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This is very old and tiresome but if your discretion is important to you my safety doubles or triples that and more. Its totally fine with me if you don't want to disclose a lot of information on a first meeting but you need to have at least two reference's from this board that I either know or they have a presence here. Today alone I answered my phone to private numbers that were new people to me and they were appalled to learn that I don't book appointments in this manner . ( I use my cell for other things as well) One person was kind enough to tell me he is a visitor to Halifax and would love to see me. When I told him I don't make appointments through a blocked number he hung up on me . Yes a juicy potential date, I bet not. I am very understanding of all peoples needs but if you are not willing to give your information to be properly verified or have a good reference's its not just not worth me risking my safety.

I was on Google. No big deal except I had given up on dating (another story) and decided to try this lifestyle. The internet being a very useful tool I used it to get information on escorts. And lo and behold, I stumbled across CERB :-) I checked out the site and four years ago today, Feb 1, 2010 I joined CERB as a wet behind the ears newbie. It turned out to be more than just another internet chat board, it really is a community. I've learned much through this community, hopefully given back too, and met many wonderful and special ladies all who have had a positive impact on my life. Thank you CERB for providing a safe, positive and welcoming community for all of us, both ladies and gentlemen. And I have enjoyed my stay and continue to enjoy my stay on CERB, and look forward to staying for many years to come RG

Personally I don't see a lady for the services she provides, but the companionship she offers. Most of the ladies I see don't even have a menu as such So a la carte pricing means nothing to me, I prefer the hourly rate and just let an encounter unfold naturally. But that's just my preference that's all A morning rambling while the second pot is brewing RG

This guy should get a recommendation. Wouldn't that be funny? He has saved a lot of us many times. One small example is the Arabic massage girl who looks hot on BP and says a Must see. I was going to go until her pic showed up on his site. The guy is great...and good for all the terrific genuine MPs and SPs all of us love in Ottawa.

Recently I have been thinking about how the amazing Ladies of CERB go about screening prospective clients. I have been around long enough now to know and respect that the SP's take screening seriously and have all developed their approach to screening that meets their individual needs. Many SP's require certain information, or references, or that initial contacts be made thought email or by phone. But when I stop and think about it these wonderful ladies really don't have much info on which to base a decision that affects their personal safety. Obviously guys lie about their name and other personal information... cell phones are a dime a dozen and references can't be a deal breaker all the time because all of us had to start with none at some point. For the last few weeks I will admit it i have trolled the various SP ad sections and then looked at some of the SP profile visitors post history. While I did not see anything strange or surprising in fact I saw a lot of posts very similar to my own post history I was struck by the fact that many of these posts (mine included) did not, for me anyway, scream wow I can't wait to meet this person. I kinda think if I was going to invite this person into my life I might need more. Lololol Anyway.... I think this might just be my long way of saying Thank You to all you wonderful ladies who make the choice to invite us into your life. I guess the fact that you do that based on very little information says something about your faith and trust in others and your ability to assess the essence of our character. For me personally I have benefited greatly because you have. THANK YOU

This is a really well produced promo for a local chapter of the SPCA. You can't help but like this! http://blog.petflow.com/if-this-doesnt-make-you-hug-your-dog-or-cat-i-dont-know-what-will/

There are many holidays and events for which we all seem to develop our own traditions. Do you have any for the Super Bowl? For me I always have people over for the pregame and game itself. Each year I visit the liquor store and select a variety of different individual beers and over the course of the event we do some quality taste testing. There will be lots of finger foods and supper will consist of my home made pizza burgers. They can be prepped ahead of time and then simply popped into the oven at the appropriate time. That is an important factor in food selection! I read that in the US there will be 1.25 BILLION chicken wings consumed and another place I read that if those chicken wings were placed end to end they would go back and forth between San Francisco and New York 36 times! Not a good day to be a chicken!!!! Of course I will have my little Proline bet in and have a side bet with a Cerb friend. Everyone asks who I am cheering for so that they know to bet on the other team. My success rate in picking winners is not exemplary! If you are a fan, do you have any traditions that you look forward to every year? By the way - Go Seahawks!

Stop by this weekend and help me Celebrate my Birthday!! Welcome Gents, my name is Tiffany. I am 5'11" tall, 130lbs with short dark blond hair, hazel bedroom eyes, and a smile that will drive you crazy!! I believe in the simple pleasures of life, and love sensual experiences!! From the moment I walk into a room with you, you will feel the connection between us. From the first soft flirty move I make to a finish that will leave you weak in the knees, you will be thanking yourself for spending time with me! You will always leave my room felling relaxed and with a smile on your face!! It is after great thought and consideration that I have decided that it is time to announce that I will be leaving the Massage business. I would like to thank all of you for the wonderful memories and I will never forget the kindness of you all. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself this business and how wonderful the world can be. CERB is a Great Community filled with wonderful people, and I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to experience some of that greatness. All that being said that I will be retiring from the business at the end of February, So you still have some time to live all of your Tiff Dreams :wink: I'll be here at Angel's Touch Saturday February 1st 10:00am-9:00pm Sunday February 2nd 10:00am-9:00pm Friday February 8th 3:30pm-11:00pm Saturday February 9th 10:00am-9:00pm Saturday February 15th 10:00am-9:00pm Monday February 17th 10:00am-4:00pm Friday February 21st 3:30pm-11:00pm Sunday February 23rd 10:00am-9:00pm Friday February 28th 3:30-11:00pm To reach me Call Angels at 613-274-7073 Text me at 613-277-4328 or Send me a PM here on CERB Services Sensual Relaxation Massage Body Slides, to make you say OMG Sexy Soapy showers for 2 Duo massages(2 girls, 4 hands) Oh, you will never regret spoiling yourself to one of these!! Private Dance Shows Set you on Fire Girl Friend Experience Couples Welcome Services Sensual Relaxation Massage Body Slides, to make you say OMG Sexy Soapy showers for 2 Duo massages(2 girls, 4 hands) Oh, you will never regret spoiling yourself to one of these!! Private Dance Shows Set you on Fire Girl Friend Experience Couples Welcome Life is to be enjoyed. not just endured -Gordon B. Hincley

Roamingguy.... as I check out your presence here on CERB it is pretty easy to see the massive contribution you have made here. I for one enjoy reading your posts so I hope your next 4 years are also as productive and if course Enjoyable. Like you I joined CERB 4 years ago (Mar 8, 2010) but up till a few months ago I was not very active posting but mainly used it to look for wonderful SP'S when I was traveling. Like you it has allowed me to meet amazing women and has added to my life. Here's to many many more years of the same.

I am registered on a board on the Pacific side of Canada but, I have to say, I like the way Cerb is laid out! I have been reading some of the posts and it looks like this community has a lot of fun. I will have to visit often.

I also strongly believe in love.. Love in its many wonderful forms.... the love of our Children.... the love of our Parents.... the love of our Family.... the love of true friends who are there for you in times of happiness but more importantly in the dark days of your life....and of course the Romantic love, the love of our spouse or partner or significant other. I have been married for 30+ years and have remained in love with my wife for every day of that time. We have enjoyed our love in times of incredible happiness such as the birth of our children and now we have have our love to support us and hold us together in a very difficult part of our life. If there was not true love in my life I don't think there would be anything to really live for. Ok... i know what your thinking... if i have this kind of love in my life why am I here, why am I involved in this hobby. Well first... Sex and love are not the same thing. Secondly and maybe more importantly I have come to learn in life that while Love can bring the greatest joy in life it can also cause the greatest pain. In a long meaningful relationship life is not always easy.... even with the best actions of everyone... life happens... tragedy happens... relationships get tested some times this results in the end of the love and the relationship and sometimes such as in my case it takes two people who are still very much in love and forces them to struggle to not let tragedy destroy them. Will we succeed... I hope so... but that is by no means a certainty but whatever happens I still know I will Love her till the day I die. So as we struggle I have found companionship and comfort and support in this hobby... far from being a sign that there is no such thing as real love it has provided me with support and companionship that has allowed time for my marriage to continue. So yeah.... i strongly believe in LOVE.

The ladies do deserve our thanks, gratitude and appreciation. I remember every lady and encounter I've had since embarking on this lifestyle. It isn't every lady who can be a professional companion, so for those ladies who are, and provide a intimate escape, yes, a thank you is well deserved. I know seeing companions has brought a certain joy to my life. And for a lady agreeing to see us after we initiate contact to her to have an encounter, her need for screening is understandable. Until we meet in person for the very first time, irrespective of emails, pm's etc, we are strangers. Screening is a case of the lady's safety and well being versus a man's privacy...well safety and well being trump privacy IMHO. And if privacy is an issue for a man, then contact and see a companion who requires less information from a potential client. Also screening allows a lady to determine if she and a potential client will be compatible or not The lady wants as much as the potential client to have a good encounter and that will happen if both lady and gentleman are compatible But for what the ladies do for us, again, they deserve our thanks, gratitude and appreciation So I'll sign off here with a THANK YOU :-) RG

This is awesome. Bonus points if you recognize the location. But not that many bonus points :)

Twitter is huge for sex worker activism. It's one of the few places where we can get our voices heard by a larger public. There is also a lot of propaganda being tweeted constantly by abolitionists and without escorts online to counter them I worry about how their misinformation will spread. Yes, we can make non-escort accounts to fight them, but I don't think that would be as effective as hearing from self-proclaimed escorts themselves. If we have to hide our profession to use twitter it isn't as helpful.

I have never sold any of mine.. But i did hear a story about one of the ladies that used to worked with me.. she had a gentleman come for a massage and at the end fo the massage he asker her to sell him her panties... I believe he paid her $40 for them... On another note,.. to another one of the ladies here at the spa the gentleman that visited her.. helped himslef with her panties... when she realized it was too late lol he was gone with them.. she had to go Home Comando.. hehe

Bp and the newspaper are sure bets for those types of clients and there has to be a lot of girls booking them or they wouldn't be so plentiful.Like you said, they are surprised when they contact someone who follows a more than reasonable booking process. I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting information from a potential client but in this business nothing is of a surprise anymore. Sadly a lot of the hotel lines come up as a private number when a client uses his hotel phone. So not answering private calls, if you are wanting new clients, could be a loss for some.

Actually a la carte pricing wasn't frowned upon when it was an industry standard and I feel all inclusive pricing was implemented to keep clients happy. Be full of care in what you wish for. When it was practiced, it made the cost of an appointment far more expensive than the hourly structure we see today... cat

Got this from work: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together" African Proverb

There's leaving it to the last moment... and then there's this.

Oh. My. God. There's escorts on Twitter? This is terrible! I never knew! I might get hooker-tweet-cooties or something! Honestly, I doubt this will go far. If it gets traction they *might* be able to pressurize Twitter to prevent advertizing or something like that, although even that's quite dubious. But the rest of it... the activism, the krakens, the random conversations, the Velociraptures... I suspect - and hope - that Twitter's response will be something like, "Fuck off, because Fourth Amendment." And if the worst happens, we'll all just go somewhere else, just like everything that used to be on CL is now on BP.

It is nice to see all that laid out. Different sps have different thresholds for what they need to feel safe, but also some of that screening is to ensure the client is going to have a good time with us. Sometimes being relaxed, which the sp feels after getting two references and knowing the real name of the client, ensures the client will have a better time. For myself, i am more relaxed after a phone conversation assures me that the client knows rates/restricitions/services, and my age/appearance.

Lego bridge:

I eat bacon and drink beer, cuz round is also a shape.

Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

I was lucky enough to be Chloe's first client - she has experience as a massage provider in the past, however she is just returning to the industry after a hiatus. I met Chloe in the CERB chat room and she was quite the temptress. She was incredibly charming and I quickly took up an invitation to book a session with her. The next morning I arrived at Paradise. I haven't been to this spa in years, but I was pleasantly surprised at how clean and bright the whole operation was. The massage room was immaculate and had it's own shower. The lights could be dimmed and I even noticed a black light installed! When Chloe came into the room my jaw nearly dropped to the ground - she is beautiful with a tight sexy body (take a look at her pics if you doubt me!). Her legs and ass are to die for - completely sculpted. I quickly opted for the full nude massage (how could I pass that up?) and she gave me a nice rub-down. She has nice hands and worked out a few knots in my back. When it came time for the flip she continued her magic. We made good use of the room and its mirrors; I still have several vivid images of her beautiful body draped over mine. She satisfied my every salacious need and was eager to please. Needless to say, the ending resulted in what I can only describe as a whole body orgasm. I would highly recommend Chloe to those of you who like MAs petite and sexy. The session was amazing and I definitely hope to repeat soon.

I have a choice between these two and am stuck. Both have great reviews. Can anyone help point me in the right direction

i have never purchased any but , I have had 3 different strippers give me their panties . I do not know why , just acted gracious , accepted the gift and than got rid of them after leaving the club .

Life is a roll of the dice. This is not the only business where operators must trust clients to be sane. I trust a lot of people on their word in my business; since I'm a fairly good judge of character, most are fine, but the odd wacko manages to slip in. I can deal with the wackos myself, and as for the CERB ladies, I'm sure they have backup plans. ;-) Yes, I'm happy that the CERB ladies are welcoming, but I'm sure they understand the risks and have prepared themselves accordingly.

I'm Sasha, a young fit and playful MA who loves to massage and can do it for hours. My sensual erotic massage will relieve your tension & leave you more than satisfied. I'm very fun, open minded and comfortable to be around so let's make this experience as enjoyable and naughty as your fantasies.. I'm petite 5'4, athletic 120 lbs, perky b34 bust, nice round booty, brunette with blond highlights, golden tan, seductive lips, hazel bedroom eyes, 100% natural beauty.. Services: Non-rushed service Full erotic body massage Reverse massage Slippery body slides reverse body slides Shower for 2 Hot tub fun Relaxing music Fresh towels & linens Duos Some fetishes ATM available on site Saturday (Today): 3:30pm-9pm Join me for some hot steamy fun call: 613-820-8887 or 613-614-2117 Incall location only! -Sasha xxx

Grey Under Armour!! :)

Lace tong that is half black/half outerspace (galaxy and stars) pattern :D

Well I just finished getting my hair cut and I am battling the Flu and need some more Tylenol as my temperature is up again. So to put that as positive as possible... I just got a sexy new haircut and I am HOT.... Lolololol

Come get a relaxing massage by a hot little vixen, Bring it on boys! i'm always ready! xoxo About me- Sexy petite 21 year old with long red hair, sparkling green eyes! Out going, and ready to rock your world!! Providing- Flirty and dirty relaxation massage Soapy sexy showers Reverse massages Body slides- Duo massages(4 hands, 2girls) Hotub session9s & you'll leave happy. Schedule TODAY: 10-4 Rates- Single Massage 30mins: $50 45mins: $60 60mins: $80 Duo Massage rates also available upon request Location-Clean, cozy, discreet westend location 65 Bentley Contact-To book an appointment please send me a PM

Feeling famished? Hungry for something, but can't quite figure out what? I implore you to take a bite of this decadent dessert and see why I'm so delicious ;) You can cover me in whip cream or drizzle hot fudge all over me ;) Either way, I'm all yours... A Brief Yet Sexy Description Of Yours Truly Ever dreamt of being with a runway model? Well here's your chance to have one sashay into your room and fulfill your every desire. I am a tall red head with breathtaking blue eyes and legs that are to die for. Heart stopping good looks and a playful demeanor that will leave you begging for more... Sexy Services That Will Blow Your Mind A phenomenal full body massage Body slides that will make you quiver and tremble with desire Reverse massages and the opportunity to run your hands up and down my smooth, silky bod Steamy and sensual showers for 2 Very open to couples sessions Love, love, looove catering to the ladies :wink: PM me for more information on my sexy services :wink: Availability And Location (Paradise Spa) Today from 3:30pm until 11pm (Paradise Spa) Saturday from 9am until 9pm (Paradise Spa) Sunday from 10am until 9pm How To Contact This Sexy Temptress Call to book some sexy time with me at 613-820-8887, PM me, or email me at [email protected] ***Also, be sure to check out my recommendations: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...t=victoriascrt ***

C is for cuddling Yeah I know, I've used this before too, but I really like cuddling RG

This really is a cool video...Great idea That said...lololol... while I was watching it i could not help but think.....hmmm... maybe I should make a similar video for my CERB profile... you know kinda encouraging all the CERB ladies to TAKE A CHANCE ON ME. NAAAAAA... if i dance and sing....i will be a very lonely man.

Additional Comments: Pic instructions here. Vids... just post the link.

It can be a busy area on that section of Main St between Inkster and Church. There is a front entrance on Main ... it is easy to miss seeing the place as you drive by.

The big problem is the person will get away with very little punishment. There have been many cases where people let dogs die due to serious neglect. Recently a dog in Dartmouth NS was left outside on a leash and he froze to death. I have seen people be fined and prohibited from owning an animal in the future. Not good enough for me. Animals have to say so, when they are abused punishment ought to be very severe.

36 DDD here as well and i like soft suckling ,oil massages or russian :boobeyes:

She has an ad in the Ottawa Sun today Jan29. She will not disappoint.

While I offer cam sessions.. that's because I have a large following of porn fans who can never realistically visit me in person. I never require a cam session to meet. There's a lot of scam advertising online I've noticed where cam sites are pretending to be a girl available locally as an escort so even if you booked a cam session you wouldn't ever get to meet her in person. Avoid those of course.. and as Meg said stick to girls who are well established and have reviews or recommendations. Good luck!

I am really glad you did post it here in public section.... knowing this happens regularly makes me think even more highly about you and the amazing SPs in this industry. This support for each other is the kind of thing that the public does not see about this industry... the compassionate human side.

Thanks everyone. How I wish you all lived my city lol... It seems to be more and more of an trending issue here, people wanting to know if they can do msog in HH sessions, I will remain in saying " we prefer to offer msog in hour sessions" and if they are not happy with this answer they can continue to shop around. HH is unreasonable in my eyes and experience. Thanks ladies for your input too, not many MA's for me around here to bounce questions off of. xoxox0

8. Safety first If you are a guy you KNOW that wearing a condom is akin to drinking beer with a straw. It's not as good as without but in the end, it's not that bad. Wearing a condom let's you go home to your significant other and not wear one. It's as simple as that. It also lets your wickedly awesome provider also go home to HER significant other (if applicable) and not have to demand that they wear one. It creates that safe barrier between both of you and the great unknown. The likelihood is that you are both very clean and very safe... but why take the risk??? If I can only make one super serious point in this entire thread, it's this. STDs are ugly. HIV is heinous. AIDS is deadly. Nuff said on dat. 9. Fragrance I know it's aesthetics, but we all like to smell good. Many of us have a particular scent that just works with our body chemistry. Not every commercially available scent is good. Ice Blue Aqua Velva is a manly scent that many of your grandfathers wore to cover the fact that their homes had no running water and that they could only bathe monthly. Aqua Velva, Brut and Hai Karate should not be worn by any man with a birth date after 1919. Bay Rum is used by pirates to kill scurvy and to keep other lonely, lusty pirates away. Anything that you purchased prior to the millennium should probably be used as drain cleaner. Febreeze is not an acceptable cologne. Scent should be used in a delicate fashion. You should be able to smell it only at very close range. Ohhhh... and your twig and berries do not require the assistance of any eau de cologne. No. They. Don't. Spray cologne on your arm. Now lick your arm. Lick it again. And again. And again. And again. Now give that arm a suck... oh yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about.... lick that arm until it gives you the goods... STOP. What does your mouth taste like? That's why you don't spray stuff on your tackle and bait. Ohhhhh... and here's a tip for both ladies and gents: If you are somebody that has sensitivities to fragrance PLEASE let it be known at time of booking. We all want to have a sexy time. Runny eyes, snotty noses and swollen tongues ... not so sexy. 10. First contact. Ohhhh the jitters. You have seen her. She is beautiful. She has two of those, and one of those and a great one of those... she has a beautiful mind, she expresses herself so well.... she's funny!!! She's profound. She's smart. She's perfect!!!!!!! I gotta write her. I have to PM her and ask if we can get together. I went to her website and checked the rates and the menu (like all SMART hobby guys do ;) ) ... and now I am ready to write her. I know what I want... I have the money put aside (thanks for reminding me of that Old Dog!!)... I am .... FUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKK.... what do I write??? Dear Alotta Fagina ... I have a 10 inch meat girder pulsing with lusty intent <THWACK> ... you're right maybe I was exaggerating, thanks for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 7 inch purple python of love poised and waiting for your girl cave <THWACK> ... okay... maybe that sounded a little stalker like, but I do get kudos for being more accurate. Thanks again for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 5.5 inch throbbing man stick just waiting for you to... <THWACK> ... okay... WTF??? Why do you keep hitting me???? Try "Hi Alotta, I saw your website and would be very interested in meeting you next Tuesday afternoon. Please let me know if that works with your schedule! Thanks, Happy Hobbyist." Simplicity works. You aren't writing a Penthouse letter... you are booking with a professional provider. She knows you are interested. She will see your penis. (There I said the penis word. Whooops said it again.) No need to go into goofy graphic detail... plus when you write that stuff, you get that creepy smile and that's frickin' scary ... stop it now. 11. Bacon Sandwiches. Providers - you know it. Bacon sandwiches save lives. It's not necessarily a deal breaker but I think it definitely would be a pot sweetener if you had bacon sandwiches as a mandatory refreshment at your incall. I like mine toasted with lettuce, tomato, mayo and a little salt and pepper. Cut into triangles, but you don't have to cut off the crusts. MegForFun cuts off the crusts for me but that is because she loves me. Bacon sandwiches will improve your business and will put you that much further ahead than providers who only provide ham sandwiches or cheese sandwiches and much further ahead than providers who don't make any sandwiches. Bacon sandwiches just make good business sense. wait there's more.... later ;)

Yup...even more so as I get older. It's what makes the world go around... Peace MG