in another thread. So in keeping my feisty mouth shut, take note hobbyists from Old Dog. He knows what he's talking about as he does have a way with the ladies. Hehe.

Guys, I don't want to come off preachy or holier than thow but it seems lately a common concern that's been expressed to me from a number of Providers, is guys asking for deals or reduced rates, from a ladies posted rate. First off, it's not likely to endear her to your cause, because well it's pretty much an insult, in most cases I'm sure it's not meant as one, but think about it. You want to see a provider based on what you've seen and heard so clearly she appeals to you and you've gone to the trouble of checking out her website or profile and know what she's all about, but you want her to charge you less. How would you feel if your boss came up to you and said you're doing a great job, everyone around the office thinks you're great and we really appreciate the effort you put forward, but we can't pay you for tomorrow... would you mind coming in early though ? Pretty insulting, isn't it ? It's been said time and time again,this hobby is a choice and most certainly a luxury, if you want to see a lady who's beyond your normal price range that you can afford, then plan for it, save up, set a budget. If you really want to meet her and spend time with her, that's the best way to do it. We're actually pretty lucky here, there's a wide variety of providers who range in various affordable price ranges, while some may have a tributes higher than the norm there is usually a reason and they wouldn't be charging anything beyond what the market can bear. I'm not going to make the comparison to cars, wines or other luxury items, because it would be like comparing apples to oranges. The services these ladies provide are incomparable. If you do save up and see to a lady who is in a price range higher than you're used to paying, don't be shy to share with her in your correspondence that you've been saving up and looking forward to the encounter, that is more likely to endear her to you much more than asking for a discount and hey who knows, it might even earn you some brownie points ;) knowing that you saved up for the opportunity to meet.

Just a thought, but IMO it may impact the "type" of person that responds to that ad. If you're looking for mature clients that crave maturity and a connection from the experience it may not appeal to them. They'll be looking for a more intellectual sensual approach (these are the type of clients that are likely to be repeat customers). However, if you're looking for a quick client that's all about the "sex" and cares little about the connection that might do the trick just fine. Really it just speaks to a different class of individual. Again this is just my opinion. I prefer a classy lady that surprises me with the explicit language during the encounter.

With her permission, Katherine has asked me to post this to let everyone know she has not been online and able to answer pms because she was involved in a fire over the weekend. She is doing fine and wanted everyone to know she will be back in Ottawa this coming weekend and able to visit with friends again. Please post any well wishes on this thread so as to avoid her mailbox from overflowing. Katherine, I for one am glad you survived the fire and are alive. A close call for sure. Reminder to everyone to check and maintain your smoke detectors. In this case there could have been a much different outcome. Come back to us soon, Katherine!

You made it so simple and easy to understand! You should become a Hobbyist mentor! Lol Btw loved the cleaningness part! As an MA i get to see many derriers, and looking at a dirty butt crack is a complete turn off!!!! One more that actually happened yesterday or today... not sure.., client i have never met... First time contact.., IT WAS MY BDAY YESTERDAY... DO I GET A DISCOUNT? When you gp buy your bday cake, or a bottle of wine to celebrate do they give a you a discount (yes some restaurants offer you a free dessert.. But first show me your picture ID) ... As mention in previous thread from CK about discounts.., yes if you are someone that i have been seeing regularly i may give you a bday surprise, but do u approach a complete stranger and tell tehm it was my bday.., would you like to give me a gift? Lol My 2 cents :-)

Don't over think things. Get laid. Fuck, suck, lick, stfu and enjoy it. ;)

Save your money boys, 24/7 availability, multiple repeated posts and the kicker red flag of all red flags...... FAKE PICS http://www.yellowbullet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=403552&page=1020 http://www.bromygod.com/2012/10/02/self-shot-tuesday-7/self-shot-tuesday-016-09302012/ http://sexyblock.com/paris-roxanne-is-a-hottie/ http://nafig.net/index.php?newsid=14

If I was 18-25 I might be intrigued by explicit words in a title. Now, I'd much rather see a confident woman who values herself and who wants to connect with me. I find that much more arousing. When you add transparency on top - rates, availability, location, and a real description - then I'm hooked. When I see a lot of "I will not do..." statements, I get turned off. I'd rather leave those parameters for our discussion one-on-one as we discuss a potential meeting. Beyond that, a professional photo goes a very long way to setting a mood. Hope that helps.

I'm used to seeing ads making no reference to voicemail...I've always assumed that it wasn't common practice. Perhaps be explicit in what you want to know when leaving a message.

Come get a relaxing massage by a hot little vixen xoxoxoxoxoxo About me- Sexy petite 20 year old with long red hair, sparkling green eyes! Out going, bubbly and ready to rock your world!! Providing- Flirty and dirty relaxation massage Soapy sexy showers Reverse massages Body slides- Duo massages(4 hands, 2girls) Hotub session9s & you'll leave happy. Schedule TODAY: 4-11 Rates- Single Massage 30mins: $50 45mins: $60 60mins: $80 Hot Tub Sessions 30mins: $70 45mins: $85 60mins: $100 Duo Massage rates also available upon request Location- 65 Bentley, Clean & cozy Contact-To book an appointment please send me a PM

This needs to be pinned. Thanks, OD. I will shower you with many bacon sandwiches of gratitude.

The piano was the first instrument I learned to play :) It gave me a great musical foundation to move on to learning other instruments.

Happy belated Birthday Berlin, hope you enjoyed your day!

lol sunflower seeds today

I have to agree, this thread is amazing Old Dog... I am loving every piece of it, and I cant stop laughing..., this morning at 630 am you put the first smile in my face :) xoxo

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. Its so nice to have my Cerb family standing beside me during this time. I am feeling much better and things are falling nicely into place. As many have mentioned material things are totallly replaceable and I am working on that this week. I will be back in Ottawa next week and hopefully I can see some of you and chat. Special thanks to Angela for getting the word out when I had no computer or phone. Thank you all for your love, I can feel it! Katherine

Old Dog, this thread is awesome. It's all legit information but I'm really glad that (although you may prefer to have it somewhere else) your tongue is planted firmly in your cheek. I've really enjoyed it so far, keep it coming. Chuck

I don't mean to deflate your fantasy as perhaps there may be someone who may entertain your proposal. But I would think doing that would be a very big mistake for the sp. There is no way you could guarantee that you would not use it in a negative way( not saying that you would) other than a contract set up through a lawyer. Use your memory:), it's more discreet to keep things there.

Even though I'm single right now, voice mail would not work for me. I would love to talk one on one for the first time and call backs may possibly be uncormfortable. Thanks for the thread consideration though. G11

Haven't got together in a lonmg while but you're in my thoughts nonetheless, take care and am glad you're safe. Glad to hear you're safe.

I like RG because he has nothing but respect for every member of Cerb (ladies or gentlemen), he is honest and direct in his post :-) tx for all ur contributions RG :-)

Yeah. What she said. I should get that made up as a poster and pass all the profit back to Emily! Well said...

Well thank you so much you guys! I have found a SP who I have been chatting to, and she is making the whole idea seem very comfortable. I am nothing but excited now :)

My only visit to 216 Dalhousie was today.

I need a hug. Just got the news that my wife can't accompany me to Ottawa next week so getting to watch her get rubbed down by Vitto is off. Bumming very hard right now!

Rule #3 listen to antlerman's rules There is a section right on the home page for newbies with a wide number of threads with a wealth of info from Hobbiests and SP's. As Vitto suggested read it all over it'll answer everything you'll want to know. If you still have other specific questions contact a Hobbiest who's thoughts tend to mirror yours and PM them most everyone will be willing to offer advice and maybe save you some greif. Finally, respect is paramount and it can't be stressed enough. Respect for other posters, other hobbiests and most importantly SP's. The SP's here are beautiful, amazing women who are more than just the sum of their parts. Prepare to be blown away my friend! Good Luck from Chuck

rule #1 Respect the ladies and treat them well.... Rule #2 refer to rule #1

Sunday is my breaky day and most Sundays I have 2 eggs over easy, brown toast, peameal bacon, 2 sausages, 1 slice of ham and coffee. Like Emily said morning sex would have been the perfect finish to it.

Have to say most of the guys that I have had that unfortunate situation of either wanting a discount or see me today pay you next time (lol) is been through other sites where I advertise... But as we have amazing and lovely gentlemen in CERB, every rule has its exceptions... Most providers here I belive somehow always give back somehow, myslef from time to time offer discounted rates not only for frequet visitors but to everyone...to perhaps give a chance for those that may not be able to afford or for those who may think is too expensive, I give the chance for them to come try out and find out what they are paying for.. And show that is all worth.... :) funny story, very little comes from running those special rates, those who have already met me do not care and most of the time even if I happen to give a discount... They give the complete donation... So like in everything there is only a bad few apples, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that! I am very grateful for the gentlemen I have encounter and to be part of a community like CERB!

For the Gent's that have been a frequent visitor, thank you for your support! BUT this does not leave a door open to say" ohhh baby I have been coming here for while now, can I pay $$ less then normal ?" Because I do tend to surprise my longterm clients and frequent visitors with a surprise gift of a lower rate or extra time, as a surprise gift of appreciation, but if you ask for it, seemingly feeling entitled to a discount, you most certainly will be looked over on the days that I feel like being extra generous!

Wow so sorry to hear. Hope you are doing well and those things lost can mostly be replaced. Big bearhugs darlin! XO Cub

My family has been through a couple of fires and, in one instance, lost everything material. So glad you're okay, Katherine. Material things can be replaced......you cannot be.

Hoping for a quick resolution to all problems caused by this fire :(

So sorry to hear about this, but what a relief that you are safe. HUGS! my dear.

Must have been awful, but so very glad that you are okay!!! Touch

Big hugs! If you need anything let me know

To be clear, I don't have a dog in this fight in that I'm not in Winnipeg. But I found the query here to be odd. Why would anyone TOFTT in this case. If I understand the situation, the person in question has shown a persistent dishonest streak with regards to her photos. Why would anyone want to reward this behaviour by giving her money? IMHO, if you really want to address the issue of being the B & S capital of Canada, stop encouraging them by giving them business. Business people - male and female - will only do what successfully brings in clients. If B & S works, they're going to do it. If B & S does not work, they will find a new business model that does work. So in this instance, TOFTT actually is a disservice for "The Team". Just my 2 cents - which rounds down to nothing.

Wow. Glad you are okay, Katherine. I hope there wasn't too much damage.

So sorry to hear this but very thankful you are okay. Glad to hear you'll be back very soon, best wishes.

When I was small I remember having hair on my head and as I grew older I had some around my genitals now its coming out all all over even from my ears and my nose, when/where will it stop?

Raises Hand. What about a sensual music lesson instead :)...Problem with the piano playing is that sometimes i'm unaware of my body movements, get way too into it and make weird facial expressions. More often times then not, I bet 100% they are more comical then seductive. However, Love music, though it might be a little hard to sneak a piano into a hotel and rolling it back out without looking might suspicious.

Reading many of the preceding comments remind me of that old saying "no doctor is better than a half doctor". The following is not to be construed as legal or tax advice. Each of you should consult your own tax adviser in these matters. Some of what I'll address has been touched here and there, sorry if Im being repetitious. There are a few bombs no one's touched on. I'll blow them up for you in the words that follow. There are generally 3 sources of income under the Income Tax Act; investment, employment and business. Most SPs are carrying on a business. (Some who work for agencies are likely employees, but the agencies may view them and treat them as independents. I won't deal with those issues.) You can call yourselves, enchantresses, entertainers, flutists or sex therapists; no consequences flow from how you characterize yourselves; you're carrying on a business. (And your accountant doesn't give a hoot how you earn your living.) Regardless whether it's legal or not (and I'm not suggesting that any of what you do is not) it is taxable. The Canada Revenue Agency ("CRA") has in fact issued a pronouncement on the matter following an enquiry from an inquisitive taxpayer regarding escort services. In carrying on business you are entitled to claim any costs/expenses incurred with a view to earning a profit unless it is of a personal or capital nature. There is an overriding provision found at sec 67 that the expense has to be reasonable. In a pronouncement the CRA has stated its views regarding the deductibility of certain items pertaining to the sex trade. A taxpayer who ran an internet porn site wanted to know whether his wife's (the star of the site) toys and sexy clothes were deductible. I didn't go back to read it, but the answer was not black and white, other than the usual caveat about personal expenses not being deductible. The following are generalizations: clothes are generally of a personal nature. If an accountant buys a suit to look good for his clients, it's clearly not deductible. If he buys a gym membership to be fit and sane and ultra productive, it's not deductible. However, items which have no practical use outside your trade are probably deductible. I can think of dildos, whips, stripper shoes, condoms and K-Y (sorry I'm a newbie, so I don't know what you all need to buy). Garments, unlikely but some, perhaps. Hotel rooms, cabs; a pro rated portion of your house or rent expenses if you entertain there, clearly deductible if reasonably related to your income earning activities. Under the Tax Act (and other laws), you are required to maintain adequate books and records. Some of you have suggested that all receipts be kept. Of course you need to do so; how else can one substantiate deductions. But you need to keep the same type of records in respect of the top line; your revenues. In you're business that's a challenge! (In my opinion, it's unlikely that you would be asked to provided detailed revenue ledgers, but the law requires it.) Your gross revenues less expenses is your net income, which is subject to tax (there may other deductions and credits available, like RRSP contributions). Note that your net business income constitutes "earned income" which is the base to determine whether you can make contributions to an RRSP. There has been a lot of discussion about the brackets. It left me wondering whether some of you were referring to something to tie up a hobbyist on a chair! We have a system of graduated rates. If you earn income between A and B, you pay a rate of X on that income. Any income above B until you reach C (and only that income) is taxed at Z, a higher rate and so on. Someone posted the rates. However, as I recall, only the federal rates were posted. There are provincial rates as well. Very briefly, in Ontario, income to 10k is tax free, the next tranche to 40k, is taxed at about 24%, the next to about 80k is taxed at about 40%, the next to to 128k is at 43% and above at 46.41%. (These rates are not accurate, they are just averages. There are about 9 brackets in Ontario.) Here's one of the bombs. As a the operators of businesses, you are required to pay CPP, twice, being the employer's portion as well as yours. I don't have the specific dollar amount in my head, but the two add up to about $4,000 per year (that's the maximum, which all you full time SPs would hit - I can look up and post the income at which you hit the maximum if someone is interested). You don't have to pay EI. As stated, unless your income is subject to source withholdings (i.e. employment income where you employer deducts taxes, CPP and EI) you are required to make quarterly instalments - based on the prior year income. If you don't, interest applies on the deficiency, at the prescribed rate (fluctuates, but currently 1%) plus 4%, so 5%. It compounds on a daily basis. (Refunds attract interest at the prescribed rate plus 2%.) The same rate applies to unpaid taxes from the due date, being April 30. It is correct that you can file as late as June 15, but your taxes have to be paid by the end of April. If you don't file your return on the due date, there is a penalty equal to 5% of the unpaid taxes, if any, plus another 1% per month the return is filed late. (If you file late but all your taxes were paid, there will generally not be a penalty.) File 6 month late, you are looking at an 11% penalty; if you owed $20,000 ... do the math. I think there is a cap on the accumulating monthly %, but it skips my mind right now. I will come back to these penalties in a bit. Here's another bomb. Some have mentioned that credits would be available for HST paid on your hotel rooms and other expenses. That's correct, but the flip side of that is that everyone carrying on business in Canada is required to become a registrant for HST purposes. The only exception that may apply to you is that if you are a small supplier (not to be confused with a spinner) you don't have to register. Essentially a small supplier is one with less than 30k of annual revenues (not net income, but money coming in). If you are a small supplier, you don't need to collect and remit HST and you don't get a credit for HST paid on your expenses. We all know that most full time SPs exceed that threshold. The consequence of this is that if the guy gives you $220 for one hour of your services, you have in fact billed him about $195 plus HST of $25. Under the law, you have to file an HST return and remit the $25, well, all the $25 you are deemed to have collected! That in itself will cause quite a few of you to gag over the prospect of becoming legit after the fact. Some of you have suggested that maybe not all income should be reported, a bit like speeding; go over the speed limit, but be reasonable. I can tell you that in the unlikely event you are audited, it won't take physicist to figure out that you have under reported, if you have done so aggressively. Think of it; how many of you post on internet sites your daily availability "Hey guys, Sex Goddess is available from 10 am to 10 pm today" ... and then go on to post later in the day "Hey guys, I'm fully booked for the day!" Many of your posting are archived, some of you have thousands! I tell you, in no time, an auditor will log in to these sites and will extrapolate a DDD income for you. You should all be "legit" and I'm not suggesting any of you remain under the bed sheets. However the decision to become legit is a difficult one, particularly if you have not been filing tax returns for a number of years. Say, you are 30 and have been in the business for 5 years without ever having filed a tax return. (All your unreported years are open for assessment at any time; there is no limitation period.) If you file one this year, there is a possibility that you will receive a letter asking you to file a return for prior periods. This could be disastrous. Remember the penalties for unpaid taxes related to un-filed tax returns? Go back 5 years, and you will have more penalties and interest than you can handle - msog! The risk is much less if you have been filing tax returns, perhaps reporting income from a part time job. In addition, if you have filed a return, the penalties for un-filed returns won't apply. None of you is likely interested, but the CRA has a voluntary disclosure program. Essentially, you contact the CRA and advise them you wish to disclose prior years' unreported income. The benefit of the voluntary disclosure is that the CRA will waive all penalties. You'll still have to pay the taxes and interest, though. We live under a self assessment system; in other words we report the income we have earned. The CRA has nowhere near the resources to look into the affairs of all residents; like the speeding the laws, there are only so many cops on the road. The few who do get caught pay the price. I apologize if any of you momentarily lose the ability to climax. O Additional Comments: I re-read my last post and other than noticing a few typos, it dawned on me that I was remiss in not addressing a tax planning tip you may wish to consider. Again, this is not advice and you should consult your own advisor in these matters, but this is what I would do. (The rates discussed below pertain to Ontario, but other provinces have similar rates.) Part 1 I would do like many other professionals; doctors, lawyers, accountants etc.; I would incorporate my business. (I'll refer to it as "Ecstasy Co") That type of business income would be eligible for the small business rate, which is about 15%. (It almost doubles for income over 500k, but only for the income in excess of 500k.) Say Ecstasy Co's net income is $100,000, its tax bill would be $15,000. Part 2 follows Additional Comments: need someone to reply so i can add part 2